Couldn't afford emergency vet bill last night for c-section.

elphae · Jan 21, 2016

Last night our cat Nova went into labor.

I know it's my fault and my responsibility.

I feel like I have to tell you that we don't let our cats out. Not that it makes it any less my fault but I really had good intentions. We've had cats for 18 years, very few problems ever. Our other cats are fixed. We kept meaning to get Nova done too but it's been endless money problems. She was being neglected so we took her home with us when someone offered her or they were going to "drop her off somewhere". At the time things were better and I thought we were saving her. Then life came crashing down, like it does, and before long we were living in unexpected poverty for a few years. And I mean poverty. A family of four on $16k a year, due to job loss.
After a year we went through our savings and were living off my disability. My partner, J, took a few temp jobs to keep us from starving but it wasn't enough to make ends meet. We temporarily received food stamps, then he finally found semi-decent work in August. J's an electrician but we live in such a small place I don't know how people afford to live with so few low paying jobs, of course that goes for the rest of the world. We discussed surrendering our pets to better homes, our local shelter wouldn't take them and I emailed all the no-kill places I could find. I lost hope when I saw all the loving furry faces on Petfinder. How would anyone take our pets when so many others also needed homes? We did the best we could and kept believing it would get better, and when J finally found something in his field we were relieved, if only slightly.
That was August and I only just started to get things back together and pay off all our bills. We don't have our heads above water but we just make it check to check for now. We had been using credit cards to buy bare minimum groceries, almost lost our electricity, I broke a tooth that my insurance wouldn't cover a year ago so it is still broken and hurts like hell, that sort of thing. Now we are paying all the credit cards off. A few more months of him not earning enough we probably would have lost a lot more.

Anyway, Nova got pregnant and once we realized it we decided to have her fixed right after, and keep and care for her kittens. We couldn't terminate them. We had just lost 2 elderly cats, a few months apart. More cats wasn't what we planned but we screwed up and thought we would be able to handle it. That didn't work out.

She lost fluid, which ended up being the sacs breaking. A baby was breeched, dead, partly exposed while stuck in the birth canal. We tried to remove it gently. It ended horribly.
Being nearly midnight when all this happened J rushed her to the emergency vet. It's 40 miles away. After he paid the $250 just to be seen they told him it would cost $3000-$4000 for an emergency c-section. He was shocked and horrified. We both were.
They went ahead and did x-rays and an ultrasound and gave her medicine to try and induce labor, which came to another $450. We initially had $900 available on our insurance with $40 in our checking account. We just didn't have the extra money for the c-section. I don't understand why they wanted so much. He explained we didn't have the money, he asked for options.
We have taken our pets there before, our dog, Bella, had a strange cyst that just appeared in a matter of hours late one night last year, that ended up costing us $1600 on two visits (twice because the local vet wouldn't see her since she was treated for it elsewhere). I thought we could make a payment plan, but they wouldn't accept. I thought if we had to give her up, so they could save her and then give her a new home, but they wouldn't do that either. Our options were to let Nova die painfully or put her down. That was it.

I don't have anything of value to sell, let alone in the middle of the night. I just didn't have enough money, not even close, and I feel like a horrible person and a total failure. Our two children both have autism, so do I (It was undiagnosed for most of my life. When I found out, I had a tubal litigation. I also have PTSD and severe social anxiety). This morning, as we expected the kids took loosing Nova really hard. She wasn't old, almost 4 years, so it was a much bigger shock then when our other cats passed. My son was up all night crying. He didn't go to sleep until nearly 6AM. He knew his dad had taken Nova to the vet and he couldn't sleep until he found out. It was a tough night all around.

I try to be responsible but I failed, and my cat died because I am poor.
Now I am sitting here wondering, should we have gone somewhere else? Would Nova have held out long enough and we could have taken her from the emergency vet to see a local vet in the morning that would have helped her? I couldn't think of these things at the time, the way the vet talked to J was so shocking and final.
I know it's all pointless now, after she is gone, still I can't help it. I feel like someone poured concrete through my entire insides. I feel like I murdered her and all she did was love me. I tried to save her but it wasn't enough. I didn't try hard enough. I don't own any jewelry, I would have given it in exchange. I just... feel so helpless. I'm not angry. I understand it's all my fault. Now I am afraid for my other pets. I don't want to be the reason for their deaths, too. I looked up prices of emergency c-section for cats and felt so disgusted at how much they were charging. It seems so cruel. I brought her there trying to save her and that is what I was confronted with, an over-priced c-section. I lost my cat companion, over money, ugly, greedy, money.

