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I hit a deer lastnight...I cant let it go.. - Page 2

post #31 of 60
Thread Starter 
Originally posted by chelle
I'm so sorry sweetie

Thank you Chelle. *hugs*
post #32 of 60
I'm sorry you had to go through that, but it wasn't your fault. You did all you could to avoid hitting the deer without endangering other road users. You should be proud you reacted so sensibly, I'm pretty sure I'd have just slammed on the brakes and caused a huge accident.

As for those people who are telling you that it was 'only' a deer, you know they mean well, they just don't have the same perspective as you. The fact that you are so upset just goes to show how much you love animals.

I hope you're feeling better, remember you need to start driving again on your own timescale. Sending you (((((((((((Hugs)))))))))) from Jeepers and I, and hope you're okay.
post #33 of 60
Amber, you did as well as you could. Why did it happen to you? You were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time, but averted a complete disaster by keeping your cool and reacting reasonably. It will take awhile for you to get over this, but you shouldn't blame yourself in any way. I was in a similar situation 4 years ago. I had been at a colleague's retirement party, and was driving home late at night along a 4-lane highway that went through woods. I've had a driver's license for 30 years and doubt that I've exceeded speed limits more than 5 - 10 times during that period, so call me overcautious. That night I saw a "wildlife crossing" sign, and slowed a bit, because I've had a number of encounters with wild boar in our area, and really slowed down when I saw something flit across the highway. The result was that the man behind me thought I was being overcautious, and passed me at high speed. He hit a huge stag. The stag was killed, the car was totalled, and the man ended up in intensive care, but survived. The whole incident shook me up, but how could I have acted differently? I still try to avoid driving that particular stretch. I think people should take speed limits and warning signs more seriously, but as you obviously did, you should try to accept that the situation was beyond your control.
post #34 of 60
Hi! I was checking to see if you were feeling any better. I hope so.
post #35 of 60
I'm sorry you had to go through that. I know how you feel - and I'm not just saying that. I really do know how you feel. I can't go into details, because it's too hard for me to talk about it - it has to do with an animal. It's no secret, it's just that it's too hard for me to think about it. But I will tell you another story. Last week, we had relatives staying with us. We went out to eat in their car that night. On the way back we hit a deer. We slowed down a lot when the first deer went by. Then the second one came out and we weren't going very fast at all, because the person driving saw the deer coming. But it did do a lot of damage to the car, put the driver into a depression (making it the third deer he's hit in three months - two with the same car), and I'm sure it probably killed the deer. But we couldn't find the deer, so I can't be sure of that. I never saw any deer at all that whole night - I never do. I can't drive at night at all because I have night blindness - a permanent side effect from my laser eye surgery that I had when I was legally blind to correct my vision. So, I can't drive at night - ever. I can't see anything when it's dark. So, I wouldn't worry too much about driving at night right now. Give yourself time. If the time comes where you really have to or need to, then you just will - and you'll be fine.
post #36 of 60
Thread Starter 
Well lastnight wasnt as bad as I thought it would be. He figured it best to get me out of the house and it did help some. Took my mind off it for a little while. On the way to town a huge dog was out in the road. That scared me. It made it though...but it showed me even though it's daylight I'm gonna be scared about this awhile. We went to a indoor flea market. That was ok until there was an indian booth and I saw deer hooves and antlers. I had no warning about that and so it kinda upset me. The woman even started telling me they make everything theirselves and to come and look around. I was upset and said: "including kill the animals for that stuff?" and I pointed to the deer stuff. I know it was rude, but I was upset and I really dont think that stuff should be right there in the front for kids to see. We left and went to Pizza Hut and then to the mall. I was OK then untill we started to leave. Once we got out of town as soon as we left the last light pole and was in the dark I started to panic. I kept seeing things on the side and wanted to scream and cry, but didnt because I knew it could cause him to be distracted. Instead I sat stiff as a stone and silently cried praying we'd get home fast and soon. I guess this means I'm gonna be upset a while....Tuesday I have to take a math test at his job since I'm trying to get on there. I'm not ready to drive at night yet...Thursday when this all happened I promised her (his boss) I would come in and take the test. Then this happened. I'll be working second shift. Do you guys think it will be ok aslong as I go really slow at night? I hate to back out on this...I need a job so bad and she's extremely short on help. I just dont know what to do. I'm just. afraid I'll freak when I first drive at night alone again.
post #37 of 60
Thread Starter 

Thanks. I am proud of myself for that, but still really suprised that I didnt swerve or something else.

