Cat introductions - how long to leave it before giving up?

So, we finally got a new cat after we lost one in September, mainly to give a companion to Pims, our 4 year old resident cat.

(See this post where I was asking for advice and explaining the situation).

Her name is Shadow, a 2 year old all-black little lady. We got her two weeks ago, and after reading a lot of material on introductions (on this site and others), we took a few days off work and followed the plan:

- Confinement room for the first 4/5 days. It took her just under 2 days to eat and use the litter normally, after finding a couple of safe places she liked in the confinement room. She was rather quiet at this stage, so Pims was barely aware of what was happening.

- After about 4 days, we started the scent exchange process: stroking with socks, letting Pims smell her scent of us after we visited her, swapping toys and blankets. Pims was quite curious and sniffing around, without showing agression.

- After 6 days, she started being very vocal and demanding to come out of her room and explore the rest of the house. We allowed her that while Pims was locked in a room with either one of us, or a favourite toy to help him relax. Continuing scent exchange, not neglecting Pims, and we had the feeling it was all going rather well.

- A couple of days later, she's demanding to be let out of the room pretty much all the time, so we started visual introductions through a glass door. This went ok in the sense that Pims wasn't running away from the meet, but keeping his distance and watching her intently. She's quite nimble, so she's exploring lots of places, and Pims just sniffs around where she is.

- Two more days, and we started getting them together at meal times. Pims eating at his usual spot, Shadow eating at the threshold of the room with a direct line of vision between the two. Pims looked a bit nervous, but nothing too bad.

Now we're at the stage where we want to let them work it out - we no longer lock one in when dealing with the other, and they have access to each other. Shadow now looks completely comfortable in our home, and seems to want to make friends. Pims will let her approach a bit, and once she reaches a certain distance, it's hissing and growling until she turns away. This looks ok to me - he's telling her he's not ready yet, and at least she's not insisting.

A couple of bad situations happened: when crossing each other in the stairs, due to the narrow nature of the location, the safe distance wasn't respected and Pims tried to whack her once. This morning, Shadow was having a bit of mad half hour and obviously wanted to play, which wasn't to Pims' taste at all. Interestingly, when she's sleeping somewhere he *will* come and investigate, provided she's not looking. As soon as she turns around, he hisses and goes away (not particularly running, just going away). One major success was on Sunday, having both of them napping in the same room, although on different sofas, only a few yards apart. Surely this is the sign of some kind of relaxed attitude and trust?

This is kind of what we expected all along. We got Shadow from a foster home, and she's used to sharing with other cats. Pims, however, only really ever got along with his sister, and is used to being bullied by several other cats in the neighbourhood. As far as he's concerned, for him another cat = bad thing.

So my question is: is the situation desperate, or do we need to give it time? I don't think we've done anything particularly wrong so far in the introductions process (feel free to tell me otherwise), but it feels like we've hit the limit of Pims' tolerance. Will he finally accept her after a while? What can we do to help? The 'distance' Pims wants to keep between them seems to shrink slowly every day, but could just be an impression.

Since the day we decided we would get another cat after his sister died, the priority has always been on him - if having Shadow or another cat is going to make him stressful and unhappy, I'd rather return her (even if we'd like to have two). As much as we want it to work out, we want him to be ok first and foremost, so don't want to do any lasting 'damage' done to him.

When I brought a feral/stray cat into my home, it took one solid year for he and my resident cat to adjust.  We had so many ups and downs.  The stair way was always an issue.  I bought some Comfort zone spray and would spray the stairs several times each day.  I also used a feliway plug in at the top of the stairs.  This area caused problems for awhile.  I did my best to distract and remove the cats so they would just move on.  This did help.  I also did time outs.  When one of the cats was hiding to ambush the other on the stairs, I would take the cat that caused the problem and place him in a safe room.  I did this for 10 minutes, then 20 minutes and if the issue kept occurring, the cats were just separated for the rest of the day. 

Do you use any Feliway?  Have you tried liquid Composure max? 

I certainly wouldn't give up.  The fact that they can sleep in the same room for periods of time is a very good sign. 

