Why are men such jerks?

My s/o is mad at me for something I said this morning. He was going to his mom's house to shovel snow, she lives a few blocks away. I told him she left a message that she isn't using her front door, only her back door. He said, What do you mean? so I explained again, 2 or 3 times. Finally I said, She has the front door blocked, you have to use the back door. How much clearer can I make it?

Next thing I know, he's storming around the house. He had a plate in his hand that he must have just thrown at the sink, because it knocked a water glass off the counter and broke it. After a shower, he still refused to really talk to me, he looked at me with such cold eyes. All because I implied that he wasn't following what I was saying.

I would have made the same comment to any of my friends, and they would have laughed it off, but not Dan, oh no. Needless to say, he says rude things to me, and I deal with it then and there. I tell him it is unnecessary and be nicer, and it's over. Why are men such babies sometimes?

Now he's hanging out with some friends, he called me only to tell I should probably clear off a parking spot for my car which he is driving. He was nice to me then, but cold when I just called him.

I know this will blow over, we've survived worse fights. It's just such a stupid thing to get annoyed with. And I really hate that he just leaves and refuses to deal with it. He'll come home, and act like everything is ok, and I'm still pissed because I haven't had a chance to air my feelings. Men!

I completely understand Brenda! Earl can be the exact same way much of the time. And somehow it always turns into ME being a witch.

ARGH - MEN! Yesterday DH and i went grocery shopping, and usually whenever we go together, he loads the car while I start the engine. Well, yesterday, I unlocked the trunk, and then went to go into the car, and he got all mad at me!

I don't mind helping, but don't tell me to sit in the cat 95% and expect me to know you want help the other 5%!

You know, that sounds very familiar!

My husband goes for a week or more sometimes without talking to me when he is mad. Me, I like to get it all out and done with and move on, not hold a grudge for days and days. It irritates me so much!

Mine will get pissy over the stupidest things also. Men are men. you can't change them, you can only deal with them. LOL!
If he gets mad, he will throw things, or will punch things. Not very smart in his own house now is it? I can remember a time that he was mad over something stupid, threw a box of books at the wall and pouted for the rest of the day. then the next day(he was VERY hungover!) I told him he needed to grow up and pick his s**t up and fix the light switch he broke. He hasn't done it for awhile now.
I won't put up with that and he knows it! Why can't they grow up???

I guess my boyfriend and I are the exception. He's really easy going, if anyone gets moody it's me 99% of the time, usually over something completely stupid.

Originally posted by jeeperscat
I guess my boyfriend and I are the exception. He's really easy going, if anyone gets moody it's me 99% of the time, usually over something completely stupid.

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LOL same here

Maybe I should be thankful for being single?

Yep Brenda.... been there too.

Not quite sure what makes the male mind tick and I doubt there will ever be a scientific finding/solution. (although I'm sure they think the same of us )

Thankfully my hubby is not into throwing things cause I'd freak out on him and throw something back.

However, when he is in one of his 'moods', everyone here suffers cause he tends to shut down and more or less ignores everyone or snaps at us. I've learned to leave him be and let him stew over his mood all alone. He normally comes around after a bit. And by then....his mood has rubbed off on me. It normally takes us a few days to get back into a good mood. It's like a never-ending roller-coaster ride.

Men.... one of life's unsolved mysteries.

The throwing things stopped real quick around here. Not because of me, though. He was mad at me for *something* and threw one of those plastic ketchup bottles like in diners (nothing in it, thank goodness) at the door. Well, the top popped off and it flew back and hit Trent (who was maybe 4 months old) in the head. Trent was fine, just scared and after I calmed him down, Earl came over and made up with him and promised Trent that he wouldn't throw things any more. And he hasn't (for the most part).

aahhhhh...the runing tables on you trick...making you feel like its all your fault and not letting you air your feelings
sounds so familiar
Mine does this all the time...and the pouting...snapping at ya thing
Lorien

Although Im only 17(not getting married till at least 23!), its still interesting to see what girls think about it. Ive randomly lashed out at my x-GF a couple of times, and even punched a couple of holes in the walls. I always apologize after, but that doesn't seem to work too well.
Anyway, Im sure there are girls out there that do the same!

