Breeder deemed me "unfit" for a kitten :(

Hi everybody! I need the perspective of some cat lovers.

Me and my husband decided to buy a Siamese kitten from  a registered breeder with good reviews. We chose this breed because because they seem so affectionate and intelligent. We spend a lot of time at home, I even work at home most of the time, so we would keep each other company.

We put down a deposit on the kitty and while we were waiting for it to be old enough, we spent our time preparing. We bought the same brand of cat food as the breeder recommended, tons of toys, put carpeted shelves on the wall, a bird feeder outside of the window, planted grass in pots, ... Every day we looked at pictures of the kitten, counting the days before we were allowed to take her home with us.

We were supposed to pick her up today. But two days ago I had a phone call with the breeder.  I honestly told her that when the cat grows up and gets used to the new surroundings, I'd like to keep her out of our bedroom. But the breeder broke down, telling me it's cruel, making me sound like a monster. Then she sent me an email telling me that in my emails and phone calls I seem "cold" and "reserved", that she has a bad feeling about me, that she does not believe we'd give the kitten a loving home and that she'll send the deposit back.

Now I feel like crying. I keep re-reading my emails trying to figure out what I did wrong... Is it really cruel to keep an adult cat out of the bedroom? And why do I seem cold?

I keep telling myself that the breeder was way off. But I'm not sure anymore...

There is nothing wrong with keeping a cat out of a certain room or area of a house. I'm not sure why the breeder considers that "cruel" The breeder has no control over how you care for the cat in your home or what you allow and don't allow the cat to do. If you want to keep the cat out of the bedroom, that's your business. The cat might not like being kept away from you at night but will soon get used to it.

I hope you will still get a Siamese cat one way or another Have you looked at Siamese rescues? Rescues mostly have older cats and retired breeders but they still need a good loving home, too. Kittens are a lot of work with their mischief making and endless energy. Even if you are home all day, giving your kitten constant attention can be a bit much.

LTS3 said:

 
There is nothing wrong with keeping a cat out of a certain room or area of a house. I'm not sure why the breeder considers that "cruel"

The breeder has no control over how you care for the cat in your home or what you allow and don't allow the cat to do. If you want to keep the cat out of the bedroom, that's your business. The cat might not like being kept away from you at night but will soon get used to it.

I hope you will still get a Siamese cat one way or another

Have you looked at Siamese rescues? Rescues mostly have older cats and retired breeders but they still need a good loving home, too. Kittens are a lot of work with their mischief making and endless energy. Even if you are home all day, giving your kitten constant attention can be a bit much.

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I agree with this post 100%. I have 3 cats and they are not allowed in my DD's room. It's her room and I respect her wishes. They have free run of the entire rest of the house. This is not bad cat parenting. Don't we set boundaries for our human children? When I was a kid, there were things that belonged to my parents that we were not allowed to touch. It's really not much different. 

What I don't get is why this became an issue all of a sudden. Why wasn't it a big deal when you put the deposit down? I suspect that there's more to it than she's letting on and that this an excuse. I suspect that she sold the cat to someone else- maybe a friend or family member and had to come up with an excuse to back out on you without making it look like she was just backing out on you. I'm sorry that she put you through this. I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Your cat is still out there but this wasn't "the one". 

If you are set on a Siamese (they are gorgeous!!), I'd also recommend a breed specific rescue. I'd also go to local shelters and rescues to see what they have. They very well might have a Siamese or Siamese mix there waiting to be adopted. You never know if you don't look. I also agree about going with an adult versus a kitten. They have already calmed down a bit and more than likely are already spayed or neutered. 

Please avoid Craigslist like the plague. Most cats found there are from backyard breeders- the cat version of a puppy mill. These people breed cats for one reason only- money. It's very common to get sick or inbred cats from them. 

If you are set on a purebred kitten, I'd do a search with the Cat Fanciers Association (CFA) to find a breeder. http://secure.cfa.org/Search.aspx  

No matter which route you go, I hope you find what you are looking for. All cats deserve good, loving homes 

Thank you both for the kind words! I feel better already.

We were actually considering getting a rescue/shelter cat. So maybe this is a sign to do that instead.

I'm sure our Siamese kitty will soon find a different home. But somewhere there's a lonely cat in a shelter waiting for us.