My two are best of friends now.  They constantly play and groom each other.  I never thought it could happen.  Time and patience are your friend.

Actually your situation sounds very much like how mine went. And I started getting nervous and posting for help on these forms on the same phase your on now.  

So I'll say, dont give up!    

I went through this too where my two girls just seemed stuck. My new one didnt care what the other cat thought but my resident cat would still hiss and swat if she got too close.  The worst hisses were always in the morning.  Stairs were a problem for us too as my resident would sit at the top and swipe whenever the new one ran by.

I'm trying to remember what we did...I'll be honest when I list these things that I'm not sure if it was any one thing or if it was just more time.

We used feliaway.

We shortened the time they spent, making it several 20 min interactions in a day.

We played with them in the same room but different toys.

Tried the vanilla extract trick on the nose and base of the tail.

Treats to the resident whenever the new cat walked by and she did nothing.

At first during the shorter interactions we put the new one away with one hiss from the resident, but later we decided to keep a towel close and just watch them from a distance.  If the cats felt us looming over them watching they seemed tense. There seemed to be a bit of a breakthrough when the new cat hissed for the first time at our resident cat.  She just sat there stunned and seemed to mellow out once the new cat grew a backbone. 

Just to let you know we got the new cat in mid October 2015.  it took over a month to let them roam the house together for a whole day (supervised, we followed them around the house if they left our sight) .  Though they play together now the resident cat will still hiss once in awhile.  Yesterday was the first day they relaxed next to one another!

I think it'll just take a bit more time.

So dont lose hope, your situation just sounds like mine did.  They might not be the best of friends but they should be able to get to a place to tolerate each other.

I know not everyone (maybe no one!) will agree with my approach to these things, but here's my two cents in the "for what it's worth" department.

I have three resident house cats and two resident dogs. We also have a number of feral or semi-feral cats who live in our barn. In addition, we do animal rescue and rehabilitation working with area shelters. This means I often have foster animals. Our house isn't large, but we do have a ground floor "guest room" that is now the cat room. I also have a good size cat condo (cage) in the family room. Once cats are vet cleared, they are given free range in the house. I don't go through all the formal intro stuff many people do. Instead, I assume the cats will get along. I know that sounds odd, but I personally believe our energy and attitude are the best tools for helping animals adjust to new environments. If I were to expect trouble, then my energy would reflect this fear and add to the new animal's anxiety. My oldest cat -- age 15 -- came to me at 4 weeks of age as a rescue. She is a large cat and can be be a bully toward some cats. But, with her, it is all bluff and she never actually attacks, she just makes a lot of noise. My other two are happy-go-lucky types, so this helps. When a new cat comes to the house, I allow her/him to explore at will, while I casually go about my work. My rule is you can make all the noise you want, but no hitting/biting. My personal cats are dog savvy and my dogs are very good with the cats. However, I know many cats are dog fearful, so this is why we use the downstairs bedroom as a safe room. The new cat can run into that room at any time and the dogs won't go there. My Pit Bull adores cats and can't understand cats that don't love him, but not every cat is okay with him. So the dogs are trained to not chase the cats and never to go into the bedroom. Anyway, new cats have many places to hide from the other cats or the dogs. We have multiple litter boxes and feeding areas. If a cat is very fearful, s/he can go into the cat condo and stay there until ready to interact with the other animals. I'm pretty casual about all of this and tend to ignore anything but real fighting. As a result, we've never had a true cat fight. Even the shyest and most fearful cats seem to adjust well within days or weeks. My latest permanent cat took months, but mostly because she lived in a closet for the first three years of her life. She was more scared of people and the other cats than the dogs. In fact, the first animal friend she made was with my Pitty. [Still her best buddy!] 

I strongly believe hanging over the cats while they adjust will only make things worse. I also believe if you are anxious or imagine the worse, it will take much longer for the new animal to adjust to your house. I'm a big believer in human energy and its impact on animals. When my big bully cat does her thing toward a newcomer, I just say a loud "ENOUGH!" and let it go. The hissing and growling doesn't upset me and, frankly, I think of it as mere acting. Don't think all of this means we don't have rules -- we do and they are strong rules -- but not being tense or apprehensive seems to make things go much easier. I'd suggest working on your own energy so you aren't expecting the worse, ignoring the hissing and growling as long as there is no blood letting and seeing if the cats can work it out on their own. From what you describe, it really doesn't sound as if your cats are fighting or likely to harm one another. If you can relax and not "see" the worst, then perhaps they will find their own place in your newly reordered pack. 

