I need advice on a feral

I am in dire need of some advice.  I was trapping for a kitten, and as a bonus, trapped a one-year-old male cat, too.  The kitten is wonderful.  The feral, not so much.  I didn't really realize he was feral (I thought he was a stray) and tried to move him from under my bed one day.  BIG MISTAKE.  He bit me very hard and I had to go to Urgent Care, and I was sick for about 2 weeks.  Since I was having a hard time taming him  (I have ZERO cat experience), my vet took him and worked with him for 6 weeks.  Then, I took him to my home.  He is eating now (sometimes in front of me) and letting me pet him.  HOWEVER, sometimes when I am petting him, he bites me.  This last time, I had only been petting him for a second, and it was very lightly.  Is this normal for a feral.  My house is very quiet, calm and since I work, he is alone with a kitten most of the day.  He is nice to the kitten...but not to me.  I don't know what to do.

If he's a true feral I'm surprised he lets you touch him at all. My recommendation would be surrendering him to someone who has experience with ferals and strays. Unfortunately I don't have any personal experience with ferals that I can share.

nsav8 said:

 
I am in dire need of some advice.  I was trapping for a kitten, and as a bonus, trapped a one-year-old male cat, too.  The kitten is wonderful.  The feral, not so much.  I didn't really realize he was feral (I thought he was a stray) and tried to move him from under my bed one day.  BIG MISTAKE.  He bit me very hard and I had to go to Urgent Care, and I was sick for about 2 weeks.  Since I was having a hard time taming him  (I have ZERO cat experience), my vet took him and worked with him for 6 weeks.  Then, I took him to my home.  He is eating now (sometimes in front of me) and letting me pet him.  HOWEVER, sometimes when I am petting him, he bites me.  This last time, I had only been petting him for a second, and it was very lightly.  Is this normal for a feral.  My house is very quiet, calm and since I work, he is alone with a kitten most of the day.  He is nice to the kitten...but not to me.  I don't know what to do.

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The fact that your house calm and quiet is a plus. It sounds like he's come a long way since the beginning. He's probably not a true feral. He sounds more like a stray that has picked up some feral ways. Since he's already gotten used to being around you, I'd keep at it. Take things slowly. When he lets you pet him, just do it a little bit. The more comfortable he gets with you, the more he'll let you do it. Cats aren't like dogs. They need to feel as though they are in control of the relationship. When you want to interact with him, try to be as close to his level as possible instead of "looming" over him. This makes you seem smaller and less of a threat. Sit or lay on the floor by him. Don't try to touch him. Let him come to you. He will. They are very curious creatures and he won't be able to help himself. Talk to him in a soft voice. Be reassuring that you love him and you want him to be happy.

It is normal for a nervous cat to bite. It's not that he doesn't like you. He's still getting used to being in a home environment. This is something that will have to build over time but you can do it. Try getting a Feliway diffuser or spray and use those in the house where he likes to go. These mimic the feel good pheremones that cats give off. Does he have aby place of his own that he can go when he's feeling anxious? My Henry wasn't socialized when he was at the shelter so I had to go through a lot of what you are now. He was in a safe room for months and I put a large plastic storage tote on it's side in the room with a big, soft blanket in it so he had a little cubby to sit in while in his safe room. He really liked this.

I know you want to build a relationship with him but with cats, sometimes the best thing you can do is back off and relax. Instead of trying to pet him, sit on the floor and extend your hand in a fist. Cats greet each other with head butts and your hand in a fist is about the same size and shape as a cat's head. He will know what you are doing and soon, he will come by and head butt your hand in greeting. Try to avoid direct eye contact with him as this is seen as a threatening move. When you look at him, look towards him, close your eyes for a few seconds and then look away. The slow blink is another way that cats greet each other. It's like a "hey, I see you and I'm not a threat to you!". All cats know this. You will soon see that he will return this gesture. The first time you get a slow blink back is pretty special.

There are other things you can do to help him relax. I'd get a wand toy like Da Bird and engage him in hands off play time. Most cats cannot resist Da Bird (you can find this on Amazon). He will start to associate you with good things. Giving him treats is another way. Associating you with food is one of the best ways to show him you're his friend.

DON'T STRESS IT!! He will pick up on this and it will only prolong things. Relax, play with him, talk to him, read to him, sing to him. It works. Cats are not dogs. Dogs give their love and trust indiscriminately. Cats do not. Their love and trust must be earned but when you do earn it, You will have a very special bond that nothing can break. In a lot of ways, a cat's friendship is more valuable than that of a dog. A lot of people don't see that but it's true. Anything earned is worth more than something just given. I have nothing against dogs. I have one but the relationships I have with my cats is just a touch deeper because I had to work for them.