I'm so sorry that happened to you! I don't think that makes you a bad owner in the slightest. We don't allow Tiberius in our bedroom either and he does just fine with it. I do second looking into shelters and rescues. I too have a predilection for Siamese-esque cats as well and I found an abundance in my area in need of homes, kittens too if you look for them. Here's a picture of my guy napping, he's more Ragdoll than Siamese but nonetheless.


Good luck finding a new kitty! I'm sure you'll provide a fantastic home

Quizzie said:

 
Thank you both for the kind words! I feel better already.

We were actually considering getting a rescue/shelter cat. So maybe this is a sign to do that instead.

I'm sure our Siamese kitty will soon find a different home. But somewhere there's a lonely cat in a shelter waiting for us.

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That's great news!!  

All 3 of my cats are from shelters and thy are wonderful, loving companions.I couldn't love them more if I had given birth to them myself.

When you get a cat from a shelter or a rescue, you're actually saving 2 lives. The cat you bring home and the cat that takes his/her place at the shelter. 

kristenann said:

I'm so sorry that happened to you! I don't think that makes you a bad owner in the slightest. We don't allow Tiberius in our bedroom either and he does just fine with it. I do second looking into shelters and rescues. I too have a predilection for Siamese-esque cats as well and I found an abundance in my area in need of homes, kittens too if you look for them. Here's a picture of my guy napping, he's more Ragdoll than Siamese but nonetheless.

Good luck finding a new kitty! I'm sure you'll provide a fantastic home

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Thank you! And Tiberius is gorgeous!

What a disappointment. You were so looking to that kitty. But im glad youre seeing this positively and as an opportunity to rescue. My kitties are not allowed to sleep with me at night. Once its bedtime i pick them up and put them in the living room! Its not cruel, i need my sleep. .

That angers me that someone judged you just based on your wanting to keep the cat out of your bedroom! Lots of folks here even don't want cats in their bedrooms, sometimes because of allergies, sometimes just for other reasons. Doesn't matter why, there is no rule out there saying cats have to be allowed in every area of the house. Ours pretty much have the run of the house, but I would never expect that to be the case with everyone.

I am happy to hear you are considering a shelter kitty though! You will make a kitty out there SO happy with everything you've done in the house

I'm so sorry that happened to you!  You must be so disappointed.

Our five-month-old kitten isn't allowed in our bedroom, either.  He has the run of the rest of the house, but my husband is a very light sleeper and just can't have him in there.  It doesn't help that the first night we tried he pounced on his toes the whole night, lol.   I can tell you that the little guy is certainly happy, healthy, and very spoiled.  The rescue asked us about keeping him indoors, not declawing him, providing vet care...etc....but not sleeping with him

I'm sure you'll find another lovely cat/kitten elsewhere.

Donutte said:

That angers me that someone judged you just based on your wanting to keep the cat out of your bedroom! Lots of folks here even don't want cats in their bedrooms, sometimes because of allergies, sometimes just for other reasons. Doesn't matter why, there is no rule out there saying cats have to be allowed in every area of the house. Ours pretty much have the run of the house, but I would never expect that to be the case with everyone.

I am happy to hear you are considering a shelter kitty though! You will make a kitty out there SO happy with everything you've done in the house

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Exactly - how can she judge me when we've never even met?

Thank you all for the support. We're already planning a trip to local shelters.

I think Kat0121 has the solution to the mystery. The breeder is making up excuses because she probably sold the kitten to someone else. Just look at all your preparations! They show what a wonderful home you would have given this kitty. I'm angry on your behalf that you were treated with such thoughtlessness. It is cruel to disappoint someone so bitterly.

I want to second what everyone is saying about shelter and rescue cats. That's how I've gotten most of mine over the years and every one was a complete joy. The cat you adopt will be a very lucky kitty and find a perfect home. [emoji]128062[/emoji][emoji]128062[/emoji]

Oh, that's so "iffy". Let us know when you get your deposit back.

I let my cat sleep with me, but I've had plenty of other cats who didn't (their choice, though perhaps I discouraged it and just don't remember). Do you have other cats that would keep the kitten company at night?

I'm so sorry that happened to you - you did nothing wrong.

I was turned down for a purebred Ragdoll more than a decade ago. Similar situation, she had my deposit, I had pictures, I was attached. At the 10th week (pick up the 12th) the breeder said she wanted the kitten to go to a family with a house instead of me (single) in a condo. Her litter had only one male, so I've always thought she had someone willing to pay her more but I was in line first. I was heartbroken. I ended up adopting two shelter kittens the next week. That breeder returning my deposit was the best thing that could have happened. My sweet boys both passed last year (one from cancer the other from a broken heart) but I cannot imagine my life without them.

