My 7 month hold hates being held...but he's so nice and cute...

I got this cat a little while ago from a rescue, and he's super cute and nice.  He greets me at the door and meows - he seems really interested in when I go to the bathroom & comes running to watch that (and he'll actually go up on my knee a little...on the toilet of all places..).  He's very fluffy - and I always want to hold him or have him sit in my lap... but he HATES being held.  He'll rub up against my leg or occasionally (rarely) sit by my side. He will squirm like crazy if held for more than 2 seconds.  The claws will even come out.

Do you think this is his personality for good? He's 6-7 months old.

He went through a lot of bad stuff - he was born in a litter of 6 as the runt.  His foster mom bottle-fed him for months.  Then, he needed eye drops constantly.  So, every time he got picked up - he got chemicals put in his eye.  (I had to give him drops too and he went CRAZY) - so I think this is part of why he hates being picked up.  I can only give him lysine now, which is probably sufficient, but the drops did seem to help more.  I tried to serve him food on the table and next to me so I could show him being picked up and being near me is ok.  He did eat the food, and he hated being picked up just to eat - but he quickly got over it.  

How could you not want to grab him and snuggle him????   My old cat was also siamese - and he was a big snuggly love bug teddy bear.  I guess that's also why I'm kind of sad about when he squirms and runs away from me... 

He's adorable! But is I just me or does he look more like a Ragdoll than a Siamese? I'm not too familiar with Siamese cats but I thought they were always short haired?

Anyway. I have a five month old now who doesn't like to be held much anymore either. I mean, she loves being paraded around the house and loves being held to look out the window or when new people are around - but she wont sit on my lap to snuggle. It's weird because she comes and lays onto my chest while I'm at the computer DAILY. Multiple times a day even. In the beginning once she got out of her cuddly kitten phase I think tried to force-love her but that made her avoid me so I stopped quickly. She's a lovebug and I won't be surprised if at some point she becomes more of a lapcat. She already is, kind of, just without the lap part rofl. Only advice I can give is to pet him while giving treats, and to kind of lure him onto your lap while you do that as well. You can't really make cats do anything or they'll just avoid you, though, so even if he doesn't like to be held, just be more inventive. I always get to snuggle and hug with Elfie when she's on her cat tree, and she loves it that way. That's just as good, imo. Try to compromise, and don't try to force it! ^_^

I agree with Elfilou, you can't force the issue. She will more than likely come around, on HER own time. Just continue to be there for her. It sounds like she is comfortable around you, so that is the first PLUS! Just be patient and let her "Do her own thing". Does she like to lie on your bed when you are not in it? If so, when she does, just lie down next to her with space between the 2 of you and talk to her gently, one on one. You both will be in the supine ( did I get that right) position, lying down, looking at each other at the same level with you gently talking to her. Example, I will tell Katy about my day. Can't hurt.

Hi! Thanks for the replies.  I am not sure if he's "really" siamese since I didn't get him from a breeder.  He was in a litter of 6, and 2 were short haired seal points (more like what you are thinking as siamese) and then one was him.  The other 3 were grey and/or  tabby.  The mom was seal point, but nobody knew who all of the dads were.   The mom was feral, and he was initially born outside from what I know. 

He once went on my bed on top of me (I didn't think he realized it was me under the blanket) - sort of on my legs.  He's a much bigger fan of underneath the bed.  He also likes sitting on the sofa on the back - behind me.  He smells my hair and then does his rounds from the sofa to the bookshelf to the side table to the cat tree, etc... sometimes I lay down and he'll stay there for a few minutes.  He will purr too - so he's happy and he likes me... I guess the picking up thing is either never gonna happen or might happen later.   

Oh speaking of the cat tree - yeah he likes to be pet on there, and he's really friendly when he's on there too - like yours.  Maybe it's something about being high up that makes them feel more secure?  I know cats get threatened by being picked up because that is what a predator would do.  

Some cats will just never be lap cats.  But at 7 months, it's kinda hard to tell with this cute kitty!  Most of mine are not lap cats, but some like to sit very close to me and put a paw on my leg.  That counts!  I agree with the others, to just let the kitty decide if he wants to be in your lap or not.  I really blew it with my mom's 2 kitties years ago because I wanted them to love me so bad!  They wouldn't come near me because I couldn't contain myself around them - they were just too cute!  So, do try and contain yourself.  But I do understand wanting to cuddle them so bad!

JenLeeds said:

 
Hi! Thanks for the replies.  I am not sure if he's "really" siamese since I didn't get him from a breeder.  He was in a litter of 6, and 2 were short haired seal points (more like what you are thinking as siamese) and then one was him.  The other 3 were grey and/or  tabby.  The mom was seal point, but nobody knew who all of the dads were.   The mom was feral, and he was initially born outside from what I know. 

