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I hit a deer lastnight...I cant let it go..

post #1 of 60
Thread Starter 
*Im gonna tell what happened after I talk about when I got home* Also If you read this all, I'm sorry it's so long..I just needed to vent and hopefully this story will be a wake up call for someone else.

When I came home lastnight I barely had the energy..or will power to feed my cats...I was in such a shock. I barely made it home. I kept seeing things on the side of the road and swerving and was shaking so much. When I did finally get my cats fed, I thought it best that I try to get my mind off of the accident. So I went online. I tried to reply to my emails and postings on TCS. I did a few...then no more. I got suddenly weak and tired and decided to just go to bed. This morning I woke up and remembered and started shaking and almost had another panic attack...then finally fell asleep again. I woke up and got up at 2:30 pm. I still feel horrible. I cant let this go and I am now terrified to go outside at night muchless drive....I decided a few minuets ago that maybe talking about this would help. I'm sure I'm not the only one on the board that has faced this.

Here's how it happened. *Warning* This may upset some...I did leave out the graphic details though...

Yesterday Lyle had to go in at 330 instead of his usual early time. I needed cat food anyway, so we decided to meet each other in town before he had to go to work(we cant afford to live together yet). Eventually it was time for him to go. I went in Walmart to get the cat food and other things I needed. I took my time. Grandma had to work and wanted me to try to get home before dark since it was gonna be really cold. I should've listened to her and come on home. None of this would've happened...Anyway I had to get gas so went to the gas station where Lyle works and got gas. I stayed in there and talked to him a few minuets and talked a while to his boss. I'm trying to get a job there and she said they were really short on help. I got an application and talked to him a few more since it was slow in there and then decided it was dark and better start home. By then it was between 545 and 600pm. The main road is 55MPH, but at night because of animals I never go over 45-50. Slower than that if I can. The road out of town to my house has lanes that merge into just a regular 2 lane road when you leave. Once past the merge there are no lights just people's house lights. I had my lights on bright. There wasnt hardly any oncoming traffic. Behind me I knew I had 3-4 cars. About 3-4 miles down the road I suddenly saw a deer(doe) run across the road (from my right). I immediatly slowed down because I assumed if there was one there could be another. I couldnt slow down much more thanks to the car right on my tail. I went a few feet and still nothing so I thought well maybe that was it. Right when I started to move my foot off the brake and accelerate there came another doe. It was only a few feet away, but I was hoping I could stop. I knew I couldnt slam on my brakes because one there was a car right on my tail and 2 because I heard you can lock up your brakes and skid. I braked as much as possible and it kept getting closer and closer in slow motion and then suddenly I knew it was gonna happen and that's when I said the heck withit and slammed on my brakes. I could hear tires squaling and feel the back of my truck moving left and right and then I saw the deer hit. I stared screaming and didnt really know what I should do. I saw a driveway about a foot or 2 away and decided I should park and get off the road. I sat there stunned screaming and the first instinct was to call someone. I couldnt remember how to use the phone. I just kept pressing buttons and somehow saw the name of Lyle's job and called. I was screaming and crying and he kept telling me to calm down..I was hysterical. I couldnt just calm down. I then remembered my truck and the deer. I looked back out on the road and saw it trying to get up. I saw the car that was on my tail pull in behind me. The others went on like nothing (they could've helped grrr). I finally went to the front of my truck and miraculously there was no damage[I checked my truck today and it looks like the deer stayed on the passengers side underneath and just slid the whole way like the woman behind me said she saw]. Lyle had to go so I called 911 (according to my phone it was 600 by then. They hooked me up with the police and after I told them the location (there was a church right down the road). The car that was behind me turned out to be a woman I think that was in her late 30s early 40s. We were talking and she was trying to help keep me calm. Then there were cars. We had to watch as people kept hitting the deer. It was so horrible the sounds and watching it be moved back and forth. We kept screaming for everyone to stop, but there was nothing we could do. Some guy came walking down the road. He said when he run over it knocked his stickshift out of gear. We all waited untill finally the cop came. Eventually we ended up in the church parkinglot and talked about what happened and the details. The woman gave me her # and address cause I thought if it damaged my truck I might need a witness for the insurance co. She then told me that I did everything right in the way I reacted. I was proud of myself because I could've easily slammed on my brakes when I saw either doe and caused a pile up. I knew at the time that as much as I love animals a deer was better than getting hit by a car and hurting those people behind me. Once the details were taken care of she left and the cop and I talked. Eventually he had to go. I was so shook up. I sat in the truck and just stared off into space. I started thinking. I was so lucky. I could've slammed on my brakes, run off the road(there were large ditches), been going faster, not been paying attention, it could've even went up onto the truck and came thru the glass. So many many things could've happened. Instead everyone, except the poor deer, is ok. I'm so thankfull...but so confused. I cant let this go...cant figure out why this happened to me. My parents, grandma, aunt and uncle have never hit one. It's so wierd...not only was I the only one to hit a deer...nothing else really happened. I finally left the church parking lot and went 35 the whole way home with my emergency lights on. [My truck seemed ok and I guess it was since it got me home]. I was shaking and so scared another one would pop out in the road. I had no warning except the first one. If it wasnt for that one, who knows what would've happened. I think that God was with me. It just now hit me...this happened at a church...everyone is ok. It's so wierd. Maybe it's a hint I need to go back to church. Maybe there's someother reason this happened. Either way, I cant let this go. I killed an animal. I could've been responsible for a pile up. All because I didnt go home before dark. Lyle just called and wants us to go to the big town about 30 mins away(we go there about once a month)I love going there, but now I am so scared to go outside at night..he's even wanting to make me drive to show me I have nothing to worry about. He doesnt understand why I cant just let this go. I dont understand why it happened...or how I'm gonna be able to drive at night again.
post #2 of 60
I am so sorry that you had to go through that - it must have been a traumatic experience for you. I remember when I was riding home with my mum, a dog shot out from behind a van and we hit it and we could feel it under the car - it was an awful feeling - mum had no time to stop right away and I was just bawling.