I have lost more faith in people over this, so much more.
This is just a small piece of my life, a sliver of my story. I know many people are struggling and suffering, much more than I can even comprehend. I just really needed to get that out and be heard.

I'm so sorry, Nova.

Nova9-20-14.jpg

elphae
Jan 21, 2016

kittens mom · Jan 21, 2016

Without knowing what if any complications were seen in your cat it's hard to know what it should cost. We see our pets as family members but unlike a human child a veterinarian does not have to treat them in an ER situation. This is a reality for everyone no matter what their income bracket. Most of us no matter what we feel have an upper limit we can spend or come up with especially in an emergency. Take the money out of this and you are dealing with the feelings all of us experience when things fly out of our control and we have no say on the outcome. When it seems mindless that it could even happen to our pets. We love them so much. It is important to understand that even if you had the money there would be no guarantee the result wouldn't have been the same. It's also a reasonable expectation that your cat would have delivered her kittens without incident.

Right now you feel like the lowest thing alive because you didn't have 3-4K cash laying around to save your pet. You feel like the vets were mean and uncaring. Remember they may have no say in reducing or agreeing to payments. Life was indeed cruel to you , your family and Nova. However I want you to absolve yourselves of guilt and shame for having to make the only choice you had in that moment. You gave her a peaceful death spending money you didn't have rather than letting her suffer for days before dying in agony while hoping she would somehow right herself. I live in a very poor rural area and most cats never see a vet for any reason. Most ER vets will refer you to your regular vet if possible. They are not money collection machines that take joy in killing your pet. I know some posters might disagree. But that's my opinion.

But for you Nova would have never been. Most likely one more dead cat in a garbage bag headed for the landfill or incinerator. It is unfair she was only 4. It's unfair if they're 11, 16 or older. Almost every cat here on this site that is so loved is only alive because someone took their little unwanted souls in and in turn they enriched our lives so much more than we could ever do for them.

This is a link to helping children deal with grief. http://www.aplb.org/support/children_and_pet_loss.php They also have a great chat room for adults where you can express your feelings in a safe place. I am so sorry for the loss of Nova. She was a beautiful dainty looking girl. I am so truly sorry for your loss.

Kat0121 · Jan 21, 2016

I wish I was welcoming you here under better circumstances. I'm very sorry for your loss.

What happened to Nova wasn't your fault. You have to stop torturing yourself. Nature is often very cruel. I think a lot of us here could sympathize with the situation you were thrown into. There's a chance she could have passed even if she had had the emergency c section. There's no guarantees in life. You did what you thought was best for her under very horrible circumstances.

I can pretty much guarantee you that Nova does not blame you for what happened. You took her in when she had no one and you loved and cared for her. That what she will always remember. That's what she'll tell you when you meet again one day. She's at peace now over at the rainbow bridge playing and carefree. She would not want you to being doing this to yourself. It's so easy to blame ourselves when things like this happen but there was nothing else you could have done. You did everything you could.

Hold onto the memories that you and she shared. She definitely will. In time, you will think of her only with smiles and no tears. Hang in there.

She was definitely a beautiful girl. RIP little Nova.

margd · Jan 21, 2016

Aw, I'm so sorry to hear about Nova. What a pretty girl she was. Although it is easier said than done, you mustn't blame yourself for this. Many of us these days are one paycheck away from disaster and you did the absolute best you could for your sweet girl. She knew love and happiness with you and had a good home - without you, she would have had none of that. i know the loss of your baby hurts enough without blaming yourself for not having the thousands of dollars needed for an operation that might not have saved her. Please try to remember that you are not the 'horrible person" and "failure' you currently feel that you are. You took her for help and spent your last dollars on her - that is a good person, who does the best they can for their cat.

Nova will live on, in your big heart.