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Just in case you're curious, I believe he'd be listed as a Pointed Domestic Long Hair, Seal Point. I'm sure they're some Siamese in him somewhere. Cat genetics are so cool. You can have litter mates that look completely purebred, and some that are tabbies. I had a cat that could easily pass as a purebred Himalayan - silky long fur, blue eyes, seal point - and she was just from a farm cat. Your cat is seriously beautiful though! I have a love of pointed kitties. 

I think you're just going to have to give him time. He's been trained that getting picked up means eye drops, and that will take a while to get him to trust you. It might take months or longer. Some cats are just not lap cats. One of my cats will still run if I walk too loudly, but if I'm sitting, she'll come lick me until I pet her with both hands. Your cat is still a kitten though, just give him time. You may just need to sit on the floor with him and pet him while he's eating. Show him that your hands are not scary things that administer medicine. 

He is indeed a beautiful animal.

As others have said, some cats are simply not lap cats. But just make sure you're not doing anything wrong and your cat doesn't associate holding with something unpleasant that happened to him in the past while being held.

First of all, cats shouldn't be held like babies, they don't like that. A cat should be held close to the body so that he feels secure, and supported underneath. Also, make sure your hands are not cold. Another thing to watch out for is possible static in your clothes that cats sense and abhor.

In addition to his negative experiences with being held, a lot of kittens have no patience for being held and snuggling! They would rather be doing things! You might find when he's a less active, 2-3 year old adult, that he suddenly becomes much more physically affectionate and enjoys sleeping cozied up with you. I would stop trying to pick him up for a few months so he feels more secure, and then you can occasionally pick him up for a second and set him back down and always reward with a yummy treat, or sit next to him and lure him onto your lap with a treat and let him leave whenever he likes to get him more comfortable. Prepare yourself for the possibility that he may never be a super snuggler like your previous cat, however. Some cats just aren't. It doesn't mean they don't love you just as much. If you really need that, though, you can adopt a second older cat who you know likes being held. Kittens are fun, but they're too unpredictable if you're looking for certain personality traits.

I understand wanting to snuggle with your cat. It can be hard to resist when they are so cute and fluffy, but some cats really do like their space and have to get comfortable with being held on their terms. Some cats will never let you hold them but will snuggle with you if you are sitting down watching TV. Some kittens and young cats just don't sit still for very long. My 10 month old Shadow LOVES to snuggle and always wants to be close to me but she is also bouncing off the wall many hours of the day.

Hello and welcome to the site from Speedy and @raysmyheart  !  

I agree so much with all the previous posters and I too, was wondering the exact same thing about picking up cats and holding them when Speedy and I first met three plus years ago!  Someone suggested to me to put myself in the cat's frame of mind and think what they might feel when they are held and picked up.  Maybe they get nervous because they are suddenly surrounded, maybe natural instincts put them on the lookout.  Perhaps, right at the moment, they have other things on their radar, maybe they hear a sound, or smell something or maybe having too much fun being frisky! Young cats are still learning about the world around them.  Anyway, do you know after I considered that, I never really tried to hold her if she wasn't interested.   I let her come to me and she has become affectionate to me SO many ways.  She sleeps by my side EVERY night, brings toys to me constantly, follows me, greets me at the door and so much more.    

I think this was an interesting question because I think a lot of people think of this when they first get to know a kitty,  Your cat is absolutely beautiful!!  My Speedy is a female, siamese mix.  We look forward to seeing you in the forums!

I think your kitten has indeed associated being held with unwanted things in his eyes and this makes him not want to be picked up.

My Nacho is a year-old now and was very cuddly when I first adopted him (like a week, maybe). He would sleep next to or on me but I think he didn't like it when I changed positions so he stopped. He's always been a bit jumpy, any sound no matter how discreet makes him move his ears and look for the source. So I think I disrupted his sleep too much when I would move. So he started being more distant, not wanting to be picked up but he still would follow me everywhere, supervising everything that was going on. 

I read somewhere that I should try to have him associate being picked up with something good, like treats. I did try that but he is smarter than me haha!

When he is sleepy he is super cuddly though, licking my face, biting my nose and purring softly so I know he loves me but he's just not that kind of cat. I do try and pick him up every once in a while and see if he'll let me. Sometimes he does and others not. I don't think it'll change much. 

I did get a baby that is now 5 months-old and he snuggles for the both of them haha. 

Try the treats thing, approaching him when he is sleepy or just woken up see if that works

Some cats like to be held.  Some don't.  Some will sit on your lap.  Some will sit beside you on the sofa or lay on the bed next to you.  Some cats will try to sleep on your face while you are in bed!

