How do I know when it is time?

gordonsmom · Dec 28, 2015

Shotsie is 11 or 12 (a rescue, so not sure). Diagnosed two weeks ago with adenocarcinoma in his intestines. Vet wont do a bowel resection since it has spread to his lymph nodes. We also decided against chemo for various reasons. Although he is one of 5 cats in my household, each is special, and my heart is breaking. Having had to do this once before with Gordon, a kitten with FIP, I know I waited too long, and I don't want to do that with Shotsie. I have heard the phrase "better a week to early than a minute too late". I don't want him to suffer. He does not eat much, tries to use the litter box without much success. He is on prednisone to help with the appetite, and miralax to try to keep him loose enough to have at least a small bowel movement. Cannot jump anymore, although he does walk slowly. He has been hiding under a table in the den so we put his favorite blanket there for him. He now goes to a closet in the basement to hide, among some old cloth tarps, but after a few hours, will come back up under the table.

He does climb the couch to lay on my chest for up to a half an hour at a time. Re positions himself frequently so I think there is some discomfort. I just don't know if he is in pain, or "only" discomfort.

I don't want to not seen the pain due to my wanting to keep him around as long as possible, but I don't think he is ready yet. I don't expect anyone to have the answer, I just wish I knew. My vet said he will let me know when its time as he knows how I am with my cats, but I can't go back to him every few days. I think I will watch him this week, and take him back for a check up on Saturday unless he gets worse sooner.

sidneykitty · Dec 28, 2015

GordonsMom, I am so sorry you are experiencing this. My heart goes out to you. I know exactly how you feel. I said goodbye to my girl one week ago today...for me, it was very clear because she couldn't get comfortable, her breathing was very labored and she wasn't eating even her favorite foods. It was a sudden change from the day before but she was suffering from something that would become an emergency quickly so I opted for sooner rather than later so she could have a peaceful end.

In the end, it is your decision. They say you will know when it is time, but I have heard people who weren't sure. It is okay if you don't. Its a difficult decision to make. Can you call your vet and talk to him/her directly about how your cat is doing if they have any advice? This is what I ultimately did because I needed to hear someone tell me it was okay to let her go. I found this blog post to be very helpful for me because I thought all those same things.

The best thing to do is take it day by day, watch him closely and see how he is doing. It sounds like you are doing just that so you are doing all the right things! Make him happy and spoil him and treasure and enjoy the time you have left.

donutte · Dec 28, 2015

I think the thing you have to ask yourself - how is his quality of life? Does he seem miserable, or does he seem to be "just existing"? Or is he still enjoying his life, albeit to a lesser extent than he would if he wasn't sick?

Eating is a big factor for me. If they are eating on their own, that tends to speak volumes. Even if it's just a little bit.

They often say that cats will tell us when it's time. I think that is true, but sometimes we don't want to listen. I think my Lucky was telling me for a couple days, but I needed the proof that came with his lab results a couple days later. And when that happened, he blatantly told me it was time by peeing on me.

stephenq · Dec 28, 2015

GordonsMom said:

I agree with @Donutte that eating is a big factor If at the end of a long and terminal illness the cat refuses to eat, its time. And we can't tell you when its really time, but based on what you wrote, I'd say your cat is very close. It's one thing to put an animal through discomfort if there is a chance its going to turn out ok, but this isn't going to turn out ok except at the end from his pov.

He is unlikely to improve before he worsens, so one question to ask goes something like this: if on a scale of 1 to 5, 5 being perfect health and 1 being so bad you have to immediately euthanize, if he is a 3 right now, do you want him to experience a 2 before you let him go?

But we can look at it another way too. Does he have dignity right now? Is he able to clean himself? Does he seem to get some enjoyment out of life? Is he able to sleep peacefully?

Don't confuse the will to live with the need to live. The will to live is in bred in all creatures, but willing another day does not necessarily serve any good purpose. He only knows today. If today is bad, then life is bad.

But if he is eating, sleeping with comfort and able to get around and make himself comfortable, then he may have some time. Time for the two of you to say goodbye, and to steel yourself for the day when the time has come and you must act with speed.

Some people say there are 3 possibilities; 1) too early. 2) right on time. 3) too late. I think for many of our animals, it really comes down to 2 possibilities, #'s 1 and 3. #2 is very very difficult to find.

donutte · Dec 28, 2015

StephenQ said:
But if he is eating, sleeping with comfort and able to get around and make himself comfortable, then he may have some time. Time for the two of you to say goodbye, and to steel yourself for the day when the time has come and you must act with speed.

