struggling with pros/cons for my eldest/first cat & "that" decision

rampionrampage

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Tybalt is my first cat. I adopted him when I was nineteen and he was one or two. Now he is about 14-15.

Backstory is below, but if you want to get to the current issue, you'll find it under a bold heading. I talk a lot.

A little less than a year ago I noticed a lump on the side of his face - not in the gum/jaw, basically in the skin. We did the usual process of elimination with antibiotics, and a biopsy was inconclusive. He'd also developed a relatively mild heart murmur. Cardio determined nothing really exciting.

All the while, it grew at a really slow pace.

Then he actually *did* get an infection, a rapid one that blew up his face. Got that handled (I actually had them aspirate the infection to give him some relief), and scheduled him for surgery. He had the surgery, and it was a nightmare. By this point he had gone from being the model cat you'd use for training new people to that cat *no one* wants to handle.

Giving him his antibiotics, pain meds, and laxative (constipation was pretty bad for awhile) became a battle. I pride myself being good at this. The problem is that he developed a habit (skill?) of waterfall saliva production before I could get the syringe into the mouth. There was no way to avoid it, and I was terrified of choking/aspirating him. I was in tears several times a day. He got hand shy. I called the vet and they offered to teach me how to give medications.
(a few months after he was adopted.

 not a big hugger...)
 
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rampionrampage

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Of course he's going walk up to me, mumble a little something, and act like he wants food after I hit 'send'.
 

di and bob

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My heart goes out to you, I'm going through the same thing with my almost 15 year old too, pretty much stopped eating, and has a murmur too. I, too, don't want to stress him out with all those vet visits. It's so very painful to think of a life without them, but we would never want them to suffer either. I think there will come a time when you can see the defeat and hurt in his eyes, but as long as he seems to be enjoying some aspects of his life, just love him all you can right now. At least we get the chance to say goodbye, so many don't, and that is much more painful to accept. Cats have a much shorter life span then us, so it is inevitable that we will go through this, we can be there to comfort and to pave the way for a swift journey to the Rainbow Bridge, sparing the fear and pain that accompanies a passing that is prolonged. It hurts, it hurts a lot, but for now all we can do is pray for a peaceful end  at home, and in their sleep.

It pains so much to see them slow down, to become skinny and frail, but all the elderly come to this state, and we should celebrate that we shared so many years and formed such a wonderful bond with them, a bond that will never be broken because it is safely held in a loving heart. Every day you share now is to be treasured, give him the only thing he has ever wanted in his life, your love. He will let you know when he's had enough, let him live out his life basking in the love of the one he loves above all others, you. Know that he would never want you to be so sad, and full of pain, but full of happiness for knowing and having him in your life for so many years.

I wish we never had to go through all this, but the day comes for everyone, it is a part of life. I will hold you in my thoughts and prayers, you are not alone in your confusion and grief, may you be blessed for hurting so bad from loving so much. Take care........  
 
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rampionrampage

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Thank you for the kind words.
I should also add, if anything acute happened to Tyb and I were home alone, I wouldn't be able to take him to the vet (I don't drive). So he'd have to suffer until someone gets home or one of the somewhat distant in-home places can get here.
 

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Most cats are known to be pushy and eloquent. But with training you can reverse this.
 
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rampionrampage

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What?
I don't even  know what you are talking about.
I have no problem with him being pushy or eloquent.
Furthermore, I *MISS* those traits in him.

This post has nothing to do with that.
 

donutte

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My heart goes out to you. The first time is hard for so many reasons, but I wish I could say it gets easier. The reward of their love is always worth the pain that we know eventually will come. You are such a good mom for recognizing when it's time. So many folks - even "seasoned" cat owners - sometimes have trouble recognizing it.

I'll be thinking of you and your boy Tybalt today :hugs:
 

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I'm so sorry you are at the point of having to make "that" decision; My heart goes out to Tybalt and you- I can tell how much love and respect you have for him just in reading your post. It is never easy to let them go but it is the kindest most loving decision you will ever make for him when the time is right. I pray for a peaceful crossing for him and bless your heart for loving him so much and taking such good care of him. Cancer sucks!
 
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rampionrampage

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I haven't done it yet. He still really wants affection and the baby food seems to be helping (I know it's not good for him long-term, kind of moot right now). I'm sure the pain meds help, too.

I did notice his pupils don't constrict. I know that can happen just from the meds but I mean zero constriction when a flashlight is in his eyes. He can still see, I'm just unsure how well he sees. He's occasionally more startled by things, and seems a little bit more reactive to sound.

He still walks oddly in the back. He's never had diabetes or hyperthyroidism (at least, not since he was last checked last summer) so I have no idea. Has a hard time getting comfortable - often just sits for a couple hours at a time.