Mega hugs to you - I am glad that you are okay and your head was screwed on tight. I know that deer died but a lot of people could have if your head wasn't on straight.

post #3 of 60
Amber, I'm sorry you hit a deer and I'm sorry about all the pain you have gone through. I don't really have much advice for you! Hugs
post #4 of 60
Thread Starter 
Thanks Kiwideus...It was traumatic and I just wish it would go away. I'm glad it wasnt a dog. I'm sorry you had that happen...I'm always terrified I'll run over a dog or cat(including my own).

Thanks. That's one think I really do need...hugs. The cop, the woman..and grandma..noone hugged me last night. I really need a hug. I'm thankfull too that noone got hurt. It coul've been alot worse lastnight. I am thankfull for that.
post #5 of 60
Thread Starter 
Originally posted by WellingtonCats
Amber, I'm sorry you hit a deer and I'm sorry about all the pain you have gone through. I don't really have much advice for you! Hugs
Thanks Sam. It's ok..I just hope you never have to go thru something like this. Thanks *hugs*
post #6 of 60
Amber sweetie...I'm so sorry you had to go through that! It truly sounds like a horrific ordeal, but please know that you did the best that you could have done in that situation. Like you said, it could have been a lot worse. Be thankful for that.

Many hugs to you Hon...you really need one right now! I wish I were there to give you one in person...hope this will do!

post #7 of 60
Thread Starter 
Thank you Shell. I hope you are right. I just keep feeling I could've done something more. I try to remember it could've been worse and use that to feel better.

Thank you. I really do...I wish I could feel it. It does help though having people who care and to talk to. *hugs*
post #8 of 60
I am so sorry this happened , Once while my husband and I were driving a cat ran out infront of us before we could stop we had hit her / him the cat was like a blur there just wasnt enough time to stop to prevent the accident , but it was just that an accident. You feel like you do because of your love of animals you see them as equal to human there for you feel the death as if someone would if they had hit a person .

