The RELATIONSHIP thread!!!!

[kateang]

Somebody talked about having a relationship thread so since I'm having a problem now.. might as well start one..

..What does he want actually???

I've got a crush on this guy at work.. some of those who chat with me on the MSN would know.. he's always been giving me mixed signals and stuff like that.. so I have left it that way.. I'll let him be when he gives me some attitude and stuff like that.. I try not to concentrate on him but more of myself. He told me recently that he's got a girlfriend and he's trying to work things out with her.. I was shattered but fine.. i give you my blessings... he would tell me about his problems with her and his work and I'm supposed to be listening... * well, I was...*

So Sunday he sent me a message out of the blue on my mobile, asking if I'm busy or anything.. he said he's bored and life is depresssing for him... ok... like who's life is not...

so he was asking if there's any nice place for a drink or anything.. I suggested some places but he really didn't sound right.. I was in town and offered to meet up if he wanted.. he took the offer and we sat down and talked for an hr plus about his life and his girlfriend...

it turns out, this girlfriend of his is something that happens only on weekends.. he hangs around at her place over the weekend and during weekdays, they are pretty much apart, despite the fact that they work in the same office.. so now, he gets frustrated with her for certain things and decides to call it the end... ok.. that's what he claims he said... cos this girl was a problem herself and things like that.. ok.. i have to admit, this lady sounds like somebody who is easy and is prob out for a fling... I bet he is too...

so I asked him, do you really want things to work out? if you do, then sit down and talk over things... his reluctance to talk over things made me kinda sure this might very well be the end of the relationship....

i got home after the talk, feeling slightly puzzled.. after knowing him for the past couple of months, he has never really asked me out for a drink or a dinner, something out of work related matters... now that he does, it feels weird and given his character, he could have easily chosen somebody else rather than me... I have this huge question in mind now.. what does he take me for? somebody who can replace his girlfriend when he has a fight with or what?

I'm sorry that this is so long...but this problem has been there for a long while and all that signals he gave me and all... it's prob giving me a swell head if not something more... any advice would be welcome...

 

[hissy]

Kate I would steer clear of this man. First off when you are depressed alcohol can only fuel that depression. You don't need any more negativity in your life right now, and the way I read this is this man will only bring you down. He is fresh out of a relationship and looking for something to fill the void. Trust me, you are bandaid on a large wound and he will discard you soon if you continue with him. Make your excuses, or suggest he get counseling.

 

[cla517]

Sorry to say it, but I agree with Hissy. My take on it is this -- Men will tell you what you want to hear regarding the girlfriend. He sounds like a married man out on the prowl. "My wife doesn't understand me" "we're getting a divorce" "we live like roommates"

Unless and until this guy is totally away from his girlfriend (no weekend visits, etc.) Stay AWAY.

Plus, you like this guy so hearing about how terrible his life is with he girlfriend is only hurting you.

I hope you can find someone out there who will want you for you! (believe me, I know it's really tough!)

 

[dragonlady]

I say go out and do some vollenteer work in an area that you like. Books, animals, whatever. This is where you can meet solid, unselfish people. If they are giving time to help others, they are more likely to be a nice person. This also gives the two of you something in common.

This guy you are talking to seems to be very self oriented. He would want to talk things out if he really cared about his girl. Sounds like he is only after one thing...

 

[hwangster]

It totally depends on if you can milk this guy for a few good meals or not

Consider it payment for your listening sessions.

 

[slipstream]

maybe you can get some

go for it, have fun.

 

[purrfectcatlove]

Kate , this man just wants a easy way to get you in between times he is not with his girlfriend . I am sorry , but he sounds to me that when he opens his mouth that he is not telling you all the truth . Remember there is always two sites to a story and not only one site . A good man is not going out with a other woman while he is still in a relationship with a other woman , unless he has something else in mind . To me , that man is a big no no . You deserve better then that Kate .

 

[sweets]

I had a friend like that a little while ago. I finally told him I wasn't a convenience store. I'm not going to be around when he was in between girlfriends and invisible when he was with someone.

Some men just need someone to build their ego. Every time you talk to them, something is wrong. So you give them sympathy and tell them how special they are. But when you need a shoulder....they're too busy with their lives. It sounds like thats what you have there. I have another friend like that. Every time I call him, this is wrong, that is wrong, he's depressed cause he's alone, etc etc etc. When I had my accident, I didn't hear from him for 3 months. Even then, I had to bring up the accident.

My advice, RUN. As fast as your 2 feet can carry you. Don't let him use you, cause thats what he is doing. Find another friend and don't be available to him. This will either turn him around to see you as what you are (a good friend) or you'll be rid of a dead weight.

Sorry to be so blunt. I've already BTDT and burned the teeshirt.

Sandy

 

[rosiemac]

I also agree. It's been nearly a year since my boyfriend and i split. I've had offers from others to go out, but have refused, for the simple reason, i'm not over him yet!, and from the sounds of things, he is'nt over this girl either.

A friend of mine split from his wife shortly after me and jumped straight into a relationship, which i warned him not too, as all he'd be doing is blanking everything out and without realising it, would be compairing his wife to her, which 4 month down the line he realised i was right!.

Another piece of advice. Not a good idea working at the same place as each other!. I was proffesional about it if we'd had words, but not my boyfriend!, everyone knew if we had fallen out because of the depressed and quiet state he would be in. At times i felt like i was in a goldfish bowl!!.

Susan

 

[tulip2454]

I have just re read your post to get it clear in my mind. No where do you say he actually made a pass at you or anything like that (or maybe I missed that bit) Anyway perhaps he sees you as a friend he can talk to about his problems who is not (as far as he is concerned) emotionally involved. So you are not an 'in between' girlfriend as such. The other thing is that we are all intrigued by people who like us. Maybe he knows how much you think about him and although does not think of you in that way, feels that it is a link he would rather not give up. (if that makes sense)
After all that I do feel that you should give this guy a wide birth if you can - not easy I know - but it gives you nothing but grief and confusion.

 

[kateang]

Hey guys, thanks for all the replies.. i've sat down and thought through over things.. yeah, maybe what you guys say about me being the in between girl friend is somewhat true and that he might not have felt anything for me other than just a normal friend.. I agree... but for now.. I guess there is nothing much I can do but sit down and wait for things to happen... I guess by giving him time to clear his thoughts up and decide the best for himself would be a good choice at this point in time