MTGAL said:

I know not everyone (maybe no one!) will agree with my approach to these things, but here's my two cents in the "for what it's worth" department.

I have three resident house cats and two resident dogs. We also have a number of feral or semi-feral cats who live in our barn. In addition, we do animal rescue and rehabilitation working with area shelters. This means I often have foster animals. Our house isn't large, but we do have a ground floor "guest room" that is now the cat room. I also have a good size cat condo (cage) in the family room. Once cats are vet cleared, they are given free range in the house. I don't go through all the formal intro stuff many people do. Instead, I assume the cats will get along. I know that sounds odd, but I personally believe our energy and attitude are the best tools for helping animals adjust to new environments. If I were to expect trouble, then my energy would reflect this fear and add to the new animal's anxiety. My oldest cat -- age 15 -- came to me at 4 weeks of age as a rescue. She is a large cat and can be be a bully toward some cats. But, with her, it is all bluff and she never actually attacks, she just makes a lot of noise. My other two are happy-go-lucky types, so this helps. When a new cat comes to the house, I allow her/him to explore at will, while I casually go about my work. My rule is you can make all the noise you want, but no hitting/biting. My personal cats are dog savvy and my dogs are very good with the cats. However, I know many cats are dog fearful, so this is why we use the downstairs bedroom as a safe room. The new cat can run into that room at any time and the dogs won't go there. My Pit Bull adores cats and can't understand cats that don't love him, but not every cat is okay with him. So the dogs are trained to not chase the cats and never to go into the bedroom. Anyway, new cats have many places to hide from the other cats or the dogs. We have multiple litter boxes and feeding areas. If a cat is very fearful, s/he can go into the cat condo and stay there until ready to interact with the other animals. I'm pretty casual about all of this and tend to ignore anything but real fighting. As a result, we've never had a true cat fight. Even the shyest and most fearful cats seem to adjust well within days or weeks. My latest permanent cat took months, but mostly because she lived in a closet for the first three years of her life. She was more scared of people and the other cats than the dogs. In fact, the first animal friend she made was with my Pitty. [Still her best buddy!] 

I strongly believe hanging over the cats while they adjust will only make things worse. I also believe if you are anxious or imagine the worse, it will take much longer for the new animal to adjust to your house. I'm a big believer in human energy and its impact on animals. When my big bully cat does her thing toward a newcomer, I just say a loud "ENOUGH!" and let it go. The hissing and growling doesn't upset me and, frankly, I think of it as mere acting. Don't think all of this means we don't have rules -- we do and they are strong rules -- but not being tense or apprehensive seems to make things go much easier. I'd suggest working on your own energy so you aren't expecting the worse, ignoring the hissing and growling as long as there is no blood letting and seeing if the cats can work it out on their own. From what you describe, it really doesn't sound as if your cats are fighting or likely to harm one another. If you can relax and not "see" the worst, then perhaps they will find their own place in your newly reordered pack. 

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I never went through an introduction process with my cats, but I didn't know any better. The only problem I ever had was with two neutered males, but it was a heck of a problem. Although they rarely fought, Milo was intensely jealous of Wesley and spayed a lot to show his displeasure. Wesley couldn't let that stand, so he sprayed back. It took years for them to finally become friends and I was constantly cleaning.

Also, Milo sometimes lunged at my face in what I now know was redirected aggression because he was so upset about Wesley.

I agree that staying calm really helps in maintaining peace. I just thought I'd mention two ways incomplete introductions can manifest themselves that are not fighting.

Margd said:

I never went through an introduction process with my cats, but I didn't know any better. The only problem I ever had was with two neutered males, but it was a heck of a problem. Although they rarely fought, Milo was intensely jealous of Wesley and spayed a lot to show his displeasure. Wesley couldn't let that stand, so he sprayed back. It took years for them to finally become friends and I was constantly cleaning.

