Would You Adopt Again?

ginny · Jan 25, 2016

This is a sensitive subject and a highly personal one. There isn't any right or wrong answer here. The reasons I am asking is because there was a man on one of the grief groups who lost his pets within a period of several years. The last pet passed about a year ago. He is still not coping well and there are a number of reasons for this. He readily admits he is a loner and doesn't have any friends because he's always had trouble making friends. He's only ever had pets and has said emphatically that animal were his life and the only source of companionship that he has ever had. I can relate sort of, only I'm not a loner and I don't have trouble meeting new people. I love animals but I like people too.

Now he has been saying he will never get another pet again, ever. That's understandable. Especially in the early days of grief. I said that too right after Garfy died. Then not three days after he died, I saw Gracie running loose in the neighborhood. It was 7 months later that I trapped her and brought her inside to stay with me. Never say never! But this man lost his last pet over or close to a year ago. He still maintains that he NEVER expected his pets to die, ever. That statement is concerning. Don't we all know, in the back of our minds, that our pets will die before us? Or we worry what if we go before them?

Here is his quote: "I never, not even for a second thought my pets were going to die. It was a non issue with me. The fact they have died is a shock."

Is that thought concerning to you? That's something a person says when grief is new, but it's not new for him. He is not coping well. I feel bad for him but how much can anyone do for him if he refuses to talk about it?

What I don't understand is why a person would cut off the only source of companionship he has ever had? He says this is a non-issue with him, except for the fact that he keeps bringing it up over and over and over again that he will NEVER EVER EVER get another pet. It almost seems like he wants someone to challenge him so he can change his mind? I'm really not sure. The one time I reached out to him he flatly rejected any help, and has done this time and time again (with others).

I'm not sure why he keeps reinitiating the conversation. Humans beings are very complex, right?

So what are your thoughts here? If you were in the same situation as this man, god forbid!, would you ever adopt again after losing your pets? Even if you aren't in the same exact situation, would you adopt again?

mollyblue · Jan 25, 2016

Well, my thoughts here are that this man suffered a lot of pain when his pets died. If he lost multiple pets before he had dealt with the passing of one, it compounds the grief. Is his grief normal? Is his adamance about not ever loving another animal or wanting another companion normal? Probably not, but we all trust differently, we all love differently, we all grieve differently, and we all move forward, or fail to move forward, at our own pace. How you deal with this person is up to you. I am not sure how invested you are in the relationship, or if there is one or if this is just some guy you know. My thoughts are that he bonded with animals thinking they would never ever hurt him in any way and thinking he could completely trust them - and yet, even without meaning to, they caused him pain. He has never learned how to "let go" and love again.

As for me, I will always have a furbaby. I like the companionship. However, I don't know that I will ever adopt from a shelter again. There are too many animals out there on the streets that never make it to a shelter, and I think that's where (if anything happens to my current fur babies, which it will not because I refuse to allow any more of my pets to die) my next will come from the streets.

Kat0121 · Jan 25, 2016

Ginny said:
This is a sensitive subject and a highly personal one. There isn't any right or wrong answer here. The reasons I am asking is because there was a man on one of the grief groups who lost his pets within a period of several years. The last pet passed about a year ago. He is still not coping well and there are a number of reasons for this. He readily admits he is a loner and doesn't have any friends because he's always had trouble making friends. He's only ever had pets and has said emphatically that animal were his life and the only source of companionship that he has ever had. I can relate sort of, only I'm not a loner and I don't have trouble meeting new people. I love animals but I like people too.

Now he has been saying he will never get another pet again, ever. That's understandable. Especially in the early days of grief. I said that too right after Garfy died. Then not three days after he died, I saw Gracie running loose in the neighborhood. It was 7 months later that I trapped her and brought her inside to stay with me. Never say never! But this man lost his last pet over or close to a year ago. He still maintains that he NEVER expected his pets to die, ever. That statement is concerning. Don't we all know, in the back of our minds, that our pets will die before us? Or we worry what if we go before them?

Here is his quote: "I never, not even for a second thought my pets were going to die. It was a non issue with me. The fact they have died is a shock."

