Sebastian, the feline love of my life

cataan

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Did Sebastian, by chance, like to play fetch (i.e return the thrown object)?
 
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goholistic

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Did Sebastian, by chance, like to play fetch (i.e return the thrown object)?
He didn't play fetch. He liked to run after whatever I threw, but he wouldn't bring it back to me. I'd have to walk over and throw it again the other direction. 
 
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goholistic

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I forgot to mention that I ran into the pet store the other day, and they always have a few kitties there from the local rescues/shelters that are up for adoption. While I do look and I am curious, I am not yet ready for another cat and need to wait until me and my s/o figure out what we're doing. 


Anyway, they have this little female that is a long hair tortoiseshell. She is absolutely gorgeous! And so lovely for a torti! Honestly, if she were older, I may have seriously considered her. But she's only 1-2 years old. She'll get adopted quickly.......no doubt. I need to wait and get an older kitty who needs a loving home and often gets overlooked by shelter visitors. Like my beautiful Sebastian....an older kitty that they tucked in a dark, lower cage where no one could see him. But I guess it was meant to be......because I looked......and I found him. 
 

roguethecat

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 I need to wait and get an older kitty who needs a loving home and often gets overlooked by shelter visitors. Like my beautiful Sebastian....an older kitty that they tucked in a dark, lower cage where no one could see him. But I guess it was meant to be......because I looked......and I found him. 
people like you do restore my belief in humanity - thank you.
 

walkingrock

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I'm so sorry for your loss. That is a wonderful video tribute to Sebastian. [emoji]128151[/emoji]
 

coni

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I am so so verry sorry for your loss, The video was beautiful and your love for each other is evident. He was a beautiful handsome boy! I understand how you feel so deeply. I lost my own "soul cat" my Santiago, only 5 days ago. We were together for 11 years, and he was my life, my heart, my everything. I feel I lost a limb, I am hurting so much and feel numb at the same time. My Santiago also did that "happy drool" right on my neck, everytime he cuddle against me in bed and  hugged me with his little paw and purred under my ear. I don't seem to do anything without thinking of him. Santiago and I, just like you and Sebastian, were meant for each other. I hug you and share your pain. I am trying to find some peace in the thought of what a huge amount of love we shared, and that he new I loved him, I told him so everyday.  Santiago was a healthy 11 year old cat. No warnings, no signs, nothing at all! For a couple of months two friends have been living with us, and after our morning cuddle he went to their room. I told him off cause he was meowing a lot, demanding to get their door open (as he did every day), and then I left in a hurry for work. I didn't say good by. The last thing I said to him was an across the house "shush Santiago, people are sleeping!".

I feel so so bad and miserable for it. I understand those painful "what ifs", I wish I had known, I would have stayed home, I would have told him over and over again how much I loved him. He was fine, he was healthy. My friends tell me that at lunch time he went for his nap, on his little bed over mine, and he just never woke up again. I don't understand it, it feels unreal. Just like that. Gone. No warning. I miss him so so much it makes it hard to breath. I also feel so guilty for getting on with my things... Some time back I was in a relationship that was not working out for a couple of years. We were living in the mountains in a beautiful place. Sometimes I felt that the relationship was done and that I should leave, but I stayed because the option was moving into the township, where there were cars, and dogs and I feared so much that Santiago would get hurt or worse and I told myself nothing was worth risking my baby's safety. So many decisions in my life I made based on what was good for BOTH of us. And now I realize that for the first time in my adult life, the only one I have to think about now for my choices is me. And It feels wrong, in so many levels, and at the same time I feel Santiago also was giving me this gift, of showing me I need to think of myself and were I am going, now without him.
Your video for Sebastian was beautiful. I send you lots of love and I hope you can find some peace. And I keep telling myself how grateful I am that Santiago chose me as his companion, that he never left me. Sebastian chose you, he loved you and that love will always be with us.
 
