For my Kitten

There really are no words that help. My heart aches for you.

Ah, Sweetie...she had nothing to forgive you for.  You loved and cherished her every moment, and do so now.  And really, what's a little tail fluff among loved ones?  I do believe that she continues on, and that her tail is just as fluffy as ever, and the kissy spot is still there.   Love never dies.  They continue.  It's a bit of cold comfort, when we miss their sweet warmth so much, but there it is.  Hugs.

I cried so much when I read this. Kitten does not think you wronged her, and I'm sure she never felt that way in her life. You are a great mommy. And she loves you just as much as you do her.

Without a doubt my left hemisphere and right hemisphere are at war.

You know the joke is we opted to set up a VCPR with this vet not based on her perhaps being cheaper but for proximity. And that was based solely on the premise that at it would be a good idea to have that if we ever had a real emergency out here it would cut valuable time off transport. It would mean this clinic would have their health records. I figured if any vet could put up with me on the phone for nearly a half hour giving my expectations and complaints about another vet without telling me to go away I'd found at the very least someone who listened. I know that we discussed the adjuvants in vaccines and that Kitten was a year over because I refuse to vaccinate yearly even with a safer vaccine. Oh I not only waited , I waited nearly a year after it had been released to perused for any possible side effects .  And even after reassuring me it was the safe vaccine she injected Kitten and the Mook with one that had the adjuvant. I don't think it's a coincidence that my sweet little cat went downhill from there. Add the further insult of being injected with an unknown dose of baytril and then given a daily overdose. Losing vision. Stress. Add her age. Of course it's very easy to hate myself now after the fact when I can see the whole picture.

The thing is we got left to clean up that vets mess. We didn't really do anything wrong. But the burden of dealing with it was ours to bear.

The last thing I done before she was put in the furnace to be incinerated was pick up that fluffy tail. So cold and limp and still. It was never still in life. A constant running commentary on everything. And I sat there in a rolley chair while she was cremated. Next to a freezer of dead pets. Full view of a skid of bagged dead pets for mass cremation . And I keep asking how did I get here. And how do I ever purge these images out of my brain.

Kittens Mom said:

 And how do I ever purge these images out of my brain.

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And the one question you really need help with is the one that we can't begin to help you with.  I am so sorry you are going through this.  Again, and again, and again, Hug, Darlin.  Hug.

Mamanyt1953 said:

 
And the one question you really need help with is the one that we can't begin to help you with.  I am so sorry you are going through this.  Again, and again, and again, Hug, Darlin.  Hug.

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I am at a loss why this vet won't just settle so she can go on her way and my husband and I can start to heal.  The claim for blinding her is corroborated by three separate veterinarians. We're well aware that we are not going to nail her in court for killing Kitten.  The SVB might see it otherwise. I have her on fraud. I gots tons of good stuff to rake her over the coals. And the truth is if she just owned the overdose I wouldn't want to be bothered by all the rest of her crap. Karma has a way of sorting things out with very little help. We're asking for a handful of justice for an atrocity. On the short list of people I hate she has now moved ahead of the BIL who starved the horses my husband sold him. I really never though anyone was going to even be able to compete for that spot. Well I made a lot of people miserable over that mess. I would truly love to shove what I feel down her throat and watch her thrash around with it for a while. As long as I can vent I'll make it through.

Thinking of you @kittensmom I really hope you get some justice for sweet Kitten.

BobberandEbony said:

Thinking of you @kittensmom I really hope you get some justice for sweet Kitten.

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I have no doubt we'll prevail on the overdose. It's being forced into rehashing this in any court. A normal veterinarian would have apologized and made sure we were directed to any specialty treatment Kitten might need at their expense. Tried to mitigate the fallout.

She shows a callous and uncaring attitude about the animals she treats and the impact her bad decision had on the human beings that trusted her.

OK, for what it is worth, please let me know a couple of days ahead of time what your court date will be.  I will light a candle and sit vigil with you.  This far from you, it's the best I can do.

Mamanyt1953 said:

 
OK, for what it is worth, please let me know a couple of days ahead of time what your court date will be.  I will light a candle and sit vigil with you.  This far from you, it's the best I can do.

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I gave to the 10th to respond. I'll send a demand letter this week and file next week. Hopefully I'll get a quick court date.

I bought some heat diverters. ( those little plastic thingies you put on your heat vent so the warm air blows somewhere besides a wall or corner you never use.  Decided to check the temp so I took my little atomic clock and sat it about 3 feet away.  And that's when I seen it.  Kitten had a fetish about anything reflected on the wall or ceiling and I have worn out numerous projection clocks just so she could sing to the numbers on the ceiling. In fact she wore a few of them out herself  through punching the button or knocking them off tables. Something she stopped doing after she was overdosed. In fact every little nightlight in the house is some type of projection. She loved laying on her back singing to me about them.

My husband and I found endless ways to make sure she was safe and new ways to play. I seen the big roadrunner today that showed up a few weeks before she died. I tried so hard to show it to her. Kitten has such aspirations of getting one of the Big Birds. She couldn't see it. She would lay in my arms by the storm door in the morning and make little exclamations about the mockingbirds and flying rats and that big juicy bunny. She would spend endless hours watching the little porch lizards through a crack in the door. I really hate that the things she loved were out of reach in her last months of life. This harmless little piece of house fluff that was the definition of house diva. Today has been a weeping day.

I left some honest reviews of this vet today. Probably not my best work but they'll do for now. They are just the sound of a faint war drum in the distance. 

Your posts sadden me, it is very upsetting to hear your pain. The pain that was inflicted upon Kitten, you, your husband and Mooks because of someone's neglect. At the same time, there is a part of me that smiles; every kitty should be so loved and cherished as kitten was. 

Zed Xyzed said:

 
Your posts sadden me, it is very upsetting to hear your pain. The pain that was inflicted upon Kitten, you, your husband and Mooks because of someone's neglect. At the same time, there is a part of me that smiles; every kitty should be so loved and cherished as kitten was. 

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And there are thousands of cat lovers here that feel just as much love for their babies and as much heartache when they are lost. Including your own cat. Which means this is about the only place I have to unload when I just feel overwhelmed by what happened.

I'm sure everyone here on this forum loves their cats as family members - if we didn't care so much, we wouldn't have sought out such a place to learn more about them!

And since we do consider them family members, it hurts even more when they are harmed by someone's negligence - the senselessness of it all is just soul crushing.  The thought that someone could act so carelessly and rip away a cherished family member from your life  -  it is most certainly not just a cat.......    we get it, even if no one else does.  

Kittens Mom said:

 
I left some honest reviews of this vet today. Probably not my best work but they'll do for now. They are just the sound of a faint war drum in the distance. 

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I hope you know I am so connected with your pain.  We won't speak further on it today.  HOWEVER...the slightly off-tempo drum you hear is me, beating along with you.

I came across all these little blurb stories and illustrations last night as I packed up Kitten's medical records hopefully for the last time. All done in late 2004 before I got my first draw pad. These were drawn with a mouse. I rather like the clunky look as they don't overpower the short.

The stories are adorable.