Is that thought concerning to you? That's something a person says when grief is new, but it's not new for him. He is not coping well. I feel bad for him but how much can anyone do for him if he refuses to talk about it?

What I don't understand is why a person would cut off the only source of companionship he has ever had? He says this is a non-issue with him, except for the fact that he keeps bringing it up over and over and over again that he will NEVER EVER EVER get another pet. It almost seems like he wants someone to challenge him so he can change his mind? I'm really not sure. The one time I reached out to him he flatly rejected any help, and has done this time and time again (with others).

I'm not sure why he keeps reinitiating the conversation. Humans beings are very complex, right?

So what are your thoughts here? If you were in the same situation as this man, god forbid!, would you ever adopt again after losing your pets? Even if you aren't in the same exact situation, would you adopt again?

I personally think that this man could benefit greatly from one on one psychological counseling. Groups are great but he sounds like he might need a little more than a group setting can provide.

Everyone handles things differently and I can kind of understand what he's saying when he says that he never thought his pets would die. I don't know how old he is but I suspect that he meant that he didn't think that they would go before him.

He's still grieving for his pets. There's no timetable for grief and there's no "right" way to handle it. I wonder what he would do if an animal in need were to cross his path. Would he be able to resist helping it?

I think that the reason he's cutting off the only source of companionship he's ever had right now is because he's afraid to get hurt again if he let another into his heart and it passed away. He has a lot of healing to do. I understand that. I never in a million years thought that my DH would pass away in his sleep at age 45 but he did. I know we're all mortal and that one day we'll all die but no one ever figures it will happen YET. no parent ever expects to outlive their child. Obviously pets are not really children but to this man, I think they were. I get that. My only human child is away at school so the furkids are my kids most of the time.

I also understand where he's coming from about the animals vs humans thing. I'd rather have dinner with 10 stray cats than 10 strange humans.

What will I do when my pets pass? I will grieve for them and miss them dearly. I will send them to the bridge safe in the knowledge that when the time is right, we will meet again. Then I will go to my local shelter and get another one. To me, getting another one would honor the pet I just lost. Every pet deserves to be loved and in a home and the pet I lost would want another one to have the same opportunity that he/she had. It would also save 2 lives. The life of the pet I adopt and the one that takes its place in the shelter.

I hope that this man gets the help he needs. I hope he is able to heal and move forward. You never know. He might be out walking or surfing the web one day and come across his next pet. We usually find what we need the most when we aren't looking for it.

You're very kind to care about him. I also think you're right about the reason he keeps bringing this up. I think he wants someone to convince him that it's OK to love another pet.

ginny · Jan 25, 2016

MollyBlue said:
Well, my thoughts here are that this man suffered a lot of pain when his pets died. If he lost multiple pets before he had dealt with the passing of one, it compounds the grief. Is his grief normal? Is his adamance about not ever loving another animal or wanting another companion normal? Probably not, but we all trust differently, we all love differently, we all grieve differently, and we all move forward, or fail to move forward, at our own pace. How you deal with this person is up to you. I am not sure how invested you are in the relationship, or if there is one or if this is just some guy you know. My thoughts are that he bonded with animals thinking they would never ever hurt him in any way and thinking he could completely trust them - and yet, even without meaning to, they caused him pain. He has never learned how to "let go" and love again.

As for me, I will always have a furbaby. I like the companionship. However, I don't know that I will ever adopt from a shelter again. There are too many animals out there on the streets that never make it to a shelter, and I think that's where (if anything happens to my current fur babies, which it will not because I refuse to allow any more of my pets to die) my next will come from the streets.

It seems that his grief is compounded by the fact that he has no one. His pets were all he had. Now he's kind of being forced to begin doing the one thing he has never wanted to do, and that is to form relationships with people. I understand in a way. Relationships are hard. He's definitely between a rock and a hard place, and something has to give. The one hope I have for him is that he is, or has, received some kind of counseling. I totally understand not wanting to be hurt again. My Gracie was estimated to be about 14 years old. Her babies are now 12 years old, and I know they will pass too someday. I'm actually holding my breath for the next one. :/

Even so, I don't see how, personally, I could ever say flatly no I will NEVER get another one. But it's certainly possible! In fact I DID say that right after Garfy died. But grief was so new at that time, and it wasn't 4 months later that I began feeding Gracie and her babies on my back porch.