Those people may have a different perspective..which I respect...but I dont at all like it. They were all more worried about my truck or me than the deer. I think that deer deserved to be cared about too. I'm glad it's obvious I'm an animal lover.

I'm starting to feel alittle bit better...getting out of the house did help. I was terrified riding home with him lastnight so it looks like it's gonna be a long time before I willingly drive at night. Thanks *hugs* *pets Jeepers*
post #38 of 60
Thread Starter 
krazy kat2:

Thank you! I'm alittle better thanks to Lyle getting me out of the house. I was terrified during the ride home lastnight, so it looks like it's gonna be awhile before I'm over this.
post #39 of 60
Thread Starter 

I know you're right, it's just so hard to not blame myself. Like you said though I did keep everyone else safe. Oh wow...that would scare the crap out of me. I'm always afraid that a deer will run across the road right as a car is coming when I wont be able to see as well to avoid it or that someone will pass me like they did you and hit one. I'm suprised when I started to slow down that the cars didnt pass me. I'm glad you and that guy are ok.
That is one thing that will be a problem for me..the ONLY way into or out of town is by going over that section of road where this happened.
People dont pay attention. The woman behind me even admitted she wasnt paying attention. I look for things like that and even I was caught off guard. That road is 55, but alot of people go alot faster. I'm just thankfull that like usual I was watching and wasnt going 55 at night.
post #40 of 60
Thread Starter 

Thanks. Whatever happened that you cant talk about I'm sorry and hope you are OK *hugs* It must've been bad cause I can atleast talk about this. I'm glad everyone was ok in that accident...I cant imagine going through this 3 times! Hopefully that deer lived. Sorry about the laser vision accident. Atleast maybe now you wont have to go thru this. It was mainly the death of the deer and the visual images that are bothering me. I'm gonna have to soon. I may be getting the job where my Fiancee works. I'm not gonna have any choice so I guess all I can do is drive really slow and pray I'll be ok.
post #41 of 60
I'm so sorry you've gone thru this. Lyle is right to make you go out and drive right away. I had an accident with another car last year and it took me quite a while before I could drive past the site without worrying. I drove slower than everyone else when the sun went down and stayed 10 car lengths away from the car in front of me.

You did everything right with your accident. If you had slammed on the brakes or swerved, you could have had an accident yourself and then we wouldn't be calming your nerves, we'd be sending good vibes for your recovery.

I lost my nephew 5 yrs ago to a deer. He swerved to avoid it and rolled into a ditch. So as much as I love animals and would rather cut off my arm than hurt one, I say hit the deer and save YOUR life!
post #42 of 60
Thread Starter 

Thanks Sweets. I'm not gonna have much of a choice if I pass the math test at the job I've been wanting. I've still not drove since the accident. Just riding with Lyle home had me terrified. I guess if I get the job, I'll just have to do it. I just hope I dont get a ticket for going too slow I'll probably creep through that area awhile. Tommorow my grandma and I are going shopping and I'm gonna take that math test...which also means I'm gonna have to see where that accident was. Atleast we'll probably be home before dark.

I know...*sigh* and I'm very thankfull for that. Each day I remember that I did things right and protected myself and the people behind me. That helps. It doesnt get rid of the images though. They're what's bothering me the most now.

