Cat turf wars and unwilling owner

I have a dilemma, and it has a novel to go with it, so please bear with me.  

My husband have a lot of debt and are in a financial strut, so we moved in to my cousin's home Halloween of 2014.  My cousin and her four children moved to colorado in 2011, and a family friend stayed in her house.  So, it's my cousin's home, and we lived here for a year with the family friend.  We'll call him Bob.  We'll call my cousin Jess.

So, Bob isn't necessarily a hoarder, but he sees no problem living in filth.  The house was basically destroyed when we moved in and I KNOW that Jess would never live like that.  The walls were yellow from smoking inside, there was all kinds of trash piled up throughout the house.  Actually, I think photos can show you better than I can explain.  This first photo is the main level of the house. 


And this second photo is the basement where Bob spent all of his time when he wasn't at work.  


As you can see...  it was bad.  Myself, my husband, and a few relatives got together and cleaned the main level of the house.  The master bedroom/bathroom (which would be our room) and the upstairs were untouched by cats.  So, we had the bedroom to ourselves and the entire second level also to ourselves.  The second level we turned into an almost studio apartment with a mini-fridge, our living room furniture and computer desks, a microwave, etc.  So our cat resided on the 2nd level.

Now.  About the animals.  When Jess moved to Colorado, she left her 3 pets here.  2 dogs, and a small black kitten.  By late 2014, there were 4 cats, and 2 dogs.  Another family friend had lived here with an intact male cat, and he got the black kitten pregnant.  That friend moved out, and from there, she just multiplied.  She's had maybe 4-5 litters and her daughter has had 3-4.  We've urged Bob, and practically begged him to let us take at LEAST the male cats to get them fixed, and his logic is that he loves the kittens (even though most of them die) and loves how affection the cats are when they're in heat.  

Over time, one cat passed away, and then black momma cat had a single kitten litter and we're currently searching for a home for him now.  Back in February, she also had a litter and we currently still have one of those kittens, but the others were successfully rehomed.  Jess recently moved back into the house, with 3 of her 4 children, with the 4th returning soon once she graduates.  

There are two problem cats.  Bits, and Uno.  Bits is black momma cat's daughter, and Uno is black momma cat's son.  They are as feral as feral can be.  Bits has attacked both myself and Jess's 11 year old daughter.  She refuses to use a litterbox, and she attacks the dogs.  I am terrified for Jess's daughter.  She is so scared of this cat and I don't think it's fair for her to feel unsafe in her own home.  And Uno is attacking the other cats.  These two cats are hostile towards humans, despite me trying to work with them for the entire past year.  They're even hostile towards Bob, but he sees it as them being playful.  It isn't playful.

I'm rambling and this story is a mess, but I'm at my wit's end.  Jess is of the opinion that when you get a pet, you keep that pet for life.  I completely understand where she's coming from, and agree, but sometimes a pet simply does not fit in and especially so when they're attacking the children in the house and the other animals.  

I have no idea how to convince her that it's not safe keeping them here.  I don't know what other life there could be for them, but it's like sitting here and just waiting for a bomb to go off.  I am actually prepared to rush a child to the hospital because at this point, an attack from one of these cats is inevitable.

We've tried everything to redirect Bits and Uno to the litterbox, they insist on going literally wherever they want.
They are hostile and dangerous.  We've tried calm and gentle introductions for the past year.
Bob refuses to allow anyone to get them spayed and neutered. 
Bob and Jess are against rehoming them, but I feel like I have a better chance of convincing Jess.  And if I convince her, then Bob's stance no longer matters.  
We've tried anything and everything.  We've poured money into these cats trying anything we can find to help them learn how to be normal cats.

I am at my wits end.  I don't know how to convince Jess.  Bob was admitted to the hospital today (he is in his 60s and in poor health) and I feel like if I bring it up right now, it'll seem like I'm taking advantage of the fact that he isn't here to voice his opinion.  Does anyone have some words of wisdom and advice?  
 