Given his situation, I would advise him to NOT get another pet, at this time. Until he has quite a bit of counseling to help process his grief.

Kat0121 · Jan 25, 2016

Ginny said:
It seems that his grief is compounded by the fact that he has no one. His pets were all he had. Now he's kind of being forced to begin doing the one thing he has never wanted to do, and that is to form relationships with people. I understand in a way. Relationships are hard. He's definitely between a rock and a hard place, and something has to give. The one hope I have for him is that he is, or has, received some kind of counseling. I totally understand not wanting to be hurt again. My Gracie was estimated to be about 14 years old. Her babies are now 12 years old, and I know they will pass too someday. I'm actually holding my breath for the next one. :/

Even so, I don't see how, personally, I could ever say flatly no I will NEVER get another one. But it's certainly possible! In fact I DID say that right after Garfy died. But grief was so new at that time, and it wasn't 4 months later that I began feeding Gracie and her babies on my back porch.

Given his situation, I would advise him to NOT get another pet, at this time. Until he has quite a bit of counseling to help process his grief.

That's very true. In addition to counseling, maybe he could volunteer at a shelter or rescue walking dogs or socializing cats. That way he could be around animals without living with them. He might find it therapeutic.

ginny · Jan 25, 2016

Posted by Kat0121:

I personally think that this man could benefit greatly from one on one psychological counseling. Groups are great but he sounds like he might need a little more than a group setting can provide.

I agree. He said a few months ago, he had found a few unsatisfactory counselors that were not specifically trained in petloss, which I think would be a necessary in his case. Loss is loss, but I don't see him being able to let his guard down unless someone totally understands his pain. But he says he's made some progress since then, so I believe he is or has gotten some counseling which has helped. He doesn't say too much about that.

Posted by Kat0121:

Everyone handles things differently and I can kind of understand what he's saying when he says that he never thought his pets would die. I don't know how old he is but I suspect that he meant that he didn't think that they would go before him.

My first pet died when I was 12. I was devastated. I think it was then that I knew from that point on, that every pet I had would die before me. When I first saw my Garfy and Sammy, I thought about the pain of saying goodbye one day. Also with Gracie, and her kids. Call me morbid! Denial is a very hurtful place to be. It makes accepting reality so painful. I was in a little bit of denial with my mom and my dad when they passed. But my denial was not total. I knew. I braced myself. Perhaps what he really means is that the reality of death is shocking and not expected. I hope he wasn't in total denial, yet from what he says it would seem so. He's never said how old he is, but I gather that he is perhaps in his mid 60's?

Posted by Kat0121:

He's still grieving for his pets. There's no timetable for grief and there's no "right" way to handle it. I wonder what he would do if an animal in need were to cross his path. Would he be able to resist helping it

I wonder that too. In fact I even suggested that very scenario using my experience with Gracie as an example. I couldn't resist putting out a little food for her, knowing my heart was still reeling form Garfy's loss. When I mentioned this is when he shut down. That's when I backed off. Others have since suggested the same thing to him and again he shut down and they've backed off.

Posted by Kat0121:

I also think you're right about the reason he keeps bringing this up. I think he wants someone to convince him that it's OK to love another pet.

Yes! Because in every case, others have completely agreed with him not ever adopting again and they've not challenged him anymore. I think he is conflicted and really does want permission to do this, but he's not ready yet. I hope he finds and continues with a counselor he trusts. I hate to see people in pain, especially when they are resistant to help. That's so frustrating.

I just want to say this: there is absolutely NO shame in needing counseling. We all need a little help from time to time. Life is far too complex and overwhelming at times. I'm still not "over" my mom's death yet and it's left me ill prepared to handle Gracie's death, so I have been in counseling ever since mom died. I'm still not done and it's been 1 1/2 years now. With daddy, it took a good 10 years before I could say I was solidly in a place of acceptance of his death. So I know it will come one day, but not today.

