I need advice!!!! broken heart

kitty14rescue · Mar 18, 2016

Hello,I am new to the site,I came across this site while searching info on cats.I am an owner of a rescue cat that my husband found in the garbage,3 days old,I'm assuming because his eyes were still closed,I took care of him as if I gave birth to him,and I am proud to say he's almost 2 yrs old and as healthy and happy as a cat can be.my problem is ever since then I cannot help myself when it comes to strays,in my neighborhood there a few,on my route there is one (I am a mail carrier). I feed them and pet them and show them love if they allow me enough to trust me.I have one that comes every day to eat.the others come here and there.I even ran outside at 12 am one night because I heard cats fighting outside.my point is,it hurts my soul to see these cats with no home,to imagine what they go thru on a daily basis to stay alive,to have to defend themselves and always have to look back,even when they eat.I get depressed about it,to the point that it effects my life sometimes.my husband is very supportive but also says I can't save them all,he's right I can't. The one that comes everyday is so sweet,n let's me pet him.he waits at my door every day when I get home from work.I want to take him in,but I'm scared that he would fight my house cat.and on the days that he won't show,I get worried and start to cry,sometimes he won't come for a few days,and all I do is worry,worry,worry. Is this normal?? What can I do to have a normal life and stop worrying so much about strays?

shadowsrescue · Mar 19, 2016

Welcome to TCS! Thank you for doing your best to help these kitties. First step is to see if there might be a rescue organization that could help you. The strays/ferals need to be spayed/neutered or they will keep reproducing and there will be more and more and more cats. By feeding them and not spaying and neutering them, you are making them strong and healthy so they can reproduce. I am not saying to stop feeding them as that would be cruel, but check to see if it is possible to at least have the cats TNR'd (trap neuter return). If you are unfamiliar with this term it means the cats are humanely trapped, taken to a vet (often a low cost spay/neuter clinic that specializes in strays/ferals) where they are spayed/neutered and given a rabies shot. Many times they are also ear tipped to indicate they have been spayed/neutered. Then they are returned back to the area they come from where they have a caregiver who will help in feeding and providing shelter.

As for the kitty you would like to bring into your home, this can be accomplished. First step is a vet visit. If you put him in a carrier, then get him to the vet before bringing him home if possible. If that is not possible, have a spare room ready for this kitty. If the room is an extra bedroom, pick the bed off the floor or lay it flat on the floor. Hiding under a bed is the first place the cat will run. Next block off behind other large furniture. I like to get on the floor and think like a cat. Look to see where they can squeeze. Also watch for curtains or blinds. Have 2 litter boxes ( I like to use Dr.Elsey's Litter Attract to start) as many outdoor cats don't like to pee and poop in the same spot. Yet most will adjust to one box quickly. Have access to food and water too away from the litter boxes. Do have a safe place for the kitty to hide. You can use a cat tree with a hiding box, a cat carrier with a cozy blanket or even just a box with a blanket. This room will be his safe room and where he will remain to get used to indoor living. He should have absolutely no contact with your resident cat at this time. He first adjust to his space.

A vet visit must happen to be sure he is free of cat illnesses as well as spayed/neutered. He will need some vaccines as well as wormed. You don't want your resident cat getting sick so vet visit first!

There are lots and lots of articles on cat to cat intros. They take time and depend on the nature of both cats. Some adjust in a few weeks while others can take months to a year. I brought a feral/stray cat into my home almost 3 years ago. My resident cat was not happy at all. We did very slow introductions, but it still took them one year to accept each other. Now they are buddies and I am so glad it worked out. Just be prepared for anything and decide if you can commit the time and energy needed. The cats will need to be separated 24/7 for awhile. Yet intros shouldn't happen until a vet visit, spay/neuter and the new cat has time to adjust to inside living and time to adjust to you. You must be able to handle the cat in some form.