First of all, I think that the most important thing to do is to get every cat spayed and neutered.  Bob sounds delusional and irrational.  Yes, kittens are cute, but kittens dying aren't very cute.  I think you should focus your energy on convincing Jess. It's her house and her cats.  Tell her that it's unsafe for her children to live in a house with aggressive cats, and unsafe to live in unsanitary conditions.  I understand that Bits and Uno are displaying unwanted behavior right now, but it's hard to figure out if they're health issues or actually behavioral problems. 

There are low cost clinics that'll help with the cost of spay and neutering.  Additionally, these cats should also have a vet check them for health issues in regards to the aggression and improper elimination.  If Jess really cares about the animals, you need to convince her that having them spayed and neutered will contribute to their health and happiness.  

If Jess is so dedicated to them, then she should invest in their welfare.  I know that it must be awkward for you to suggest these things since it's Jess' house and her cats, but even if you weren't living there, it would still be the best thing to do for the cats and the children.  

In this situation, I think a lot of people might become defensive very quickly.  I would try to approach it in a "I'm concerned about your children and here's some advice" kind of way and try to avoid sounding preachy and attacking.  

I'm assuming you might not have the money to do so since you were in this situation to begin with, but if possible I'd just take them to get them fixed whether or not Bob will "allow" it. I know sometimes neutering fixes behavioral problems, but it seems somewhat unlikely that they'd fix completely lack of socialization. (I don't have experience with that extreme of a circumstance.) They might have other illnesses as well. If they have something that's causing them to be physically uncomfortable then that might exacerbate their aggression. Plus most cats use litterboxes instinctively. Even intact cats that spray or pee on things emotionally usually use the litterbox. If you put a cat in a place with a soft, diggable area, they will instinctively use it. Completely feral cats that have never lived with humans and were born in the wild bury their poop. They could have some physical illness that's affecting their control as well.

If you can get them fixed, does the house have a yard? Do you think you could convince Jess to let them be outside cats? You can make a very cheap cat shelter with a plastic bin, styrofoam, and soft materials. There's a lot of tutorials online. If you keep feeding them (outside) and provide a place for them to shelter and sleep safely (not in the house), maybe Jess won't feel that she's abandoning them or shirking her duty. Speaking of that, if she feels so duty-bound to get rid of the cats, have you spun the duty angle that it's her DUTY to not produce more cats that need homes?

Last resort, call in an anonymous tip as a "neighbor" to animal control. Yes this seems sneaky and underhanded, and I wouldn't generally advocate it, but these people are not behaving rationally and are creating an unsafe environment for you, the animals, and the child involved. I think doing this and playing dumb is probably a better idea than not.

I'm sorry you're forced into such a dysfunctional situation right now. It sounds like you're handling it with a lot of grace for such an ungraceful situation.

You really need to get those cats fixed now. Judging by the state of the house I would say that Bob is on the verge of becoming a hoarder. If that happens the authorities are eventually going to get involved and it could lead to your cousin losing the house and most of that cats being euthanised. If it comes to that there is a very good chance that Child Protective Services will be called too, so it's in everyone's best interests if you act now.

Call around TNR groups and low cost spay and neuter clinics in your area and see if any of them can come and trap the cats and get them fixed while Bob is in hospital. He might not like the idea, but it's for the best and once it's done there is nothing he can do about it.

Cats are more likely to be aggressive if they aren't fixed. Lots of litter box problems can be solved by getting them spayed and neutered too.

Once you've had the cats fixed and don't have to worry about more kittens being born you can devote more time to getting all the cats healthy and calming the more aggressive ones. Would Bob and Jess agree to making an outdoor enclosure for Bits and Uno? I care for a colony of semi feral cats, I can give you advice on how to keep them happy and healthy outdoors.

I'm sorry that you're in this situation, but I'm really glad that you've reached out for help. There are organisations that can help you, you just need to get the ball rolling ASAP.

Keep us posted on how it goes.

