Had to put 5 and a half year old cat down for heart failure

Hi, This hurts so much. I moved from NH to PA. When I got here my cat was breathing very heavy, he curled up in my comforter in a hole he made. I took him to the vet the next day because his breathing was still very bad. Well, They told me he had a lot of fluid in his lungs and his heart was doubled in size, he was drowning in his own fluid. I can't forgive myself for bringing him on such a long car trip, but I really had no choice as I could not give him up!!! Now I had to give him up in a way far worse, he was put down!! Could that car ride really have caused all this???  I am so torn up and sick to my stomach over this as I loved him so much, and would never have done anything to hurt him. Had I known this would have happened I might have given him up. But it probably would have still happened because he would have missed me!!! So damned if I did and damned if I didn't!! I am so brokenhearted every time I look at his pictures I get so sick!!! I loved him with all my heart and soul and still do very much and miss him so much!! I know I can't get him back and that hurts so much!!! I don't want to live anymore either it hurts so bad!!! RIP my sweet Squiggles!!!! I will see you again someday, as I will never ever forget you!!! He always knew when I was going to bed for the night as he would beat me in there every night, he always laid at the bottom of the bed!!! Now it hurts to even go to bed at night knowing he is not here anymore!!  I love you Squiggles very very  much and miss you very very much!!!  RIP baby boy!!!!!

I am so sorry to hear about Squiggles! And please know that the car ride itself did not cause this issue. It really sounds as if he had a (likely congenital) heart disease like Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. And, while it is hard on you, it was much better for him to be PTS with you by his side than with people he didn't know.

Did the vets ever mention him having a heart murmur during annual exams? Did you notice any symptoms prior to the move? How was his appetite? Litter box habits?

I am so sorry you lost  Squiggles. I doubt that you could have done anything differently, He would have been stressed if you left him. You must not blame yourself.  You loved him, and he knew it.

There is a forum here that people leave tributes http://www.thecatsite.com/f/19/crossing-the-bridge Some find it gives them comfort to speak about their loved ones. 

One vet mentioned a possible murmur but last 2 times nothing was mentioned. He has been sleeping a lot more but seemed ok. His litter habits were fine. His eating was fine until he got here after the trip.​

I know my cat has an enlarged heart.  They found it when she was 8 months old when they x-rayed her for eating a long piece of string.  She turned a year in Sept.  and no one has mentioned a heart murmur.  

There is no telling how long Squiggles heart was enlarged.  This isn't your fault.  The drive from NH to PA isn't that long.

I'm sorry you lost your friend.

The hardest thing we ever do is stop blaming ourselves for events we have no control over. I am so truly sorry for your loss.

Positively and unequivocally, no,  The car ride did not cause this.  In all honesty, the stress might have aggravated an already-existing condition, but the truth is, if you had re-homed him, the stress would almost certainly have been as bad, or greater.  You did everything right, everything you could.

My heart goes out to you.  Most of us here know the pain of losing a beloved cat.  You are in my thoughts.

This is absolutely NOT your fault. He had something wrong with him and unfortunately, the timing of it getting this bad had to do with your move. You did nothing wrong, and there was nothing that could have prevented it. It sucks and I know how much it hurts, and I'm so, so sorry for your loss

Thank You all for your replies. I just feel that I killed him,as it hurt so much to have to sign the papers to have him put down. And I had to do it alone. I thought maybe all he needed was a relaxant to calm him from the ride. Never thought I would come home without him and never see him again!!! It hurts so,  so much!!! It is so hard to be here in this new place as I can still see how heavy he was breathing and I keep hoping to see him rub against the wall or my leg, and sleep on bottom of the bed at night with me. But he isn't ever going to do any of that again!!!! The pain hurts so bad and I don't know how to stop it!!

bambb24 said:

 
Thank You all for your replies. I just feel that I killed him,as it hurt so much to have to sign the papers to have him put down. And I had to do it alone. I thought maybe all he needed was a relaxant to calm him from the ride. Never thought I would come home without him and never see him again!!! It hurts so,  so much!!! It is so hard to be here in this new place as I can still see how heavy he was breathing and I keep hoping to see him rub against the wall or my leg, and sleep on bottom of the bed at night with me. But he isn't ever going to do any of that again!!!! The pain hurts so bad and I don't know how to stop it!!

