For my Kitten

donutte · Jan 18, 2016

Kittens Mom said:
Cleaning off my desk I seen Mercy's little baby collar and thought best to put it away. Open the trinket box and you guessed it. There is Kitten's collar right on tip. It even has a bit of cream dried on the tip from the last time she begged a sip. It is amazing how raw all of this still is.

In fact every collar/tag she's ever had is in that box. She always smelled like baby powder. Which is odd since we never use any type of talc.

Lucky always smelled like baby powder too. Funny, I was just thinking about the other day in another thread. Not a strong baby powder, but very subtle. Funny, because Lucky himself was not a subtle cat.

The rawness of it all sucks. And amazing how the littlest things will just sting like heck. Seeing Oscar sleeping in Lucky's "spot" yesterday... I mean, there's this black and white cat sleeping in a very familiar spot. It's this spot just big enough for a cat, between where the vacuum sits and a container. It's warm there, which is why Lucky always liked it.

kittens mom · Jan 18, 2016

Donutte said:
Lucky always smelled like baby powder too. Funny, I was just thinking about the other day in another thread. Not a strong baby powder, but very subtle. Funny, because Lucky himself was not a subtle cat.

The rawness of it all sucks. And amazing how the littlest things will just sting like heck. Seeing Oscar sleeping in Lucky's "spot" yesterday... I mean, there's this black and white cat sleeping in a very familiar spot. It's this spot just big enough for a cat, between where the vacuum sits and a container. It's warm there, which is why Lucky always liked it.

Yeah it was always the faintest smell. When she was over my shoulder I could bury my face in her little fluffy body and just inhale. There was a little piece of spray foam that leaked out by our door. After Kitten lost most of her vision she was convinced it was a lizard there. I don't know when but it got knocked off and I found it by the steps. It's now in the trinket box.

Sometimes when I see Mercy out of the corner of my eye I feel my heart sort of jump. It seems like she's been gone forever. It really hasn't been that long for either of us. I don't even cry tears anymore. It's just this dry racking sobbing thing for a few seconds. I guess all you can do is pick yourself back up and try again.

Mamanyt1953 · Jan 18, 2016

It takes a hellish long time before the scabs aren't knocked off by the slightest breeze. And I sometimes think those tearless sobs hurt worse.

ginny · Jan 18, 2016

Yes very familiar with the dry sobs.

kittens mom · Jan 18, 2016

Mamanyt1953 said:
It takes a hellish long time before the scabs aren't knocked off by the slightest breeze. And I sometimes think those tearless sobs hurt worse.

Ginny said:
Yes very familiar with the dry sobs.

Just when you think you have composed yourself...The flash of a familiar daily ritual that will never happen again. a loved trinket that will never be pinched and carted off to the hoard. Oh my I lost every ink pen to her. Under the shelves her pirates treasure. How do I reach down and fish one out knowing she isn't hear to restock her supply.

And I confess. I left each and every one of those pens laying where she could slither her four flat feet over and for a snatch and run.

zed xyzed · Jan 18, 2016

for kitten

ginny · Jan 18, 2016

I still put out a dish for Gracie. I can't bring myself to retire her bowl. I also don't want to turn over the last scratch pad she used.

kittens mom · Jan 18, 2016

Ginny said:
I still put out a dish for Gracie. I can't bring myself to retire her bowl. I also don't want to turn over the last scratch pad she used.

I was putting Kitten's baby blanket on my computer chair nightly until I started leaving Mercy out all night . Mook has never slept on the chair but Mercy likes it. We do what we have to get through each day.

I went back and read your tribute to Gracie. so many cats since I came here at the end of August. Yeah I so understand the empty spaces and all the little things we did for them. I am so sorry for your loss. There really are so few words that work.

ginny · Jan 18, 2016

Kittens Mom said:
I was putting Kitten's baby blanket on my computer chair nightly until I started leaving Mercy out all night . Mook has never slept on the chair but Mercy likes it. We do what we have to get through each day.

I went back and read your tribute to Gracie. so many cats since I came here at the end of August. Yeah I so understand the empty spaces and all the little things we did for them. I am so sorry for your loss. There really are so few words that work.

Thanks.

kittens mom · Jan 22, 2016

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kittens mom
Jan 22, 2016

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kittens mom
Jan 22, 2016

Crying less doesn't mean I love you less. Healing doesn't mean I'm forgetting you.

