Helping once stray kitten further adjust to home life

jahzara

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Got this little guy when he was about 6 months as a foster. I've since adopted him and he is 9 months now. The people who brought him to the shelter said they'd been feeding him for about a month before bringing him in. He's pretty social with me and doesn't have much, if any, fear of me. He was def a housecat at one point - he really enjoys pets and being hugged. And he has some odd quirks, like sitting on my lap while I'm in the bathroom haha.

He's been slow to warm to my fiance and still tends to run from him. We've been having him feed him meals when he is home/awake for meal times. But my fiance has been able to pet him when he comes to him for feedings.

He's afraid of the doorbell... Runs and hides when he hears it.

He's afraid of strangers.

He's afraid of the backdoor being open.

He's afraid of just the curtains being open because of strangers walking past!

Because of this, he mostly hides during the day. He's allowed me to hold him and walk to the curtains and not struggled to be let down. He looks with a curious, fearful gaze. Today he even approached the curtains on and off on his own!

I have an idea with the doorbell to help try to desensitize him to it - play a track softly in the background and give him a treat after hearing it. Easier said than done cause he hides when hears it, but it was an idea.

We live in a small, 1-bedroom apartment and he's not allowed in the bedroom (fiance has cat allergies), so living room is the only place he has. I don't want to see him constantly afraid in his own environment. I also don't want to live in a dungeon with curtains closed all the time. Come summertime, we'll have a portable a/c in the backdoor and when it's not on, he will hear lots of sounds from outside. I don't want him to feel the need to run away every time some kid runs past the backdoor, curtain open or not. 

Also, my fiance is starting to feel defeated with his slow progress with the kitty...

He's clearly just a shy house kitty who, because of living life on the streets for a while, has learned the world is a scary place. I want him to unlearn this. I don't feel he should be turned out into a TNR community; he's too social for that. But I would like to see him more comfortable in his own environment... I mean, I would love for him to be a social bee and accept pets from friends when they come over, but I'd settle for a cat who can just deal with the curtains being open! Ideas for how to help him over this hump are appreciated...
 
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shadowsrescue

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Unfortunately some of his fears may always be there.  I too rescued a stray cat turned feral.  He had most likely once been a house cat, then was out on his own for almost 2 years before I did TNR on him.  He then lived on my property for a few months before I decided to bring him inside.  His transition took a long long time.  The first year, he lived in a spare bedroom.  He did have times when he could come out, but he was so scared of everything.  Noises such as the doorbell, loud cars, mowers, snow blowers, vacuum cleaner, disposal, coffee grinder, loud walking by my DH.  You name it he was afraid of it.  After living inside for about a year, he became braver.  He would still hide during loud noises, but would come out after they were gone.  He has now been in the house for almost 3 years.  He is still petrified of the door bell, vacuum, delivery trucks, thunder and people who come to the house.  He may hide for up to 4 hours after hearing something frightening.  If I try to bring him out from under the bed or desk where he is hiding, he just trembles and as soon as I set him down, he runs back to hide.  I have learned it is best to just allow him to be.  I have tried his favorite treats ( plain chicken, steak or salmon).  None of them will work.

I did find that a feliway diffuser helped with some sounds.  He is fine now with the disposal, coffee grinder, mower and most other outside noises.  I keep a feliway plugged in at all times.  I also used the Comfort zone spray for areas where I don't have an outlet. 

You might also look into some flower essences.  Jackson Galaxy has a line called Spirit Essences.  The drops can be placed into wet food, sprayed around the room, in drinking water and even a few drops onto your hands that you apply to his fur.  They work slowly and subtly.  Sometimes results take 4-6 weeks.  I found that they worked quite well.  There are other places too such as Green Hope Farms that has an Animal line as well. 

You have given him a wonderful home with love and care.  WHo knows what happened to him while he lived in a home and then what happened when he made his way to the streets.  I am sure the fears are deep rooted.  Give him time, love and patience.  You may find some of the fears will diminish, while others might be a life long occurrence.  Thank you for loving and caring for him.
 

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All of my cats are afraid of doorbells, vacuum cleaner noise, and cell phone ring tones. I ask people who come over my house to not ring the doorbell but knock, or I leave my door unlocked for them, so that solves most of that problem. They have to deal with the other nuisance noises--they run upstairs and hide under the bed. Even the domestic cat I raised from kittenhood is afraid of these sounds. There are just certain sounds most cats dislike.