Time talking and allowing yourself to know I mean really know that you did all you could are going to be the healing factors for you
post #9 of 60
I feel your pain. You did the right thing, there was nothing else you could do in this situation. I am glad you are not hurt physically. It's good to get it out here at TCS, I think we all here can relate.
post #10 of 60
Thread Starter 
Thanks Dana. I'm sorry you and your husband ran over a cat...I'm sure that was hard. You're right. I see animals as more than just animals. My family keeps saying it was 'just a deer'. It's so annoying when they say that. To me it's not just a deer. I'm sure it had a family too. It hurst that I killed it. I was more worried about it than my truck.
Hopefully I can find some way to believe it wasnt my fault. I'll have to eventually. I cant let this eat at me..it's not healthy.
post #11 of 60
Thread Starter 
Originally posted by Coco Maui
I feel your pain. You did the right thing, there was nothing else you could do in this situation. I am glad you are not hurt physically. It's good to get it out here at TCS, I think we all here can relate.
I guess you're right...it happened so fast I really didnt have much time to react. I'm glad I'm not hurt too...even though a part of me wishes it was me instead of the deer. I know though that it had to have happened for a reason. I just wish I knew what it was. I'm usually not one to vent here, but I thought that not only could you guys help me get over this, maybe it would be a wake-up call for someone else and help prevent this for them.
post #12 of 60
Thread Starter 
There's another thing...it was susposed to be 18 degrees and it was really windy. I wasnt even expecting there to be any animals, much less a deer around. Yet another lesson learnt. *sigh*
post #13 of 60
Thats sad to hear You did the right thing not slamming the brakes, but some accidents just can't be avoided. I hope you feel better soon!

post #14 of 60
Thread Starter 
Thanks Cougar. I'm glad I was right about the brakes. I was afraid they wouldnt actually have locked up and I hit it for nothing.
post #15 of 60
Amber.... first of all (((hug))) I know how hard it must be to shake an image like that and to not replay everything in your mind wondering what you could have done differently. Thing is... you probably did the only thing that you could have done. Deer have this way of just appearing out of nowhere.

Where I live, there are so many deer that each time I drive after dark, by the time I arrive to where I'm going, my hands hurt because the whole way there, I'm clutching the steering wheel, expecting something to happen.

Hunting season is the absolute worst and I dread it. Deer just fly out of the bush like crazy. I avoided hitting a deer about one month ago but I lost control of the van and fishtailed a bit before getting back in my lane. It jumped out of the ditch and although I am very observant and actually spend most of my time looking for the deer, this one must have been coming up the ditch and I didn't see it till it ran across the road in front of me. There was no on-coming traffic but had there been, I'm not sure what the outcome would have been since I ended up in that lane. I can assure you, it took quite some time before my heart settled. I can imagine what you went through.

I am, however, shocked that people would just continue to drive by...and, to repeatedly run over the deer. My God! Could they not see that something had happened???? 2 vehicles on the side of the road should have been a pretty good hint to them. I don't know about people sometime... *sigh* Nothing like making a bad situation worse for someone who's already quite shook up.

We hit a deer years ago. Hubby was driving but thankfully, we were not going very fast and it barely hit. I screamed and watched in amazement as it just continued running along. I was upset because I thought, this poor deer may be hurt and suffering. We looked for it but couldn't find it anywhere. The car was not damaged. It did prove that this could happen to anybody. My hubby is one of the most alert people on the road. And if it happened to him... it can happen to anyone.

Amber... don't beat yourself up over this. No matter how careful and cautious you are on the road, deer do have a way of popping up out of nowhere. The reaction we have when they do, greatly impacts the outcome. Thankfully.... you made a decision that probably could have had a worse outcome if you were not aware of your surroundings. You knew you were being followed closely and the decision you made did not cause any damage to others. You should be proud of that.

They sell these little whistles that you can place on your car. Apparently the noise scares the deer away. They sell them at truck stops and if I'm not mistaken, at Walmart. Maybe purchasing that will give you some reassurance. From what I've been told. They really work. I haven't gotten around to purchasing some but I may.

post #16 of 60
Amber, first of all, I think you handled a difficult situation very well and you should be proud of yourself for it.

I also live in an area that has a large deer population, and accidently hitting a deer is a very common occurance around here. Hubby and I almost hit a really HUGE buck one night when we were driving through an area that had a lot of trees and brush along the highway. We were going about 60 mph, and we weren't paying any attention to the possibility of deer being close by. All of a sudden, this buck came bounding out of the trees and onto the road really fast. As soon as the buck was on the pavement, and directly in front of our car, the headlights hit it in the eyes, and it came to a dead stop and just froze. Hubby slammed on the brakes really hard, and we were sure we were going to hit it. Very fortunately for us, the buck started moving again at the last second, and we watched it bounding through the trees on the other side of the highway. After that, we always drove through that section of highway a lot more carefully.
post #17 of 60
Thread Starter 
Whisker's Mom:

I am replaying it..how'd you know. I try to block it out, but it was so graphic. I've never seen something graphic like that in real life. Just in movies. You're right about that. One second driving...then suddenly there were deer.

