The Rogue died this morning

What little medical evidence there is, it could have been some form of cardiomyopathy given the fluid buildup in his lungs.  That is a genetic issue -- you didn't cause his illness -- and there is no cure for any of the forms.  With meds some cats survive weeks, months, maybe a couple years depending on the heart problem, but any form of heart diseases is progressive no matter the treatment (I've never heard of a vet doing a heart transplant).

When Back died nearly a couple years ago (you'll soon see my posts when it's his anniversary) I hardly ate for nearly a month and lost 12 pounds.  I don't recommend that, it's certainly not healthy, but it isn't unexpected.  Just remember you have other cats who love you and depend on you too.

On the other hand, when my appetite came back I still didn't have the emotional energy to exercise, so I gained back the 12 pounds and then put on nearly 15 more.  Through fits and starts it has taken nearly two years for me to get back in the groove emotionally to exercise on a consistent basis -- it was too easy to just sit down and think about my cat and miss him.  Again, your health shouldn't be sacrificed after the loss of a loved one, but I personally understand if you don't care right now.

Finally, no matter how much time goes by you will miss him.  You'll accept that he's gone but that doesn't mean you don't love him, it doesn't mean you don't miss him, it just means that no one else had the privilege of getting to know him as you did in a very special and loving way -- it's a bond for you and only you to hold dear.

I got to pick up his little urn last night

It's on my bedside table - I know he is not in there, but it was still hard to sleep next to. Will probably have to eat melatonin for the next couple weeks 

roguethecat said:

 
I got to pick up his little urn last night

It's on my bedside table - I know he is not in there, but it was still hard to sleep next to. Will probably have to eat melatonin for the next couple weeks 

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How can he be both in the urn and in your heart. That's where he lives now. You'll always carry him, and he will go everywhere with you. Nothing can hurt him now. Keep him safe and warm, and in the night you may hear him purr from time to time.

Gareth said:

 
How can he be both in the urn and in your heart. That's where he lives now. You'll always carry him, and he will go everywhere with you. Nothing can hurt him now. Keep him safe and warm, and in the night you may hear him purr from time to time.

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What more can I say.    

Gareth said:

 
How can he be both in the urn and in your heart. That's where he lives now. You'll always carry him, and he will go everywhere with you. Nothing can hurt him now. Keep him safe and warm, and in the night you may hear him purr from time to time.

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Gareth, you're so right. Thank you.

I just miss him so terribly. 

roguethecat said:

 
Gareth, you're so right. Thank you.

I just miss him so terribly. 

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I know you do. It's a reflection of how much you loved him. I'm so sorry for you

roguethecat said:

 
I got to pick up his little urn last night

It's on my bedside table - I know he is not in there, but it was still hard to sleep next to. Will probably have to eat melatonin for the next couple weeks 

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I think if it were me, I'd plant a new rose bush and bury my cat's ashes underneath it.  A memorial bush.  I would know that my cat was outside, in the yard she loved to visit, in a beautiful spot, as well as in my heart.  Cats can be in multiple places.  The Rogue, for instance, now has a place in several people's hearts, because you put him there for us.  Thank you.

You don't need The Rogue's ashes to bring you closer to him; all they're doing is reminding you that he is physically absent, which you already know.  Find a better place for them than your nightstand.

Margret

This is what I have done with Angel's urn. I have also kept fresh flowers by it ever since. (almost 3 months now). 

This is awfully sweet.

I just can't put up pictures of him yet, that's far too painful. I like the rosebush idea @Margret, but the Rogue didn't particularly like flowers or rosebushes or even fresh catnip.... He did like other cats (which are still around, looking for him, even Rascal whom I thought far too indifferent), food and prey (won't put any of those on his urn though)

For him, I guess, he doesn't care what I do with it. He was always very much in the present, happy-go-lucky, and never missing what's happening

roguethecat said:

 
This is awfully sweet.

I just can't put up pictures of him yet, that's far too painful. I like the rosebush idea @Margret, but the Rogue didn't particularly like flowers or rosebushes or even fresh catnip.... He did like other cats (which are still around, looking for him, even Rascal whom I thought far too indifferent), food and prey (won't put any of those on his urn though)

For him, I guess, he doesn't care what I do with it. He was always very much in the present, happy-go-lucky, and never missing what's happening

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This is like funerals -- they aren't for the benefit of the deceased, they're for the benefit of the bereaved.  The Rogue, I'm quite certain, has no preference at all about what happens to his ashes.  If he has any opinion at all it is that you should grieve him and recover, that you should once again be your happy self, the human he fell in love with and trusted above all others.

In other words, do with his ashes anything at all that will make you feel better.  At the very least you shouldn't allow them to make you feel worse or to disrupt your sleep.  Please remove them from the nightstand.

You might consider burying them in his favorite spot in the garden.  Or near a bird feeder or bird bath.  Take your time with the final decision if you're not ready for it now, but immediately rule out those things that are making you feel worse, like keeping them next to the bed.  If they help you to focus on your grief and make it easier to do your necessary grief work, then use them for that purpose for now.  But, in my experience, bed time is not the best time for grief work.  It just leaves you too exhausted to function.

Margret

Margret said:

This is like funerals -- they aren't for the benefit of the deceased, they're for the benefit of the bereaved.  The Rogue, I'm quite certain, has no preference at all about what happens to his ashes.  If he has any opinion at all it is that you should grieve him and recover, that you should once again be your happy self, the human he fell in love with and trusted above all others.

In other words, do with his ashes anything at all that will make you feel better.  At the very least you shouldn't allow them to make you feel worse or to disrupt your sleep.  Please remove them from the nightstand.

You might consider burying them in his favorite spot in the garden.  Or near a bird feeder or bird bath.  Take your time with the final decision if you're not ready for it now, but immediately rule out those things that are making you feel worse, like keeping them next to the bed.  If they help you to focus on your grief and make it easier to do your necessary grief work, then use them for that purpose for now.  But, in my experience, bed time is not the best time for grief work.  It just leaves you too exhausted to function.

Margret

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I was also going to say that rose bush is for you.

Just wanted to say how Di and Bob the person said such loving and kind words to the person who lost Rogue

Your compassion and ability to put it into words just touched me so much.

SheriT in Alabama

W e are  so sorry for your loss of Rogue.

We know that your are grieving right now

but you gave  him  love and a home

and he appreciated it so much.

Sheri and Bro and Lily

thank you, everyone.

Today is a hard day. The Rogue died exactly two months ago. I donated to the feral cat organisation who probably would have cared for him had he not chosen to hide inside my car as a kitten.

I'll try to make it through today, somehow.

we are thinking of you today

SheriT... Lily and Bro

roguethecat said:

 
Today is a hard day. The Rogue died exactly two months ago. I donated to the feral cat organisation who probably would have cared for him had he not chosen to hide inside my car as a kitten.

I'll try to make it through today, somehow.

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Days like these are so hard.      The Rogue was a very special boy and I'm sure that he is close by keeping an eye on you. He had the life that every cat should be fortunate enough to have. He knew unconditional love and true friendship. You will meet again one day when the time is right and he will tell you that he will always, always love you too. The bond between you will last forever. 

I'm sure that the donation you made pleased him very much. 

I understand. This past Sunday was 4 months already that Angel's been gone.
It does go by fast. Im thinking of you, and sending you BIG FAT HUGS!!

roguethecat said:

 
Today is a hard day. The Rogue died exactly two months ago. I donated to the feral cat organisation who probably would have cared for him had he not chosen to hide inside my car as a kitten.

I'll try to make it through today, somehow.

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Just.....       

and more