I'm so sorry about you're nephew. All I was thinking about was the people behind me and my fiancee. I wanted to stop so bad...I really wanted the deer to make it. Atleast I'm ok and everyone else is too. I only wish it had just never happened. I know there had to be a reason...
post #43 of 60
I'm glad you are feeling a bit better.

You do have to get back out there and gradually get your confidence back.

post #44 of 60
Thread Starter 
Originally posted by Whisker's mom
I'm glad you are feeling a bit better.

You do have to get back out there and gradually get your confidence back.

Thanks. I'm glad too. I'm safe here though. It's how I'm gonna react once I start to drive again that's got me worried. I just hope that was the last accident I'm ever a part of.

I guess it's gonna take time... *sigh* Unfortunately I'm not a patient person. Who knows maybe that'll help me make myself do it.

post #45 of 60
Thread Starter 
Well today was better. Grandma and I had to go to town. I was alittle upset driving over the site where it happened, but I was ok. Then I had to take a math test as part of the application where Lyle works. I'm trying to get on there partly because they are extremely low on help. We went to get groceries and then home. Then came the harder part. It was dark then and so of course I had to go where the accident was. She was going 50...I really really wanted her to slow down, but she wouldnt. I was so scared...I did not want to even drive there...especially not that fast. I just clenched my fists and held onto the seat and looked out the window for any sign of deer. No nothing happened, but I was expecting it to. I was so happy to be away from that stretch of road. I finally relaxed. The only thing that bothered me was I was still kinda imagining things...like seeing shadows from the lights and thinking they were something else. I'm finally getting over the night fear. I went outside and walked around the house. It's odd how that whole thing has had me so scared of the dark. So I guess I've got another day and another step closer to being over this...well enough to be able to function anyway. I doubt I'll ever be over killing the deer. It's not the deers fault. We built these roads thru their habitat and homes.
Possibly Thursday (one week from the accident) I'll be meeting Lyle in town before he goes to work again. I plan to be home before dark. I dont think it's best that I drive at night yet untill I know how I react to driving (since I've not drove since then). Well just thought I should let you know how I'm doing. I'm just mainly trying to get back to normal.
post #46 of 60
I'm so sorry to hear you had to go through that. I can imagine how you felt! I've never hit anything, though I did come very close once when a little Shih-Tzu ran right in front of my car. I had time to stop, and it ran behind the car and made the car coming up behind me screech to a halt too. Luckily, it made it across the street safely, an noone was hurt.

I can imagine this is of little consolation for you, but there are warning sirens (audible to animals only) that you can attach to your car, so that animals know you're coming and can stay out of the way. Maybe Wal-Mart sells those? Probably in the hunting and fishing section... it might be worth a look...

Take your time to recover. I was in a hit and run with a drunk driver last summer, and still get nervous when I cross the intersection where I got hit. Even though I was miraculously uninjured, I still drive through with white knuckles!

post #47 of 60
Sorry to hear about your accident, Hope you are doing better
Those deer whistles that you put on your car bumpers do work. My mother's last job before she retired, she made night delivers to nursing homes. She put those deer whistles on her car and she did not have any problems after that. So if your grandmother does have them at the house, you might try it.
post #48 of 60
Sorry to hear about this as well.

Unfortunately - accidents are accidents, and we can't always control life as much as we want to.

Sometimes I think it helps to turn a bad experience into a good one to deal with the fear and guilt. In other words, try to do a good deed. Sometimes in these situations, you think "why did this have to happen? What was the reason?"

If you try to turn it into a good deed (volunteering at a rescue, adopting a shelter animal, helping with a TNR program), then it helps you reconcile, "OK. This happened. I'm very sad for it. But something good came out of it in the end. That was the reason."

I'm not trying to suggest that you run out and start adopting three-legged dogs, but I know it helps me to try and channel that unhappiness into something positive.

