Feeling fat and ugly.

I am desperately trying to find a dress for my fiance's work Christmas party.But so far everything either doesn't come or is sold out in my size. Even in Evans (that's a British plus size shop in case you don't know). I found a gorgeous dress and they only have it in an 18. fell fat, ugly and useless i'm never going to find a dress and even if i do it'll look horrible and frumpy.

Can you find something you like, and take it to the tailors to adjust the size for you? I've done that before

Don't knock yourself down roobear, there are enough people who will do that for you.  Your husband loves you and is taking you to his Christmas party, you should feel good about that.  You will find something you like and looks great on you, I know you are not fat and ugly, maybe you are a little overweight like many of us are including me.  I don't think I'm fat and ugly and neither does my boyfriend. 

Don't ever look down on yourself.

roobear said:

I am desperately trying to find a dress for my fiance's work Christmas party.But so far everything either doesn't come or is sold out in my size. Even in Evans (that's a British plus size shop in case you don't know). I found a gorgeous dress and they only have it in an 18. fell fat, ugly and useless i'm never going to find a dress and even if i do it'll look horrible and frumpy.

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From your avatar pics, you are definitely NOT ugly or frumpy - and you're CERTAINLY not useless :grphug2:

Clothes shopping can really sucks - I swear that there's a conspiracy in clothes shops to make you feel rubbish about yourself. I won't even try things on in shops anymore. Don't let it get you down. I'm sure you'll find something you look and feel great in before the party. Hang in there hun

You are not ugly OR frumpy I lived in a sorority for 4 years, and let me tell you....... EVERYONE... not matter how beautiful, felt "ugly and frumpy". Guess what? I don't think I've ever met one person who saw any of these girls the way that these girls saw themselves. Just because you aren't a TINY size doesn't mean you aren't beautiful! I have so many guy friends who won't even consider a woman beautiful if they are super tiny. Remember that when you look in the mirror, you are your biggest critic! I know you have likely heard this one before... but confidence is SEXY! What do you feel comfortable in? Does it even have to be a dress? I promise you the minute you start believing you are beautiful, others will too. Personally, if I feel "uncomfortable" in a dress, I like to wear a nice long beautiful cardigan or kimono with it so I don't feel like I have to walk around like a barbie! Remember that life is much too short to be concerned with things as artificial as appearance. Also... you have a FIANCE! Which must mean that they think you are beautiful You should believe them and just go with it!

Also, I find that doing my hair nice, and spending some tie being girly with my make up and lipstick really helps make me feel feminine and beautiful! Fake lashes especially  

roobear said:

 
I am desperately trying to find a dress for my fiance's work Christmas party.But so far everything either doesn't come or is sold out in my size. Even in Evans (that's a British plus size shop in case you don't know). I found a gorgeous dress and they only have it in an 18. fell fat, ugly and useless i'm never going to find a dress and even if i do it'll look horrible and frumpy.

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Simply Be

Roobear, 

I KNOW how discouraging it can be trying to find something 'nice' to wear in a Plus Size.  I am the same height when I am laying down as I am when I am standing up! I also used to be depressed about my size... I am Short AND Fat!  But now, I don't give a rat's butt what other people think or how they perceive me. I like me! And I am sure your finance` likes you....just the way you are! Or he wouldn't be your fiance`! You have to start liking yourself! Attitude really does make a difference in how you feel and see yourself.  

Another thought is, if you can't find a dress in a 'regular' store, maybe you could find something in a  wedding shop... there are many attractive Mother-of-the-Bride dresses in Plus Size that would be perfect for a Christmas party! 

Debenhams  has several nice dresses. Get a smart little black dress and spark it up with some holiday accessories! There IS a dress out there just for you! Don't be discouraged! You have time to shop around.

Is it mandatory that you wear a dress? Could you possibly find a nice pair of black slacks and a glittery top with a nice jacket or a nice tunic of some sort and some pumps or flats?

When you go out to shop for a dress, fix your hair, put your make-up on, and wear (or take with you) the shoes you will be wearing. And wear your best bra! It will make a world of difference in the way the dress looks on you when you try it on. And smile!  

In the meantime, call Evan's back and ask them to order that dress in for you in YOUR size! You have 6 weeks until Christmas!

I hope this helped some? 

HUGS!

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

roobear said:

 
I am desperately trying to find a dress for my fiance's work Christmas party.But so far everything either doesn't come or is sold out in my size. Even in Evans (that's a British plus size shop in case you don't know). I found a gorgeous dress and they only have it in an 18. fell fat, ugly and useless i'm never going to find a dress and even if i do it'll look horrible and frumpy.

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Simply Be

I want to elaborate. If you happen to have breasts or a shape many of the clothes in department stores are cut on the same pattern no matter the size. By the time the chest fits you're wearing a sack. Many plus size clothing is based on being frumpy. The design is made to cover you not enhance your looks.  You can actually go into a store feeling good about yourself and leave feeling like a fat slug.  You have options. One is an actual seamstress who can make you a dress. The other is an investment type dress that you have professionally altered to fit you.

