Just euthanized my 16-17 year little Pumpkin - Not sure if I did the right thing

Hi All,

 Just an hour or so ago, I put my little Pumpkin to sleep. He had severe heart failure diagnosed in January 2016. Had also had chronic kidney disease which limited our ability to increase his diuretic. He had to have a pleural effusion tapped and was started on Lasix, Plavix, pemobendan, potassium and Pepcid. He was ok for about 2 months and re-accumulated a pleural effusion which was tapped again 2 weeks ago. Over the last 3 days he started having fast respirations again. I took him into the cardiologist today and the pleural effusion had re-accumulated again. The options were to re-tap him and add yet another medication for blood pressure; take him home as we was for a couple days with the likelihood that his breathing would get worse and I'd have to take him to maybe the emergency vet in acute respiratory distress; or euthanize him. I didn't want to just take him home with a respiratory rate of 40 since that couldn't have been comfortable. I thought about letting him tap him again and torture him with another medication only to be back at the same point in a couple weeks to a couple months at best. After thinking about it all, I didn't want to keep putting him through all that. 

I feel unsure about whether I did the right thing because he was still eating, drinking and hanging out with me almost all day, so I'm assuming he was still having some quality of life. 

This is such a hard decision, but I just hope I didn't jump the gun.

Arlene

I am sorry for your loss.

It seems to be the general consensus that letting one go a bit too soon is better than waiting until you have an emergency or no quality of life left. And you would feel guilty no matter when you choose to do this. Everyone does.

I'm so sorry. As Kittens Mom said, no matter when you make the decision and question yourselves. I knew it was time when I did, but I still questioned myself. :nod:

Based on what you described, it sounds like you did the right thing, but no matter what you are missing your Pumpkin.

Thanks AbbysMom and Kittens Mom. I had two other cats in the past that I had to put to sleep, but one had a stroke and was completely out of it after and the other had gum cancer which had spread all throughout her head causing bleeding from her mouth and difficulty eating. For these two the answer was very clear to me. For Pumpkin, not completely clear. But, I didn't want him back in the situation we were in a couple weeks ago where he was panting like a dog for breath at 9 p.m. on a Saturday night. Had him tapped at the emergency vet and he took two days to be back to himself again (eating, hanging out with me and not hiding). Will never know if he would have reacted the same way to another tap, but the benefit would have only been a few more weeks to a couple months at best.

I just hope he knows I love him, and as crazy as it sounds, that he's not mad at me :-(.

I have not doubt you made the correct decision. This was a question of quality and not wanting the little fuzzy one to feel more pain and fear, which was becoming inevitable. That is what good pet parents do, no matter how hard it is on us. I totally understand the feeling or worry that he may be mad at you; I have felt the same way. He is/was not mad at you. I think ours brains simply run around in circles and work on some bizarre logic at these times. Hugs from a total stranger who can relate. 

Oh, I am so very sorry for your loss! It does seem to me like you made the right decision. I know it is hard, especially since you likely weren't expecting it to happen today. I definitely do not believe he could possibly be mad at you. You seem like a VERY caring pet parent and truly had his best interest at heart.

I think you made the right decision, too. You prevented a lot of pain and suffering for him. You knew that whatever you did, it was not going to improve the situation any. You gave him good years and made a decision for him that he couldn't make.

You knew your kitty better than anybody, and made the best decision you could have for him.      

I'm so sorry you lost your friend. I would say you went the extra mile for him and that it was very much the right decision not to put him through any more.  I think that no matter what evidence is before us, the decision to euthanize always feels opposite of what we promise ourselves with our pets--and that is to protect them and help them live a good life. It never feels like the right time, even when it is the right time.

ADenise said:

 
Thanks AbbysMom and Kittens Mom. I had two other cats in the past that I had to put to sleep, but one had a stroke and was completely out of it after and the other had gum cancer which had spread all throughout her head causing bleeding from her mouth and difficulty eating. For these two the answer was very clear to me. For Pumpkin, not completely clear. But, I didn't want him back in the situation we were in a couple weeks ago where he was panting like a dog for breath at 9 p.m. on a Saturday night. Had him tapped at the emergency vet and he took two days to be back to himself again (eating, hanging out with me and not hiding). Will never know if he would have reacted the same way to another tap, but the benefit would have only been a few more weeks to a couple months at best.

I just hope he knows I love him, and as crazy as it sounds, that he's not mad at me :-(.

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Your cat is not mad at you. Guilt is natural so is doubt . it is a very grave decision we have to make sometimes. Worry more for the soul that does so without a second thought.

Ethiope said:

 
Thanks AbbysMom and Kittens Mom. I had two other cats in the past that I had to put to sleep, but one had a stroke and was completely out of it after and the other had gum cancer which had spread all throughout her head causing bleeding from her mouth and difficulty eating. For these two the answer was very clear to me. For Pumpkin, not completely clear. But, I didn't want him back in the situation we were in a couple weeks ago where he was panting like a dog for breath at 9 p.m. on a Saturday night. Had him tapped at the emergency vet and he took two days to be back to himself again (eating, hanging out with me and not hiding). Will never know if he would have reacted the same way to another tap, but the benefit would have only been a few more weeks to a couple months at best.

I just hope he knows I love him, and as crazy as it sounds, that he's not mad at me :-(.

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If things after physical death are anything at all like I think they are, not only is Pumpkin not mad at you, he is waiting patiently at the Bridge, blessing you for every day you loved him, and especially for the day you loved him enough to let him go before his life became a misery.

Rest you gentle, Pumpkin, dream you deep.

So sorry for your loss You did the right thing. It's hard because it is natural to question -but that just means you are an amazing friend/companion/care giver to Pumpkin!

My vet once told me you will know when it's time. It sounds like you knew it was time. You did what was best for Pumpkin. It sounds like you always did what was best for Pumpkin.

Pumpkin was very lucky to have you there for them.

Oh, no.  I'm so sorry.  It hurts like hell, doesn't it?

For me, it feels like betraying the trust of a small child, since our fur babies are so convinced that we can fix everything, even though we know we can't.  Which is the point.  We aren't gods, no matter what our cats think of us.  Guilt at a time like this is a natural feeling; but it's just that -- a feeling.  It isn't based on fact, and in this case the facts indicate that you made the best available choice, at the right time.

There are two possibilities:

1. There is an afterlife, and your Pumpkin is waiting there for you, lovingly.
2. There is nothing after death, and Pumpkin never even knew he was dying.  He just relaxed, out of pain, and fell asleep.

Please notice that Pumpkin blaming you is not one of the options.  Remember all of the terrible things you did to Pumpkin in his lifetime (from a feline perspective): leaving him at home when you went to the grocery store, being half an hour late with his supper, picking the wrong food for supper (horrors!).  And Pumpkin forgave you for every one of those, right?  Cats are extremely forgiving people, and even if they weren't, if Pumpkin knows anything he knows how much you loved him, how much you still love him, and how painful this decision was for you.

It's time to forgive yourself for not being a god, and get on with the hard work of grieving.  And when you need shoulders to cry on, we're here for you.



Margret

My previous kitty had FIP and I made the decision to end his suffering when he had to get his second abdominal tap. By that time, his quality of life was already so poor. He was lethargic, weak, barely eating...sweetest kitten I'll ever meet. But when I brought him in to the vet that day, I was told something similar: second tap, take him home and treasure my last days with him, or have him humanely euthanized. I had already braced myself for this, and I will never regret the decision I made. It was difficult, but I'm confident it was best for him. Don't question your decision either-- you did the right thing, for him.