RIP Dear Nova. Run free!

jolie0216 · Jan 21, 2016

I'm so sorry this happened to you & Nova - what a sad story........and it is true that 90% of the time, mother cats will birth their kittens with no need for intervention. I myself took in a pregnant stray cat who was living on the streets in our neighborhood - she gave birth in our living room without incident, so what happened to your Nova was not the norm - you had no way of knowing, or even expecting, that something like this would happen to her - to put it simply, it was just really shitty luck - not that that's going to make you feel any better. You absolutely did the best you could for her - taking her in to the ER and even having to put her down was ultimately much better than her suffering a long, painful death at home. It was the best option for her in the circumstances - there's no guarantee she would have survived the C-section even if you did have the 3-4K to shell out for the operation. Please don't beat yourself up over this - I definitely understand what it's like to go through a long period of poverty - hoping & praying that the car won't break down, that we'll have enough for groceries for the week, that our light won't get turned off before my direct deposit hits, etc, etc. Most people don't have that much extra cash on hand - and most ER vets won't take payment installments.

Just think - you really did save Nova's life - you prevented her from being dumped in the streets and you gave her a good, loving home. It's not your or anyone's fault that this happened to Nova - I'm sure she was glad to have lived with you & loved you versus being another unwanted stray cat on the streets - that's an awful life for a cat. You were an angel to her - I know you will miss her, and I can feel the pain from what you wrote - but please please don't blame yourself & beat yourself up emotionally over this - you did the best you could for her, and that's all that anyone can ask of us

ginny · Jan 21, 2016

I'm so sorry for your loss of Nova! She was a very pretty kitty. I'm also so sorry for the situation and the circumstances you've been in for quite a while. I can relate, sort of. I took care of my elderly mom and worked full-time for 2 1/2 years with little help from my siblings. I lost her in July 2014. I incurred debts during the time she was with me which she did try to help with somewhat, but her income was quite low and fixed and went toward the hiring of caregivers which I hired to stay with her while I worked. It was a nightmare trying to keep honest people in my own house to care for my mom. A number of our items were stolen. Life was a constant struggle to find enough work to stay full-time benefitted and to deal with the gradual decline of my mom, whom I've always been so close to. I'm still grieving her loss even 1 1/2 years later, with no siblings who care enough to stick around.

Then at the beginning of 2015 Nat's seizures reoccurred out of the blue, necessitated 2 ER visits before finally getting them under control. That was in January and March of last year. Then in April Gracie started getting sick. Four months and 2 more ER visits later, I was down to the last $67 on my CareCredit when they told me she needed a $1000 procedure which still might not lead to a firm diagnosis, let alone, one that could be treated. So I had to let her go in July last year; I sent her away because I was poor too. I really didn't have any choice at that point. I had asked one of my siblings for help because she had $5000 from my mother's estate. She decided to get new windows for her house instead. I hope those windows keep her warm.

I do understand your heartache. You obviously wanted to do what's right for your kitty, so like everyone else has said, please be easy on yourself while you grieve her loss. Grief is hard enough without all the guilt that comes with it. And this: be careful who you tell, especially employers. All they need to know is you have a family emergency. That was one big lesson learned with Gracie. Hugs.

kittens mom · Jan 21, 2016

Ginny said:
I'm so sorry for your loss of Nova! She was a very pretty kitty. I'm also so sorry for the situation and the circumstances you've been in for quite a while. I can relate, sort of. I took care of my elderly mom and worked full-time for 2 1/2 years with little help from my siblings. I lost her in July 2014. I incurred debts during the time she was with me which she did try to help with somewhat, but her income was quite low and fixed and went toward the hiring of caregivers which I hired to stay with her while I worked. It was a nightmare trying to keep honest people in my own house to care for my mom. A number of our items were stolen. Life was a constant struggle to find enough work to stay full-time benefitted and to deal with the gradual decline of my mom, whom I've always been so close to. I'm still grieving her loss even 1 1/2 years later, with no siblings who care enough to stick around.

Then at the beginning of 2015 Nat's seizures reoccurred out of the blue, necessitated 2 ER visits before finally getting them under control. That was in January and March of last year. Then in April Gracie started getting sick. Four months and 2 more ER visits later, I was down to the last $67 on my CareCredit when they told me she needed a $1000 procedure which still might not lead to a firm diagnosis, let alone, one that could be treated. So I had to let her go in July last year; I sent her away because I was poor too. I really didn't have any choice at that point. I had asked one of my siblings for help because she had $5000 from my mother's estate. She decided to get new windows for her house instead. I hope those windows keep her warm.

