I am desperate for advice on this issue...

nsav8

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I am literally sick to my stomach.  I found a kitten with a feral.  Got both fixed and vetted, and took them home.  Took the kitten to an adoption event, and a nice family is interested.  I still have the feral at my house...I've never had a cat in my life, much less a feral.  I am struggling with taming this cat.  It looks like I am going to have to keep this feral.  Thus, I feel like I should keep the kitten, too, so he has company.  The feral and kitten get along well.  So, I have two cats, when I didn't want any.  My stomach is in knots over this b/c in my heart I know you should only keep pets you actually want.   The adoption group is mad at me (for backing out of adoption).  I think I may be able to call the adoption group and let them have the kitten for this family b/c I don't think the paperwork is final.  Please give me some advice.  I cannot believe how stressful this has made me.  I honestly think I've fallen into the abyss over this. 
 

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This is a tough one.

A few questions to ask yourself:

Are you financially able to care for one or both of these cats long term?

Are you willing and able to give one or both cats the attention and interaction they both need and deserve?

Are you going to regret/resent the cat(s) should you keep them?

From the standpoint of the feral...
Is this a young cat/kitten or an adult? How long has this cat been under your care? Did you have to use a trap to catch this cat? Does this cat have free roam of the house, or is it confined to a particular area?

Would it be feasible to rehome this cat as a barn cat?

In regards to the kitten...
If you truly do decide to keep the older cat, things can go one way or another. Since both the older and younger get along well, over time the older may learn to trust more by watching the younger interact with you.
On the other hand, having more one on one time with the older "force" the older to bond with you. If you put in the time and effort it takes to achieve this. Though I have seen this method backfire and the more timid cat regress.

Even though you did want these cats in the beginning, you do seem to have developed a fondness for them, otherwise you wouldn't be in such a dilemma.

I think if you are fully committed it would be best to keep both. BUT, you must be fully committed.
 
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nsav8

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Thank you so much CatPack.  I am still struggling mightily with this issue.  I am not sure if the feral and the kitten play with each other...because the feral won't really do anything except cower in front of me.  The kitten, however, jumps and bites and initiates play all the time with him.  I have never seen them snuggling together.  Most of the time, when I open the door they are not next to each other.  The reason I am so stressed about this is because I am a DOG person.  My fear is that I will not be able to get two big dogs with these cats.  I keep thinking if I found a home for the kitten (no one wants the feral), then maybe I can have my two dogs.  I don't have dogs right now b/c my dogs passed away earlier in the year, and I've been taking time to heal from that.   Then these cats come into my life.  I just don't think I will be happy without dogs in my life.  Please give me advice...time is of the essence as I have a good adopter interested in the kitten.
 

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I wonder if the cat is truly feral or possibly a stray who has feral tendencies.  A true feral would most likely stay hidden whenever you are present.  Are you able to handle the cat?  My guess is that this is a very frightened kitty who has been abandoned or mistreated my humans.  The cat will need to win your trust.  This can take some time, but it is not impossible.  I will give a few suggestions to help.

1.  Keep the new cat in the safe room for a bit longer.   You do not want the cat out and about in your home, if you cannot handle the cat. 

2.  When you visit, the cats, sit on the floor at their level.  Do not loom over.  Bring a special yummy treat.  You might start with plain cooked chicken, canned tuna or salmon.  Just toss the treat in the cats direction.  At first she may not eat the treat in your presence, but she will start to associate you with something yummy.  Bring something each time you visit.  Try to visit as many times as possible.  You want her to get used to you.  You don't have to stay long, but come often.  Sit of the floor and talk to her.  Also engage in play with the kitten.  Get a few toys.  The older cat, will just watch, but might decide after a bit that it looks like fun.  Use the kitten to your advantage.  You can also offer yummy treats to the kitten too.  Just not too much.  Tiny bites. 

3.  Get a Feliway diffuser for the room.  It will help to calm both of the cats. 

4. Is there a window in the room where the cats can look outside?  If so consider getting a perch so they can see out. Keep the windows tightly closed and watch for curtains or blinds with cords. 