Sometimes I think I should try harder as some of these things can be treated, and then I remember how horribly that went last time. Plus the cancer remains untreatable and I'm still convinced that is why eating is so hard. Pain meds seem to mainly just make him super goofy and cuddly (not awful things inherently, but still not entirely my cat).

As it is, I have mental health problems that he's helped with over the years, but they take a lot of work and meds to keep in check, and even then is pretty loaded. Also autistic so I tend to obsess. I am trying to figure out where the line is for me, because at the end of the day, it makes no difference to him (I hope that doesn't sound callous in this context) if I wait a week or not; it might have a severe, lasting effect on me if I wait too long and something traumatic happens at home, or if I hit one of my mood swings where I'm in a particularly dark state. I'm not sure I can actually enjoy extra time, if I figure out how to get it.

I wasn't planning to talk too much about the mental health aspect but I'm finding that it's becoming almost as big an issue as his health.  I have reminders for reminders. If I miss a medication, an app emails my boyfriend to let him know to remind me. I struggle with basic daily skills (pet care is not one of them). Having cats around (and my boyfriend 
) has always been a center for me. Tyb and my former bottle baby are particularly special.

I can't find much online re: pet loss and pre-existing mental health issues. Seems like it should be covered as many people with those issues have pets as a soothing companion. I am, though, in contact with my therapist even by email (as long as I don't go too crazy, she lets me communicate that way between sessions) for those of you who might think that is part of what I should be doing.

I'm actually on a wait list for a service dog; it would be really handy right now if I had one.
 

2Cats4everLoved

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I'm so sorry about Tybalt, this is certainly a hard decision.  I'm going through the same thing.  My vet told me Simon would let me know when it's time, as there is no cure for his SCC.  

I don't want to sound insensitive to Tybalt, or your situation so please don't take it that way, but I think when that difficult time arrives, give yourself  time to grieve but know there are many kitties out there ready to be loved, if having a loving little fur ball makes you happy and keeps you calm, know there's one out there just waiting to love you and be loved.  

Last night one of my friends said to me, why don't you just get the jaw removed,  that pissed me off.  My boy wouldn't understand,  he takes pride in his grooming and loves to jump up and catch his toys and catches with his mouth, I know in my heart he would never be the same cat, and after thinking, it would be for me not him.  It did however get me thinking about older cats, who may be disfigured or much older and I've made up my mind, when Simon leaves this earth, we will take time to pamper his sister, travel then adopt an older cat.  I'm thinking I'd like to get into a hospice situation for older cats who may die in shelters.  I'd rather have them with me.  I don't know what will happen after this emotional roller coaster is over and it is just that... emotional, I do know I will have another cat in my life.

I don't suffer from any mental illness, but I understand how your baby gave you comfort daily.   Simon comforted me in times of  sorrow, loss, health issues, etc. but he, without a doubt calms me daily, without me even realizing it.

Check your area for mental illness & animal therapy.  Someone will be able to guide you in the proper direction and help you through this crisis.  Best to you, be well.
 
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rampionrampage

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Last night one of my friends said to me, why don't you just get the jaw removed,  that pissed me off.  My boy wouldn't understand,  he takes pride in his grooming and loves to jump up and catch his toys and catches with his mouth, I know in my heart he would never be the same cat, and after thinking, it would be for me not him.
Vet tried to convince me to do that with Katie. I was pretty pissed. I felt that was overreaching - tell me about it, fine, but to tell me that they 'usually' have a great outcome (they don't), or not consider who my cat is (shy in general, the kind that hides pain and illness, and herself). THEN he called me up, said he talked to a surgeon, and the surgeon gave him a reality check. I refuse to see that guy anymore.

Ended up doing pain meds and baby food* for a couple weeks until it was clear those were the only two things keeping her alive (I had no idea a tumor could go from pea-sized to what she had in less than a month!).

I'm pretty hands-off, and try to let the cats show me where they are at. Tyb is too old/unwell for surgery, and to treat symptoms I would have to start doing things to him that totally traumatized him ---  for what? Him to be hand-shy and agitated until he dies?

Anyway, Tyb is doing well enough today that I don't feel like I'm agonizing quite as much.

My therapist is a pet owner, and a good one at that, so she is supporting me as she can. I was just hoping to see articles and such about things that helped others.

Thank you for responding, and I won't say 'good luck' for your kitty, because it made me more sad with Katie to hear that. But, since you don't have to worry about luck, you can focus on doing the best you can with the time you have left.

* the baby food I've been using contains only chicken, water, and cornstarch. It is missing several nutrients cats need in general, but I figured this was besides the point, as it was clear she had less than a month left.
 
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