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I've gotten used to it.

post #1 of 20
Thread Starter 
I know I promised everyone to keep them posted on my situation at home, so here goes..

Mum recently got enagaged to this man she met recently, he's absusive towards her,always agressive,name calls,throw things. Thankfully never at me just mum. She knows Nana or any of her close friends would be happy to let us stay there but she keeps claiming she loves him and that the fighting will end blah blah blah. I've gotten used to this and when they start fighting I'll just walk out, might take the dogs our elmo(my outside cat) up to the courts and just talk to them I know they understand and I know they will always be there for me. Tonight it finally hit me that I don't have to put up with this that I could go and live with my mums ex(who's like a father to me) or move in with my grandparents but either of them and I can't take my animals.. and plus I'd like to be here for mum as silly as she is. He wont let her get a job, she's just here as a cleaner. Seriousely sometimes it makes me so upset that mum lives like this but she is making NO effort to leave.. I'm happy with my animals, and I have made tonnes of friends in the area and I love TCS as always! I just hope mum gets some sense before she buys a house with him in six months. Just an update to let you know that I'm fine and as selfish as that may seem I just can't knock any sense into mum.

post #2 of 20
Sometimes all you can do is voice your opinion and let things go. I am some what in the same situation your mom is. I love a man that treats me like crap. It's a hard place to be in more so when your family does nothing but tell you how bad he is for you. That is something that needs to be learned by the person in the situation. I am currently trying to figure out a way to get my so called love out of my life only because it finally hit me what he was doing to me. I pray that your mom sees what's going on soon. So you and her can get on with your life and live a HAPPY one! as far as you staying there, Good be there for your mom she's gonna need you. But promise that if it gets to bad for you or her that you get out! Animals or not you need to be safe and happy.
post #3 of 20
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by WillowsMom
Sometimes all you can do is voice your opinion and let things go. I am some what in the same situation your mom is. I love a man that treats me like crap. It's a hard place to be in more so when your family does nothing but tell you how bad he is for you. That is something that needs to be learned by the person in the situation. I am currently trying to figure out a way to get my so called love out of my life only because it finally hit me what he was doing to me. I pray that your mom sees what's going on soon. So you and her can get on with your life and live a HAPPY one! as far as you staying there, Good be there for your mom she's gonna need you. But promise that if it gets to bad for you or her that you get out! Animals or not you need to be safe and happy.
Hi Cindy-

I know you mean. I'm sorry about your situation.But I just think that if I loved someone but they hurt me or treated me badly that the last thing I would want to do is to be with him, and please nobody don't tell me that I'm too young to know these kind of things but I'm very stubborn and it's just what I'd do. Good luck with leaving him. Thanks BTW, I don't know what I would do without my animals, so where ever they are.. I just wish that mum will get a job incase she does leave him because we own a heck of alot of pets and I don't know what she's going to do. Sorry for venting I wasn't going to do this..

Hugs.
post #4 of 20
Quote:
Originally posted by WellingtonCats
Hi Cindy-

I know you mean. I'm sorry about your situation.But I just think that if I loved someone but they hurt me or treated me badly that the last thing I would want to do is to be with him, and please nobody don't tell me that I'm too young to know these kind of things but I'm very stubborn and it's just what I'd do. Good luck with leaving him. Thanks BTW, I don't know what I would do without my animals, so where ever they are.. I just wish that mum will get a job incase she does leave him because we own a heck of alot of pets and I don't know what she's going to do. Sorry for venting I wasn't going to do this..

Hugs.
I hope for your sake that you stick to your thinking!!!! I thought the same way when I was younger but then I fell in love. Love is blind VERY blind. I may have loved him but his love for me wasn't anything compared to what it should be. So be stubborn it's a great way to be in some situations! Like I said you will be in my prayers.
post #5 of 20
Quote:
Originally posted by WillowsMom
Sometimes all you can do is voice your opinion and let things go. I am some what in the same situation your mom is. I love a man that treats me like crap.
I can relate. I have just learned to live with the fact that my marriage will never be what I wanted it to be and I will never know what it is like to have it any different.

Sam...I sure wish your mom wouldn't marry this guy...it will only get worse once they are married. I will pray for you and for your mom. Keep us posted and never feel like you can't talk to us...we are here and we care!!!
post #6 of 20
Quote:
Originally posted by Debby
I can relate. I have just learned to live with the fact that my marriage will never be what I wanted it to be and I will never know what it is like to be treated any different.

I don't know all the details but I do want to say......you don't have to settle. Like my friends and family have told me a millions times in the past 2 years......You are a princess that deserves to be treated like one.
post #7 of 20
Thread Starter 
Cindy, Thanks dear. I will be keeping a strong head, I know I can do this. I hope god will give you the strength soon to get out. You're in my prayers as well.

Debby, I hope you're not getting hurt. I hope you're okay. Hugs. You're definitly in my prayers as well. Thanks also you're such a sweetie, I hope mum doesn't as well because then she will have to split all the things we own down the middle(he came into this relationship bringing nothing but himself and daughter) , mum brought all our furniture,car,cats and everything herself and I would hate to have to part with some of it, but it's not just the stuff that concerns me it's also the way he's going to treat her when she's married. This will be his FOURTH time getting married. I have already told mum that if she was to have a wedding that I wouldn't be attending I wouldn't feel happy celebrating the fact that mums life is going to be misery. I have had Mum ring me up during class crying saying she's just had a fight, I be strong for her and tell her we will be leaving tonight.. No she says I love him! Sorry I'm ranting again.