Peace,
Brandon

*sigh* It amazes me how often this issue arises in relationships. Even mine. Lyle and I arent even married yet, but we've atleast managed to keep our relationship strong after 3 years. He has his temper problems too. Yes there has even been a few instances of things being thrown...3 to be exact (remote, magazine, and forgot the last.) One think I always thought of was atleast he wasnt throwing the stuff at me. I know it is annoying and yes kinda rude when a man does that...but if your husband is anything like Lyle it's because he's frustrated, not a jerk. I do think it was rude of him to get all mad over the whole door deal, but there was most likely a reason. One thing I learnt the hard way with Lyle and I is that if something like that happens to NEVER just go on without talking about it. If he's mad or annoyed and cares about you and the relationship then he should be willing to talk with you about what happened. Untill you know what it was that got him angered about the situation then you will both be miserable. There's no telling how long this could go on unless you both realize that you have to talk about it. If you do talk about it, dont accuse him of being a jerk. Just tell him that you dont like having problems in the relationship and want everything to be ok between you. Tell him you want to know why he's mad and what you said or did to cause him to want to throw something. Aslong as he understands you're wanting to talk about it not because you are mad or think he's a jerk (but because you dont like problems between you) he should be responsive and you should both be able to talk about it, find out why it happened and let it go. You both know that the whole door thing isnt worth fighting over, but untill this whole issue is discussed it will still be fought over because there is hurt involved.

All because I implied that he wasn't following what I was saying

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I know it was frustrating him not understanding what you were saying, but do try to think from his side. Is it at all possible that your tone started to change the more you had to repeat the whole door thing to him. It's possible he was feeling stupid or hurt and it made him mad and bruised his ego. We all know about their egos!

And I really hate that he just leaves and refuses to deal with it. He'll come home, and act like everything is ok, and I'm still pissed because I haven't had a chance to air my feelings.

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This is what I was saying about why you too need to talk about this. It's very important that you do. You sound angry about the whole situation...but not only anger...I sense hurt.

You say you two have fights occasionaly. That is normal in a relationship. It's how you handle them that matter. You both have to learn to talk about things that bother you. He shouldnt leave and ignore the situation. I know it was rude and hurt you and angered you, but he had to have a reason for his behavior. Once you two talk about it and find out why then you will not only be back to normal (and able to let this go)you will have learnt a way to handle fights better and be able to grow stronger.

*sorry if all that sounded like a shrink! I just know what has kept us together and what I've learnt from older marriages.*

My ex boyfriend was so laid back that he'd fall over!!.

And huffy?, god could he go in one!!, i think a lot of men are like that though. Instead of talking out any problems, they would sooner sit and bury their heads in the sand in the hope that it would go away!.

My appologies though to the genuine ones, because i know there are some!


Susan

I am just speaking out for the good guys. They are not all jerks, most of them are just a product of how they were brought up and what they were a witness to as far as relationships. They are told all their lives to be strong, don't cry, don't show emotion, and then they get into serious relationships and get into serious problems because they don't have the coping skills we learned as we were growing up. It backfires on them usually. So I just wanted to say that not all men are jerks.

You know, sometimes we say little things that wouldn't hurt our feelings in the least, but they do hurt a man's feelings. Why don't you ask what it was that you said or did that ticked him off? If he can't answer then you've done your best. If he does then you'll know what to avoid in the future. And sometimes it's not what you say, but how you say it (and it doesn't mean that you intended whatever it was, I know I get caught in that all the time because DH reads things into how I say things and there was never any intent in any of it).

Oh, and Hissy is right. Usually when DH gets wound up it's because he's actually reacting to the way his ex was and not me. It's hard to get rid of learned behaviour.

Jake is not a jerk per se, but he has his moments when we have a breakdown in communciation - we are from different cultures and difference in sign language can often cause mistakes in communicating so that is the main problem for our communicaton breakdowns.

MA, I know most men aren't jerks. And Dan is usually very sweet and considerate. He just has his jerk moments, and so do I.

GA, I know my tone changed, but I would have said the same thing to any one of my friends, who probably wouldn't have been so offended. If Dan had said it to me, I would have spoken up right away, end of situation. We've been together for a long time, and this has already blown over. He didn't exactly say sorry, but did apologize in his own way.

My guess is he gets upset because his mom (hate to blame her!) wasn't always kind and loving to him, so I have to compensate for that. The good side is that he is unusually affectionate for a guy, and I am often the one who says enough cuddling, I have to get some work done. He also shares his feelings and thoughts without me having to keep after him.

I am very lucky, so the bad moments really stand out because they are unusual.

You lot of women need to realise a four very important things about us men and that life deals us a strange hand. There are four stages in a mans life (you know you are gonna regret reading this aren't you as I attempt to add a little humor in here).. these cause us men concern.

1 - All men believe in Santa Claus

2 - All men stop believing in Santa Claus

3 - Most men then become Santa Claus

4 - All men start looking like Santa Claus...

Aint that enough for us men to worry about in life ...

All men aint that bad - trust me.

Kev