"Cats is cats!" 

Caper will sit on his girl-human's lap but will only sit on the sofa, beside me.

He will only lie in bed, near my feet but he'll sleep on girl-human's stomach.

He will tolerate being held by the girl-human for about 30 seconds but he won't let me pick him up at all.

Years ago, we had a cat named "Spike" who would never let anybody hold him, not even for a second.

He was a big, 20 pound, long hair.  Not an ounce of fat on him!  Brown and white.  His hair was so long and fluffy that he looked like he should have weighed 50 pounds!

Spike knew what his claws were for!  Anybody who tried to pick him up would get shredded!  No bones about it!

So, one day a friend came over visit.  He picked up Spike, put him on his lap and held him there for nearly an hour.

From that day on, Jeff was the *ONLY* person who Spike would sit on laps with!  Not even his main humans could lap sit with Spike.

We have a kitten of approximately the same age who doesn't want to be held, but loves to be rubbed while she's laying on the couch next to us. That might change now that she has a new little brother who, once caught, (he's still new), becomes a little purrbox. He loves being cuddled. And she's jealous.

Hello,

Kitten here.  Thank you for telling my human what's happening.  Your replies are all great.  I am just gonna sit  here right up against the computer - but no laps until I say so!  

I can see Kitten reading my post!!!!   

it's funny that it got highlighted... ha.  I didn't even realize that.  he was typing quite a bit (for real, I almost posted it but it looked crazy - he got a little obsessed with the computer screen). 

I have had like 3 names for him.  His shelter name, my old cat's name (weird, but it's a habit), and then just like "sweetie" or "meezer" or whatever pops in my head.  He should have a name by now... 

I think I definitely need to give him some time.  One hour - he's like all over me and in my space - and then for the rest of the day he's running around.  I think I just got used to my big teddy bear cat who was 15 and would just lounge around on whatever body part I had that was available to sit on (often my hands when typing) - and it's so weird to have a little one now - running around....so much more energy.  My mom reminded me that 15 years ago, he was not a lap cat either.  I totally forgot what he was like as a kitten.  We got him around 8 mos.   

He also looks like a Birman.


To tell the three breeds apart (other than looks):

Siamese are vocal.

Ragdolls are quiet.

Birmans tend to behave like a dog.

All three make excellent pets.

I just wanted to tell you to not give up hope! I got a ragdoll - a breed that's supposed to love being held or at least goes floppy and doesn't protest, but my kitten struggled the moment we held him for more than 30 seconds. However the longer he's known us and the more he's gotten used to us and trusted us, the more affectionate he became. Now we can hold him in different positions more easily, and I can be more rough with cuddling him (I like to stuff my whole face into his belly lol!) and he doesn't mind anymore. It took us a few months to get here. I would just give it time and also let him mellow out with age too

You're new cat is not your old cat. It's best to not compare them. You can't expect the new cat to act just like the old one. I can't even get my 3 cats to act the same. They all have different personalities! You'll save yourself disappointment if you remember that. Anti-snuggling may be your cat's personality or he could grow into it as he matures and gets to know you more. 

My girl, Boogie Bear, hates being picked up. I've had her since she was about 2 months old and she is about 10.5 years old now. She follows me around the house, sits behind me on the back of the sofa, sleeps next to me at night, rubs on my ankles, and cries when I leave the house, but gets super angry when I pick her up for any reason or touch her anywhere below the neck. That's just how she is, my sassy calico. Anyone who visits, I tell them not to touch her and stay out of her space or she will scratch or swat at you.

My boy, Sgt. Pepper, is the opposite. I've had him since a few months old as well and he is about 9.5 years old. I can pick him up and carry him around the house and he doesn't care. He flops down and rolls over on his back and I pat his tummy. He sleeps on my legs, on my stomach, by my head, wherever he wants. He has always loved snuggling!

My boy, Jumbo, was slower to become a lap cat. He showed up about 5 years ago. He lived in my backyard for over a year and a half before I could give him a forever home. We had to build trust first. When he first showed up, he would run off when he saw me. It took 6 months or more for him to warm up to me and trust that I wasn't going to hurt him. I was eventually able to pet him while he ate on the patio. This was only with the help of his neighborhood tabby friend. Then for a while he was just my outdoor cat. I'd feed him the morning and in the evening and pet on him. Then he got some injuries that needed vet care and after that I didn't let him outside again. He wasn't happy about that at first, actually, he's still grumpy about that. There's nothing sadder than an indoor cat that thinks he's an indoor cat. But has come to love my lap and sitting next to me on the sofa. Most nights I can't keep him out of my lap!