5.  You can play a radio with soft music.  I often would leave the radio on 24/7. 

6.  You still can have dogs.  Cats and dogs can learn to live together as long as the dogs are trained not to chase or hurt the cats.  I have a large dog who lives with 2 indoor cats and 3 outdoor feral cats.  She was trained to leave the cats alone.  There are ways to introduce cats to dogs.  They may not be best buddies, but they can easily learn to coexist in the same home.  Cats often need lots of vertical space.  You can have cat trees/condos or even vertical shelving attached to the wall for the cats to get up high away from the dogs.

I think you are just wonderful for trying your best to help these cats.  I think it could go either way to keep them both or try to rehome the kitten.  I like having 2 as they learn to entertain each other. 

Ask lots of questions, we are here to help.
 
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nsav8

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Thank you, ShadowsRescue.  I am doing just about everything on your list.  I can sometimes pet the feral (maybe he was just a stray), but not often.  He would bite me, so I stopped initiating the petting.  Since I stopped petting him, he has only initiated petting one time.  I think he is coming along...and I know to go by his time schedule not mine.

I guess I am worried that I will ruin his life by giving the kitten up for adoption.  I adore the kitten, but, I have a small house with LOW ceilings, so I am feeling like one less cat means maybe I could get a dog.  I may feel sorry for a cat being alone with just dogs, though.  Maybe he will be lonely without the kitten?

At this point, I cannot even imagine when I can even bring dogs back into my home.  This cat is so frightened.  I wish a rescue would take him, but I've hit every rescue I know up, and no one has the time and space.  I would never turn him into a shelter, of course.  He can stay as long as he needs to at my house.  But, as I said earlier, a life without dogs would be torture for me.  I know I cannot do it.
 

shadowsrescue

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Thank you, ShadowsRescue.  I am doing just about everything on your list.  I can sometimes pet the feral (maybe he was just a stray), but not often.  He would bite me, so I stopped initiating the petting.  Since I stopped petting him, he has only initiated petting one time.  I think he is coming along...and I know to go by his time schedule not mine.

I guess I am worried that I will ruin his life by giving the kitten up for adoption.  I adore the kitten, but, I have a small house with LOW ceilings, so I am feeling like one less cat means maybe I could get a dog.  I may feel sorry for a cat being alone with just dogs, though.  Maybe he will be lonely without the kitten?

At this point, I cannot even imagine when I can even bring dogs back into my home.  This cat is so frightened.  I wish a rescue would take him, but I've hit every rescue I know up, and no one has the time and space.  I would never turn him into a shelter, of course.  He can stay as long as he needs to at my house.  But, as I said earlier, a life without dogs would be torture for me.  I know I cannot do it.
Yet you do not have to give up having dogs, it just might delay it for a few months.    If you work with this kitty for a bit, he will certainly come along.  I guess I would keep the kitten.  It would be nice for them to have each other. 

Since you can pet the cat, he is certainly not feral.  He is a stray who is very frightened.  He will bit if he is frightened. Always speak in a soft voice and assure him that he is safe with you.    When you greet him, place your hand in a fist (knuckles pointing toward the cat).  This will look like the head of a cat and he may want to head butt you.  This is a friendly sign between cats.  It may also give him a chance to sniff you.  Don't try to pet, just allow him to sniff.  Also watch eye contact if that seems to frighten him.  Instead look down or over the top of his head.  This is a common reaction in cats. 

I did read that both have been spayed/neutered.  Is that correct?  How are the litter box and eating habits?
 
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nsav8

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Both have good litter box habits.  I did dog sit for a friend one weekend, and the kitten literally had a hissy fit.  The feral was always kept in his room, so he did not see the dog, though he probably did smell him and hear him.  My house is not very large, so I worry about feeling cramped with two cats and two dogs.  Plus, I cannot stand that litterbox smell.  I hate to sound mean, but I am just being honest.  I never wanted these cats...and still don't.  But I love all animals and feel sorry for them.  I originally set out to catch the kitten and rehome him.  I had no idea I would catch a feral/stray cat with him.
 