I'm not particularly religious, but I do believe in karma. Convert the bad and sad energy into good energy, and the world can only be a happier place.
post #49 of 60
Thread Starter 
Thanks. I'm alittle better now..I had to drive today and although I was shaking, I did it and made it home safe atleast. I've got some, but I've heard they dont work.
post #50 of 60
Thread Starter 

Thanks. AWwww poor dog! Glad you were all ok.

I know what you're talking about...and I have some deer whistles, only thing is I've heard they dont even work. That's the irony of this. My grandmother has to drive thru a state park to get home or to work....she's not hit a deer in over 18years. She doesnt even have whistles...it's so odd!

Oh wow...I'm sorry...It would be much harder to recover if it involved a person/car. I drove thru it to town and on my way home tonight for the first time...I was so scared! I'd rather take my time, but I dont have much of a choice. I'm trying to get hired somewhere, and soon I'll have to drive since I have to work 2nd shift.

post #51 of 60
Thread Starter 

Thanks. I know....it's just so ironic that it happens...I've never seen a deer on that road..and noone in my family has had this happen...It just doesnt make sense. I'm definately wondering what the reason was...especially since I'm the only one in my family. It makes me feel like I've done something wrong and am being punished by fate. I know there was some purpose in this...except for the deer that died, it's like it never happened. My truck is fine and physically I am too...along with all the people combined. I just try to remember it had to happen for some reason and know that I atleast did everything right when it comes to me and the other people on the road. I'm trying to remember that stuff to get some peace and let it go.

I'm the same way. Everyday I'm nice to people. Even people mean to me. I'm constantly doing things for others and people say I'm very helpfull....yet another reason I dont understand this...I guess bad things do happen to good people. *sigh* I just hope I dont have to have something like this happen again.
post #52 of 60
Thread Starter 
Well today I went driving. The first time since the accident. Oddly today was a week from the accident. I was in a good mood and it was a beautiful day which really helped. I was nervous, but ok untill I got to the spot. I was so scared...I then saw what was left of the deer. I wanted to puke..and cry..I cant believe that it's still there! It's right beside someone's mailbox! I made it to walmart where I was to meet Lyle before he had to go to work. He was late and I sat there trying to calm down and not freak out. He could tell I was really shook up and helped calm me down. I was back to normal again untill time to go. It was about 430 and I was so scared because it was dusk and I knew I wasnt ready to drive in the dark. I was scanning every tiny inch of the road in every direction just waiting for one. I've became really paranoid about it now. I made it home safely...but I'm not looking forward to night driving.
post #53 of 60
I know it can't be easy but I think you deserve a big for getting back in the car
post #54 of 60
I just read your post the other night, kudos on getting back out there driving. I know it's hard - I hit a deer about eight years ago and I can still remember the horror of it. It was 2am and in the middle of nowhere. The deer was in this stupid little dip in the road so I didn't even see it until I was almost on it. I tried to stop but didn't succeed, luckily I wasn't going very fast. But, the deer slid all the way up the hood of my car, just stopping at the windshield before it slid down and thrashed about, then got up and ran away. Two or three people passed me and of course didn't stop. So, I drove to then end of the road trying to find a place to call the police from. Finally I found some hole in the wall motel and tried to get a night manager, but there wasn't anyone there. A couple heard me walking outside (I had on boots) and they let me use their phone to call the police, who arrived about a half hour later. He drove me back to the accident site and we tried to find the deer but there was no sign of him/her. I still feel bad for him/her, since it probably was pretty badly hurt. Since my car was pretty smashed up ($4,000 worth) the police officer offered to follow me the rest of the way, which was funny because I didn't want to exceed our 55mph speed limit so it took forever, and about twenty cars lined up behind us because THEY didn't want to speed past him, either. When we finally got back he said, "I bet you don't normally drive that slowly home."

I was very shaken up by the whole experience and just wanted to be one more voice to let you know you're not alone in how you're feeling or what happened. I love animals, too, and it really made me feel bad even though I really couldn't have done anything to avoid it.