Kat0121 · Jan 25, 2016

Ginny said:
Posted by Kat0121:

I personally think that this man could benefit greatly from one on one psychological counseling. Groups are great but he sounds like he might need a little more than a group setting can provide.

I agree. He said a few months ago, he had found a few unsatisfactory counselors that were not specifically trained in petloss, which I think would be a necessary in his case. Loss is loss, but I don't see him being able to let his guard down unless someone totally understands his pain. But he says he's made some progress since then, so I believe he is or has gotten some counseling which has helped. He doesn't say too much about that.

Posted by Kat0121:

Everyone handles things differently and I can kind of understand what he's saying when he says that he never thought his pets would die. I don't know how old he is but I suspect that he meant that he didn't think that they would go before him.

My first pet died when I was 12. I was devastated. I think it was then that I knew from that point on, that every pet I had would die before me. When I first saw my Garfy and Sammy, I thought about the pain of saying goodbye one day. Also with Gracie, and her kids. Call me morbid! Denial is a very hurtful place to be. It makes accepting reality so painful. I was in a little bit of denial with my mom and my dad when they passed. But my denial was not total. I knew. I braced myself. Perhaps what he really means is that the reality of death is shocking and not expected. I hope he wasn't in total denial, yet from what he says it would seem so. He's never said how old he is, but I gather that he is perhaps in his mid 60's?

Posted by Kat0121:

He's still grieving for his pets. There's no timetable for grief and there's no "right" way to handle it. I wonder what he would do if an animal in need were to cross his path. Would he be able to resist helping it

I wonder that too. In fact I even suggested that very scenario using my experience with Gracie as an example. I couldn't resist putting out a little food for her, knowing my heart was still reeling form Garfy's loss. When I mentioned this is when he shut down. That's when I backed off. Others have since suggested the same thing to him and again he shut down and they've backed off.

Posted by Kat0121:

I also think you're right about the reason he keeps bringing this up. I think he wants someone to convince him that it's OK to love another pet.

Yes! Because in every case, others have completely agreed with him not ever adopting again and they've not challenged him anymore. I think he is conflicted and really does want permission to do this, but he's not ready yet. I hope he finds and continues with a counselor he trusts. I hate to see people in pain, especially when they are resistant to help. That's so frustrating.

I just want to say this: there is absolutely NO shame in needing counseling. We all need a little help from time to time. Life is far too complex and overwhelming at times. I'm still not "over" my mom's death yet and it's left me ill prepared to handle Gracie's death, so I have been in counseling ever since mom died. I'm still not done and it's been 1 1/2 years now. With daddy, it took a good 10 years before I could say I was solidly in a place of acceptance of his death. So I know it will come one day, but not today.

I agree. I think people are more reluctant to get counseling for the loss of a pet than they are for the loss of a human because society in general will just shrug their shoulders and say, "it's just an animal. get over it". Well, we all know that that is not the case at all. I, too, hope that he finds a counselor that he feels comfortable with so he can get the help that he needs and deserves.

ginny · Jan 25, 2016

Kat0121 said:
That's very true. In addition to counseling, maybe he could volunteer at a shelter or rescue walking dogs or socializing cats. That way he could be around animals without living with them. He might find it therapeutic.

Good suggestion! I believe that suggestion had been made by someone, but I don't recall how he responded. He speaks in a way that kind of dances around a subject rather than directly addressing it. Which is kind of mysterious and make me not sure exactly what he means. I'm not sure he's ready even for volunteering yet, but I hope that day comes. Right now he's stuck and from what he's said, I don't think he's over his anger yet and wants to stay where he is rather than ready to get better. I understand that too. There was a time where I didn't want time to pass. I wanted to stay stuck and not get any better. Thank goodness that passed.

