Rest in peace, my little worm

Mamanyt1953 · Nov 20, 2015

He was a lovely cat, and I'm sure his time with you was purrrfectly wonderful. It's a strange thing about nursing a sick pet...or person, for that matter, no matter how "prepared" we might be, we are never ready. They stay in our hearts forever. My thoughts with you.

donutte · Dec 6, 2015

So hard to believe it's been three and a half weeks already. It'll be a month since he left on Saturday. And the pain still feels so unbearable. Not a single day has gone by since the day he was diagnosed that I haven't cried, tears streaming down my face at very inappropriate moments sometimes. I've had so many fur-babies in my life, and lost so many, and I've never felt this bad before, or had it take so long to get past it. I knew - I've known for years - that it would be hard when the day came. I just didn't realize how bad it would be.

Every now and then, I'll see one of the kittens stand a certain way. Or wake up to one of them stretched out on me like Lucky would do. And for a moment, I'll forget he's gone. Just to have realization slap me hard in the face a moment later. Oscar has become quite the mama's boy in the last few weeks, following me around like only Lucky would do. It feels weird, and somehow comforting at the same time.

And now dear, sweet Penelopy. Her sometimes sings a song that sounds so much like the song that Lucky used to sing. My mom heard her from the other room yesterday and was so shocked at how much she sounds like Lucky. I've also noticed something else. Lucky was always the one that would pee on the inside of the litter box against the wall somehow, and then never covered it up. In the few weeks between losing Lucky and getting Penelopy, there was this absence of peed-upon litter box walls and uncovered pee. Since we got Penelopy, it's returned. I think sometimes she is channeling his spirit somehow. If not for the fact she was 3 years old, I'd even consider it reincarnation. After all, we felt Lucky was the reincarnation of our beloved Black Cat that we lost the year before.

It's also weird seeing Oscar assume the role of "top cat" in the house. There's always a top cat somehow. Lucky was the top cat in the house since our Ali Cat died in 2008. And now it's Oscar. He's assumed the throne at a much younger age than any other cat I've had - he wasn't even six months yet when Lucky died. Oscar misses him the most, I think. The kittens absolutely adored him, and Lucky had kinda taken them under his wing when they got here. And less than four months later... he was gone. I still can't believe that my little guy was so full of life just three weeks before is gone.

I'll never forget my last day with my little worm. From the moment I woke up, holding onto the phone waiting for the vet to call giving results of Lucky's labs from the day before, to holding him next to me while he twitched from the building up toxins, listening to the wind howl in the middle of the night, wondering if he'd even make it to the next day because he'd crashed so hard. We all held him and loved him that day, each of us saying our personal goodbyes. I went through every nickname I had for him that night, vowing to never forget any of them, or anything about him. I'll never forget how even though could barely walk that last day, he still insisted on going to the litter box. He had a few accidents that day, but he still went to the litter box. He was nothing if not dignified.

I keep hoping the tears will dry up at some point. And the heartache will ease off a tad.

macha 143 · Dec 6, 2015

Donutte, I am so sorry, I wish I can ease your pain.

Please take care, keeping you in my thoughts and my prayers.

(((hugs)))

zed xyzed · Dec 6, 2015

I am so sorry you lost Lucky. RIP beautiful Lucky

kittens mom · Dec 9, 2015

I have meant to post my condolences many times. You have offered me comfort when your own heart is broken. I got some joy out of donating the E tube feeding collar I ordered by making a very short tribute note, Her picture, donated in loving memory and our names and giving it to a vet at the VCA we had worked with quite a bit. It isn't there to haunt me and it will make it's way to a cat that can use it. I may even order one now and then and do the same. I don't think we should keep things about that have no places in happy memories but by giving that little collar I took something painful to see and it will be a symbol of hope to someone else. Lemons and lemonade psychology. I know it's cliché. But I really do know how you feel .

margd · Dec 9, 2015

I've also meant to post. I am so so sorry about Lucky. What a well-loved, wonderful kitty he was. These times are so very difficult. Though there can never be another Lucky, I hope Penelopy is bringing some joy to your heart.

donutte · Dec 10, 2015

It's weird to think that four weeks ago, about this exact time, five minutes after 8, I was calling my vet to set up an appt for Lucky's very last visit. I'd never set up an appt for such a thing before, usually when having pets put to sleep, we had to rush them in as an emergency. It wasn't quite at that point though, and I didn't want it to get to that point. I took the earliest appt I could get with my vet (9:30am). I'd originally planned on doing the last appt I could get, but there was no point in making him suffer just to appease myself. And then for the next hour, we cuddled and talked with Lucky, who in hindsight was definitely ready for this. Then we wrapped him up in a towel, then a blanket, and headed out the door at 9am. We could have waited longer, the vet is right next door, but we wanted to just get there and not have to "get right to the chase" as it were the moment we walked in the door.

