Not considering euthanasia anymore

Schrodie is becoming very combative now when I try to syringe feed him. I think it's in part due to pain, but also in part because I am having a hard time working the very large food syringe. It's just too big for my hands. I can't find a 30 ml size... I have a 60 ml and it's just FAR too big and hard for my hands (I have NEVER been able to manage a 60 with my very small hands!) My man is of NO help whatsoever with the care. In clinical, sometimes it took 2 of us to feed these guys successfully: one to hold the cat and one to work the food.



I know that if I go ahead with the FME, he'd need some help immediately afterwards. I haven't got any back-up. I don't think I can successfully manage him without a helper. Even in practice, this was often the case.



I know, I can do a tube but I still need some help with this guy that I won't have at home. I don't think he'd do well at all in hospital. This pain is not far to him. He is suffering and I can't allow that. He's refusing to even look at food now.



If only I had some help at home... I'm a GD furballling failure. Twenty five years in clinic and I can't even care for my own dadgum cat. What a furballing joke. 



I think it's better if he is PTS. This isn't fair to him. Why spend all this time fighting him to EAT so he CAN have the treatment, if he just flat will not have anything to do with it and we lose our bond? Why keep a cat alive who wants NOTHING to do with the one who keeps him going? And I fear that he'll always associate food=pain and probably not eat even after we do the work.



I am thinking that it's probably the best for all, especially him.

"pain is not FAIR to him"...

Oh and please don't suggest a smaller syringe for the food. I have tried that and it just does NOT work. We can't fit food through anything smaller than a 30 cc no matter how fine we grind it. Clogs every time...

What exactly is the cat suffering from? (I missed any initial post that mention kitty's condition).

I am sorry that you are struggling with this decision. As I see it, if the cat is experiencing poor quality of life (unable to eat, unable to groom, unable to move, etc.) and the prognosis is poor, euthanasia is a mercy to this poor animal. What kind of life is that to live?

You are doing the best you can and I know you are trying to help this kitty, but sometimes unfortunately medically the situation is just too bleak.

I completely sympathize with you. My kitty has spinal lymphoma and is starting to have more bad days than good. I don't want her to suffer. She's so sweet. I would euthanize before she's paralyzed if her quality is too diminished, but she recently had a few good days so I'm am waiting this out. I've read that when it's time to make this choice that "I will know". Well, I don't know yet so it's not an option at this point and time.

((Hugs)).

He has stomatitis. Now, I'm an experienced vet tech (not active at the moment), and have worked with cats like this in practice where we had lots of "holders" and tools that we don't have at home. I'm basically having to do all of this alone. I don't drive so I can't keep taking him to the clinic for help. He's now afraid of his food because it hurts his mouth and throat to eat. I get NOTHING into him now. The oral syringe is far too big for me to use (it's a 60 ml size and my hands are tiny... I never have been able to manage that size!). We can't even find a 30 ml, and the food clogs up in anything smaller, no matter how finely we grind it (it's an issue in the clinic, too).

I know that a PEG tube is an option-- but again, I need a bit of back-up at home that I just don't have. He's getting very combative now, and I'm afraid that even if I am somehow able to do the whole job alone, the bond will be broken and I'll have a cat who resents me for life. Not fair to him.

I'm not worried about having a toothless cat. I am worried that I have no support during the recovery from that surgery. He'll need the same help after the FME for the healing period that he needs now. And my husband is no help even when he ISN'T off on a business trip (as he is frequently). When he is home, he is no help at all.

This cat won't even look at food. In fact, he "runs away" from it now.

He was doing so well... now he's back sliding again and getting resistant. I do not think it's fair to make him struggle like this for who knows how long. He has to be nourished in  order to have the extractions, but how do I accomplish that if he won't eat and I have no help to properly maintain his PEG tube if I went that route, and I have no way to get to the vet other than by an expensive cab that may or may not show up on time?

Worst of all... I "KNOW" what to do. I just cannot do it without some help to hold him, and if I can't even drive myself to the vet to get that help... it just won't happen.

Yeah, I think euthanasia might be the only fair thing to do now... 

Basically... if I can't get nourishment and meds into this cat to bring him to the point of having FME, he will starve and it will be painful. If I can't get to the vet reliably when he needs it, then there is no point going any further. He's "okay" now and he's moving around the house and hanging out by the window as he enjoys, but he won't be okay if he doesn't get nourishment. He won't even drink water from the bowl-- I'm giving fluids instead and at least he's okay with that much.

I made a promise to this cat that I do not feel able to keep. I have a duty to ensure that he doesn't suffer. I have a duty to see that he doesn't starve.

I am failing in my promise and my duties. I do not want to be that bad cat owner.

Oh damn! Now he's hiding and I can't find him ANYWHERE!

Decision made. I'm calling as soon as I find him. This torture is over for him... he won't suffer anymore, at least. Life is not good for him at the moment and without help it won't get better, only worse.

I have a duty not to allow that. 

Question - how long have you been having to syringe feed him? If it's only been a couple of days, I most definitely wouldn't give up. Check Amazon for 30ml syringes, I got one there back when Lucky was sick.