We love you sweetheart. I never noticed until now that Mooky is in both of these pictures.

bobberandebony · Jan 22, 2016

I know what you mean. I am going through the motions and thinking of my boys every day - how I miss them. I may not cry as much but my heart aches.

donutte · Jan 22, 2016

Ginny said:
I still put out a dish for Gracie.

I remember we stopped putting a bowl down for Lucky before he was gone. He'd stopped eating and no one ever stuck to their dish anyway (the kittens especially like to make "the rounds"). It broke my heart to do that, like I was admitting something I really didn't want to admit.

The other thing we did... mom always puts little emoticons on the texts. She's always put five cats. Or vice versa. She did that even after he was gone, and then when we got Penelopy, she'd put six cats. One day, maybe a couple of weeks ago, I returned it with just the five. It broke my heart all over again. But I did it.

ginny · Jan 22, 2016

Kitten's coloring looks so similar to Garf and Sammy's mommy Gabriella. If I can find a pic of her I will post it. She was a tortoiseshell persian.

Mamanyt1953 · Jan 22, 2016

To cry less, to start to heal is not of forget, or to love less...it is to begin to be able to remember with joy. And that is the greatest gift we can give them...to remember with joy. It is also the greatest gift they give us.

kittens mom · Jan 22, 2016

BobberandEbony said:
I know what you mean. I am going through the motions and thinking of my boys every day - how I miss them. I may not cry as much but my heart aches.

It's like a heavy weight hanging off my heart. It's just there all the time. I know it will get lighter , easier to bear. I think the burden of our grief might indicate our capacity to love.

ginny · Jan 22, 2016

Kittens Mom said:
It's like a heavy weight hanging off my heart. It's just there all the time. I know it will get lighter , easier to bear. I think the burden of our grief might indicate our capacity to love.

It definitely does! While the psychopath feels little or nothing, the empath feels much joy and also much pain.

kittens mom · Jan 22, 2016

Ginny said:
Kitten's coloring looks so similar to Garf and Sammy's mommy Gabriella. If I can find a pic of her I will post it. She was a tortoiseshell persian.

She almost always had a paw or two dangling. She put her head down as soon as she seen the camera. Hated the flash. I looked in the corner of that picture and there was a little Mook. She would guard her and at the same time be annoyed by her breathing her air.

ginny · Jan 22, 2016

Kittens Mom said:
She almost always had a paw or two dangling. She put her head down as soon as she seen the camera. Hated the flash. I looked in the corner of that picture and there was a little Mook. She would guard her and at the same time be annoyed by her breathing her air.

Funny kitties!

kittens mom · Jan 22, 2016

Donutte said:
I remember we stopped putting a bowl down for Lucky before he was gone. He'd stopped eating and no one ever stuck to their dish anyway (the kittens especially like to make "the rounds"). It broke my heart to do that, like I was admitting something I really didn't want to admit.

The other thing we did... mom always puts little emoticons on the texts. She's always put five cats. Or vice versa. She did that even after he was gone, and then when we got Penelopy, she'd put six cats. One day, maybe a couple of weeks ago, I returned it with just the five. It broke my heart all over again. But I did it.

We go at our own pace. I put a treat next to kittens box the other night. It just seemed right. It was less painful to do that than not.

kittens mom · Jan 23, 2016

My heart breaks for my poor husband sometimes. Our cats have different relationships with each of us. While Kitten was my baby and she would choose me to take care of her. ( Hassle, slap, pester and annoy) She had a buddy system with him. Greeted him at the door every morning when he came home from work. Shameless making sure she was ahead of Mook and got the first pet. Rummaged his work bag . Made sure he was properly clean after a shower. Loved to sit near and watch him play video games. He couldn't set his work clothes out without turning around and finding her sitting on them. She depended on me. She supervised him.

Big strong men who support their wives through their grief cry too.

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kittens mom
Jan 23, 2016

For my Kitten

Professional cat sitter extraordinaire!

Kittens life was lost to a negligent veterinarian.

Thread starter

Rules my home with an iron paw

TCS Member

Kittens life was lost to a negligent veterinarian.

Thread starter

TCS Member

TCS Member

Kittens life was lost to a negligent veterinarian.

Thread starter

TCS Member

Kittens life was lost to a negligent veterinarian.

Thread starter

TCS Member

Professional cat sitter extraordinaire!

TCS Member

Rules my home with an iron paw

Kittens life was lost to a negligent veterinarian.

Thread starter

TCS Member

Kittens life was lost to a negligent veterinarian.

Thread starter

TCS Member

Kittens life was lost to a negligent veterinarian.

Thread starter

Kittens life was lost to a negligent veterinarian.

Thread starter