I do understand your heartache. You obviously wanted to do what's right for your kitty, so like everyone else has said, please be easy on yourself while you grieve her loss. Grief is hard enough without all the guilt that comes with it. And this: be careful who you tell, especially employers. All they need to know is you have a family emergency. That was one big lesson learned with Gracie. Hugs.

We could have opted for a 3K operation for Kitten but the outlook was like Gracie. Grim at best. This is where we enter the just because we can should we. Considering her overall condition and the rate at which she was getting sicker after a few days of improvement . The vets themselves we decided to let her go on our terms rather than on a table or worse suffering from the stress of surgery and pain and still having to have her PTS, While the decision was not financially based I can't say we didn't consider if the money for surgery was simply digging us more debt for no purpose other than the outcome we had. Veterinarian shaming is out there. If the vet had said we can operate and with treatment ending in 10K she should have an excellent quality of life we would have bit the bullet and paid. It's not fun territory to try and traverse. No one should feel like they are inadequate or bad because there isn't thousands in the kitty so to speak to pay for a pets medical crisis. Our obligation as pet owners is to one provide for their basics. Food, Water. Shelter and reasonable vet care. I know there are cat owners out there like the OP by the score. Ones that love their cat every bit as much as we loved Kitten. We should never shame anyone for not having the funds to proved state of the art medical treatment. Save that for the animal abusers who let their pets suffer rather than provide the most basic comfort or let them die in agony because they were too cheap to even proved a merciful death.

catlover73 · Jan 21, 2016

I am sorry for your loss of Nova. You did not do anything wrong here. You made a very difficult decision during a very difficult situation to end your baby's suffering. You put your feelings on hold and made a painful decision because you love Nova. Please do not beat yourself up about what may or may not have happened if you had the money for surgery. Sometimes things happen in life that we can not control and money does not always fix things. There is no given that doing the surgery would have changed the outcome. Your baby knows you love her and for the time that she was with you she knew how it felt to be safe and loved.

I have friends who have money. The spent thousands on one of their adult cats only to end up losing him. One of their cats had a very expensive surgery years ago and the vet was convinced the issue would be fixed. They thought the cat was doing well only to come home from work a week later to find out their cat passed away. They spent the money to get an autopsy on the cat because they had siblings and wanted to get some answers. They had the money to spend but were still not able to get any real answers about what happened. The cats siblings are fine. My point is having the extra money to spend on vet care does not always change the outcome. My friend used to do private rescue and she lost an entire litter of kittens and was never able to figure out why. These kittens received better medical care than most humans get and it was not enough to save them. My friend was devastated I was visiting her when one of the kittens passed away in her hand. All I could do was hug her and be there to listen as she had a good cry. She spent thousands on medical tests and it could not save the kittens. She too went through the blame stage of grief.

ginny · Jan 21, 2016

Kittens Mom said:
We could have opted for a 3K operation for Kitten but the outlook was like Gracie. Grim at best. This is where we enter the just because we can should we. Considering her overall condition and the rate at which she was getting sicker after a few days of improvement . The vets themselves we decided to let her go on our terms rather than on a table or worse suffering from the stress of surgery and pain and still having to have her PTS, While the decision was not financially based I can't say we didn't consider if the money for surgery was simply digging us more debt for no purpose other than the outcome we had. Veterinarian shaming is out there. If the vet had said we can operate and with treatment ending in 10K she should have an excellent quality of life we would have bit the bullet and paid. It's not fun territory to try and traverse. No one should feel like they are inadequate or bad because there isn't thousands in the kitty so to speak to pay for a pets medical crisis. Our obligation as pet owners is to one provide for their basics. Food, Water. Shelter and reasonable vet care. I know there are cat owners out there like the OP by the score. Ones that love their cat every bit as much as we loved Kitten. We should never shame anyone for not having the funds to proved state of the art medical treatment. Save that for the animal abusers who let their pets suffer rather than provide the most basic comfort or let them die in agony because they were too cheap to even proved a merciful death.