Also, Milo sometimes lunged at my face in what I now know was redirected aggression because he was so upset about Wesley.

I agree that staying calm really helps in maintaining peace. I just thought I'd mention two ways incomplete introductions can manifest themselves that are not fighting.

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Oh yeah - I know things can go badly wrong when introducing new animals to one another (dogs or cats). Our energy is extremely important, but it isn't the only factor. I think it helps that my animals all get along well. Even my older bully cat isn't truly nasty. Most of her action is what I consider bluffing. Every so often she'll swat at one of the other cats or dogs, but it is somewhat funny because she never connects. She'll stand a few inches away and swat at the air instead of hitting the other animal. She does this to my German Shepherd just before she crawls into bed with her. Strange cat! 

I don't think there is one single best way to introduce new pets. You have to know your current animals and how they may react to the newcomer. But if you keep calm and expect the best, I think you are more likely to have success. 

I would never give up. I've had cats that never got along - personalities just didn't mesh. Over time they came to accept the other cat was there to stay and that was that. I wouldn't expect them to be buddies but if they are, that will be great. 

MTGAL said:

 
I know not everyone (maybe no one!) will agree with my approach to these things, but here's my two cents in the "for what it's worth" department.

I have three resident house cats and two resident dogs. We also have a number of feral or semi-feral cats who live in our barn. In addition, we do animal rescue and rehabilitation working with area shelters. This means I often have foster animals. Our house isn't large, but we do have a ground floor "guest room" that is now the cat room. I also have a good size cat condo (cage) in the family room. Once cats are vet cleared, they are given free range in the house. I don't go through all the formal intro stuff many people do. Instead, I assume the cats will get along. I know that sounds odd, but I personally believe our energy and attitude are the best tools for helping animals adjust to new environments. If I were to expect trouble, then my energy would reflect this fear and add to the new animal's anxiety. My oldest cat -- age 15 -- came to me at 4 weeks of age as a rescue. She is a large cat and can be be a bully toward some cats. But, with her, it is all bluff and she never actually attacks, she just makes a lot of noise. My other two are happy-go-lucky types, so this helps. When a new cat comes to the house, I allow her/him to explore at will, while I casually go about my work. My rule is you can make all the noise you want, but no hitting/biting. My personal cats are dog savvy and my dogs are very good with the cats. However, I know many cats are dog fearful, so this is why we use the downstairs bedroom as a safe room. The new cat can run into that room at any time and the dogs won't go there. My Pit Bull adores cats and can't understand cats that don't love him, but not every cat is okay with him. So the dogs are trained to not chase the cats and never to go into the bedroom. Anyway, new cats have many places to hide from the other cats or the dogs. We have multiple litter boxes and feeding areas. If a cat is very fearful, s/he can go into the cat condo and stay there until ready to interact with the other animals. I'm pretty casual about all of this and tend to ignore anything but real fighting. As a result, we've never had a true cat fight. Even the shyest and most fearful cats seem to adjust well within days or weeks. My latest permanent cat took months, but mostly because she lived in a closet for the first three years of her life. She was more scared of people and the other cats than the dogs. In fact, the first animal friend she made was with my Pitty. [Still her best buddy!] 

I strongly believe hanging over the cats while they adjust will only make things worse. I also believe if you are anxious or imagine the worse, it will take much longer for the new animal to adjust to your house. I'm a big believer in human energy and its impact on animals. When my big bully cat does her thing toward a newcomer, I just say a loud "ENOUGH!" and let it go. The hissing and growling doesn't upset me and, frankly, I think of it as mere acting. Don't think all of this means we don't have rules -- we do and they are strong rules -- but not being tense or apprehensive seems to make things go much easier. I'd suggest working on your own energy so you aren't expecting the worse, ignoring the hissing and growling as long as there is no blood letting and seeing if the cats can work it out on their own. From what you describe, it really doesn't sound as if your cats are fighting or likely to harm one another. If you can relax and not "see" the worst, then perhaps they will find their own place in your newly reordered pack. 

