PJ/ Smokey

sparkle44

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My darling PJ (17 yrs old) passed away two months ago. I miss her terribly and I always will. Since then I have adopted a new cat, Smokey. I love him very much and he makes me very happy but I still cry for my darling girl, even while petting Smokey. After PJ died I had a conversation with her and asked her to send me a new furry friend when she thought I was ready. Logically I know she had nothing to do with me choosing Smokey but it makes me feel better to think that she did. I have No desire to return Smokey to the shelter. I guess I didn't take enough time to grieve but my brother called me twice in one day asking me to visit this cat. Are my feelings normal?

I hope I posted this in the right forum.
 

catlover73

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I am very sorry for you loss. Everyone grieves in their own way at their own pace.  PJ will always have a special place in your heart. I think adopting Smokey is an excellent way to honor PJ.  Even if you feel that you were not ready yet Smokey in his own way over time will really help fill the hole in your heart that was left by PJ's passing.  One important think to remember is that adopting Smokey is in no way trying to replace PJ but rather a way to honor her and share the love in your heart with another fur baby who needs a loving home.  None of us are ever ready to say goodbye.  Your feelings are perfectly normal PJ was a member of your family so part of you will always miss him.  Hopefully in time the pain from the loss will lessen and you will able to focus more on the happy times you shared with PJ.  By the way I too feel that our departed babies sometimes do send us another kitty that needs a home and love even if we are not ready yet sometimes.  
 

margd

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I'm so sorry about PJ.
   It's perfectly natural that you would still be grieving and even though Smokey has come into your life, you will of course miss PJ.  Smokey is not the unique being that PJ was - no one can ever replace her.  Smokey is her own sweet self and once she has lived with you longer, she will come into her own more.  It might have been too soon for you, but I'm going to page someone who has just been through a similar experience and who can reassure you that everything you are feeling is completely normal.  Please help!   @Kittens Mom

We never forget the ones who came before and they are always with us, in our hearts.  Those same hearts keep growing though, with every new cat.  I hope with time Smokey brings you comfort and happiness. 
 

jenny82

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I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree that your feelings are normal. RIP PJ.
 

zed xyzed

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I am sorry you lost your sweet PJ. I think PJ had a something to do with bringing Smokey into your life.
 
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nurseangel

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I am so sorry for your loss of PJ.  Your feelings are perfectly normal and it is wonderful that you have opened your heart to Smokey.  Bless your brother, too.  It's obvious how much he cares and wants you to be happy.  
 

di and bob

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I think PJ very much had something to do with Smokey coming into your life. Your sweet baby left you with the one thing she wanted to give you the most in her world, her legacy of love. She knew what you have to offer, that your heart is big enough to hold her and another, one held tenderly forever more and one sent to comfort you when your grief becomes overwhelming. It may take years before you can open your heart wide enough to let Smokey in, your heart will heal in time, but the scar it leaves behind reminds us of what we miss in our lives so terribly much. Smokey needs you, let him distract you from your grief, let him comfort you. He can never take the place of your little girl, but in time he will forge a new bond and gain his own place in your heart. What you are going through is perfectly normal, I even had resentment at times against innocent cats because they were here and my Chrissy was not. But then I realized she would never want me to be so sad for the rest of my life, she loved me so much she only wanted happiness and sunshine to fill my world, your PJ would want the same. You shared 17 years of love with PJ, a long lifetime for a feline but so short in a humans life. It is still better to have known PJ and her wonderful love, even though it hurts so bad now, then to have never known that precious girl at all.  Try to celebrate that love as she would want, not dwell on the sadness and tears. You can't force yourself to let Smokey in, but just take one day at a time, let time do it's magic on softening your anguish, and just let him be the sweet little boy he is, love will follow. Cats are very patient, he knows his love will eventually worm itself into your heart, all he needs to do in the meantime is love you and be there for you when you need a friend. I'll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.......RIP sweet PJ, send comfort to those you left behind in their precious memories, and fill Smokey with your legacy so that it may continue for another lifetime! 
 

jcat

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My condolences on your loss of PJ. :rbheart: Within 8 days of losing our Jamie, I brought Mogli home from the shelter and dubbed him my feline grief counselor. Was it too soon? I don't think so - neither of us has regretted adding him to the family. He didn't replace Jamie, but carved out his own niche in our hearts and home.
 
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my cat moose

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So sorry for your loss I lost my make Manx at 14yrs old I helped to deliver him he was a family pet and it took a while before I could get over the fact I couldn't cuddle with him anymore, it's normal dear don't beat yourself over this its like losing a family member you're always going to have them in your heart
 

jolie0216

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I'm sorry for your loss of PJ.  I don't believe there's a set amount of time you have to grieve  - even if you have some feelings that your adoption of  Smokey was premature, I wouldn't worry too much about it.  If anything, I'm certain that he will be a great comfort to you.   Many people here comment about how empty their house seems, and how sad it makes them to come home from work to an empty house.   I think it's great that you got a new companion and brought Smokey home from the shelter.  He won't replace PJ, but you can enjoy getting to know him and discovering all the things that you will come to love about him.   Whether you believe in God or whatever spiritual force there is in this universe - a supreme being that created all life, including your PJ whom you loved greatly - what better way to honor God or whatever you want to call it, than to care for and love another of his little creations?  
 
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sparkle44

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I wanted to thank everybody for their replies. Smokey has wormed his way into my heart. He is a cuddlebug!!! I will always miss my girl but she would want me to be happy.
 
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