Cindy,BTW I like that princess quote.
post #8 of 20
Sam...
It must be hard to make these descisions because you feel like you have to protect your mom by staying
And i know how you feel about not being able to live without your animals
but you keep yourself safe...ok?
praying for you...
Lorien
post #9 of 20
Sam...no I'm not being hurt...physically. Thanks for caring. We just don't communicate very well and he is sarcastic and grumpy three fourths of the time anymore.
post #10 of 20
Thread Starter 
Thanks Lorien.. Will do! I would move out if it was legal, I think I can at 16, and I'm going to as soon as possible.

Debby, You're in my thoughts. Glad it's not pyhsical.. ya!
post #11 of 20
It's very hard living like that, Sam, my dad is the same way with my mom and with me to a degree but Mom wont leave and I have just given up tring to get her to. Its sad when I think of all the years shes's had to put up with this.

I, like you just walk out and try to forget whats going on in the house. Thats all you can do. Maybe your mom will realize before the wedding how much this is hurting you (and her).

Just hope for the best.
post #12 of 20
Oh, Sam, my heart goes out to you. If this guy starts on you, get out of there, despite the pets. My sister sounds a lot like your mother. She's had not one, but two abusive husbands, and the second one was also abusive of her eldest daughter, his step-daughter. His three biological children suffer because he is a "control freak". I'm glad you have people you can turn to, like your grandparents and your step-father. Now I know why you are so mature for your age - there has probably been a mother-daughter role reversal. You are the adult in that relationship. Perhaps if you left to live with your grandparents or step-father, your mother would wise up. Have you talked to your grandparents about the possibility of moving in with them? Are they your maternal grandparents? If so, they're probably pretty aware of what your mom is like, and might be able to find a solution that would include the pets. Sweetie, if you need to vent about your mom or the idiot she's involved with, you can PM or email me at any time. I've had plenty of practice with my nieces and nephews!
post #13 of 20
Thread Starter 
Alicia- Thanks. I'm sorry that your mum is in the same situation.

jcat- Thank you. Yeah I actually did move in with my grandparents for a few weeks and left mum to look after my cats but she begged me to go back home so I did. These grandparents are my mums ex's mother and father but they have known me since I was two and Nana is the person that I'm closest to in the whole world. I can go their anytime so it's good. Thanks again.
post #14 of 20
My friend was in an abusive relationship years ago. She lost all her friends, her family stopped talking to her becasue of the guy. He wouldn't let her see them and when we did he was an ass to us.

Finally after he threw a lazy boy chair at her she left him. Now she is with an awesome guy who treats her like gold.

There is always hope.

Good luck Sam and to you other guys too.
post #15 of 20
Please, please be careful.

The reason the guy won't let your mom get a job is he knows that the more freedom she has the more likely she is to leave. If she has to be completely dependent on him, it makes leaving much more difficult.

You certainly sound like you are mature for your years. Probably because you've been put in this situation. I certainly hope that you are able to move out and go on with your life and not repeat your mother's mistakes.

I can't imagine being in your situation, but please know that if it gets too bad, you must save yourself. I know that sounds selfish, but really it's not. You will always love your mom and I'm sure you would do whatever you could to help her, but don't do it at your own expense. She knows you love her. Keep telling her and showing her. Please be careful. Please.
post #16 of 20
(((((hugs)))))
That sounds like an awful situation. I hope things get better. If you see him hurt your mom you could call the police. I don't know how your mom would handle that, but it might be for the best.
post #17 of 20
I'm so sorry Sam! One of my friends was in your situation and then finally she told her grandparents that she couldn't take it anymore and they told her mom to leave the guy, and wouldn't let her say no.
If it gets too bad, just ask someone for help. Maybe if one of your mom's relatives talked to her, she'd listen to them.
Good luck, I'll keep you in my prayers!
post #18 of 20
Quote:
Originally posted by Debby
It's just too long of a story and too much to go into right now but basically I have no choice.
Well if you want to talk I am here It might do the both of us some good But I can understand where your comign from. You too will be in my paryers
post #19 of 20
Sam, first of all let me say I am sorry that you have to grow up in a situation like this I know it is hard for you to watch your Mom be in this situation and also you too. It may not happen now but eventually he will start in on you too.

I was in a similar relationship for 18 years. Mental and physical abuse is what I endured on a daily basis. I stayed because I thought that I loved him and also that I couldn't take care of myself on my own. It took me many, many years to finally see that there is a better life out there than what I had.

I will always regret that I stayed for my daughters sake, seeing as now she has been in similar realationships herself. I know it is my fault since that is what she saw growing up and I didn't have enough backbone then to leave.

I know that I can take care of me without the help of a &%#*@!$ man(no offense to any man reading this)and that there are some men out there who are not total @sses, I married one a little over a year ago

I pray that your Mom will see that she is not really in love with this man, just brainwashed into thinking that she loves him and has been made fearful so she will not leave. I also pray that you will not be hurt by this man physically, since I know that you are already hurting mentally by this. Please, please try to talk Mom into leaving this man again for both of your sakes. Take care my friend, we are all here for you
post #20 of 20
Please take care of yourself, I hope things get better for you (and your mum).
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