My Sidney kitty, my special girl

Aww Penelopy sounds adorable.  

Yep I've never done a scrapbook before but I figures its the best time to do one. I got a number of photos of her printed right near the actually, but before I knew..strange timing that. Then I've printed a whole bunch since and can't seem to stop myself!! Its nice and sometimes therapeutic but sometimes I get through so many pictures before I start crying.

Well, I finished her scrapbook the other day... it was a nice process to go through. I think it was somewhat therapeutic, Each time, I found I could get through a couple more photos without crying. 

Here is the front cover with her collar attached to the left side - 


And the first pages of my darling baby - 


I left a few pages blank so I could have some more space to write more when I am ready. I captioned lots of the photos with our favourite memories of her. I am so glad we made that list shortly after we said goodbye. The scrapbook pages are now full of all those little things she used to do that were so endearing.

Its been just over three months now and I have to say her death is still affecting me. Its been worse than I ever imagined it could be even though I knew she'd break my heart someday. I stopped crying every day a few weeks ago, but I still stop and cry every now and again. I cry when I see tuxedo cats that remind me of her. Some times it is worse than others and I feel very empty and lost without her and it is absolutely devastating still...I am not sure if I ever ever be truly over it. She was so special, I am sure I will never meet another cat quite like her even though I am sure I will love many more...

Donutte said:

That is such an adorable picture of her

I know at some point, the things that used to make you smile will once again make you smile. It will probably be while talking to someone else - I know that seems to be the case for me. I still cry for my Lucky when I'm alone though. Sometimes the things that used to make me smile will make me smile even when I'm by myself. Other times, they make me cry. It's getting to be less and less of the latter, but I still have my moments, like this past week. It's been rough. And over two months in my case since Lucky left.

She'll visit you when you least expect it. In the middle of the night. Or you'll see something out of the corner of your eye. And I swear Lucky visits us through Penelopy's song that she sings. She's the kitty we adopted after he died. The first time my mom heard it she thought she might be losing her mind because it sounded so much like Lucky. I also feel someone walking above my head on my pillow at night sometimes, just like he did. But no one is there. My mom says Brandy, our dog that died a couple years back, still jumps on her bed some nights.

I've heard they visit us when we are ready, not so much when they are ready. I believe that to be true for some reason.

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That is true. My RB kitty, Ghost, always smelled like baby powder. At times I can smell a light powder scent when there are no babies present. I know that is Ghost coming by for a visit.

At other times I will see a shadow and know it's my RB kitty, Raven, coming by. He was my soul kitty and he spends lots of time near me. I can see a light shadow and feel his presence.

I know it's been a while but I just found this thread. I am so sorry for your loss. Just know that Sydney took a piece of your heart and gave you a piece of hers so you will be able to find each other again. This is how they know when we need them. @Donutte  is correct, she will visit you when you least expect it. It will either be a movement or a scent or maybe even a slight sound that she use to make. Either way, you will know when she's there.

 The scrapbook is a wonderful memorial for such a beautiful girl and friend.

sidneykitty said:

And the first pages of my darling baby - 

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• sidneykitty
• Mar 24, 2016

I left a few pages blank so I could have some more space to write more when I am ready. I captioned lots of the photos with our favourite memories of her. I am so glad we made that list shortly after we said goodbye. The scrapbook pages are now full of all those little things she used to do that were so endearing.

Its been just over three months now and I have to say her death is still affecting me. Its been worse than I ever imagined it could be even though I knew she'd break my heart someday. I stopped crying every day a few weeks ago, but I still stop and cry every now and again. I cry when I see tuxedo cats that remind me of her. Some times it is worse than others and I feel very empty and lost without her and it is absolutely devastating still...I am not sure if I ever ever be truly over it. She was so special, I am sure I will never meet another cat quite like her even though I am sure I will love many more...