I hope you can accept this kitty for who he is and continue to give him a good home even if he doesn't become the social, friendly cat you would like him to be. Perhaps you could adopt a second cat--one who is friendly--to meet that need? I currently have 4 cats indoors. One is a rescued feral who will play with me with a wand toy, but only tolerates a bit of petting, who is scared to death of being handled, and will only interact with me. One is a fully tamed rescued feral who is very affectionate with me, but only sometimes comes downstairs when I have a guest, and is not affectionate with anyone other than me. One is a rescued outdoor cat who is completely friendly and outgoing with every single person he encounters. My fully domestic cat is elderly and has heart disease, so he isn't very active, but he is friendly towards people he's known for a while. Then there's my outdoor feral who still won't allow me to touch him, even after 4 and a half years of caring for him--but he likes for me to sit right beside him and talk to him. They are all very different and I accept each for who they are.

I hope your fiancée will not take your cat's indifference towards him as rejection. It's really not at all. It sounds like this cat has had a hard life, known hunger and abandonment, and has difficulty bonding with people. He will likely come to accept your fiancée, but may never bond with him the way he bonds with you. Please don't take it personally. It's wonderful that you've given him a home. It takes an enormous amount of time and patience to socialize a feral or cat who's been abandoned/abused/neglected, but it's well worth the energy.  
 
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jahzara

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Thanks for the advice guys! I purchased the Feliway diffuser (Petco.com had it on sale, even!) We'll see how that works once it arrives. I'll also look into those oils.

I've been doing the "call me when you get here" deal so friends don't have to ring the door bell. He might be getting a little bit better with it... Last week, he heard a doorbell in a tv show and went to run. Then, couple times after, he heard a doorbell again and was fine.

Rigby at least somewhat faces his fear, like with his approaching the back door, even though he's clearly terrified! Haha. Today, I was coming and going out the back door quite a bit. At one point, he was in the living room and watched with wide eyes as I came in. He did end up running off, but at least he stayed for a few moments.

What I'm finding especially hard with him right now is he really wants in the bedroom! He got in there the other day and got under the bed... I decided to leave him be till he came out on his own, but he didn't come for breakfast or dinner and I wasn't hearing the bell of his collar. I got really worried and decided to move the stuff out from under the bed to make sure he was okay. I spotted him and about ten minutes later, he came out on his own. He apparently got his collar stuck on something under the bed and had to pull away; the collar was no longer on him (thank goodness for breakaways!) But this must have spooked him. Also, he'd got into the very center of the bed... He was squinting his right eye and rubbing it ferociously. He also had major eye goop. He'd gotten a dust in his eyes from having been under there for hours. >.< Poor little guy... I wiped it with a warm wash cloth and that helped a lot. But this is just yet another reason he can't be in the bedroom. :( Yet he sits outside the door all day.. Today he spent all day sitting on the bathroom counter, which is right outside the bedroom (new spot for him too.) I didn't mind it too much cause at least I could go give him a pet and love on him, unlike when he sleeps under the chair or in his hidey box in the living room. My fiance also said he didn't run from him or move from the spot while he was in there, so yay!

I feel like he's reverting a bit with his bond with me as well... Instead of his normal lovey self, he's exhibiting more panic love, if that makes sense. He's more darting around rapidly when rubbing on my legs. I feel like everything I do to help move him forward just pushes him away from me... For example, he was very much enjoying my lap for a while. Then, I cut his front paw nails, which he kind of just looked on with wide eyes, and ever since then, I can't get him to come to my lap, let alone stay in it... :( I've held him while letting my fiance pet him figuring that he would be comforted by his mommy holding him and not be so scared. He's starting to like being held less and less... He used to lay relaxed on my shoulder when I'd hug him. Now he's pushing off. Doesn't completely struggle to be let down, just puts his front paws on my shoulders and pushes. :( Also, I had to be the one to call him in the beginning to get him to come to the kitchen so my fiance could feed him; now he doesn't come to his name being called. I feel like to him, I've broken his trust and he's holding it against me.

We'll definetely keep working with him and will try out the diffuser and the oils, but I also want to do what's best for him. If things don't improve and he's still showing fear of his environment and fear of us, I might regrettably have to make the decision that this isn't the right home for him and talk with the shelter about finding him a new one.

He's a gorgeous cat though, isn't he?

 
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shadowsrescue

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I hope you are willing to work with him and be patient.  As we mentioned above some of his fears may never go away.  Why would it be best for you to return him to the shelter?  He is much better off in a home with love than in a shelter with very little hope of finding a home if he has been returned.  The Feliway will not be a magic potion, but instead a tool to help with situation. 

Does he have a safe room of his own ?  He needs a place to feel safe and place he can go to if he gets too stressed. 

How often do you work with him?  Do you sit on the floor at his level instead of looming over him?  Do you offer him special treats that entice him to socialize with you? 

I would never hold him and allow your boyfriend to pet him.  It needs to come from the cat.  He needs to sit on the floor and try to interact with the cat.  What kind of toys does he like to play with?  Does your boyfriend offer him something extra special yummy like plain cooked chicken, salmon or tuna.  Food is a great motivator. 