Kat0121 · Jan 25, 2016

Ginny said:
Good suggestion! I believe that suggestion had been made by someone, but I don't recall how he responded. He speaks in a way that kind of dances around a subject rather than directly addressing it. Which is kind of mysterious and make me not sure exactly what he means. I'm not sure he's ready even for volunteering yet, but I hope that day comes. Right now he's stuck and from what he's said, I don't think he's over his anger yet and wants to stay where he is rather than ready to get better. I understand that too. There was a time where I didn't want time to pass. I wanted to stay stuck and not get any better. Thank goodness that passed.

I was in that dark place after DH died. I know what it's like too. What was worse was that my dog was also in a very deep depression over his passing and I couldn't help her, either. She was a daddy's girl and she waited in the front hall for him for over 2 years. What pulled us out of the dark and back into the light was when I brought Lilith and Sophie home. My dog Bailey met them the first night they came home (after my carefully planned introduction process failed

) and when she met them, she had a biggest ear to ear grin on her face that I've ever seen. They certainly helped bring the spark back to an old dog and to me and DD as well.

ginny · Jan 25, 2016

Kat0121 said:
I was in that dark place after DH died. I know what it's like too. What was worse was that my dog was also in a very deep depression over his passing and I couldn't help her, either. She was a daddy's girl and she waited in the front hall for him for over 2 years. What pulled us out of the dark and back into the light was when I brought Lilith and Sophie home. My dog Bailey met them the first night they came home (after my carefully planned introduction process failed

) and when she met them, she had a biggest ear to ear grin on her face that I've ever seen. They certainly helped bring the spark back to an old dog and to me and DD as well.

What a funny, sweet, and heartwarming story! I've seen pets smile, so I know they do! I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a human being is hard, especially if you were really close to them. But at times I think losing a pet is harder. They are like kids.

Which brings me to one other point that makes this man's grief harder: he refers to his pets as his children in no uncertain terms. I think he feels the word "pet" is an insult. He actually says my son and my daughter, not my pet.

eck1kaylie · Jan 25, 2016

My grandma is sort of the same. After her last dog died, she said she'll never get another pet. She's alone except when family visits, and she loves when we bring our pets along, but various people have talked about getting her one and she refuses. I can understand not wanting to deal with the grief of loss again.
Personally, I don't think I could ever not have a cat. I've never not had at least one.

Kat0121 · Jan 25, 2016

Ginny said:
What a funny, sweet, and heartwarming story! I've seen pets smile, so I know they do! I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a human being is hard, especially if you were really close to them. But at times I think losing a pet is harder. They are like kids.

Which brings me to one other point that makes this man's grief harder: he refers to his pets as his children in no uncertain terms. I think he feels the word "pet" is an insult. He actually says my son and my daughter, not my pet.

Thank you. We're doing the best we can to make him proud of us.

I think that in a way, losing a pet is harder, too. They really are like kids so I do understand that sentiment. My dog is almost 14 so I know that she won't be around too much longer but what will make it easier when she goes is that I know she'll be back with her best friend again so it will be bittersweet.

Many people feel that way about their pets. I don't refer to mine as son and daughter but they are my babies. It's similar but not the same. I feel for the man.

artiemom · Jan 25, 2016

Oh, I feel so bad for this poor man. He is grieving so much. It is going to take him a long time to get over this. If he is reiterating the fact that he would never have another pet, then I think he is fighting his subconscious or natural instinct to always have a pet around him. He is having an argument with himself.

He hurts so bad. His heart is breaking.

My parents said the exact same thing after Pumpkin died. I never felt that way. I honestly feel now that I have Artie that I will always have a cat. I will adopt again. I know it in my heart.

This poor elderly man (he is elderly, right) is just so grief stricken. It is good that he belongs to a forum where he can address his feelings among people who understand. That is important. He is reaching out. Thank you for supporting him. This in itself is a form of counseling. It is very therapeutic.

I feel for him. He needs time. To lose all your pets within a short period of time is mind boggling. If you are a loner, it is even worse. The important thing is to let him talk, just be there to listen to him.

You never know when karma will strike and a new animal will walk into his life. They have a strange habit of 'happening'....

He has to be ready at that time to take a chance.

I think he will get upset if anyone mentions counseling or joining a shelter. His grief is still too raw...he has to come to that decision on his own, in his own time.

