Proksi

I didn't know what to name this thread. Sixteen months ago, I had to let go of my best friend. I took him to throw vet and I was told his kidneys were shutting down. He was in pain, not eating or drinking and my beautiful Maine coon mix was fading away. The dr told me that he would be put to sleep and the. They would give him an injection while I held him....

I couldn't do it. I began to panic and sob. I knew I couldn't let him hurt. I also knew I couldn't hold him while he faded. The doctor came in while I was holding Proksi and rocking. The doctor asked me if I was alright and I said no this is my baby and he is leaving. The doctor sat beside me and told me that Proksi knows I love him because even while he was in pain and dying, he was nuzzling me. He told me that we were bonded and that Proksi will always be with me. I started crying loudera and asked if someone could hold him. I took off my coat, Proksi used to nest on it. I gave it to him then I told him how much he meant to me. The doctor brought a nurse in and they both hugged me. I couldn't stop sobbing even though I was in the lobby. To this day, I am mad at myself that the animal who loved me so much had to cross the bridge without me because I was weak.

I look at his picture everyday and my cat Piston has helped. There will always be a Proksi size hole in my heart.

Don't ever think that Proksi held anything but love for you at that office. He knew you were there, he could feel the love and anguish you were going through. My husband was with one of our cats at the end, and he said he will never do it again, so don't think your decision was wrong, there is no completely right answer to this horrible decision. What counts in a cats life is the love and the home you provided for him, and you certainly fulfilled that. They depend on us to take away the pain and the fear if there is no chance of being cured, you could never let your little one suffer, and you took on his pain as your own when you released him to fly with the angels. He would never want you to be suffering so, he loved you too much for that. You would not want him to be so sad for the rest of his life if the situation was reversed, so somehow you must know that he is now at peace, you will always love him, and that you have many wonderful memories to bring you comfort.

My heart breaks for your pain, I know how much it hurts to lose them and would wish it on no one. If I could take away your pain I would, but it is a path we all must journey alone in our own time and way. When they go it leaves an incredibly huge hole in our lives and our hearts that only time will heal. Somehow  we learn to live again, and cling to the bond we have with our angels, a bond that can never be taken from you as long as you are alive.  Try to celebrate the happy times you shared, not dwell on the bad. He left you a legacy of love and devotion, use it to heal yourself and fill your soul where the emptiness has hurt you for so long. We don't get to experience a love like this very often in our lives, it is still worth the pain to receive something so rare and beautiful in our lives. Take care...... Sweet Proksi, please comfort your loved one, fill a broken heart with the healing powers of your wonderful love!

I'm so sorry. Please try not to feel guilty, I know that Proksi knew that you loved him very much.

Watching  them and holding them in that last moment is very painful, many people can't do this. Please don't let  one moment take away from a lifetime of love you gave Proksi. I am so sorry for your loss

I've very sorry for your loss.  I believe Proski was trying to comfort you.  Please don't feel guilty.  You gave him all the love in the world and that's what matters. You made life special for him.   Bless you.                

  As you can see by the previous beautiful responses, most of us have been in your shoes. MC cats are big kitties with big personalities and even bigger hearts - the quintessential family cat! They have remarkable courage and I am sure that Proski would have preferred to spare you the sad sight of his leaving. Please remember that often, death comes as a friend and in allowing Proski a peaceful, comfortable release from his pains, you were showing the truest love of all - even though you knew that in ending his suffering, you would be beginning yours. Be kind to yourself, dear heart  and know that all of us here at TCS are with you in thought and spirit.