Just wanted to say, don't underestimate the importance of this part. Spend as much time with your baby as possible, and just give him all the love you have. You'll bond with him in a way that you just don't otherwise. And you'll know when it's time. Just be willing to listen. It's amazing how much they talk with their eyes.

di and bob · Dec 29, 2015

I agree with all of the above, not eating is a sure sign of not feeling well at all. Each life has an end, and although I pray with all my heart that each one of our little ones will go peacefully in their sleep, it rarily happens. I agree with the fact that if there is no chance of recovery, to extend a life of pain is to be avoided if at all possible. Cats do avoid us when they are hurting, that moving around may be a sign of pain too. Did the vet prescribe a pain medication? They are available, and you could put it in a pill pocket or tuna juice to disguise the taste.

No one knows when the time is to end the pain, just love him as much as you can now, he knows you love him and returns that love unconditionally. The pain of losing them is horrible, but allowing that pain to escalate into something big is worse, if we can avoid it at all cost. Can you ask the vet to be on call to come to your house when the time is there? Many will do so. In the meantime, just watch for extreme restlessness, and if he starts to moan, then the time is near. My heart goes out to you, I wish things could be different, but he is so lucky to have someone like you that is concerned and loves him so much, that is all he ever wants. I'll pray for you both, please know I'll keep you in my thoughts, give Shotsie a kiss for me and hold him tight.

londoncatlover · Dec 29, 2015

I'm so sorry for you - it's a horrible time. Like the others have said, it's probably impossible to say for sure. Nothing I can say to add to that, but give him lots of love between now and whenever the time is right.

sherit · Dec 29, 2015

I think you can see in their eyes ...if one looks ...closely...

also the not eating or the pain when trying to walk or get up

and down...pain when they are touched...those were the

things I looked for ...when I had to put my children down...

to sleep..

I am always so sad for anyone making that decision..

We always feel bad forever for having to be the one to make it

but I see pet owners who let the animal suffer because they

just did not want to face making the euthanization decision..

They would say to me the cat was hissing at me or tried to bite

me or moaning or crying..I would say didn't you look close

and see that it was time to release the cat from pain?

it has never gotten easier for me and I have had to put down 4 pets...

over a period of 30 years....and had one die in my arms and one in the car

on the way to the vets...and a few more die at home...

I know it hurts...you ...

SheriT in Alabama

stephenq · Dec 30, 2015

GordonsMom said:
Shotsie is 11 or 12 (a rescue, so not sure). Diagnosed two weeks ago with adenocarcinoma in his intestines. Vet wont do a bowel resection since it has spread to his lymph nodes. We also decided against chemo for various reasons. Although he is one of 5 cats in my household, each is special, and my heart is breaking. Having had to do this once before with Gordon, a kitten with FIP, I know I waited too long, and I don't want to do that with Shotsie. I have heard the phrase "better a week to early than a minute too late". I don't want him to suffer. He does not eat much, tries to use the litter box without much success. He is on prednisone to help with the appetite, and miralax to try to keep him loose enough to have at least a small bowel movement. Cannot jump anymore, although he does walk slowly. He has been hiding under a table in the den so we put his favorite blanket there for him. He now goes to a closet in the basement to hide, among some old cloth tarps, but after a few hours, will come back up under the table.

He does climb the couch to lay on my chest for up to a half an hour at a time. Re positions himself frequently so I think there is some discomfort. I just don't know if he is in pain, or "only" discomfort.

I don't want to not seen the pain due to my wanting to keep him around as long as possible, but I don't think he is ready yet. I don't expect anyone to have the answer, I just wish I knew. My vet said he will let me know when its time as he knows how I am with my cats, but I can't go back to him every few days. I think I will watch him this week, and take him back for a check up on Saturday unless he gets worse sooner.

Also, http://www.thecatsite.com/a/when-is-it-time-making-the-difficult-decision

gordonsmom · Dec 30, 2015

Thank you all. We said goodbye about two hours ago. While my heart is breaking, I know it was the right thing to do.

zed xyzed · Dec 30, 2015

I am so sorry, RIP sweet boy

LotsOfFur · Dec 30, 2015

They take a piece of our heart when they go and leave their little paw prints on the rest. [emoji]128149[/emoji]

donutte · Dec 30, 2015

I'm so sorry for your loss

My heart goes out to you and your family.

stephenq · Dec 30, 2015

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

betsygee · Dec 30, 2015

So sorry to read this news. On behalf of the TCS Team, we offer our condolences. We will close the thread now in respect for your loss. Please consider posting a tribute to your sweet boy in our Crossing the Bridge forum: http://www.thecatsite.com/newsearch?search=crossing+the+bridge

How do I know when it is time?

gordonsmom

TCS Member

Thread starter

sidneykitty

Foster mama

donutte

Professional cat sitter extraordinaire!

stephenq

TCS Member

donutte

Professional cat sitter extraordinaire!

di and bob

TCS Member

londoncatlover

TCS Member

sherit

TCS Member

stephenq

TCS Member

gordonsmom

TCS Member

Thread starter

zed xyzed

TCS Member

LotsOfFur

What greater gift than the love of a cat.

donutte

Professional cat sitter extraordinaire!

stephenq

TCS Member

betsygee

Just what part of meow don't you understand.

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