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Actually, I do things very similar to you. I have a very small house and multiple animals and don't have the patience for long introductions. I'm on my 3rd foster cat. My resident cat and my first foster cat were eventually sleeping on the same bed as each other. My resident and my 2nd foster cat were eventually licking and playing with each other. My 3rd foster cat and my resident cat are doing fine with occasional territorial disputes.

My 2 residents have never gotten along but I suspect that a slow introduction wouldn't have changed much of anything, because my older resident cat is a grouch and has been so for many years. He hisses at basically any creature that passes him who's not human. My hope is that eventually he and my other resident cat will learn to ignore each other.

My elderly cat would probably be best as an only animal in a home. (He hates dogs too) Rehoming my older cat isn't an option (I inherited him from a deceased relative and he's not adoptable and I'm not going to make him an outdoor cat where he would soon die) so we just put up with it. My older cat is very reclusive and hides most of the time.

M mtgal Interesting that you should mention ‘energy’. Ritz (six years old, female) and Dahalia (nine months old, female) have wide ups and wide downs. They’ve had full access to one another, 24x7, for about three months. They will now sleep on the same sofa (opposite ends), and eat together in the kitchen (apart from one another but sometimes together). If Ritz is half sleep on my lap, Ritz will allow Dahalia to sleep on my legs. But Ritz the resident cat (for 6 years) still hisses a lot and sometimes fights whenever Dahalia walks too close to her. Ritz is the dominant cat, and Dahalia knows, respects and even lays down on her side when Ritz is acting out. Very different personalities, too.
Recently, I’ve started praising both cats whenever there is no hissing, growling or fighting. And also recently, when I see Dahalia walking close to Ritz and vice versa, I simply calm my mind and try giving that peace, calmness energy to Dahalia and Ritz. I figure, can’t hurt. I do know that Ritz picks up on my nervousness; Ritz was my first cat ever and I had lots to learn and be nervous about.
As the other posters have said, integrating cats can take weeks, months or years depending on the personalities of the cats among other factors.

MTGAL said:

For me, part of it is that we have so many animals around our farm, run a therapy program for at-risk kids and almost always have some animal in trouble, so I have a fair tolerance for animal craziness. Cats growling at one another barely registers on the radar of things to worry about. It may sound crazy to anyone who doesn't have dogs, but I truly think the dogs help keep things more reasonable. The cats run the house and the dogs follow, so there is rarely any conflict there. My resident cats eat with, sleep with and even play with the dogs. When the cats get angry with one another, they usually head to the dogs. In turn, the dogs keep the peace. My Pit is blind and has very calm energy. The cats adore him and when upset they often snuggle in his bed next to him. My German Shepherd is playful, but we joke she is a cat whisperer since even the most frightened stray seems to gravitate in her direction. Whatever the reason, we have very little conflict here. 

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Your place really sounds lovely!

Ok, I haven't been able to post a reply over the last couple of days because of Christmas shopping and prep, but here it is with a bit of an update.

First things first, thank you all for the replies, especially the ones describing experiences similar to mine. To answer some of the questions/suggestions made in the thread:

1. Yes, we're using two Feliway diffusers in the house, one at the top of the stairs (or as we've come to call it, the pass of Thermopylae) and one in the main living room where everyone human or feline spends the most of their time

2. Never had heard of composure max - will try and find it (we're in the UK)

3. Never had heard of the vanilla trick either, so we're starting this today. My cats now smell of cake, which is quite amusing, we'll see if it helps.

Over the last couple of days, it's got a bit trickier, as Shadow's patience seems to have run out. As I said, for the first few days she would try to initiate contact, Pims would hiss and growl, she would turn around and try later. Now she's had enough, she just has a proper go and won't leave him alone even when he starts running away. To me, it looks like she's calling his bluff and finding out what his growl is worse than his bite - is she then trying to assert herself as the dominant cat of the house despite him having been here longer, I don't know.

So, we'll keep trying and see if the vanilla thing helps.

As for the other discussion going on here, my parents also never bothered with formal cat introductions and let the animals work it out. The only reason why this time I decided to be involved is because I just know Pims. He's been bullied outside, he's not the biggest cat and he's just a softie, the hissing and growling being all show if you ask me.