Ruaryx said:

If Jess is so dedicated to them, then she should invest in their welfare.  I know that it must be awkward for you to suggest these things since it's Jess' house and her cats, but even if you weren't living there, it would still be the best thing to do for the cats and the children.  

Click to expand...

That's half the problem.  She doesn't seem to care much about doing anything to help them but at the same time refuses to give them to someone who CAN and is willing to help.  

 

Lonelocust said:

 
I'm assuming you might not have the money to do so since you were in this situation to begin with, but if possible I'd just take them to get them fixed whether or not Bob will "allow" it. 

If you can get them fixed, does the house have a yard? Do you think you could convince Jess to let them be outside cats? 

I'm sorry you're forced into such a dysfunctional situation right now. It sounds like you're handling it with a lot of grace for such an ungraceful situation.

Click to expand...

There's a great place where I can get them all fixed for $10 a cat.  The problem is transportation.  I mean, I have my own vehicle, but the clinic is a good 40 minute drive and I drive an SUV.  I may have some ideas though.  We also do have a yard, a large yard actually, but with the amount of outside dogs around here and the fact that we live in a busy downtown area, I know the cats would end up dead quickly.  They're 3, almost 4 years old and have never been outside.

 

Norachan said:

 
You really need to get those cats fixed now. Judging by the state of the house I would say that Bob is on the verge of becoming a hoarder. If that happens the authorities are eventually going to get involved and it could lead to your cousin losing the house and most of that cats being euthanised. If it comes to that there is a very good chance that Child Protective Services will be called too, so it's in everyone's best interests if you act now.

Click to expand...

The house has actually been cleaned and remodeled since those pictures were taken.  I have a habit of photographing everything that could later be used as evidence if ever needed, and those are the before pictures.  The house, especially the basement, looks totally different now.  Funny enough, Bob acts like his hoarding habits don't exist now that my cousin is back home, because he's obsessively in love with her and tries to impress her by acting like a neat freak.  It's the most confusing thing I've ever seen.  That's a totally different story though.

Child protective services is the big fear.  That and if one cat goes crazy and attacks someone and requires a hospital visit, then there's the possibility that they could all be taken.  And if anyone touches my cat or tries to remove him from the home, there will be heads rolling.  My cat stays isolated from the other cats, because he is basically a perfectly behaved cat and he will NOT be picking up the others' bad behaviours.

$10 dollars a cat and an SUV to move them in sounds perfect!

When I was getting the cats I care for fixed I was able to borrow a trap from my vet and get them to and from the clinic that way. Most TNR groups have traps they will lend or rent to you. Even doing one cat at a time would be better than nothing. If Jess and Bob aren't interested in getting them fixed, you should just go ahead and get them fixed yourself. Unless the cats have been chipped and registered to either Jess or Bob they're going to have a hard time protesting about you doing something that is basically for the good of all the animals and people in the house.

Does Bob live in the basement? Could you persuade him to keep the cats down there with him, away from your cat and Jess's daughter? Maybe he could make an outdoor enclosure for them that leads into his part of the house. If you check cat proof fencing and cat enclosures on Google you see lots of examples of how to make an enclosure for them. Some wooden posts and a few rolls of chicken wire are all you need. Not as safe as indoors only, of course, but enough to stop them roaming, keep other animals away from them and make the situation indoors more tolerable.

I'm really concerned about the amount of kittens that have died. You expect to see high levels of mortality amongst outdoor feral cats. For indoor cats to be losing so many kittens they must be either malnourished or kept in very unsanitary conditions. If you feel that you can't step in and get these cats fixed yourself making an anonymous call to the authorities might be the only other thing you can do.

Unless the number of animals in the house stops increasing the whole situation is going to end very sadly.

Cats attacking each other, especially if they are related to one another, is a struggle for dominance and territory.

One solution my friend found, with rabbits, is to take both of them to another location for about three days -- and in the unfamiliar situation they snuggle together for comfort, and begin to bond rather than fight. It would have to be an enclosed environment, or course. I have done something similar, trying to get my two groups of cats used to each other. If a mother and daughter have been separated for as much as a few months, they may fight, with to my experience the older one being the aggressor.