Sara hides all the time, for a myriad of reasons. I think mostly because she hates the other cats.

I agree that if the quality of life has deteriorated to the point he is experiencing fear and mistrust, it is time. My heart goes out to you, I know how difficult this decision is and the pain that follows. You gave him a wonderful life full of love, don't let him equate you with pain and fear.  Ask your vet what you can do, can they come to your house to make it less stressful?  Is there injection pain meds you can give to ease his pain for a little while? The small subqutanous injections are not given in a vein/muscle so are easily given. For now just love him and comfort him the best you can, it is enough, it is all he ever wanted. Know you gave him love and care and do not want him to needlessly suffer from something uncurable. I'll pray for you both. 

I can't even FIND him now to do any of this. He's so scared that he's not even in his usual "deep" hiding places. This cat has totally disappeared. Totally unlike him AT ALL. I think he hates me now. Yes, it's only been a few days of syringe feeding, but it's not getting any easier without some HELP. He is obviously hiding from me because he's afraid of me. I don't want that. As long as he won't eat he would have to be assisted, and he won't allow that from me alone.  There are NO house call vets in my part of town. We're new to the practice he's at. We just recently (as in this week) left our long-time practice after the founding vet died and the new vet there is AWFUL, to the point of having disciplinary actions on him as per the state's Veterinary Medical Board.

Part of this is my fault for not being able to drive. If I could drive, I could take him to the clinic myself. But I'm so useless that I can't even do THAT.

But this deep hiding is a sign to me that he's through with it. This is a cat who is normally my shadow. I can take a clue.

This is where he normally spends his time:


Now he won't come anywhere near me.

You know, the night of the Saturday I found out Sara was in acute renal failure, I honestly thought she wouldn't make it through the night. I'd already taken my meds that night, one of which I can't drive with, so I couldn't even take her to the ER vet to be put to sleep. I talked with my friend whose vet was open on Sundays and decided to take her there the next day, if she was still alive. She was by far better the next day. Not great, but comparing her to Saturday night, definitely better.

And I think it's normal for them to hide at first. This is new for him, and he doesn't like it. It took a few weeks to really get into a proper routine with Sara. In her case, she thankfully ate on her own after awhile. But it still took several days of intensive treatment and syringe feeding. Have you tried some really high-smell food? Sara ate the Fish & Shrimp flaked Fancy Feast. The worst thing for a kidney cat probably, but she ate it and I didn't care.

Also, look into this. It's high calorie food (331 calories a can). https://www.chewy.com/iams-veterinary-formula-maximum/dp/47321. 1/8 of a can is 40 calories, and very easy to scoop into the mouth with a finger rather than a syringe.

Aww I'm sooo sorry for the dilemma you're in, it's heartbreaking, I just had to put my 14 yo cat to sleep a couple weeks ago. He suffered for one day and that was one day too long for me, I HATED to do it but once I seen him suffering, I knew that was it..I couldn't bare to watch and put him through that any longer. It's SUCH a hard decision but just know you gave your cat the best life and you loved one another unconditionally, this is just part of the process of taking care of a cat we love. I looked online after I put him to sleep (which by the way, was the first time I ever had to put a cat to sleep and it was the most peaceful thing I ever witnessed, it was a relief to know his pain was over) I felt very guilty about it all and still do, but I found this online and I hope this helps you put things into perspective a bit and to reaffirm you are doing the right thing. *hugs*!!!

http://www.thecatsite.com/t/237066/when-the-moment-comes

And just wanted to say, I'm trying to point out your options, but you obviously know your cat best. But it's not uncommon for them to hide, especially at first. Ironically, Lucky never hid, but he let me know in other ways he was done after two weeks. Actually, the fact that he was NOT hiding and NOT fighting told me more than he was done.

Just a question: if he has stomatitis, why can't the vet put in a J tube (jejunum)? It might make feeding time more tolerable.

I'm not sure why you're assuming that he'll need assisted feeding after a full-mouth extraction. That's something we see at the shelter several times a year, also for stomatitis - 6 or 7 times in the past year - and all of the cats have eaten canned food on their own the day after surgery. They get one dose of Metacam daily for 1- 3 weeks, and just about all of them eat like there's no tomorrow. A lot of them are eating dry food, too, by Day 2 or 3.

I am sorry things are not workingout. If I was near you I would offer to help you. but I live in NH. I know a few ladies in Dallas and parts-one of them is my dear friend who does pet sitting. Shes probably one of the most loving kind women I have met who loves animals. She is in Wimberley. Are you near any of this? Are you on Facebook? I Am SURE we can find like minded folks to HELP YOU!!

Donutte said:

You know, the night of the Saturday I found out Sara was in acute renal failure, I honestly thought she wouldn't make it through the night. I'd already taken my meds that night, one of which I can't drive with, so I couldn't even take her to the ER vet to be put to sleep. I talked with my friend whose vet was open on Sundays and decided to take her there the next day, if she was still alive. She was by far better the next day. Not great, but comparing her to Saturday night, definitely better.