I get the point about having many animals around, though - my only experience in a similar environment was my grandmother's place (a farm as well), and indeed she never bothered either. But that being said, she didn't have as strong a bond with any cat as we have with Pims. She had a dozen of various creatures roaming around, on roughly equal terms, whereas my wife and I only had two (then one) with a fairly strong relationship, which probably leads us to being somewhat overprotective.

It's a structure that I've seen a lot in farms all over France: people 'have' pets, but it feels a bit more like a coexistence thing rather than a strong friendship bond.

@MGTAL: Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you don't love your critters nor that you're just running a pet hotel - just saying the number of pets is definitely a factor.

I have five cats and two dogs. While they aren't best buddies in some cases, they do get along. I guess you could say they "co-exist" but even siblings in some families just merely "co-exist". 

Maple and Sara are both very loving, but they'd much rather just be left alone if they had it their way. They don't mind the others being around, but they aren't interested in playing. They are also both 13 years old whereas the others are much younger. I don't know if that's the reason though because my Lucky was 16 and loved playing with the kittens until he got sick. Sara is definitely the more receptive one. It took Maple a good long time before she stopped hissing at the boys, and now she growls still at Penelopy. I often wonder if that may have been due to hormonal things, so hoping now that she won't be emitting those hormones, Maple may not get so upset.

Maple is my not-so-little hermit crab. Called as such because she stays in my bedroom during the day (she doesn't care for the dogs) and is a crabapple.

I think in your case though you just need to give it time. The existing ones always seem to take longer to adjust, regardless of the way in which they are introduced. We've had Penelopy a little over three weeks and Maple still tries to slap at her. Penelopy, thankfully, could care less and just rolls on the ground.

dlkhain said:

 
Ok, I haven't been able to post a reply over the last couple of days because of Christmas shopping and prep, but here it is with a bit of an update.

First things first, thank you all for the replies, especially the ones describing experiences similar to mine. To answer some of the questions/suggestions made in the thread:

1. Yes, we're using two Feliway diffusers in the house, one at the top of the stairs (or as we've come to call it, the pass of Thermopylae) and one in the main living room where everyone human or feline spends the most of their time

2. Never had heard of composure max - will try and find it (we're in the UK)

3. Never had heard of the vanilla trick either, so we're starting this today. My cats now smell of cake, which is quite amusing, we'll see if it helps.

Over the last couple of days, it's got a bit trickier, as Shadow's patience seems to have run out. As I said, for the first few days she would try to initiate contact, Pims would hiss and growl, she would turn around and try later. Now she's had enough, she just has a proper go and won't leave him alone even when he starts running away. To me, it looks like she's calling his bluff and finding out what his growl is worse than his bite - is she then trying to assert herself as the dominant cat of the house despite him having been here longer, I don't know.

So, we'll keep trying and see if the vanilla thing helps.

As for the other discussion going on here, my parents also never bothered with formal cat introductions and let the animals work it out. The only reason why this time I decided to be involved is because I just know Pims. He's been bullied outside, he's not the biggest cat and he's just a softie, the hissing and growling being all show if you ask me.

I get the point about having many animals around, though - my only experience in a similar environment was my grandmother's place (a farm as well), and indeed she never bothered either. But that being said, she didn't have as strong a bond with any cat as we have with Pims. She had a dozen of various creatures roaming around, on roughly equal terms, whereas my wife and I only had two (then one) with a fairly strong relationship, which probably leads us to being somewhat overprotective.

It's a structure that I've seen a lot in farms all over France: people 'have' pets, but it feels a bit more like a coexistence thing rather than a strong friendship bond.

@MGTAL: Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you don't love your critters nor that you're just running a pet hotel - just saying the number of pets is definitely a factor.

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I also know people who have animals, but they are more "animals" not friends or family members. My animals are members of the family and we cultivate strong relationships with each of them. I do think that when you have multiple pets, if you are able to raise them together, you are less likely to have problems. My oldest cat came to us at 4 weeks as a rescue and has always lived with the dogs and at least one other cat. She's my grouch and the one most likely to growl or snarl at newcomers. She is very special to me -- partially because she was still a true baby when she came and had to be fed by bottle -- and knows she is queen. 