A cat which has grown up with only humans is likely to never get used to being with other cats. So no use trying.

Linda in Taiwan

Tiny little update.

Since Bob was admitted to the hospital today, his two cats Uno and Bits were placed upstairs, with the other cats.  Originally, all cats stayed on the main level of the house, and then we remodeled the house, and they all stayed in Bob's room for a short while, and then one by one we reintroduced them back upstairs.  Eventually, it was only Uno and Bits left in Bob's room and for whatever reason, he never put them back upstairs on the main level.  They've been isolated in his room for about 3 months now.  

During that time, the youngest adult male Schmidt became king of the castle.  Uno has always been a beta male, and before the house remodel, Uno and Schmidt were practically attached and always together and cuddling.  However, all day he has been c

Norachan said:

 
$10 dollars a cat and an SUV to move them in sounds perfect!

When I was getting the cats I care for fixed I was able to borrow a trap from my vet and get them to and from the clinic that way. Most TNR groups have traps they will lend or rent to you. Even doing one cat at a time would be better than nothing. If Jess and Bob aren't interested in getting them fixed, you should just go ahead and get them fixed yourself. Unless the cats have been chipped and registered to either Jess or Bob they're going to have a hard time protesting about you doing something that is basically for the good of all the animals and people in the house.

Does Bob live in the basement? Could you persuade him to keep the cats down there with him, away from your cat and Jess's daughter? Maybe he could make an outdoor enclosure for them that leads into his part of the house. If you check cat proof fencing and cat enclosures on Google you see lots of examples of how to make an enclosure for them. Some wooden posts and a few rolls of chicken wire are all you need. Not as safe as indoors only, of course, but enough to stop them roaming, keep other animals away from them and make the situation indoors more tolerable.

I'm really concerned about the amount of kittens that have died. You expect to see high levels of mortality amongst outdoor feral cats. For indoor cats to be losing so many kittens they must be either malnourished or kept in very unsanitary conditions. If you feel that you can't step in and get these cats fixed yourself making an anonymous call to the authorities might be the only other thing you can do.

Unless the number of animals in the house stops increasing the whole situation is going to end very sadly.

Click to expand...

Bob and my husband and I all have our bedrooms in the basement.  The basement is half finished, half unfinished and the unfinished half is not a safe place for kitties.  Not to mention, Bob's cat's will create a poop mountain back there.  They've done it before.  I refuse to allow Bob to let them stay in the basement living room, because that's where my husband and I keep our computers and basically everything we own, and if any of Bob's cats so much as touches my desk, it's going straight to the humane society.  My own cat was trained as a kitten about where he can and cannot climb, but Bob truly just doesn't care about training his pets.

My own cat is currently seperated in my bedroom, away from the others.  They've already infested him with fleas and worms, I'm not going to risk them hurting my baby anymore.

Norachan said:

 
$10 dollars a cat and an SUV to move them in sounds perfect!

Click to expand...

Yes, but it's $50 for a round trip that I'd have to do twice in one day, in gas alone.  And I'm almost positive that a family can only take one animal at a time which means multiple trips.

 

Linda in Taiwan said:

 
Cats attacking each other, especially if they are related to one another, is a struggle for dominance and territory.

One solution my friend found, with rabbits, is to take both of them to another location for about three days -- and in the unfamiliar situation they snuggle together for comfort, and begin to bond rather than fight. It would have to be an enclosed environment, or course. I have done something similar, trying to get my two groups of cats used to each other. If a mother and daughter have been separated for as much as a few months, they may fight, with to my experience the older one being the aggressor.

Click to expand...

That is a great idea.  Unfortunately, we have no way to doing something like that.

They really just HAVE to be spayed/neutered or you're going to be up to your ears in kittens. Not to mention that the odor in the house must be terrible with a tomcat around :/. And intact male cats always fight; they absolutely must be neutered if you want to reduce the fighting. Call around to all the animal welfare agencies in the area to see if they can recommend a low-cost solution, or if they can provide transportation to the one you know about. You have a chance to get things taken care of now that Bob is in the hospital. . .