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Our pain doesn't end, it just gets bearable. But that could take years. I still cry over the loss of my two boys, Raven & Ghost, and it's been just over 1 yr for Ghost and 2 for Raven. They are always in my thoughts. I see them in other cats but I also know that it's their differences that made them so special to me.

You will always miss her and cry over the loss. Just remember too that you gave her more love and care in those few months you had her than she probably ever had. You gave her 13 yrs of love in the matter of a few months. Any cat would love to have that kind of home and family. She is a beauty and her pictures are wonderful. 

The pictures of Sidney are beautiful! I can tell she was very special and well loved.

Sidney was such a beautiful kitty, I am sorry for your loss 

sidneykitty said:

Its been just over three months now and I have to say her death is still affecting me. Its been worse than I ever imagined it could be even though I knew she'd break my heart someday. I stopped crying every day a few weeks ago, but I still stop and cry every now and again. I cry when I see tuxedo cats that remind me of her. Some times it is worse than others and I feel very empty and lost without her and it is absolutely devastating still...I am not sure if I ever ever be truly over it. She was so special, I am sure I will never meet another cat quite like her even though I am sure I will love many more...

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You take as long as you need. I forget how long it was before I stopped crying every day. Going on four and a half months now since losing the Luckman. He left an indelible mark on my heart that I'm not sure will ever fully recover. But as was said earlier, I know I'll learn to cope at some point. I don't cry every day, but I cry quite often still. Like right now. But please don't feel like there is a time limit on grief. It lasts as long as it needs to last. I keep wondering when I'll get to the point that I stop counting. The weeks, the months.. It will come in its own time though. And the same with you.

Allow yourself to cry. And while there is no other cat that will be her, you have a big heart and another soul will definitely capture it when the time is right. I can't imagine my life without Penelopy now, but I also know that it was only with Lucky's passing that I got her.

Wow, thank you all...I am overwhelmed by your comments and the support I've found here. Its so good to know that there are people who understand what I am feeling here and that at least, if all else fails, you all will understand. Thank you all so so much.

I keep hoping I will see her in a dream again or see or smell her like you have said, @kntrygrl256...its been a while. I dreamed of her the second night after she died, she was running and playing in the grass outside in the sun like a little kitten who was healthy and happy. I took a lot of comfort on that, hoping she was telling me she was okay. The night before she had trouble breathing and went to the hospital, I had a dream she fell from a great height and I looked down at her and she was gasping for breath and it crushed me. I forgot all about it until we took her to the hospital and it all came back to me...I thought maybe she sent the dream to me to warn me, to tell me something was wrong. I do feel we had a very deep connection, that I don't feel I will necessarily have again for a long time. I've read about soul kitties a bit, and I think she truly might have been mine. There was such a deep understanding in her eyes when I looked at her. I have seen a couple of little shadows and heard a meow once but I don't know if its just my imagination making things up or not.

Sometimes I find myself wrenched apart with guilt again - I should have taken her to the vet sooner, I should have fed her better food, etc. and it feels terrible even though I know I did my best and what I did was right. I even sometimes wish I could have met her ten years ago and maybe then she would have been a different, healthier cat. I know this kind of thinking doesn't help me any or progress anything, but I guess I just can't help it sometimes...

I will of course adopt other cats in the future as my life feels like something is missing without one around now and I want to take the very best care of them that I can and love them to bits. I know I will. Although it was hard at first, I have been looking after another neighbor's cat recently and I think it has actually helped a bit. She is a very different cat than Sidney but I have found myself loving her, too!

I finally dreamed about my baby last night! It was soo nice and made me feel so happy. I thought it would make me sad, but I just got this feeling of love and warmth with a hint of sadness. She was just like her old healthy self and came to greet me at the door and purred in my arms like she always did. Oh it was just like she was here and like it was her way of telling me she loves me still. 

That is really great that Sidney visited you in a dream. I have been waiting over 15 months for my Boney Girl to visit me in a dream. It sure is hard when they leave us. Love your remembrance scrap book.

I am glad she paid you a visit in your dream. She will always love you I hope you get more visits from her.