Every cat is different and every household operates different. You need to figure out what works in your situation. I certainly don't mean to suggest you are doing "it" wrong! One reason I don't go through the lengthy intro period is because I never knew you needed to do this until a few years ago. So for years I just brought the new cat into the house, gave it some room and figured all would go well. I think we are simply lucky that we never had problems. 

MTGAL said:

 
I also know people who have animals, but they are more "animals" not friends or family members. My animals are members of the family and we cultivate strong relationships with each of them. I do think that when you have multiple pets, if you are able to raise them together, you are less likely to have problems. My oldest cat came to us at 4 weeks as a rescue and has always lived with the dogs and at least one other cat. She's my grouch and the one most likely to growl or snarl at newcomers. She is very special to me -- partially because she was still a true baby when she came and had to be fed by bottle -- and knows she is queen. 

Every cat is different and every household operates different. You need to figure out what works in your situation. I certainly don't mean to suggest you are doing "it" wrong! One reason I don't go through the lengthy intro period is because I never knew you needed to do this until a few years ago. So for years I just brought the new cat into the house, gave it some room and figured all would go well. I think we are simply lucky that we never had problems. 

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Hehe, yeah, from the tone of your post I was pretty sure you weren't just hoarding pets, hence the disclaimer. I have seen other situations like that, but I would never presume you were in that case. I can see why such a situation would lead to different tensions, though - since the pets would feel like the ownership is less strong, there is less to be jealous about.

And again, I value all the help and input I'm getting here, and the diversity of experiences is a huge bonus.

As far as Shadow and Pims are concerned, today hasn't gone too bad - Shadow is definitely more agile than Pims, so she's managed to climb to the top of the CD tower. This gives her the higher ground compared to Pims' beloved scratch post / tree, so I'm more and more inclined to think she's attempting a coup after seeing that he was all hiss and no scratch. Military genius that she is, she's also understood that depleting his supplies and resources was a sure way to success, and is now eating his food when we're not looking. She must have found a copy of The Art of War lying somewhere.

Well, it's definitely taken a turn for the worse...

For the past 3 days, we just can't allow them direct access to each other, or Shadow (the new one) just has a proper go at Pims.

We manage to get them to eat in the same room, a couple of meters apart, but that's about it. We've tried several combinations, with one of them already in the room curled up and the other one coming in, letting them find each other, but the result is always the same:

1. They watch each other from a distance

2. Pims growls

3. Shadow gets closer, Pims hisses

4. Shadow attacks Pims, he runs away and she actually chases him all around the house

It only ends when I follow after both of them and separate them, after which Pims is taking quite a while to settle. On Saturday we made the mistake of letting him out soon after the altercation (he's normally indoors/outdoors, but we've locked the catflap during the introduction) and we got a bit worried as he stayed out a lot longer than usual and wouldn't come when called (which he normally does as he doesn't venture very far). We thought he had decided that since his home was no longer safe he would just go, but he did turn up around lunchtime.

Happened again this morning, he was sitting at the top of the stairs, I was just trying to move Shadow from the kitchen to the living room, but the bolted up the stairs and went straight for him.

We're a bit stuck. We've added a feliway diffuser, we've done the vanilla thing, it just seems to get worse and I'm now seriously considering giving Shadow back, especially after Pims' disappearing act on Saturday.

You are moving through the steps way too quickly.  You need to back up.  Did you start by feeding the cats behind a closed door.  That should be the first step of eating together.  If behavior is fine you can move to them eating with a baby gate separating them and a sheet covering it.  Every few days you can begin to raise the sheet just a few inches.  If there is any growling or hissing or posturing,etc.. you are moving too fast.  You also may want to do more room swapping. 

Right now the cats need more separation.  Remember this is all a process.  It can take a very very long time for them to adjust.  I am talking months and months.  You just need to move at a very very slow pace.  It is not uncommon to have to back up. 

Do you have vertical spacing for the cats?  You may need a few cat trees or some shelving the cats can get up and away if needed. 