Looking at the big picture, you're right. I shouldn't make myself feel bad and neither should @Elphae, considering how there are others who abuse their pets and leave them for dead. It still hurts though to wonder what if I did have the money? Truth is, I will never know. I do keep reminding myself that the outcome might not have changed at all even if I'd won the lottery. But then again, I will never know.

kittens mom · Jan 21, 2016

Ginny said:
Looking at the big picture, you're right. I shouldn't make myself feel bad and neither should @Elphae, considering how there are others who abuse their pets and leave them for dead. It still hurts though to wonder what if I did have the money? Truth is, I will never know. I do keep reminding myself that the outcome might not have changed at all even if I'd won the lottery. But then again, I will never know.

The what ifs are painful. It does me good to go back to the moment and understand that the reality was she was going to die during some type of surgery or she would pass in our arms. Probably the smartest thing we done was discuss the most obvious possibilities before leaving for the vet that day. Because we know our cat. her personality and once we had some more test results I hate to say that the decision was easy but it was. Now full of grief we want to rewrite the past and dream of what might have been. We both know why we made the decision at the time and now feel guilty. It's a helpless feeling to know there really is squat you can do to save your little cat. That is why I called it Vet Shaming. No one should be judged for not having a bottomless bank account or Cadillac pet insurance. If it's going to come to that then the shelters and rescues should start euthanizing dogs and cats by the millions. Since most people simply do not have or cannot afford that luxury. During the time Kitten was ill I watched more than a few pet owners leave in tears with their sick pets. Heard more than one person talking to their SO that they could not afford this or that treatment. Shelters are full of pets that the owners drop off in hopes that someone can take care of either fixing them or providing a humane end.

You did the absolute best thing for your Ginny. Just like we did for Kitten. Just like Elphae did for Nova.

ginny · Jan 21, 2016

Thank you @Kittens Mom for reaching out to comfort us even in your pain.

donutte · Jan 21, 2016

Kittens Mom said:
The what ifs are painful.

The what-ifs are downright devastating sometimes.

@Elphae, I'm so so sorry for the loss of Nova. She's an absolutely gorgeous girl, and she was very lucky to have had such a loving family that loved her so much, they did the right by her despite how painful it was. That has to be one of the hardest decisions to ever make.

nurseangel · Jan 21, 2016

I'm so sorry to you and your family over the loss of beautiful Nova. My heart goes out to you all.

Norachan · Jan 22, 2016

I'm so sorry to hear this. Gosh, how awful for you!

It's really sad that good people like you have to make these heartbreaking decisions because you don't have enough money, while so much money is wasted by others. Please don't blame yourself, you did everything you could for Nova. At least you were there for her, things would have been much worse if she had been alone.

Rest In Peace Nova.

di and bob · Jan 22, 2016

You tried, you took her in when you knew she was in trouble, everything you did you did out of love and caring, believe me, she knew this. It's a horrible, horrible thing when we have to let money dictate the outcome of something like this, but you truly had no choice, ti was something that you had no control over without bankrupting your family for the rest of your lives. Nova definitely lays no guilt at your feet, you gave her a wonderful home and a loving family, that is far more valuable to her and all she ever wanted. She would never want you feel the guilt and the pain you are feeling, but to celebrate the love you did share and to let your precious memories of happier times comfort you in your time of grief. The hole in your heart will take a long time to heal, the feelings and pain you are going through even longer, but you have to know something like this was beyond anything you could control and was destined to be a heart ache no matter what the outcome. Little Nova is at peace now, secure in the knowledge that she will never be forgotten, and will be forever held in loving hearts, let her legacy of love let you go on with life as she would want for the family she loved so very much. Be gentle on yourself and try to surround yourself with people who understand and will share your burden of grief, only time will help to soften the agony of a broken heart, and one day you will be able to smile at the memories of your little girl, even through the tears. You have a loving and gentle heart, I will pray for you all to find peace in your lives once again, bless you for hurting so bad from loving so much. RIP sweet Nova, the bond you formed with your family will last a lifetime, please bring what comfort you can in sweet dreams and wrap your essence around them to remind them of the love you shared and will continue to share forever more!

elphae · Jan 22, 2016

Each of you have been so very comforting.

