Why are men such jerks?

Originally posted by Cougar
Although Im only 17(not getting married till at least 23!), its still interesting to see what girls think about it. Ive randomly lashed out at my x-GF a couple of times, and even punched a couple of holes in the walls. I always apologize after, but that doesn't seem to work too well.
Anyway, Im sure there are girls out there that do the same!

Peace,
Brandon

Click to expand...

Brandon,

I can tell you from experience, when men throw things and punch holes in walls, women HATE IT! Its violence, pure and simple. Learn to control your temper! There is absolutely no reason to punch things when you are angry.

The fear is that first you're punching walls in anger, then you're punching her in anger. I was a punching bag for 6 years from a man that swore he loved me, and he always apologized afterwards. Apologies do absolutely nothing to regain trust. He started out punching walls too.

Before you punch a wall, tell her you are too angry to talk, you need to leave, but that you will be back to talk it out. Then go walking, running, bicycling, what ever you need to cool down. And remember to talk it out when you come back!

I have never seen my SO or my father punch anything in anger. And I've been privy to some murderous arguements. They have different ways of dealing with anger. Dad sulks for a number of hours, then takes Mom for a walk so they can discuss it in private. My SO gets very quiet, goes into another room to think, then comes and apologizes for loosing his temper and we discuss the problem.

You'll eventually learn how to deal with your anger. Just remember to argue fairly and don't be goaded into arguing before you are ready.

Sandy

I am a survivor of domestic violence , I met my ex at 14 and didnt get away until I was 27 , Im 31 and been remarried for 20 months . today actually I would have been married to my ex for 14 yrs . My ex was mentally , economically , spiritually abusive. My husband is a wonderful man he has taken on the 3 older kids no questions hes just Daddy , hes great to the baby but lol when we disagree he gets all stone faced and silent , he wont ignore me or stop talking to me he just gets stone faced silent and stares at me , for me that triggers fear because of my past experience . One wonderful thing about him is he is willing to work on issues we have and willing to try. This is his forst marriage and in alot of respects I feel like its my first marriage to.

Not all men are jerks but alot of them are mis-guided

Brenda Sorry to hear you're having troubles at home. I know what its like. hugs and good luck.

Originally posted by Sweets
Brandon,

I can tell you from experience, when men throw things and punch holes in walls, women HATE IT! Its violence, pure and simple. Learn to control your temper! There is absolutely no reason to punch things when you are angry.

The fear is that first you're punching walls in anger, then you're punching her in anger. I was a punching bag for 6 years from a man that swore he loved me, and he always apologized afterwards. Apologies do absolutely nothing to regain trust. He started out punching walls too.

Before you punch a wall, tell her you are too angry to talk, you need to leave, but that you will be back to talk it out. Then go walking, running, bicycling, what ever you need to cool down. And remember to talk it out when you come back!

I have never seen my SO or my father punch anything in anger. And I've been privy to some murderous arguements. They have different ways of dealing with anger. Dad sulks for a number of hours, then takes Mom for a walk so they can discuss it in private. My SO gets very quiet, goes into another room to think, then comes and apologizes for loosing his temper and we discuss the problem.

You'll eventually learn how to deal with your anger. Just remember to argue fairly and don't be goaded into arguing before you are ready.

Sandy

Click to expand...

Thanks for letting me know.
I think Im actually pretty good at controlling my temper. Just some situations when they won't stop arguing or pointing out every little thing they see wrong with you, it gets a little more challenging then.
Anyway the last thing I want to turn out as is abusive, and I still have a ways to go before Id even think of getting married.

Peace,
Brandon

Brandon, I want to jump in here. My ex (the one who tried to kill me) used to just punch the walls when he got mad. It quickly escalated. I know you probably don't do that, but I would like to suggest that you take an anger management course. The least it would do is make you more aware and the most it could do is change your entire life for the better.

MEN can't live with them....Can't kill them OH well in a way I think most(not all)men are born with the @**hole gene. Ken is in the top five on the list tonight anyway.

Originally posted by blondiecat
I think most(not all) men are born with the @**hole gene.

Click to expand...

Yup, and all women are born with the b!tch gene.

Originally posted by valanhb
Yup, and all women are born with the b!tch gene.

Click to expand...

Got that right

Originally posted by bren.1
GA, I know my tone changed, but I would have said the same thing to any one of my friends, who probably wouldn't have been so offended. If Dan had said it to me, I would have spoken up right away, end of situation. We've been together for a long time, and this has already blown over. He didn't exactly say sorry, but did apologize in his own way.

My guess is he gets upset because his mom (hate to blame her!) wasn't always kind and loving to him, so I have to compensate for that. The good side is that he is unusually affectionate for a guy.....

I am very lucky, so the bad moments really stand out because they are unusual.

Click to expand...