I just saw the line about him referring to his pets as his kids....

Wow, He is really associating their passing as with that of humans..

While he would definitely benefit from professional counseling, he will not accept it. I know someone like that. It is really too bad,. He feels there is nothing wrong with him.. it is the rest of the world. He has been alone for too long.....

I do not know what to say about that.

Those are my thoughts....My 2 cents worth!

Bless you for trying to help him.

kittens mom · Jan 25, 2016

Decades in the trenches of horse rescue means I came across lots of other issues with people and their animals. The red flag that goes up for me is what did his pets die of.

Denial that they were mortal quickly goes to the refusal to see they had needs and were capable of getting sick or not getting proper care. People can be amazingly blind to what is going on in their own homes when they let emotions and fears run their lives. Loners and shut-ins will let a pets medical condition fester from a simple issue to life threatening because they are afraid the vet will tell them the animal is going to die.

I don't know how old he is but some senior programs have visiting pets.

If you feel he's just stuck start asking thinking questions.

If you were to get a pet what kind do you see yourself with ?

What would you need to fix/repair of buy if you got a new pet ?

Sometimes you have to unstick people. Believe me I have to unstick myself about 10x a day.

You might work a conversation around there are millions of pets in shelters just as lonely as you. Taking just one would be beneficial for both you and the pet.

And lastly consider if he moves on past this grief he loses the need of the support group which may be his way or reaching out for human contact.

rionkatt · Jan 25, 2016

Oscar's end may be nearing so I have been thinking about it a lot. Would I adopt again? Would I take in a stray and care for it like I did for Oscar?

Perhaps I will have a pet again. Maybe not so soon, but I probably will eventually. I may not adopt a stray again, though. I don't think I could handle it if I had another cat who is as sickly as Oscar. Watching his health deteriorate as his body succumbs barely a month after I've taken him in...

I don't think I can go through that all over again.

I may adopt a kitten or at least a healthier cat from a shelter.

ginny · Jan 25, 2016

Artiemom said:
Oh, I feel so bad for this poor man. He is grieving so much. It is going to take him a long time to get over this. If he is reiterating the fact that he would never have another pet, then I think he is fighting his subconscious or natural instinct to always have a pet around him. He is having an argument with himself.

He hurts so bad. His heart is breaking.

My parents said the exact same thing after Pumpkin died. I never felt that way. I honestly feel now that I have Artie that I will always have a cat. I will adopt again. I know it in my heart.

This poor elderly man (he is elderly, right) is just so grief stricken. It is good that he belongs to a forum where he can address his feelings among people who understand. That is important. He is reaching out. Thank you for supporting him. This in itself is a form of counseling. It is very therapeutic.

I feel for him. He needs time. To lose all your pets within a short period of time is mind boggling. If you are a loner, it is even worse. The important thing is to let him talk, just be there to listen to him.

You never know when karma will strike and a new animal will walk into his life. They have a strange habit of 'happening'....

He has to be ready at that time to take a chance.

I think he will get upset if anyone mentions counseling or joining a shelter. His grief is still too raw...he has to come to that decision on his own, in his own time.

I just saw the line about him referring to his pets as his kids....

Wow, He is really associating their passing as with that of humans..

While he would definitely benefit from professional counseling, he will not accept it. I know someone like that. It is really too bad,. He feels there is nothing wrong with him.. it is the rest of the world. He has been alone for too long.....

I do not know what to say about that.

Those are my thoughts....My 2 cents worth!

Bless you for trying to help him.

I'm glad he's reaching out to a message board and discussing his feelings. Because he is a loner, I suspect this is the only form of human contact that is acceptable to him. I recall him saying he worked in retail as a clerk but that he hated it. I'd hate that too. I thank goodness for the job I have which necessitates human touch. This has been invaluable to me in so many ways.

He is getting counseling, or he has. It's not clear when that happened, how long, or if it's going on right now. He may be getting online counseling, but that's better than no counseling.