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angels mommy

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Hi Nicole, just checking in with you as your 2 month mark is coming up.
I hope its getting a little easier for you, even though there will always be those times that get us.
I'm sending you big, fat hugs!!!! :hugs::hugs:


Coni, I am also so sorry for your loss. I know it isn't easy, not having had any warning signs. I can only imagine. Sending you hugs too! :hugs:
 

sidneykitty

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I know what you mean about holding on to his brush with his hair in it and his bed and everything... I did exactly the same thing with Sidney. In fact, I only cleaned out her brush a couple weeks ago. I've slowly made progress and now its been almost 5 months since I said goodbye and I finally am starting to feel like myself again and am feeling more healed. I still miss her terribly and cry sometimes, but its really gotten so much better. I think it was when I finally had a dream about her being a happy cat purring in my arms again I finally felt better. I hope you find/feel something like this for yourself in the future to continue healing. 
 
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goholistic

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Thank you very much, @OceanBreathes and @Walkingrock, for your condolences.

@Coni, I'm also very sorry for your loss. Yes, you are going through all the same thoughts I did. It gets better with time. Be at peace that Santiago didn't suffer. He likely died peacefully in his sleep. It still doesn't make it any easier, but you were at least spared watching him suffer in his last moments and having to deal with those images in your mind as you try to cope. You and Santiago were very lucky to have each other to love. Try to remember the good times. We both miss the happy drool from our kitties, but they will live on in our hearts!

@Angels mommy, thank you for checking in on me. Yes, it is the 17th and two months later (might be the 18th by the time I post this as I've gotten sidetracked). Gosh, I miss Sebastian SO much. I'm not having as many moments of intense sadness and tears, but I do still think about him constantly. He's on my mind all the time, wherever I am, whoever I am with. Not sure if this is normal. How are you?

@sidneykitty, thank you for understanding. I've done quite a bit of cleaning these past few weeks, but I still haven't touched Sebastian's beds and brushes. I work around them....perhaps as though I feel his spirit is there and I wish not to disturb him. Boo slept in Sebastian's bed once. I did work up the courage to vacuum under my bed as far as I could reach. It was emotionally difficult, as there were tufts of Sebastian's hair under there where he used to lay when he didn't feel well. I had to pick some of them out with my hand, and I held them for a moment....missing his soft, black fur. 
 

angels mommy

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@Angels mommy, thank you for checking in on me. Yes, it is the 17th and two months later (might be the 18th by the time I post this as I've gotten sidetracked). Gosh, I miss Sebastian SO much. I'm not having as many  moments of intense sadness and tears, but I do still think about him constantly. He's on my mind all the time, wherever I am, whoever I am with. Not sure if this is normal. How are you?

Hi Nicole. I am glad to hear you are doing a little better. I totally understand!  Yes, Sebastian being on your mind that much is normal. It was for me too.

It does get better with more time.  I am doing better. I can speak of him, if it's something general, or silly, & be ok. But if I am telling the story of what happened, I cry all over again.  It's like reliving it again, recalling it all.  I was just helping Tammy (Momto4kitties) with Lucas over on her thread, & catching up w/ her in a PM. She was one of my first friends on here, but has been away for a while, so she didn't know about Angel. So I had to briefly catch her up. I broke down & cried 3xs in just typing about a couple of paragraphs!  Plus, that morning before even getting out of bed, I was thinking of & missing Angel, so I cried a little then. 

(But at least in between, I was cheered up, because I was cleaning at the client's house w/ Max, the Golden Retriever, & Stinky, the orange tabby. So I had the boys to cheer me up!) They are so sweet!  

Sebastian looks so handsome in that picture, but he always was! We definitely had two handsome boys!!  I bet they are playing together right now. 


You're in my thoughts, & Sending you more hugs!! 
 
 

ericsmom1000

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Sebastian was a beautiful cat. Thank you for giving a senior cat a home. Don't beat yourself up with the "should've, could've, would'ves" about what you would have done differently had you known it was Sebastian's last day. He is not concerned about that, and you shouldn't be either. He crossed the Bridge when it was his time, and remembers the good times with you. As I've said to so many others here, so many cats have no homes, and die on the streets or at shelters, unwanted and unloved. Your cat was one of the lucky ones.
 

sidneykitty

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I left Sidney's bed out in her favourite spot for ages in case her spirit was lingering and wanted to enjoy her normal spot. 