The clothes from the mentioned store I've purchased have held up over the years. I have never ordered anything that wasn't bang on to size.

Kittens Mom, what you say about body shape is SO true, and most clothes are not cut for women with curves no matter what they say.  I have tops ranging from UK size 16 to 22 and some of the size 22 are the tightest across my bust which is crazy, but to get the item I wanted I had to buy that size.  Clothes shopping should make women feel good but too often it ends up making us feel miserable (and that goes for what ever size we are, big or small).  

Like others have said, confidence and feeling comfortable is where it all starts, and whether you find that 'perfect outfit', find hair and makeup that makes you feel like a princess, or killer shoes and nails to steel the show, use what ever helps - use it.    

I swear I hid away under black tents for about 35 years, and it took me that long to even start to feel comfortable and confident in my body.  I go up and down, and come and go with how good I feel about my body but I have certainly decided not to hide behind dark colours and shapeless clothes (unless they feel fantastic and have some wonderful aspect of design about them that is). One thing I am sure of is I've never done frumpy and never plan to either.  I'm no skinny but I will find interesting and beautiful clothes somewhere.  Be it Sainsbury (up to 24 in many styles), Wallis or Monsoon (22), or some fancy designer shop (who specialise in dressing women who have bodies like children).  Oh, and don't forget your local charity stores either, I've got some amazing clothes from them including Hobbs jackets and Phase Eight dresses (which still fit me in my current 16 to 22 bumble bee shape).

You have a fiance - someone thinks you are gorgeous and plans to marry you,  try to see yourself from his eyes and don't let those stupid clothes shops get you down.  

Much depends on your budget but nice fabrics and well cut clothes can work wonders for how you feel, as does something which is simply made to suit your body shape.  That dress you tried on was not right for you, but there will be another one out there which is.    

Don't feel bad. But I know the feeling. I too I am very overweight and sometimes I do feel fat ( which I am ) but I go about my day and try to make the best of what God gave me. Lucky you you have a husband . I don't have a significant other ,but I am happy and working on myself a little watching what I eat and exercise a bit everyday and being a nanny I'm on the move all the time. Clothes shopping can be terrible at times. Do the best that you can and smile. Good luck with your dress search. Take care!![emoji]128522[/emoji]

Oh, dear.  I know how you are feeling.  I don't that to myself, but I did for years and years.  I was so excited to drop down into a size 26 (US) recently!  I even dreamed of a time machine that would take me to one of those times and places that measured a man's worth by how fat his wife was...well...generally, in those places it was "wives."

If there is a reliable sempstress in your town who does alterations, you might even consider going online to shop.  Buy a size larger than you think you need, and have it adjusted.  A good alterations person will be able to tuck and adjust and give you look that you never thought you could achieve.  Virtually all of my dressy clothes were purchased and altered to fit. If you're interested, I have a list of the best places to order from, and most offer rush shipping.  Just PM me.

Our society has done women a great mis-service.  We are programmed to think that we have to conform to a certain body type/size or we are somehow less...less than beautiful, less than desirable, less than even acceptable.  THIS IS A BIG LIE!  We are not less, we are more...and the pun is intended.  There is beauty in every body type, every size, and the greatest beauty shines out of our eyes.  It is the light in our souls.  I took the time to look at your profile pictures, and I see your beauty.  So do others.  Now, your job, besides finding the dratted outfit, is to affirm that beauty daily until you actually do see it for yourself.

Kittens Mom said:

Simply Be

I want to elaborate. If you happen to have breasts or a shape many of the clothes in department stores are cut on the same pattern no matter the size. By the time the chest fits you're wearing a sack. Many plus size clothing is based on being frumpy. The design is made to cover you not enhance your looks.  You can actually go into a store feeling good about yourself and leave feeling like a fat slug.  You have options. One is an actual seamstress who can make you a dress. The other is an investment type dress that you have professionally altered to fit you.
The clothes from the mentioned store I've purchased have held up over the years. I have never ordered anything that wasn't bang on to size.

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Actally Evans have some nice stuff. I've bought from them before.
One can get some very nice, young stuff from outsize shops. That's where I buy my clothes but not in England I'm afraid.

Stewball said:

Actally Evans have some nice stuff. I've bought from them before.
One can get some very nice, young stuff from outsize shops. That's where I buy my clothes but not in England I'm afraid.

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I have some beautiful shirts from Simply Be from their short lived collection for full chested women. You know where the shoulder seams end up on your shoulder not your elbow and the shirt is made to fit the rest of your body instead of hanging like a maternity shirt. They also sell bras in my real cup and band size. When I was riding  the big horses daily I found wide calf boots. My well muscled calves couldn't fit in an off the shelf boot for street wear. Add to this there is no standard sizing anywhere.