As far as petting him and your boyfriend petting him, have you tried a pet petter?  You can easily make one yourself.  I used the end of an old wand toy, but a dowel rod would work too.  Then cover the end with a soft sock or piece of flannel.  I just used duct tape to secure it in place.  You want the wand to be 2 feet or longer to start.  You can at first use it as a toy to get the cat interested.  Then move to touching him briefly with it.  I like to try touching when the cats back is to me as they don't see it coming.  You can gently touch the head or back.  Also you could start with the feet.  It may take awhile to get him used to it, but he may start to remember touch again.  It also might work for your boyfriend.  I will post a picture at the end.

If you are not willing to work with him daily things will change even slower.  I truly hope you will find it in your heart to not return him and allow him to adjust with your help as well as over time. 


 
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jahzara

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The pet petter is a nifty idea! Haha. I'll have to try that, thanks.

I'll try doing some more actual on the floor sessions with him. I did it with him last night and used the brush on him. He was rolling around on the floor, all happy. He seems to like the brush! And the night before I played a bit with him. I'll talk to my fiance about getting him to do it as well. He's been exhausted working both day and graveyard shifts the last month and a half, but should have more time with his graveyard shift coming to an end next week.

I def want to keep him - I adore this cat. But like I said, I want to do what is best for him and another home might be a better fit for him. Our shelter has a low kill-rate. It is one of the best in the country! I forget what the return rate was exactly, it's something like 88% for cats. Only cats who don't get adopted are those that are too sick (even then, we have hospice foster) or too aggressive to handle (and for ferals, we have a working cat program.) If I DID return him, and that's a big if, I would talk to the foster coordinator to get him back in the system, but have him remain with me in foster care (since I'm a foster mom) till we found the right home. And he would def find a home!
 
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jahzara

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Wanted to post an update because this little guy has made leaps and bounds! He has finally accepted his daddy:


To put this in perspective, he used to RUN whenever he would try to lay down on the bed. (Hard to see, but there are also bisqiuits being made with his right paw~) I've also caught him taking naps next him.

He is no longer afraid of the curtains being open! He actually enjoys looking outside. I've even had the window perch up and he's sat on it and watched people walk by! Many people! And he doesn't run away!


He still has a hard time with the actual door being open and seeing/hearing people. Although we did have a person walk past yesterday and then she walked back and stood in front of the porch talking to someone. He did start to run off, but he actually turned around and watched for a bit. That he was able to make that decision to stop running and ponder before heading off again is huge! Had the lady not stopped, or been talking, I think he might have actually not ran at all.

Doorbells aren't a huge deal to him anymore and he used to immediatly run for cover when daddy would come home from work. Now he just sits up attentive, but stays put and deals with the scary sounds of the door opening.

A huge change in him happened when my fiance and I decided to let him in the bedroom. He just refused to let it go.. So we quardened off the center of the bed where it's dustiest and the vacuum doesn't get to. He hid. A lot. But when he came out, he was like a different cat. Much more confident and lovey.

The feliway seemed to help and we did end up trying the Spirit Essences drops and I attribute a good portion of his change to that! I noticed a subtle change in his aura if you will from day one and he's been facing a lot of his fears since I think due to these drops!

A couple weeks ago, he really wasn't going under the bed at all. In fact, he was laying on top of the bed for the most part! He started up again about a week ago, so before he backtracked I decided he was fully ready to have the under the bed blocked off. He wasn't happy about it the day of (I don't blame him... I was airing out the bedroom with the window open and I was in and out of the back door doing laundry.) But he's dealing with it much better now. 

Friends being over hasn't really moved forward too much. We did have a day where friends were over and was in the living room, under a table with a table cloth on it. He made like he was going to run, I called him, he did this pathetic "I'm not nervous at all!" back stretch and looked at me, then went back under the table. Hah. Least it was something. He later went to chill in the bathroom. My friend wanted to love on him (she adores him). I know how Rigby is and if she had just gone into the bathroom, let him sniff her, he would have run off because he would have been too insecure to know how to initiate things. So I told her to just go in and go straight to petting. I went ahead and gave lots of love and praise and, though he looked really confused, he stayed put and allowed her to pet him. She also made sure not to look him in the eyes so as to not intimidate him.

Another progress he's made was by happy accident while working with my other kitten. Have been trying to help my other little boy enjoy the back porch (which is chicken wired off). I kept the screen open and was out there with him while he explored and loving on him. Rigby actually showed interest! And I was able to coax him out a bit! Over time. he actually traveled the full length of the porch. I was so shocked! We were able to take our other kitten to the park for a little outing. I don't know that Rigby will ever reach that milestone, but I have hope for him.

I'm so proud of this little guy. The strides he's made of the last several months, even before that because he's been improving since we got him in December as a foster, are just amazing!
 
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shadowsrescue

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Thanks so much for the update.  It sounds like things are going so well.  I hope progress continues!
 
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