I live out in the country so I have to worry about them an other animals, but luckily I hardly ever see one. It was so cold lastnight I definately didnt expect one lastnight. Oddly grandma works at a campground in the middle of a national park...she sees them alot, yet has never had an accident with one.

Wow that would've scared the crap out of me. I'm observant too...if it wasnt for that I probably wouldnt have saw the first one and it was that one that saved me. The one I hit come out of a VERY large ditch. If my truck had went in it, I doubt anyone driving by would've seen me...it was that big.

I was so pissed off about that. I mean one, how can they just fly by with me and that woman on the edge of the road with our blinkers on and two how the heck could they not see that huge lump in the road? If the deer hadnt been repeatedly hit I think I'd not be as shook up. Plus why didnt they even see if we needed help? It was 18 degrees outside! It's a good thing I had my cell phone. I was probably going only 40-45 when I saw it and slowed down and it didnt hurt my truck and it was alive...I saw what 2 cars did to it...I cant imagine if I had been going 55 like them. Hopefully they realized what they hit and alteast were reminded to watch out for them.

I'm glad you two were ok. Luckily it made it. I still just dont understand why this happened to me.

I'm trying not too...I keep trying to tell myself that I couldnt help it and I am kinda proud of myself for how I handled it. I've never had a wreck or anything so I was suprised I didnt panic while I was driving. I'm just thankfull that my instincts were good and I was paying attention. It was a good thing I didnt slam on my brakes...the woman behind me admitted that she wasnt really paying attention untill I started to try to stop.

Grandma had some unopened...I'm just afraid they'll make it worse or not even work.
post #18 of 60
I am so sorry this happened to you. I hate that the deer was killed, but I am very glad you weren't hurt, or any of the people on the road. I am sure if there was anything else you could have safely done, you would have done it. They run out so fast, and it was not your fault. Please try to let go of it, and remember that it was an accident, and you didn't do anything wrong. ((((hugs))))
post #19 of 60
Thread Starter 
Lorie D:

Thank you. I am proud of myself for that.

There's another thing I have to be thankfull for...it could've been a buck. I'm sure as big as they are it would mess up any vehicle to hit one. I'm glad you two(and the buck) were lucky enough that it moved and you didnt hit it. I'll definately be going alot slower through there now. Grandma said there's a creek somewhere near that section of the road. I've never seen it from the road though.
post #20 of 60
Originally posted by Gothic_Amethyst
Thanks Sam. It's ok..I just hope you never have to go thru something like this. Thanks *hugs*
My pleasure and I hope you're feeling better now.

Actually we did once in 2002, we had our old station wagon and were driving in a poor part of porirua(where I love pron. POR EE ROO A) and we didn't stop in time and this big stray looking lactating dog could tell by the milk bags ) and we hit it, we stopped whilst going 60kilmetres an hour and hit it and send it flying, it jumped up afterwards and ran off we stopped the car got out and tried to run after it but it had already gone. I hope the poor girl was alright. We felt awful.
post #21 of 60
Thread Starter 
krazy kat2:

Thanks. I know if the deer had lived I'd be ok. Shaken up by the close call, but I'd have been ok. I'm glad I wasnt hurt and didnt cause anyone else to be hurt. I felt horrible about the deer, but at the time I had only 2 choices: The deer or the people behind me. Oh yeah they run out fast..the first one zipped accross the road..the second one gave me no warning. I'm trying to let it go..I just keep thinking I should've been going slower..even though I was already below the speed limit. It was an accident though you're right. I didnt do it on purpose. Thanks for the hugs...I need them. *hugs*
post #22 of 60
Thread Starter 

I'm still kinda in the shock/why me phase and depressed. I only ate supper tonight. I'm kinda disenterested in everything. Other than that I am alittle better.