Click to expand...

You have to let time do it's work, and in the meantime, allow yourself to grieve. So many of us have been through it, and fairly recently. It's rarely a quick thing, I wish I could say it was. But it does get easier with time. And you did not do a thing wrong. You'll go through all the "what-ifs" and I honestly think that's one of the worst parts. All the things we could have done differently, when in reality, 99% of the time, it would not have made a difference. I honestly believe that is the case with you and your boy.

Take things day by day, week by week. Don't rush it. If you need to cry, then cry. Try to just keep going with your routine. There will be days you find that you have to force yourself out, and that's ok, as long as you do it. It feels impossible right now, and I'm crying for you.

i just want to make sure you know that you are not to blame. No one is, sometimes it's just the luck of the draw. And it always sucks.

Oh is that the cat in your profile?

I am sorry for your loss. 

It is human to see what we do wrong and prepare to improve for next time. 

However when someone dies or gets very hurt we change this protective mechanism into self blame, finding fault.

Nobody is to blame.

Nobody is at fault.

Sometimes bad things just happen...and the cat may have died had you given it away and moved without them...and then you would be blaming yourself for having left the cat with "bad owners."

So just go ahead and grieve. You will never have another cat just like that again.

And nobody had them, only you. You lucky lady.

 Yes, that was the cat I had to put down.

I know it won't change anything but if you need a kitty hug, hop into a pet store and ask to see one of the cats.  Sometimes a furry hug helps.  In fact, hug all the cats.

First of all. my deepest condolences on your loss. Anyone who thinks cats are just animals obiviously never had one as a pet, and also never experienced just what it is like to love one as yourself. Please do not blame yourself, this gets you nowhere, and puts additional grief upon you that you are not meant to carry. I know it hurts badly; I had to put down my Midnight 24 years ago, and there is barely a day that goes by that I do not think of her, especially when I see all the kitties on the internet. You are not to blame; these things happen, and I know that sucks. But know that your sweet angel will never ever have to suffer again, and know that he loved you as much as you loved him, You were his best friend, and he graduated from this life knowing that. Agree that going into a pet store that has kittens to hug them is a great idea. It won't alter the past, for sure, but it helps to hug a kitty, as we all know. God bless you, bambb24. (gives you a BIG over-the-internet hug...)

I'm so sorry! What a beautiful boy.

I recently lost a cat to a heart condition and have struggled with guilt because his heart failure happened after a ride to the vet for a routine checkup. Even though I know he had hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, and even though I know it was just a matter of time until it took him, the guilt has been overwhelming on occasion. It's natural, I think, to search for reasons when something like this happens, and to think that maybe if we'd done something different, it wouldn't have happened.

HCM is often not discovered until the kitty goes into actual heart failure, as your dear boy did. You did nothing wrong, and you had the courage and kindness to let him go rather than let him suffer. Please be kind to yourself and know you're not alone. It hurts. It will hurt. That is the price we pay for love.

Have to totally agree with oopsmom on that last point. It takes real courage to let a go than it does to hold on to him when the pain is great or the condition suddenly occurs. You should take comfort in the fact that he loved you, and while you will never forget this unfortunate instance, know that in the coming days, months, and years, the pain will ease. Hold on to those good times, and take satisfaction in that.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss, as we both know it hurts so bad. May we all be ok soon and hope time heals us fast!!!

Handsome kitty, I am so sorry to hear that.... I pray your kitty will live a long life since it is caught early!!!

I am so sorry for your loss friend.

Thank You all for words of kindness!! I really appreciate it. I know time will ease the pain but as for now every time I think about what happened and how it happened I get so sick. Every time I look at his picture I get that heavy sinking feeling and just wish it would pass already. But I loved him so much as he was my best friend in the world!!! I would never have done anything to hurt him!!! I miss him laying on bottom of bed at night, giving him his treats every morning and evening, his beautiful eyes, and just him in general. .He  was one of a kind, mellow, mild mannered, and adorable!!! I love you very much Squiggles!!!! Miss you so much!!! RIP sweetie!!