JMJimmy · Mar 19, 2016

As someone who just started dealing with strays and regularly gets up/goes out in the middle of the night I can tell you the worry is normal. Worry to the point of fixation is not healthy though. The best thing you can do is adjust how you think about it. Have the worry once or twice a day (or whatever is good for you), it's a healthy part of being an empathetic & caring person. Once you run through the worry for a short time come up with something to tell yourself that it's time to stop thinking about it. Just something simple like: "There's nothing I can do right now. I'll do what I can, when I can. It's time to move forward". Any time you start to worry for the rest of the day immediately repeat that (or whatever works for you) to yourself.

The key is to stop the "worry train" before it gains momentum and drives you to the point of depression or crying. If you want more information on the technique, google "Cognitive Therapy"

kitty14rescue · Mar 19, 2016

ShadowsRescue said:
Welcome to TCS! Thank you for doing your best to help these kitties. First step is to see if there might be a rescue organization that could help you. The strays/ferals need to be spayed/neutered or they will keep reproducing and there will be more and more and more cats. By feeding them and not spaying and neutering them, you are making them strong and healthy so they can reproduce. I am not saying to stop feeding them as that would be cruel, but check to see if it is possible to at least have the cats TNR'd (trap neuter return). If you are unfamiliar with this term it means the cats are humanely trapped, taken to a vet (often a low cost spay/neuter clinic that specializes in strays/ferals) where they are spayed/neutered and given a rabies shot. Many times they are also ear tipped to indicate they have been spayed/neutered. Then they are returned back to the area they come from where they have a caregiver who will help in feeding and providing shelter.

As for the kitty you would like to bring into your home, this can be accomplished. First step is a vet visit. If you put him in a carrier, then get him to the vet before bringing him home if possible. If that is not possible, have a spare room ready for this kitty. If the room is an extra bedroom, pick the bed off the floor or lay it flat on the floor. Hiding under a bed is the first place the cat will run. Next block off behind other large furniture. I like to get on the floor and think like a cat. Look to see where they can squeeze. Also watch for curtains or blinds. Have 2 litter boxes ( I like to use Dr.Elsey's Litter Attract to start) as many outdoor cats don't like to pee and poop in the same spot. Yet most will adjust to one box quickly. Have access to food and water too away from the litter boxes. Do have a safe place for the kitty to hide. You can use a cat tree with a hiding box, a cat carrier with a cozy blanket or even just a box with a blanket. This room will be his safe room and where he will remain to get used to indoor living. He should have absolutely no contact with your resident cat at this time. He first adjust to his space.

A vet visit must happen to be sure he is free of cat illnesses as well as spayed/neutered. He will need some vaccines as well as wormed. You don't want your resident cat getting sick so vet visit first!

There are lots and lots of articles on cat to cat intros. They take time and depend on the nature of both cats. Some adjust in a few weeks while others can take months to a year. I brought a feral/stray cat into my home almost 3 years ago. My resident cat was not happy at all. We did very slow introductions, but it still took them one year to accept each other. Now they are buddies and I am so glad it worked out. Just be prepared for anything and decide if you can commit the time and energy needed. The cats will need to be separated 24/7 for awhile. Yet intros shouldn't happen until a vet visit, spay/neuter and the new cat has time to adjust to inside living and time to adjust to you. You must be able to handle the cat in some form.

thank you for reading and for your advice.

kitty14rescue · Mar 19, 2016

JMJimmy said:
As someone who just started dealing with strays and regularly gets up/goes out in the middle of the night I can tell you the worry is normal. Worry to the point of fixation is not healthy though. The best thing you can do is adjust how you think about it. Have the worry once or twice a day (or whatever is good for you), it's a healthy part of being an empathetic & caring person. Once you run through the worry for a short time come up with something to tell yourself that it's time to stop thinking about it. Just something simple like: "There's nothing I can do right now. I'll do what I can, when I can. It's time to move forward". Any time you start to worry for the rest of the day immediately repeat that (or whatever works for you) to yourself.

The key is to stop the "worry train" before it gains momentum and drives you to the point of depression or crying. If you want more information on the technique, google "Cognitive Therapy"

thank you

because at times it takes over other responsibilities I have, I do try my best to help in any way I can but u are correct,at some point there isn't anything I can do.thank you for taking the time to read.

I need advice!!!! broken heart

kitty14rescue

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shadowsrescue

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JMJimmy

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kitty14rescue

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kitty14rescue

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