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nsav8

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Oh, I forgot.  The kitten eats like a champ.  The feral throws up a lot.  I have him for a few months now, and I can only remember a few days when he did not throw up.  My vet thinks it is nervousness or gulping down his food.  I try to feed him only in small increments.
 

shadowsrescue

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What kind of food and how much food are you giving him total for the day? Has he been wormed?

If you think it's from eating too fast, you can use or make a slow feeding bowl.  Here is a link to one you can buy, but you can easily take a large bowl and then turn a smaller bowl upside down to place inside the larger bowl.  Then you scatter the food and the cat has to work to get to the food. 
One of the things I have used in the past, is a homemade pet petter.  I take a long wand and attach an old sock to it with duct tape.  I often use it first as  toy to get the cat interested.  I then start to use the wand petter on the cats back and head.  At first they often freak out, but after a few days the cat starts to enjoy pets.  It's not  your hand so the cat is less frightened.  This allows you to work with the cat from a bit of a distance.  Here is a picture of me working with one of my outdoor ferals with the pet petting wand.


 

shadowsrescue

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Both have good litter box habits.  I did dog sit for a friend one weekend, and the kitten literally had a hissy fit.  The feral was always kept in his room, so he did not see the dog, though he probably did smell him and hear him.  My house is not very large, so I worry about feeling cramped with two cats and two dogs.  Plus, I cannot stand that litterbox smell.  I hate to sound mean, but I am just being honest.  I never wanted these cats...and still don't.  But I love all animals and feel sorry for them.  I originally set out to catch the kitten and rehome him.  I had no idea I would catch a feral/stray cat with him.
I am sorry that you do not want the cats.  It is no way for a cat to live in a home where he is not wanted.  I hope you can find a rescue group that is willing to help him.  I would definitely rehome the kitten so that he/she has a chance at a happy life. 

There are plenty of ways to make space for cats.  Lots of cats like being up and out of the way.  As I mentioned before, vertical shelving or cat trees/condos are great for cats.

As for litter box odor, how often do you scoop and what kind of litter are you using?  I have 3 litter boxes in my home for 2 cats and there is no smell at all.  I use Precious Cat litter for Multi cats.  I scoop every day and change out the box completely once a month.  If you are scooping often enough and using good cat litter, there should be litter odor. 
 
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nsav8

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I have OCD, so I change litter at least 3 times a day.  I guess I need to change litter brands (I use Tidy Cats b/c I like the jug).  I would never, ever be mean to the cats.  I actually do like them...but it means less space for dogs.  I think a cat person may feel the same way if they found dogs they could not find homes for.  I feel like the feral will always be attached to me, and will be difficult to rehome b/c he is an adult black male cat.  Plus, no rescue wants him.  I think he is adorable, but he does look like an average black cat. I guess at this point I can't imagine him accepting another home or another person.  And I will always worry about that home.  I am one of those people who should NEVER foster, b/c I can't give anything up and no one is every good enough.  I'm disgusted with myself over this.  I am not a hoarder, and my home is sparkly clean.  But I am usually very careful about taking animals in.  But these cats threw me for a loop b/c every rescue kept telling me "no".  I never dreamed I'd end up with them.  And that makes me sad.
 

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I'm sorry that you are feeling stuck with the feral.  We are in the same boat.  Our family cat of 18 years died last year around this time, and at first we didn't want another cat, but we missed her so, and then we decided to foster a cat, and we failed at that, so we had snowy.  Tati came along to keep snowy company.  Then we were full up on cats... but somehow ended up with a mother kitty and her son (feral/stray just like your situation, thought we would be nice and tame them, vet them and rehome them.  Well, we got the taming and vetting done, but no body wants them.  I love cats, but I l iked it better when we only had one.  She was more fun to play with, to take for walks, to sleep with, everything.  Now it just feels like I am a slave to the cats food dishes and litter boxes.

If it were me, and the kitten and feral are not bonded... and you would know if they were... then I would definitely let the kitten be adopted by the nice family.   I think it will give you a better chance to bond with the black cat and to let the black cat relax and you might find you enjoy his company. If you don't, it will be easeir to find a rescue, or a home, for just one cat than for a bonded pair.

You did a nice thing helping them out, and ideally when we do stuff like this, we are able to commit to the pets we help, but if you are not feeling it, faking it isn't good on anyone.
 