Pet Smart told a friend of mine about 12 years ago he did not qualify for a puppy because his yard was not right. The man owns a house worth a million dollars back then. He wanted a small house dog.

He went to the pound and got a small puppy and a small kitten. They were spoiled rotten. The dog has passed but the cat is even more spoiled now.

I get my animals from the street. Strays and ferals. I did in the past get 2 dogs from the old kill pound in New Orleans. That pound does not exist anymore.

Quizzie said:

 
Exactly - how can she judge me when we've never even met?

Thank you all for the support. We're already planning a trip to local shelters.

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YAY!!  I love going to my local shelter. I print a lot of coupons and shop sales so if I find a good deal on canned cat food that mine won't eat, I buy it and put it aside for the shelter cats. It's good for them because the shelter runs on donations and it's good for all of us because I get to visit with the kitties while I am there. I like to bring a big bag of good quality treats and go from room to room giving them pets, treats and cuddles. They need all the love they can get. 

That's a weird one. Obviously breeders and shelters need to have some standards, so for them to turn someone down because they have small children who are too rough, or because they plan to de-claw, or because they don't understand the importance of spay/neuter, or they have a history of getting pets and then dumping them are not uncommon, and all of those can be good reasons to decline to release a pet to that home.

Although it's always a good idea to talk with the buyer/adopter about the issue to see if they aren't really decided on it (like if someone says they'll de-claw the cat but they're only saying that because they think that's what most cat owners do, not because they really want the cat to be de-clawed, etc.). So it's weird she didn't try to talk to you about the issue if she feels so strongly about it. Although I don't know why any breeder would care if you keep the cat out of one room in the house, if they're free to roam the rest of the house. I agree that seems fishy so she probably did sell the kitten to someone else and just needed an excuse.

About going to a shelter---it's not quite kitten season. If you really want a kitten, but can't find the one you want right now, just wait a few weeks. There should be plenty to choose from then.

Margd said:

I think @Kat0121 has the solution to the mystery. The breeder is making up excuses because she probably sold the kitten to someone else. Just look at all your preparations! They show what a wonderful home you would have given this kitty. I'm angry on your behalf that you were treated with such thoughtlessness. It is cruel to disappoint someone so bitterly.

I want to second what everyone is saying about shelter and rescue cats. That's how I've gotten most of mine over the years and every one was a complete joy. The cat you adopt will be a very lucky kitty and find a perfect home. [emoji]128062[/emoji][emoji]128062[/emoji]

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That was my thought. She got more from someone else or wanted to keep the cat herself.  One of the reasons people buy from breeders is they know what they're getting . The other should be a support system. To say keeping the cat out of the bedroom is cruel is like picking a needle out of a haystack.

All I can figure is that her kittens may be accustom to sleeping in the bed (may be the case if they are raised under foot). If that is the case and the kitten is allowed to do so initially and then, as an adult or older kitten, is suddenly locked out of the bedroom this may be a problem. Especially if this kitty is to be an only. Just trying to see this from the breeder's point of view.

Siamese are very social (and vocal!) by nature, so just wondering if this is the case? I wonder if she would have felt the same way if you had been getting 2 kittens or if there was another cat in the house, that way the kitten isn't left alone overnight?

I wouldn't say this makes you a terrible owner by any means. I think the setup you have for a new cat is wonderful!!

CatPack said:

All I can figure is that her kittens may be accustom to sleeping in the bed (may be the case if they are raised under foot). If that is the case and the kitten is allowed to do so initially and then, as an adult or older kitten, is suddenly locked out of the bedroom this may be a problem. Especially if this kitty is to be an only. Just trying to see this from the breeder's point of view.

Siamese are very social (and vocal!) by nature, so just wondering if this is the case? I wonder if she would have felt the same way if you had been getting 2 kittens or if there was another cat in the house, that way the kitten isn't left alone overnight?

I wouldn't say this makes you a terrible owner by any means. I think the setup you have for a new cat is wonderful!!

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Good point but for the breeder who had a kitten sold to not try and understand or explain their view or find a solution that both parties feel comfortable with is just bad business.