Let's start this year off with a joke, and laughing! 
-
Too many ads? Join our community of cat lovers now to reduce ads by 90%! Click here to join for free!
Happy New Year - Let's start with a joke
- Thread starter natalie_ca
- Start Date
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2006
- Messages
- 5,215
- Purraise
- 2,582
:lol3::lol3::lol3: Good one!
I needed a laugh today!
The bartender says to a man sitting at the bar, " You see those pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling? If you can reach up and touch them you can drink free the rest of the night. If you can't, you have to buy drinks the rest of the night for everyone here." The man looked up and then said to the bartender, " No way! The steaks are too high."
An oldie, but still a goodie........
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.
Then slowly, the house began to smell.
They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.
Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked!!!
People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local Realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place ...
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going .
He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day ..
She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home.........
And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!!!!!!
I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.
Then slowly, the house began to smell.
They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.
Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked!!!
People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local Realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place ...
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going .
He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day ..
She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home.........
And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!!!!!!
I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?
Last edited:
I love it! Revenge is sweet.
A Roman walked into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "five beers please"
OK, here's one of my favorites:
Recently, a Parisian burglar nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past heavy security, he was captured only two blocks away, when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a daring crime, and then make such an obvious error, he replied,
“I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.”
Ta Dum TSSSS!
OK, here's one of my favorites:
Recently, a Parisian burglar nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past heavy security, he was captured only two blocks away, when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a daring crime, and then make such an obvious error, he replied,
“I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.”
Ta Dum TSSSS!
While walking through a cemetery late one night, two kids hear strange, unfamiliar music. The one who had never been there before asked what it was. His friend answered, " That's Mozart decomposing. "
I bet that burglar planned the ENTIRE thing, including his capture, just so he could say that.
