My Best Friend

I always thought of grief as a deep ocean. The huge tidal waves at the beginning get better and softer, then the tsunami comes and you are overwhelmed again. You drown in your grief with your tears and at times it literally takes your breathe away. It does calm again, and one day it will settle to the gentle lapping that we can enjoy once again. The tsunami can come again though, often without warning, but over time we can better prepare our hearts and learn to overcome the rising ocean that is our grief. We are all joined together in our pain, we can all comfort each other with our understanding of what this does to each of us, and to reach out with compassion to others in their  time of sorrow.  Sharing our grief helps to heal the heart.  

I am so glad you are writing about them, it really helps a lot. Thank you for your thoughts as well. Remember it takes a lot of courage to do what you did. I hope you can find some peace and healing in the new year after such a tough last six months. 

It is like an ocean. I feel it wash over me when I wake. I try to understand how it all happened with Ebony. He first went to the vet on Dec 5 and had his anal sacs extracted; then was treated for constipation; he stopped eating normally and the pancreatitis was diagnosed. He spent 2 nights at the vets on IV; came home Wednesday for 2 nights and was taken to the hospital Friday night. They told me he needed an ultrasound, but also looked a bit jaundice. I went to the hospital to have a feeding tube placed at the recommendation of my vet. The hospital didn't put the tube in until Sunday night. I beat myself up wondering if I should have said no to the ultrasound and insisted on the feeding tube Friday night. I put my trust in the Dr's. On Monday he was showing progress and I really thought he was going to make it. The call on Tuesday was heartbreaking, and seeing him looking so sick when I got there was devestating. I couldn't let him suffer any more. I wish he didn't get sick, I wish he didn't spend his last nights in the hospital. Bobber died at home - I don't know what is worse.
The Dr said fluid built up in his abdomen and that it looked like lymphoma. She called me after I sent an email asking if having the tube placed earlier would have made a difference, as I am feeling so guilty. She said no, that the timing would not have made a difference and was sure it was cancer, even though I didn't have it tested. She said I did what she would have done for her own. I am still struggling with all that has happened and am feeling quite numb right now.
It really helps to share and hopefully my story, Ebony and Bobber's story, can some how help someone out there. The understanding of those on this site has helped me deal with my grief. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I'm so very sorry for your loss, both now and July. I can't imagine losing my pet while away, that's always been one of my biggest fears. The what-ifs are the worst part. Over six weeks since Lucky was put to rest and I still deal with those. I still want to know why - why him? I'm angry at the situation, and how fast it took him from me. I barely had time to acknowledge he would be leaving me before he did. But it does get better. It can take a bit of time but it does ease up. {{hugs}} to you.

donutte It was horrible being away when I lost Bobber. It was heartbreaking. I have a very hard time trying to understand it all, how they were both taken from us so fast. They are both gone after years of love. It's a huge loss and it's hard to work through.
I'm sorry about your Lucky. I can understand the anger at the situation and just wanting to have an answer.
I know time will help to ease the pain, but the deep sadness will always be with me. I will always miss them, they were my heart .
Thank you.

I'm so sorry for both of your losses.  My two cats both have health problems and any day they could take a turn for the worse.  I hope you can find some peace in your heart.  RIP Bobber and Ebony.

Thank you jenny82 . I hope you have them both for as long as possible. Hold them close.
I'm just trying to get through each day. It's been very hard. They were such wonderful friends and gave me such comfort and love.
It's hard for me to deal with the fact that they are gone. I'm not sure I've completely accepted the finality. I just hope I do see them again one day, and that they are somehow watching over me. I was so lucky to have them both.

I think you will see them again someday.   

BobberandEbony said:

Thank you @jenny82. I hope you have them both for as long as possible. Hold them close.
I'm just trying to get through each day. It's been very hard. They were such wonderful friends and gave me such comfort and love.
It's hard for me to deal with the fact that they are gone. I'm not sure I've completely accepted the finality. I just hope I do see them again one day, and that they are somehow watching over me. I was so lucky to have them both.

Click to expand...

Last nigiht, a little over 4 weeks since we lost her I was making tea and suddenly realized for the first time there wasn't a big fluffy body with three feet on the breakfast bar and one on the counter hoping for a drop of cream with those greedy little eyes. That was a daily ritual with Kitten for over 11 years. And BAM I'm never going to have that with her again , ever.

First we are in shock. The reality hits us square between the eyes. And now I seem to be seeing all the little things I've lost. That Kitten doesn't get to do anymore.

Yesterday I came across stories I wrote about Kitten as a baby. And they made me smile. I do know over time when the pain hits you rebound quicker. You will reach a point where you can control the feelings. When I feel my mind drifting to places better not visited at the moment. Like driving, Using kitchen knives I tell myself out loud to Stop It. Now is not the time. Maybe we have to process what we will never have again before we can see how much rich we were for all the wonderful sillies they bring into our lives. And smile about it.

I am so sorry for your losses.....

I lost Leo  to a rattlesnake bite this summer

and then one to dog mauling and had to euthanize Peebo..

a few months later..

I know you are grief stricken..

My heart goes out to you all.

With Love

from Sheri , Lily and Bro in Alabama

I realized this morning that when Bobber left us, my heart broke in two. When everything happened with Ebony and we had to say good bye, my heart completely broke. I just miss them so much. Bobber and Ebony, I will always love you and will forever hold you both in my heart. You both will always be close to me. Mommy loves you both so very much