Awwwww I hope she made it too...I bet she was if she left afterwards. I had a dog of mine (the same one I have now) get hit when I was in elementary school or middle..I cant remember...anyway I was waiting for the school bus and there was this car just flying down the road (I live on a tiny country road)My dog(Baby) was waiting with me, but was in the field across the road. I thought I better call her so she'd be with me and I could hold her. I didnt want her to get ran over. I didnt realize how fast the car was going and then suddenly I was watching Baby roll underneath. I screamed and cryed and miracoulously once she got out from under the car she walked over to me alittle dazed but ok. That car was flying and low to the ground. If she was ok I bet that dog was too.
I still wonder if that deer would've made it if it hadnt been for the other cars after me since Baby made it. It's so odd how this stuff happens.
post #23 of 60
Amber, Please stay strong and eat! I know what these kind of things can do to you. Take care.

Yea, often I find myself wondering if that dog made it okay. But what else were we supposed to do? My dogs got hit last year as well, it was heartwrenching but they thank goodness were alright. Sorry to hear about Baby, but glad she was okay.
post #24 of 60
Wow. I wish I could say I know how you feel but I have never come close to hitting anything. But I can tell you that one reason why you are so effected by this is because you have a HUGH heart and the second reason is you are having as strange as this sounds Survivors remorse.
even though a part of me wishes it was me instead of the deer
That's one reason I say this. When someone endures a survives a tragic event they wounder why? why didn't this happen why did it happen to that person but not me? Those are the things you are asking those are the things that seem to be running through your head. Maybe the Deer was sick. who knows!! you need to sit and think about it. you were very lucky!!!!! did you know that there are thousands of accidents involving deer that cause major injury to people. You did what you could. Learn from this. Go and buy the deer warning whistles since you do live in a deer populated area it would be a wonderous investment. They really do work well! atleast that is what I would say is the reason I have never had a close call. I have never driven a vehicle without um! I am sending you good vibes to help you with this. Take care and don't be afraid to drive at nite. it will only hinder you not help you.
post #25 of 60
Thread Starter 
I'm trying my best. I'll be ok eventually I have to my cats and Lyle need me. I just dont have any interest in food. I guess cause the images still wont go away. Dont worry I'm forcing myself to eat.

Thankfully both our dogs were ok...odd isnt it? Something so much smaller than a deer made it ok. Thanks. I'm glad too. I could'nt help but blame myself for years that if I hadnt called her she might've stayed on the side of the road and it not happened. Who knows. That was so many years ago.
post #26 of 60
Oh gosh....u poor thing...
remember though it was not your fault...I know how you feel looking at animals as being more than just an animal...gentle souls see an animal for what they really are...and you are one
forgive yourself hun...im sure the deer already has...
post #27 of 60
Thread Starter 

Thanks. I'm trying to see it that way..It's not like I put the deer there. I do see them as more than animals. I have since childhood. They were my only friends alot of times as a child and growing up I've noticed how smart they are. They are so not 'just' animals. It makes me feel good that you can notice that about me. Lyle get annoyed sometimes. I wont even kill bugs.
I'm trying to forgive myself. I just wish I could bring the deer back. I hope it knows I didnt do it on purpose.
post #28 of 60
Thread Starter 

I'm glad you havnt and I hope you never do. It's definately not a pleasureable situation and is something I would never wish on anyone.
Awww thank you...it's an honor that someone sees that in me. I just try my best to be nice to everyone...animal or human. Survivors remorse? I never even noticed something like that. I didnt even notice I typed what I did. I do feel that way though. I know in truth if I had to choose I would want it the way it was. My Fiancee would really be devastated if he lost me. My cats need me and I'm not looking to die..Like you said..I'm mainly just wondering 'why me?'.
I know I was lucky. So many other things could've happened but didnt. It's just so hard to forget the images. The fear...I thought I was gonna pass out from fear and I still dont know how I got home. Grandma had some deer whistles she never used I'm gonna try. I just hope them things really do make them run and not attract them. Thanks for the vibes. I'm gonna have to face the night again I know eventually. I just dont want to. You're right though...in the end it will hinder me. That's why I think if I take it slow I'll be ok.
post #29 of 60
I'm so sorry sweetie

post #30 of 60
Thread Starter 
Well I'm off to bed. Lyle is taking me to town tommorow.I'll be out past dark. Im terrified to go outside after dark even so I'm not sure if he has the right idea me doing this so soon. He's got it in his head it will be good for me to get out of the house. He's even saying he wants me to drive. Whether or not this whole Idea of his is good or not is yet to be seen. If I dont get on here tommorow I will for sure Sunday. Goodnight and thanks for everything you've all said today. It has helped talking to you guys rather than just sitting here alone.
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