Ohh, what a nice photo, he was just BEAUTIFUL. 
 Did you save a clipping of his fur by any chance?
 
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goholistic

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@Angels mommy Thanks Kelly. Yes, reliving those last moments is very difficult for me, too. I try not to think of that. I can totally see Sebastian and Angel sitting together watching the birds and butterflies. I always remember your pictures of Angel looking out the window or the door. Sebastian liked to do that at night...he could see mice roaming around in the ivy and the bats zipping around in the dark. He was never the killer type. Always just wanted to watch.

@ericsmom1000, thank you for your kind words. You're right. Many of things we think about don't even cross our kitties' minds. We do this to ourselves, really.

@sidneykitty, when I was asked if I wanted a clipping, the practical person in me said, "What am I really going to do with a clipping of his fur?" So I declined, and now I kind of regret it. All I have is what remains in his brushes and what I find during my cleaning. Did you save a clipping? What did you do with it?

So I had mentioned in an earlier post that there was a young, long-haired tortie up for adoption who caught my attention. She is too young for me (I try to adopt 8+), and I figured she'd get adopted quickly. I had to run into the pet store where the shelter had her placed, and the poor baby was covered in her own feces.  
  She had diarrhea and it was all stuck to her beautiful, long hair. She reeked. I was worried about her. So I called the shelter and told them what I observed. I offered to help clean her up (they have dog bathing stations at the store I could use) and donate a better food that might be easier on her tummy. But they don't know me and I'm not registered as one of their volunteers, so the woman said they would send somebody out. I understand that. A week later, I went into the pet store again to check on her and she was not there. The store employee said she was adopted. YEAH!  
  That made me very happy. I hope she's doing well.  
 

donutte

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I think that's amazing you adopt the senior kitties. My only hesitation with getting older (ie teenagers) would be the vet bills that I know would be there. Can only afford so much :( And I know insurance wouldn't be worth it after a certain age. I have decided though that the next time I adopt, it will be a senior (maybe two, if they are bonded). But that won't be for awhile. Maple's finally at the point where she's mostly comfortable with the status quo. A bit of a grumpy old lady at times, but much better than she was. After losing my other two seniors, she's getting spoiled. Which means no more new pets for now.

I hope you've been doing well, goholistic goholistic . Adjusting to the new normal.
 

sidneykitty

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@sidneykitty, when I was asked if I wanted a clipping, the practical person in me said, "What am I really going to do with a clipping of his fur?" So I declined, and now I kind of regret it. All I have is what remains in his brushes and what I find during my cleaning. Did you save a clipping? What did you do with it?
I did. I clipped it off on her last day because somehow it felt strange to me to do it after she'd died...like she'd be less connected to the hair or something. I put it in a ziploc bag and saved it until I inserted the bag with the hair into a scrapbook I made. I knew I'd want to get it out every now and again and touch it and (don't laugh) rub it on my face and I have.

I'm glad to hear the tortie was adopted...I understand how you feel. After Sidney, I felt this great big hole in my life and going to the shelter where I volunteer was very hard for me sometimes. I wound up falling in love with another senior tuxedo like her but couldn't logically adopt as I'm likely moving overseas in a year or two. He was eventually adopted by a wonderful family though, and it actually helped sometimes just to talk to the cats about her, unlike humans, they won't judge although I do hope I never brought them down with me. I always tried to stay positive, telling them the good stories about her and how I hoped they'd find a loving family soon, too. I guess it helped the healing process. Someday when I am able, I will definitely adopt another senior cat, they're just so special!
 

angels mommy

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@sidneykitty,. I did the same thing on Angels last morning. I put a couple of small clippings in an envelope. I have also done the same things with it too. The cremation place did shave some of his fur, & I got it back w/ his ashes & plaster footprint. The hair didnt smell like him though, so I'm glad I saved some myself. He didn't smell like his self in the end either though, I'm sure due to the chemo.
 
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