Ahhh....the mother thing. Lyle's mother is constantly on his case. Anytime I say something that's just too close to her he takes it the wrong way and either gets mad and clams up or walks away. I'm not sure if your husband does it for the same reason, but if that is the reason and it wasnt you technically, then that's great. It only means he needs to understand you're not his mother. I'm glad this has blown over I can tell by your wording that things are better now. I know how the bad moments can stand out. Especially when someone you love and you are in an argument or a fight. Hopefully eventually you'll be able to get him to understand that it's more productive to talk about the issue rather than leave. I heard a rule once: Never go to bed mad. Once I'm married I'm gonna be using that. We've both agreed that we aren't getting into bed until the problem from that day is resolved. That way they dont add up and the resentment wont cause a big blow-up down the road.

I hope no one shouts and screams in front of their fur babies?!.

If theres one thing i told my ex boyfriend, it was never to raise his voice in front of Rosie!, and he could if we were having words, because he was a former Lance Corporal in the army!.

I said this because he did it "ONCE", and she looked terrified!!.

At the end of the day, cats to me are like having children, and arguing in front of them can strike fear!!!

Susan.

Originally posted by TTMom
Brandon, I want to jump in here. My ex (the one who tried to kill me) used to just punch the walls when he got mad. It quickly escalated. I know you probably don't do that, but I would like to suggest that you take an anger management course. The least it would do is make you more aware and the most it could do is change your entire life for the better.

Click to expand...

Just wouldn't work out right now. Ill keep it in mind, but I think Ive got it pretty much under control.
He tried to kill you?!? Thats pretty sick.

Thanks,

Peace,
Brandon

Well my husband is one of those who is not a jerk .
But I have to say that he has grumpy days just like I have them , so I guess we kind of even it out .
I personal think that there are some good and bad guys out there , just like woman .
Sometimes I think if a person live in a bad situation where the other partner is in any way abusing mentaly or physicaly (sp) , or is abusing the goodness of the other person heart over and over again (using) then I think (me , IMO)something has to be done about it . How can you love if you don't respect the ohter person in those area I mention . Maybe counseling or even seperation in threatening situation is needet . Yes I also was in a abusive relationship befor and know what I talk about .
I am sorry if I got off track here , but I really had to say that and hope nobody is mad with me .

Brandon, yes, he was sick. I don't think you're that way, but I used to throw stuff and hit things when I got mad too. Watching him taught me I needed therapy for that and I can usually take a deep breath and remind myself it isn't that bad and calm down. Took me 3 years though.

Most men are babies and expect us women to be mind readers. They throw worse hissy fits over things than women do!!

I am very lucky though. My s/o is very patient and is not prone to tantrums or pouting. The worst behavior he exhibits is withdrawal and/or depression. I am the one who gets pissy about stuff and storm around

I'm not sure whether all men are jerks.. men and women being equal.. we all have our tantrums and we all have ways to express anger... my ex laid his hands on me once and it terrified me so much I cowered in a corner. I'm still afraid when hands get too near to me. There are women like me who will fight back when beaten or rain slaps on him when I get mad. It all boils down to oneself I guess.

Maintaining a relationship is tough... i guess lots of us can agree to that. It takes two hands to clap and no one relationship is the same.. I guess only the person involved can decide for herself or himself if the other person is doing the right thing or not. My ex used to tell me, the day he laid his hands on me, it was to wake me up from suicidal thoughts but I firmly believe that no guy under any circumstances should lay his hands on you.

Just my two cents worth..

I can totally comprehend! Men suck sometimes don't they!!! Last nite my boyfriend & I got in a fite too. He wants me to help him eat healthier.. so last nite I went grocery shopping Spent $50 or so just on veggies & fruit & stuff for his lunch.. got home and decided to make him a big stir fry.. was goin to mix the rice with the veggies.. so he wouldn't feel obliged to put a PILE of ketchup on it. (Like isn't that gross enuf?? Ketchup on RICE???) When I try to explain nicely how ketchup is full of salt & crap.. he Gets pissed, storms off and doesn't talk to me for the rest of the evening.

Why do we bother trying sometimes??? i wonder...

My s/o isn't a jerk, usually, but on the rare occasions when we fight, he always manages to make it all my fault. I would just get mad, and things would really blow up. One of the things I am learning in school, mostly pertaining to clients, is learning to be assertive without being aggressive, and I think it is confusing him.
I just wish he would occasionally get up from the computer and DO something. He always tells me to let him know if anything needs to be done, but I am neither his mommy or a nagging bitch, and usually find it easier just to do things myself, which really irritates me. Then he acts all insulted and says "why didn't you say something?" If I do ask him to something, he acts like I am bothering him. I am about ready for target practice on the computer. We are supposed to be selling the old motorcycle, but it has been sitting without wiring for a year and a half. Every time I mention it, he gets mad, goes to the garage and does just enough to shut me up. I am going to pay someone to fix it this Spring when we have the money, I guess. He says it is not the time of year to sell it, but if it does not get fixed, that time of year will come and go AGAIN.

I'm not a jerk hehehe...

Whether not a man hits a women is entirely based on his up bringing

Originally posted by Hwangster
Whether not a man hits a women is entirely based on his up bringing

Click to expand...

Regardless of the upbringing it is still very wrong!

I am not justifying the action. I am just saying the parents are just as much to blame.

I'm sorry for the unfortunate situation.