I can't imagine even living in a house that has poorly-cared for tomcats in it. Yikes!

@Kenzie Riann  The situation you have described; unfixed cats infested with fleas and worms being allowed to breed and most kittens dying because of the conditions in the house, is a hoarding situation. If the ASPCA is called there is a very good chance you will lose your pet too. You have to do something about this.

While Bob is in hospital call around every TNR group and shelter in town to see if they will fix the cats and treat them for parasites. If that doesn't work you need to call the ASPCA yourself. You will not be prosecuted if you make the call, but if you leave it until someone else calls there is a good chance that every one living in the house will be held responsible.

As you said, all it takes is one call from a neighbour to complain about the smell or one trip to the ER if the little girl gets bitten and the authorities will get involved. You seem to be the only person in the house who recognises that there is a problem. You need to be the one who steps up and takes action before things get any worse.

Norachan said:

 
@Kenzie Riann  The situation you have described; unfixed cats infested with fleas and worms being allowed to breed and most kittens dying because of the conditions in the house, is a hoarding situation. If the ASPCA is called there is a very good chance you will lose your pet too. You have to do something about this.

While Bob is in hospital call around every TNR group and shelter in town to see if they will fix the cats and treat them for parasites. If that doesn't work you need to call the ASPCA yourself. You will not be prosecuted if you make the call, but if you leave it until someone else calls there is a good chance that every one living in the house will be held responsible.

As you said, all it takes is one call from a neighbour to complain about the smell or one trip to the ER if the little girl gets bitten and the authorities will get involved. You seem to be the only person in the house who recognises that there is a problem. You need to be the one who steps up and takes action before things get any worse.

Click to expand...

I know.  And after figuring something out today, I've made it my mission to get them fixed, and find these cats new homes.

So, Bob went into the hospital.  Normally, he spends all of his time in his bedroom, with Uno and Little Bits.  Judging by their behaviour, I always assumed Uno was feral.  Little Bits is absolutely feral.  She will attack anyone and anything, and if she were the only cat in the house, you'd only know we had a cat by the poops she leaves everywhere.

With Bob in the hospital, he tried to put Little Bits and Uno on the main level of the home with the other cats (not including mine).  Uno was attacking the other cats, so he went back into Bob's room and has been yowling non-stop since then.  I go into the room to make sure he has fresh food and water, sit on the bed, and try to get him to trust me.  I've been doing this for the last year with both of these cats.

But something changed today.  Sometime last night, Uno escaped the bedroom, and got lost in the storage area of the basement.  We managed to get him out and back into the room.  He escaped again, and stood at the top of the stairs yowling.  I was upstairs, and opened the door to the basement, and there he was crying.  And for once... he did NOT immediately run from me!  In fact, he actually let me grab him and put him back into the room.  

Not long after that, he tried to escape AGAIN and this time, I found his escape route.  So, we were fixing the problem spot, and he was curled up in the corner, terrified, and watching us.  He had an escape route from me and could have gone under the dresser, but he didn't.  He flinched when I got near, but then... he let me pet him!  But this wasn't like before.  I've been able to pet Uno before, be he always seemed very uncomfortable with it.  This time, he was arching his back FIERCELY.  It was as if he was STARVING for attention.  I actually have this on video, too!  And I think he might not have been eating since Bob went into the hospital, and Uno started to just shove food into his face.  He even let me rub his tummy!

After today, I'm positive that Uno is not feral.  He needs some serious TLC, and patience, but he would absolutely thrive in a new home.  

Video is linked below.  I show the state of Bob's room in the video, and at 1:36 you can see where Uno was escaping.  

My heart absolutely broke today.  I've been living here, trying to make some kind of break through with these cats, for over a year now.   3 days ago, I would have never guessed that Uno is such a sweet kitty.