Kittens Mom said:
Without knowing what if any complications were seen in your cat it's hard to know what it should cost. We see our pets as family members but unlike a human child a veterinarian does not have to treat them in an ER situation. This is a reality for everyone no matter what their income bracket. Most of us no matter what we feel have an upper limit we can spend or come up with especially in an emergency. Take the money out of this and you are dealing with the feelings all of us experience when things fly out of our control and we have no say on the outcome. When it seems mindless that it could even happen to our pets. We love them so much. It is important to understand that even if you had the money there would be no guarantee the result wouldn't have been the same. It's also a reasonable expectation that your cat would have delivered her kittens without incident.

Right now you feel like the lowest thing alive because you didn't have 3-4K cash laying around to save your pet. You feel like the vets were mean and uncaring. Remember they may have no say in reducing or agreeing to payments. Life was indeed cruel to you , your family and Nova. However I want you to absolve yourselves of guilt and shame for having to make the only choice you had in that moment. You gave her a peaceful death spending money you didn't have rather than letting her suffer for days before dying in agony while hoping she would somehow right herself. I live in a very poor rural area and most cats never see a vet for any reason. Most ER vets will refer you to your regular vet if possible. They are not money collection machines that take joy in killing your pet. I know some posters might disagree. But that's my opinion.

But for you Nova would have never been. Most likely one more dead cat in a garbage bag headed for the landfill or incinerator. It is unfair she was only 4. It's unfair if they're 11, 16 or older. Almost every cat here on this site that is so loved is only alive because someone took their little unwanted souls in and in turn they enriched our lives so much more than we could ever do for them.

This is a link to helping children deal with grief. http://www.aplb.org/support/children_and_pet_loss.php They also have a great chat room for adults where you can express your feelings in a safe place. I am so sorry for the loss of Nova. She was a beautiful dainty looking girl. I am so truly sorry for your loss.

Thank you, thank you so much. Your words have given me much comfort.
It's hard to see and think clearly when we grieve, of course, but I know you are right.

I somehow wasn't angry at the ER vets. I was shocked. I also understood that I disagreed with the ER's policies and high prices but I at least had the clarity to not be angry toward the doctor or the staff. Over the years all my small misfortunes, the little careless acts I've experienced from others, have somehow become a norm. I generally do not expect others to empathize or be generous, for how bleak that may sound it's probably more of a defense mechanism to prevent myself from constantly being disappointed.
Now, hours later, having researched even further other vets prices for a c-section (which range from $100-$600) I am just trying to accept it all. I may write a formal complaint to the ER because I do feel they pressed J, instead of offering him the opportunity to take pain medication for Nova to make her comfortable a few hours while waiting for our vet to open. I am sure to them it won't matter, one letter, and I am not blaming them entirely just want them to know they should have suggested a referral that may have saved her life. What harm would that have done? They didn't have to make it seem so urgent and final, without options. It wasn't that type of situation.

I personally never euthanized a pet before. All my previous animals passed away in old age. I never wanted to choose for them, I don't feel like I have that right.
I know, technically, I didn't personally make that choice but left it to J, and I do feel he was pressured to do it instead of being told he had the option of taking her, medicated, to wait the 3 hours for our vet who would have performed the operation well within our budget, giving her a chance. That's what it comes down to, she had a chance, but they didn't give us the right information, and I don't think that's right. I've had 2 emergency c-sections myself. I almost didn't make it through either, especially the second one. I can't help but imagine what an outrage to people it would be if the doctors told my family it cost beyond what they had to save me, and they felt helpless to pay the medical bill and in turn had to let me die. I know we live in a world where animals are far, far less than people. I never fully grasped that concept. I accept we are different but not so much any more or less valuable.