I'm sorry that he bit you and that you were sick. If he has not been neutered and brought up to date on his vaccinations, I'd recommend that you do that as soon as you are able to. The biting is not personal, he just got scared and didn't know what to do. Please don't give up on this little guy. There's a loving friend hiding in that scared little boy. Time, patience and love will bring him out. The fact that he will eat in front of you is a good sign. You can do this!! Hang in there and we are here for you every step of the way!

Thank you for the encouragement.  I'm so exhausted for all of this.  I do dog rescue...not cat rescue!

nsav8 said:

 
Thank you for the encouragement.  I'm so exhausted for all of this.  I do dog rescue...not cat rescue!

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Any time. We are a group of cat lovers and we want as many cats in good homes as possible. Please don't hesitate to ask if you have any questions, concerns or just need to talk. We understand. Socializing a cat, especially a semi feral one as you seem to have is not easy but it really is worth it. Deep down he knows that you are trying to help him but he's scared and confused. He may have been mistreated by a person at some point in his life. When cats like this finally turn the corner and let their true purrsonalities shine through, it's really an amazing thing to see. 

The fact that you have another kitten there that you interact with is a good thing as well. He sees the interaction between you and it does tell him, "hey, that kitten trusts this person so maybe I can, too". These things take time which is why most cats like him end up getting PTS in shelters. They simply don't have the resources and manpower to give them the time, patience and love that they really need. It's sad but true.  

We have a former feral who will allow a head scratch every so often. He won't let us pet him or pick him up. Yet we know he's happy, so we allow him to call the shots concerning contact.

We have another cat who has lived with us since she was six weeks old. She loves being petted but once we hit her tolerance level, she will bite. We've learned to watch her body language, although sometimes we miss the signs.

My point is, he sounds like a cat that has been through trauma and may be having trouble adjusting. Take your time, allow him to make his adjustments in his own time. Cats tell us everything we need to know about them. We just sometimes have trouble understanding. His body language will tell you a lot. If his tail starts twitching, stop whatever you are doing. Even a small twitch can mean he's reaching his limits.

Thank you so. I have for taking him on. I think he will eventually make the adjustment to being a house pet. And like Kat0102 said, the kitten will make a great ambassador.

I don't want to jump the gun here...but I think I may have had a small breakthrough tonight with my feral.  He touched my hand!!  I was feeding him treats, and he hit my hand with his paw.  He did do one thing that confounded me, though.  He kind of mouthed my hand.  I honestly don't think he was trying to bite me (for once).  Maybe that is some secret cat language I'm unaware of?

I cannot tell you all how much this forum has helped me.  Everyone on here is so kind and NONJUDGEMENTAL.  Some people I'v encountered in cat rescue will be quick to tell me all the mistakes I've made with this guy (i.e., I had the feral declawed b/c a coworker told me they would take him if he was declawed).  I realize what a mistake that was, but I had the best of intentions.

I will be crying tears of frustration from dealing with my feral, but will manage to log on to this forum for some sort of hope/inspiration/new idea.  Thank you everyone.

I have four ferals and each is so different. Mama had her kittens in my yard. I just let her be amd put out food and water. As kittens grew i tried to interact but they took advice of mama. Once weaned mama took off. We trapped all three kittens and had 2 females spayed and i male neutered. A neighbor trapped and spayed mama. The 3 kittens stayed in my yard. One female has never come within 3 feet of me. They are two years old now and the 2nd female likes to be pet and brushed for a few minutes and then acts annoyed. The male is like a cuddly teddy bear and even likes my dog. To my surprise mama came back. After a few months of gradually putting my first out and slowly blinking at her she loves to be pet and scratched behind the ears. Only for a minute but i take what i can get.

I happen to live in an area where almost all the rescuers are judgmental. It was so difficult when I first got started because everyone gave different advice and everyone else slammed that advice! I simply can't work with most of them anymore.

We too had cats declawed and I still get upset about it. But even our vet said to do it. He is now strongly anti-declaw, partly because I read him the riot act when I learned what a vicious procedure it is!

That is the thing I love about this site. We have opinions but know that being mean or judgmental won't help. I give Anne and the other founders a big shout-out for that.

Cats do have a secret language. My uncle, who came from Ireland, used to say "That person is thick as a post," meaning said person was a little slow on the uptake. With the looks my cat Gracie gives me, I swear she thinks the same thing about me! :lol3: