I Need a People Expert

tallyollyopia · Feb 20, 2016

To start off with our house has six cats; Rose, Princess, Ra, Slipper, Spot, and Asia; and three humans; RB, AWM, and me. Now, Slipper and Rose love to ride on shoulders; my shoulders, RB's shoulders, the shoulders of guests that come into the house that have never met the cats before--they like shoulders. Ra likes to ride on RB's shoulders because--well, Ra is attached to RB and RB could do just about anything to the cat and he'd love it. Princess will sometimes ride on shoulders, but usually not--and Spot is terrified of being on someone's shoulder. (Not sure why; might just be a quirk of the cat.)

RB has decided that Spot needs "cured" of his fear, and keeps picking the cat up and putting him on his shoulder. This terrifies Spot, but he's far too well mannered to claw RB for the indignity. AWM and I have tried, repeatedly, explaining why what he's doing is cruel, but he's convinced he's doing what's best for the cat and won't listen to us. Spot has taken to spending most of his time outside in order to avoid RB, but it's not working very well.

How do I fix this?!

Kat0121 · Feb 20, 2016

Find something that RB is afraid of (or doesn't like) and subject him to it repeatedly. When he tells you to stop, ask why. When he tells you he doesn't like it, tell him that this is exactly how Spot feels when he puts him on his shoulders. Spot is a part of the family and is entitled to the same respect that RB expects for himself. Just as people are individuals with different likes and dislikes, cats are too.

If that didn't work, I'd let Spot poop in his bed.

Mamanyt1953 · Feb 21, 2016

Kat0121 said:
Find something that RB is afraid of (or doesn't like) and subject him to it repeatedly. When he tells you to stop, ask why. When he tells you he doesn't like it, tell him that this is exactly how Spot feels when he puts him on his shoulders. Spot is a part of the family and is entitled to the same respect that RB expects for himself. Just as people are individuals with different likes and dislikes, cats are too.

If that didn't work, I'd let Spot poop in his bed.

I knew there was a good reason I like you!

tallyollyopia · Feb 21, 2016

He's afraid of heights, but there aren't a lot of mountains around here. Any suggestions?

handsome kitty · Feb 21, 2016

Fear of heights? Ladders, rides, roofs.

molly92 · Feb 21, 2016

It sounds like he's trying to perform exposure therapy for the cat? Which is full of flaws:

It's not necessary because there is no situation where the cat needs to face the fear of being on someone's shoulder in order to live a healthy and happy life. Exposure therapy is only done for people if they need to cope with their fear on a daily basis to navigate life.
Exposure therapy works (theoretically) because the person is exposed to the fear in what they know to be a safe, controlled environment. Cats have no way of knowing if an environment is safe or controlled, so it's entirely futile.
Exposure therapy when done by professionals and consenting human patients may not even work that well anyway?

If he thinks he's being logical, maybe sharing these facts can make him rethink his methods a bit? He's probably going to be defensive and stubborn about being "right," so the more you attack him the more he'll dig in his heels. So you might have to be clever and gentle about how you bring up the topic so he'll be less likely to be defensive and more open to suggestion. I'm not sure, though, you know him best. Maybe you know what will appeal to his sense of logic better.

There are ways to get cats more comfortable with certain experiences, but it involves lots and lots of positive reinforcement and at the risk of him doing it wrong I wouldn't even mention it lest it encourages him. There are so many experiences that are for the good of the cat that cats are afraid of (vets, medicine, baths, brushing, nail clipping) that take a lot of work and treats and petting to make cats feel better about, and spending the energy to get a cat used to something so useless is ridiculous.

Winchester · Feb 22, 2016

Tell the man he's an idiot and he needs to stop terrifying your cat. It's ridiculous to allow him to continue. That could fall under animal abuse. Nothing worse than some Neanderthal who thinks he "knows" what's best for a pet.

If I was poor Spot, next time that doofus stuck me up on his shoulders, I'd be drawing a serious amount of blood.

Margret · Feb 22, 2016

Tallyollyopia said:
He's afraid of heights, but there aren't a lot of mountains around here. Any suggestions?

Buy him a hot air balloon ride as a special "treat"?

Margret

Margret · Feb 22, 2016

Winchester said:
Tell the man he's an idiot and he needs to stop terrifying your cat. It's ridiculous to allow him to continue. That could fall under animal abuse. Nothing worse than some Neanderthal who thinks he "knows" what's best for a pet.

If I was poor Spot, next time that doofus stuck me up on his shoulders, I'd be drawing a serious amount of blood.

It was someone who "knew" what was best for cats that turned my elderly Floppy cat into an indoor/outdoor kitty. She'd run across a joke book that said cats need to roam, and took it totally seriously, never mind that by her own admission she'd never owned a cat.

Margret

Kat0121 · Feb 22, 2016

Tallyollyopia said:
He's afraid of heights, but there aren't a lot of mountains around here. Any suggestions?

You know how some people have a swear jar? Have a cat jar. Every time he does that or anything else that upsets Spot, make him put $1 in the jar. Then when there's enough money in the jar, use it to buy Spot a present. He'll really hate that. It's amazing how people will change their behavior when it costs them money

I agree with @Winchester too though. You need to lay down the law. Let him know that if it doesn't stop, he will no longer be RB, he will be BB for bloody brother.

artiemom · Feb 22, 2016

Tell him flat out to stop it! Tell him he is not allowed to do that again. If he even tries, I would hit him! with a pool noodle...see if he likes that...

misterwhiskers · Feb 22, 2016

Just remind him that fear makes cats vomit. Or pee. Or have diarrhea.

Kat0121 · Feb 22, 2016

misterwhiskers said:
Just remind him that fear makes cats vomit. Or pee. Or have diarrhea.

Or make their human beat the tar out of the offender with a pool noodle.

Winchester · Feb 22, 2016

You know, when the cat starts peeing or spaying, it won't be the cat's fault. But I bet the poor cat will get the blame.

Kat0121 · Feb 22, 2016

Winchester said:
You know, when the cat starts peeing or spaying, it won't be the cat's fault. But I bet the poor cat will get the blame.

I'd be telling people that RB did it because he isn't housebroken.

Mamanyt1953 · Feb 22, 2016

Kat0121 said:
Or make their human beat the tar out of the offender with a pool noodle.

Or possibly a walker...even us old women get rowdy where our cats are concerned.

tallyollyopia · Feb 23, 2016

Molly92 said:
It sounds like he's trying to perform exposure therapy for the cat? Which is full of flaws:

It's not necessary because there is no situation where the cat needs to face the fear of being on someone's shoulder in order to live a healthy and happy life. Exposure therapy is only done for people if they need to cope with their fear on a daily basis to navigate life.

Exposure therapy works (theoretically) because the person is exposed to the fear in what they know to be a safe, controlled environment. Cats have no way of knowing if an environment is safe or controlled, so it's entirely futile.

Exposure therapy when done by professionals and consenting human patients may not even work that well anyway?

If he thinks he's being logical, maybe sharing these facts can make him rethink his methods a bit? He's probably going to be defensive and stubborn about being "right," so the more you attack him the more he'll dig in his heels. So you might have to be clever and gentle about how you bring up the topic so he'll be less likely to be defensive and more open to suggestion. I'm not sure, though, you know him best. Maybe you know what will appeal to his sense of logic better.

There are ways to get cats more comfortable with certain experiences, but it involves lots and lots of positive reinforcement and at the risk of him doing it wrong I wouldn't even mention it lest it encourages him. There are so many experiences that are for the good of the cat that cats are afraid of (vets, medicine, baths, brushing, nail clipping) that take a lot of work and treats and petting to make cats feel better about, and spending the energy to get a cat used to something so useless is ridiculous.

Ha! Nailed it!

I managed to stop the behavior with logic! Now he's no longer trying to put Spot on his shoulder--but for the moment Spot's still wary. (Well, I would be too.) Only time will mend that relationship (if it ever mends; but Spots more forgiving than I am).

tallyollyopia · Feb 23, 2016

Thanks for all your help every body!

Margret · Feb 23, 2016

Tallyollyopia said:
Ha! Nailed it!

I managed to stop the behavior with logic! Now he's no longer trying to put Spot on his shoulder--but for the moment Spot's still wary. (Well, I would be too.) Only time will mend that relationship (if it ever mends; but Spots more forgiving than I am).

I'm glad that worked for you. There are way too many people who just don't respond to logic. The fact that he does speaks well for him, and for your relationship.

Yes, I've noted that, too. Cats are incredibly forgiving. Of course, considering the horrible things we do to them (vet visits, refusing to open a fresh can every 15 minutes, not following them around to scoop the litter box immediately after use...) they'd have to be or we'd all go crazy.

Margret

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