Another thing you can try is play therapy.  This works well with the resident cats.  They are feeling overwhelmed by this new cat and really need extra assurance.  Try using a wand toy or laser pointer and really get the cats moving.  You want to use the technique called Hunt, catch, kill, eat, groom, sleep.  You really want to get the cat moving (5 minutes or more), Allow the cat to hunt, catch and kill the toy.  After the cat is tired out, offer a small meal or extra special treat to satisfy the eat portion.  Next the cat will groom himself and take a nap.  This process helps to boost confidence.

You can use the above technique on all of the cats (separately).  They are not ready for integrated play yet. 

Thanks again for the reply

Yeah, I think you're right. Because the first stages went very well, and because Shadow was desperately keen to get out of her confinement room quite early, we got a bit optimistic. Also, we're going to soon reach the end of the holiday period, and one of us will have to go back to work, so that must have been in the back of our mind to try and rush it before that (which is dumb of us).

Backing up sounds good - we're back to feeding them "together" (still a yard or two apart), after which no more direct contact. Pims initiated the room swapping himself yesterday, which was nice.

Vertical space is ok - there's a rather large cat tree, and we leave empty spaces on the shelves on purpose. Shadow is reaching places such as the top of the CD tower, so we're ok on that front I think.

The technique you describe is what we already do, although we do it mostly with Pims - he actually likes playing fetch where we toss some toys down the hallway and he intercepts / catches / brings them back, normally around 7pm before meal time, after which it's grooming and/or cuddles depending on his majesty's mood.

Anyway, thanks a lot for the help, we panicked a bit after the two rather agressive displays, but we're going to slow down and see where it takes us.

dlkhain said:

 
Thanks again for the reply

Yeah, I think you're right. Because the first stages went very well, and because Shadow was desperately keen to get out of her confinement room quite early, we got a bit optimistic. Also, we're going to soon reach the end of the holiday period, and one of us will have to go back to work, so that must have been in the back of our mind to try and rush it before that (which is dumb of us).

Backing up sounds good - we're back to feeding them "together" (still a yard or two apart), after which no more direct contact. Pims initiated the room swapping himself yesterday, which was nice.

Vertical space is ok - there's a rather large cat tree, and we leave empty spaces on the shelves on purpose. Shadow is reaching places such as the top of the CD tower, so we're ok on that front I think.

The technique you describe is what we already do, although we do it mostly with Pims - he actually likes playing fetch where we toss some toys down the hallway and he intercepts / catches / brings them back, normally around 7pm before meal time, after which it's grooming and/or cuddles depending on his majesty's mood.

Anyway, thanks a lot for the help, we panicked a bit after the two rather agressive displays, but we're going to slow down and see where it takes us.

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It is so common to rush the process and then have to step back a bit.  Also try to keep yourself and partner as calm as possible.  It is so easy to get caught up with cat commotion.  The cats do pick up on your emotions.  I had a really hard time with my emotions with my two.  I was a mess.  What helped was taking a break and allowing my husband and son to take over for a weekend.  The cats did so much better without me hovering and being a nervous Nelly.  Once I realized that I was contributing, it really helped. 

Just move very slowly.  If there is upheaval at the next step, just take it slowly for a day or so.  If the upheaval continues, move back a step. 

You will continue to have good days and bad days along the way.  The key is to see what triggered the bad day and try to prevent it from happening again.  Also remain calm yourself.

Lots of deep breaths.  You will get through this.  I remember the stress well. 

I'm going through a similar situation. My only two cats (siblings, 2 yrs old, male & female, indoor) whom had previously been friends... suddenly the female hisses and growls at the male. It's so stressful... I'm trying to keep my emotions in check but my entire household has been flipped upside down. Any suggestions on how to remain calm are appreciated. I'm keeping them separated... switching them out. They are both calm that way. I tried an excercuse for the first time tonight suggested by a behaviorist, to have one person hold one and I hold the other across a room. Have them look at each other for ten minutes. If she growls, put her in time out. She didn't growl... but she tends to only get upset when he gets close. Will keep trying... these are my babies and I'm beside myself. Never knew this could happen.