My poor decisions may have cost Nova her life. I don't mean that in a sad way, just a logical way.
I grew up in a home with many dogs. I loved all of them and lost them, mostly to cancer, one to diabetes, all in old age. That I understood. This was new and opens even more vulnerabilities in me. It is one thing to know accidents happen, uncertainties exist, but it is so jolting to go through them, even more so when it leads to the loss of a loved one, human or otherwise paired with the knowing something could have been done. When I was 11 my first and best friend was hit by a car, I know that was entirely out of my hands. Three years ago a dear friend was murdered by an ex-boyfriend, I mourn the loss of her but never question if I could have done anything. I have lost a great number of people, from illness to sudden accidents but never before did I feel like I could have made a difference "if only". Not for a life.
I have learned a lot from this.

elphae · Jan 22, 2016

Ginny said:
I'm so sorry for your loss of Nova! She was a very pretty kitty. I'm also so sorry for the situation and the circumstances you've been in for quite a while. I can relate, sort of. I took care of my elderly mom and worked full-time for 2 1/2 years with little help from my siblings. I lost her in July 2014. I incurred debts during the time she was with me which she did try to help with somewhat, but her income was quite low and fixed and went toward the hiring of caregivers which I hired to stay with her while I worked. It was a nightmare trying to keep honest people in my own house to care for my mom. A number of our items were stolen. Life was a constant struggle to find enough work to stay full-time benefitted and to deal with the gradual decline of my mom, whom I've always been so close to. I'm still grieving her loss even 1 1/2 years later, with no siblings who care enough to stick around.

Then at the beginning of 2015 Nat's seizures reoccurred out of the blue, necessitated 2 ER visits before finally getting them under control. That was in January and March of last year. Then in April Gracie started getting sick. Four months and 2 more ER visits later, I was down to the last $67 on my CareCredit when they told me she needed a $1000 procedure which still might not lead to a firm diagnosis, let alone, one that could be treated. So I had to let her go in July last year; I sent her away because I was poor too. I really didn't have any choice at that point. I had asked one of my siblings for help because she had $5000 from my mother's estate. She decided to get new windows for her house instead. I hope those windows keep her warm.

I do understand your heartache. You obviously wanted to do what's right for your kitty, so like everyone else has said, please be easy on yourself while you grieve her loss. Grief is hard enough without all the guilt that comes with it. And this: be careful who you tell, especially employers. All they need to know is you have a family emergency. That was one big lesson learned with Gracie. Hugs.

Ginny,
I am so sorry for your losses and hardships.
Thank you for helping to comfort me and share with me your experiences.

I haven't lost a parent, so I really do not even begin to know that grief and I doubt I ever will. I mean to say, I was adopted and though I was raised in a very nice home I was kept at a great distance and went through a lot of emotional and mental abuse, so the people who legally are my parents, should they pass before me, I still won't suffer like you and others have. I have spent my life wondering about my birth parents but it is in such a strange and detached way it may as well be mourning a celebrity. There are so many kinds of grief, each important.
I have very few people in my life now, one is a close friend who means the world to me. I watched her loose her mother 2 years ago from a long battle with cancer, and she still grieves deeply. I think she always will, and as painful as it must be to endure I think it speaks volumes about the capacity for love. I see it as a great strength, and never something shameful or negative at all.

In a perfect world, everyone and their animal family would have free healthcare, a safe home, food, and all the other necessities, including love. I think love is a necessity, even when it can be fleeting or fickle, everyone deserves to have love and be loved. This is why we take animals into our homes and lives, for love. It's a shame we don't live in that perfect world but as long as we keep doing what we can, then it is enough. It has to be.

elphae · Jan 22, 2016

I am starting to run behind on my day, reading all the great replies you have given me. Please forgive me for not responding individually to everyone but know that all of you have helped and I cannot thank you enough. I am so glad I found this place and wish it had been much sooner but, I am here now and so thankful for it.

nurseangel · Jan 22, 2016

Elphae said:
I am starting to run behind on my day, reading all the great replies you have given me. Please forgive me for not responding individually to everyone but know that all of you have helped and I cannot thank you enough. I am so glad I found this place and wish it had been much sooner but, I am here now and so thankful for it.

I thought about your story long after I read your post last night. It touched my heart in a way that I cannot find words to articulate. I wish you much peace and comfort.

kittens mom · Jan 22, 2016

Wanted you to know you are in my thoughts.

Couldn't afford emergency vet bill last night for c-section.

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Kittens life was lost to a negligent veterinarian.

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Chula and Paul's roommate

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Kittens life was lost to a negligent veterinarian.

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Kittens life was lost to a negligent veterinarian.

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Professional cat sitter extraordinaire!

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Kittens life was lost to a negligent veterinarian.