And I think it's normal for them to hide at first. This is new for him, and he doesn't like it. It took a few weeks to really get into a proper routine with Sara. In her case, she thankfully ate on her own after awhile. But it still took several days of intensive treatment and syringe feeding. Have you tried some really high-smell food? Sara ate the Fish & Shrimp flaked Fancy Feast. The worst thing for a kidney cat probably, but she ate it and I didn't care.

Also, look into this. It's high calorie food (331 calories a can). https://www.chewy.com/iams-veterinary-formula-maximum/dp/47321. 1/8 of a can is 40 calories, and very easy to scoop into the mouth with a finger rather than a syringe.

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He's getting Hill's a/d. But he won't let ANYONE near his mouth. He is like hamburger, even though he got a Depo shot less than a week ago. This stomatitis flared up super-fast and it's pretty intense. Technically, it's faucitis and seems to go down into his throat some distance because his voice is also affected. He is NEGATIVE for retroviruses like FIV, FeLV, etc. It is POSSIBLE that he has had Herpesvirus exposure... well over 90% of cats are exposed before they ever get the first kitten shots. That's a faint possibility, but I think he got the bad generic luck of being "Siamese" (okay, Tonkinese... but Siamese is one of the parent breeds).

I have tried EVERY stinky thing I can think of. Same response... he is afraid of it all. Do you have any ideas of how I can get food into his mouth when I can't even touch him... or even FIND him now?

Then when I can get an appointment... if the cab doesn't show up, like what has happened several times, what do I do then-- keep him in his carrier or our only bathroom until I get another appointment and a cab that actually shows up? If he continues to spit out any bit that I get in his mouth and fight me every step of the way, that's only stressing him and not offering any benefit at all. I can't go 3 days like that-- he's not getting enough in and I don't need a liver cat on top of this.

As soon as I find him, I will WALK to the vet and have him put down. I see no other way under the circumstances. Apparently in other people's minds, being someone who has many years as a tech is somehow supposed to make me Superwoman and able to sprout 3 extra pairs of hands-- and I'm a furballing clown if I can't care for my own cat all by myself with no help at all, because he's in too much pain and fear. I'm a loser in those same minds because I cannot drive, because my vision is bad. 

Maybe this is a sign that I'm no longer able to properly care for a cat and I don't deserve to have any. Sometimes it happens like that, and I just have to accept it.

I agree with jcat. When we discovered that the cat I had adopted out with mybrother had stomatitis ( I felt realy guilty about that), she had a full extraction and was eating the day after, obviously feeling much better and much more lively. SO far, 5 moinths later, she is fine.

The assisted feeding post-op would simply be short term until he would realize that he IS able to eat pain-free. My clinical experience has been that some of these guys do need some help until the immediate "trauma" of extraction ebbs off and things settle down. Usually it's just for a few days at most. Then as you said, they get the idea that eating doesn't hurt anymore and they start in again on their own. But if they don't eat for a few days, you know they start feeling worse and it's even harder to get them going again and now you may even have a liver issue to treat. I've seen this, too.

No, I'm nowhere near Wimberley, but I am in Dallas. 

As for the tube... again, I have no help with maintenance at home.

Part of my difficulty is failing vision and that's why I can't drive. My man is NOT supportive or helpful

And I can't do ANYTHING if the cat hides to where I can't find him. He's in the bedroom somewhere but I literally  tore the room up and no cat. He can't get under the bed because it's a waterbed. I have access areas behind the headboard blocked off and there's absolutely no possible way for a cat to get back there. He is not in the closets-- the doors have been closed. He's not behind the dresser or in it. I took that apart looking for him. But when I last saw him, he was def in that room. I saw him when I closed the door so he HAS to be in there somewhere. There is NO other place in that room where he could go, that I can think of. This is a very gregarious cat who only hides when it's very stormy. This is SO abnormal as to be scary.

In a perfect world where I wasn't such a POS and could drive... he'd be at the vet already. I'd have a man (or someone) who was helpful with home care to hold the cat while I do what's needed. The cat would be nourished enough to have the FME. I wouldn't be going blind as a bat.

In my world... I can't see well. I have a man who doesn't help and makes fun of me because "you're supposed to be such a PRO at this but you're failing miserably... didn't you used to do that for a LIVING? How did you even keep a job if you can't give your cat a simple dose of food?" Good furballing question. But of course if it was HIS cat, I'd be expected to do it all for him.

Well, I can't do it alone. I can help others with their pets, but I can't do my own. Not alone. And no, they don't have anyone at my vet's office who can come to me. I have to go there. I don't have anyone to call for help-- heck, I'm the one that everyone else calls when THEY need help, but there is no one willing or able to help me when I need it.

Im sorry everyone has let you down. Its hardest when we have to poke and prod at our own cats. Its easy to treat others cats as they are not emotionally attached to us like our own are. I have a hard time doing needles and such for my own cat but I can do other peoples. I wish there was someone who can help you. and I don't think any of us think you are a bad person. I think you need a new husband but that's another discussion.

Are you on facebook?