That's amazing that no one else in your family has hit a deer, I think almost everyone in my family has hit a deer, heck, my brother had one hit him. He had just had his Jaguar for about 2 months when he was sitting at a stop light and a deer came running out of the woods and ran right into his car. One of my co-workers actually hit three (at different times) one winter.

Well, good thoughts to you and keep on driving.
post #55 of 60
Thread Starter 
Awww thanks. It felt good to do it, but WAY better to be home.
*sheepish grin* I've not driven since then though. I probably will this week when Lyle gets a day off so we can have a date. I'm not at all wanting too. I think I'll be ok during the day. Even though they can still come out, atleast I'll be more likely to see them.
post #56 of 60
What's meant to happen will, even though I know when it comes to a life, that concept is really hard to accept. But, at least you're not hurt, and the people who were driving behind you didn't get hurt either. And it's perfectly normal to be afraid to drive at night, or drive on certain roads after something like this happens. When I was 16, just got my lisence, I was coming home from meeting some friends to see a movie, and these two girls in front of me hit a deer, and locked up their breaks, and well, I ended up hitting them. No one was hurt, but for months after that I took another road home, or wouldn't drive at certain times in the evening. But it's only hard for a little while, and then you start to accept it, and eventually get over it. I'm still sorry though that you even had to go through something like this.
post #57 of 60
Thread Starter 

Thanks. It's mainly my Fiancee that got me to do it. I wasnt too happy though...especially at the site and on the way home.
Wow...atleast I was lucky enough to have my cell phone! There's no way I could've walked that night. I barely got it in my head to get off the road and get in a driveway! My cop wouldnt follow me. I guess I lived to far away from town. I was still in the church parking lot that we had later pulled into and he came back to see if I was ok. I was very shaky, but I told him I was fine. Once he left I just sat there praying for strenght, no more deer and the ability to drive home. I went 35 with the flashers. It would've been much better to have not been alone and have had the cop!

Thanks...it helps to know I'm not the only one. It kinda makes me feel nuts how scared I am. I still feel that maybe I could've done something...I wish I could've.

It is amazing that I'm the only one...more wierd though more than anything. Especially considering my granmother has to drive thru a national park going to and from work everyday. Aw...that would be bad...I'm afraid of that happening...I'm all scared of hitting a deer so I'll drive slow, but one could just jump out on me anyway.

Thanks. I hopefully will be over this and able to eventually. I'll have to.
post #58 of 60
Thread Starter 

That's for sure. Cause if the deer had lived it would've been like it never happened. I am thankfull everyone is ok. It's just shocking that we were all so lucky! I'm sure it's normal to be afraid..what I'm worried about is how LONG can I be afraid and it be normal? That's the problem. Stuff like that is why I'm always several cars away from people in front of me. I'm always paranoid that something like that will happen to me. I'd probably missed that deer if the cars werent so close on my tail. I had to kill the deer to prevent a pile-up...not a fun choice. Could've probably been prevented. Atleast noone was hurt in both our situations. You were lucky...there is no way into town other than this road. It's the best and most convienient where I live anyway. I'm finally starting to accept the deer part of this because I know that I cant bring it back no matter what I do. I cant get over the images for some reason. I guess a week is too soon to expect to be fine. Thanks.
post #59 of 60
Gothic - only the rich and famous had cell phones back when I hit my deer! And - the phones weighed about 5 lbs.! But, it sure would have been nice to have just called 911 from where I was, oh, that's right, we didn't even have 911 in this area back then! Man, I'm starting to feel old!

Keep up the good work, I'm happy for you that you have such good support from Lyle.
post #60 of 60
Thread Starter 
It was nice having my phone especially as cold as it was. I think it was susposed to be 18 that night. It was also really windy. I was so shook up I'd have had no business walking. Old? Why feel old. I'm 20 and you should see how technology has advanced during my life time! We're both old if we base it on technology and it's advacements!

Thanks. I'm happy too. He's supporting me good except him thinking I'm overreacting over this and should be driving!
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