What I see as a hindrance to counseling for him is the idea he keeps expressing time after time: that he has experienced MORE grief than others have, that NO ONE really understands the depth of his grief. He made a statement just yesterday to that effect. (And to be honest, what he said really made me angry and motivated me to ask the question here if anyone else would adopt again or not.) That thought that his pain is deeper than anyone else's is very isolating and it's NOT true. And as long as he feels he is a special case, there won't be anyone who can help him. I used to feel I was a special case and that no one understood me, so I do recognize what he is saying. However, when I finally recognized that most human beings basically have much more in common than they do different, I was able to let go of so much pain and actually receive help and advice from others. I was in my 40's when I finally came to that conclusion, so I spent a great deal of my life laboring under the delusion that I was special and therefore, beyond help. I've also grown up quite a bit since caring for my mom up until she died. I became her mom.

I agree with you about always wanting a pet. It is my feeling that the joy they bring outweighs the pain of their loss.

One of the reasons I'm posting here is to vent my frustration trying to help. He won't receive it, but hopefully he will let a counselor help him.

ginny · Jan 25, 2016

Kat0121 said:
I don't refer to mine as son and daughter but they are my babies. It's similar but not the same. I feel for the man.

I feel the same way about mine.

ginny · Jan 25, 2016

Kittens Mom said:
Decades in the trenches of horse rescue means I came across lots of other issues with people and their animals. The red flag that goes up for me is what did his pets die of.

Denial that they were mortal quickly goes to the refusal to see they had needs and were capable of getting sick or not getting proper care. People can be amazingly blind to what is going on in their own homes when they let emotions and fears run their lives. Loners and shut-ins will let a pets medical condition fester from a simple issue to life threatening because they are afraid the vet will tell them the animal is going to die.

I don't know how old he is but some senior programs have visiting pets.

If you feel he's just stuck start asking thinking questions.

If you were to get a pet what kind do you see yourself with ?

What would you need to fix/repair of buy if you got a new pet ?

Sometimes you have to unstick people. Believe me I have to unstick myself about 10x a day.

You might work a conversation around there are millions of pets in shelters just as lonely as you. Taking just one would be beneficial for both you and the pet.

And lastly consider if he moves on past this grief he loses the need of the support group which may be his way or reaching out for human contact.

One died of cancer but had gotten chemo for a period of time. So care was being given. I do not remember what the others died of, but I don't think that he was being negligent.

In another case that was definitely negligence, a woman described her young daughter (20 or so) adopting a cat in her new apartment, letting that cat get pregnant, delivering 4 babies, then lost the mama cat who was then trapped by a TNR advocate. When the mama cat finally showed back up on the doorstep with that telltale TNR ear clip, of course the 4 babies were dead. The daughter didn't even tell her mom that the mama cat was lost until several days later and it was too late for the mom to do anything to help the poor kittens. When the daughter asked for help, she actually told her mom "they aren't meowing much anymore." Oh how that breaks my heart!!! The mom was understandably angry at her daughter for being so careless. She was going to adopt two of the kittens herself.

But I don't believe negligence is case with this man, however, it is possible he's not telling the whole truth. More information would be necessary to make that determination.

As far as asking questions at this point to help him get unstuck, I think it would be better received from someone completely new to his story, and not me.

crazy4strays · Jan 25, 2016

Aw, poor man. I think that the experience of losing his pets has been so hard that he's afraid to have to go through it again. Bless his heart.

You could suggest fostering to him, then he could love and take care of animals without fearing that they would die.

ginny · Jan 25, 2016

Crazy4Strays said:
Aw, poor man. I think that the experience of losing his pets has been so hard that he's afraid to have to go through it again. Bless his heart.

You could suggest fostering to him, then he could love and take care of animals without fearing that they would die.

I see what you're saying <wink wink>. What a perfect opportunity to "test drive" (did I really say that?) a prospective pet without the pressure of a lifetime commitment. And then see what happens.

I think I will contact one of the mods and see if they can present to him these suggestions you and others here and @Kat0121 have made. I feel strongly that he would not accept it from me.

Would You Adopt Again?

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Artie, my Angel; a part of my heart

Kittens life was lost to a negligent veterinarian.

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