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nsav8

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I guess if I had a crystal ball, and knew that the cats would get along with any dogs I adopt, I would feel more sure on what to do.  The guilt I feel over this is crippling.  My family thinks I'm losing it, lol.  My friends are puzzled by it (ie, "why don't you just take them to a shelter?").  I could not live with myself.  I need to know they will end up in good FOREVER homes.  The kitten has a chance.  The feral, less of a chance.
 

shadowsrescue

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I guess if I had a crystal ball, and knew that the cats would get along with any dogs I adopt, I would feel more sure on what to do.  The guilt I feel over this is crippling.  My family thinks I'm losing it, lol.  My friends are puzzled by it (ie, "why don't you just take them to a shelter?").  I could not live with myself.  I need to know they will end up in good FOREVER homes.  The kitten has a chance.  The feral, less of a chance.
Do you plan on training the dogs?  All the cats need to know is that they will be safe around the dogs and you will not allow the dogs to chase or hurt them.  If you don't plan to train the dogs and allow them to chase the cats, then that is no place for a cat to be. 

Here is an article on introducing cats to dogs
http://www.thecatsite.com/a/introducing-cats-to-dogs
 

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If it helps, I have had cats and dogs together and they got along great.  Matter of fact, my resident cats brought in a feral cat who would have nothing to do with us except to eat.  She hung out in our yard for the summer, and when it turned cold, the other cats coaxed her in.  She would hide in the rafters in the basement until it was time to go out again and she would shoot out the door.  She ended up pregnant and crawled up right beside me to deliver her kittens.  It was the first time I ever got to touch her... but we were buds after that. Anyway, she abandoned one of the kittens and it was my dog who talked her into taking it back - and he helped raise it.  We would take our dog for a walk (on a leash) and the kitten would be right there with us (no leash).  We also had a conure and the cats and bird got along fine.  Of course the bird was tougher than the cats... And, we also had a pet rat.  We didn't let the rat run around unsupervised, but the cats were equally amused by its antics.

Pets are like family members.  Each needs to respect the other's boundaries, but as long as they are fed, played with and cared for, they are usually pretty accepting of others coming in.  It helps to have them secure before brining in a new member though.
 
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nsav8

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I had planned on getting old dogs...b/c they have such a hard time finding homes.  Which means I would be getting new dogs every few years.  I think that might be stressful for a cat?  I am so upset over this.  Ugh.
 

shadowsrescue

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I had planned on getting old dogs...b/c they have such a hard time finding homes.  Which means I would be getting new dogs every few years.  I think that might be stressful for a cat?  I am so upset over this.  Ugh.
Cats can adjust and will adjust as long as the dogs are well behaved.  Do you plan on training the dogs?
 

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With getting older dogs, there is a good chance they will already be cat friendly.  I believe certain breeds of dogs like cats better and some breeds tend to be naturally more aggressive towards them, but since you don't have your heart set on a particular dog, or breed of dog, I think it will work out great.  And once your cat gets situated, and it really does take a little time to fit into a routine and to get used to having someone care about you and care for you, I think it will not be too stressful for the cat.  It will be important that you and the cat both feel comfortable first though.
 
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nsav8

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Okay.  So let me get this straight.  I think two people on this site have said to get the cat comfortable BEFORE i get a dog.  But my vet tech told me to get a dog now...while the feral is confined to his small room.  This way, he will become accustomed to the dog's smell while he is in the comfort and safety of the room.  And if I want two dogs, do I get them at the same time?  Or introduce one, let them get used to each other, then introduce another dog at a later time?  
 

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Good questions. How soon are you wanting a dog? I mean if it is before spring or less than a couple months, perhaps your vet is right, get it now and everybody can get used to each other all at the same time.  Same for whether you get one dog or two dogs...and depends on how much time you have to put into integrating everyone.  If you have all day to supervise vs. if you only have a couple hours at night.  We got 4 new cats within the last year and they were spaced a few months a part.  it has been a constant state of change for the poor kittehs, but sometimes you just have to say "Welcome to my world, roll with it".

I guess you just have to decide what works best for your life, and then seek solutions to that.
 
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