My vet's office obviously knew why I was there, and when they saw me carrying this my little bundle, they scurried to open the door for me and got us right into the room. We still had to wait for the vet to get into the office, but we had some time to talk and do all the paperwork, etc. Lucky was purring the entire time. He was my little purrball, after all.

Four weeks. It feels like forever and no time and all, at the same time. And I know it's gotten better. I can't compare against yesterday, but if I compare to the day of, the day after, even a week after... it's gotten better. Soon it will be a month exactly. Next thing I know, a year will have gone by. Amazing.

Penelopy has been an absolute joy. She was chasing the kittens this morning, which was a first (usually they are running after her). She's such a young thing herself. After having older cats - and only older cats - for so long, 3 years definitely feels like she is still a baby. And watching them play just makes my heart sing. They manage to keep me busy and my mind occupied, for the most part. I mean, having three little tornadoes in the house is hard to ignore.

And thanks to everyone who has offered condolences. It means a lot, it really does.

donutte · Dec 10, 2015

Kittens Mom said:
I have meant to post my condolences many times. You have offered me comfort when your own heart is broken. I got some joy out of donating the E tube feeding collar I ordered by making a very short tribute note, Her picture, donated in loving memory and our names and giving it to a vet at the VCA we had worked with quite a bit. It isn't there to haunt me and it will make it's way to a cat that can use it. I may even order one now and then and do the same. I don't think we should keep things about that have no places in happy memories but by giving that little collar I took something painful to see and it will be a symbol of hope to someone else. Lemons and lemonade psychology. I know it's cliché. But I really do know how you feel .

So many of the things I have for Lucky, I'll be likely be needing for Sara down the line. Syringes, etc. Seeing as she we definitely confirmed she has early kidney disease herself.

I'd bought a bunch of various high-calorie foods to blend into a pulp to syringe feed Lucky, the majority of which we didn't use. Mom fed that to our kitties last night and they had an absolute blast with it. All of them trying some from each and every bowl, like they always do anyway. Except this time, all the food was different.

I have a 24-pack of Hill's k/d that I planned on donating, but may have to take it back for Sara now. Still donating the Clinicare RF, not at the point we need that yet. Just need to get the time set up. That one is haunting me a bit. As well as the phos binder powder. All sitting in the boxes they came in, not yet opened because I can't do it yet.

kittens mom · Dec 10, 2015

Donutte said:
So many of the things I have for Lucky, I'll be likely be needing for Sara down the line. Syringes, etc. Seeing as she we definitely confirmed she has early kidney disease herself.

I'd bought a bunch of various high-calorie foods to blend into a pulp to syringe feed Lucky, the majority of which we didn't use. Mom fed that to our kitties last night and they had an absolute blast with it. All of them trying some from each and every bowl, like they always do anyway. Except this time, all the food was different.

I have a 24-pack of Hill's k/d that I planned on donating, but may have to take it back for Sara now. Still donating the Clinicare RF, not at the point we need that yet. Just need to get the time set up. That one is haunting me a bit. As well as the phos binder powder. All sitting in the boxes they came in, not yet opened because I can't do it yet.

I think whatever you do with it is fine. But putting it away out of sight is a good idea. Tote back of the least used closet. Originally we were going to donate the A/D Hills but I have it wrapped in a big storage bag and stored. I live in the middle of no where and being snowed in is not unusual. I hope we don't need it but if someone gets sick I have it. I'll donate it a few months before it expires. Which is years. I don't think there is a right or wrong way as long as it works for us. It was so special for both of us to be able to more or less schedule the time. That lack of feeling rushed and stressed was passed onto our pets. Making the call before it was a dire emergency that would have made it worse for everyone. Including the Mook who has weathered this so well. We had one day of refusing to eat and I just gave her nutrical until she decided her appetite was back. She's a bit more clingy but even that has backed off.

Mercy doesn't know anything. She's in the kitchen stuffing milk jug rings under the antique covered wagon trunk I use as a bench/storage. She's grown tons in a week. Her and Mook are forming a bond. One that Kitten never had with her. Which is why we started looking for a baby before Kitten was blinded. And here we both sit. Hearts broken but mending and slowly finding ways to move forward.

donutte · Dec 10, 2015

Kittens Mom said:
I think whatever you do with it is fine. But putting it away out of sight is a good idea. Tote back of the least used closet. Originally we were going to donate the A/D Hills but I have it wrapped in a big storage bag and stored. I live in the middle of no where and being snowed in is not unusual. I hope we don't need it but if someone gets sick I have it. I'll donate it a few months before it expires. Which is years. I don't think there is a right or wrong way as long as it works for us. It was so special for both of us to be able to more or less schedule the time. That lack of feeling rushed and stressed was passed onto our pets. Making the call before it was a dire emergency that would have made it worse for everyone. Including the Mook who has weathered this so well. We had one day of refusing to eat and I just gave her nutrical until she decided her appetite was back. She's a bit more clingy but even that has backed off.

Mercy doesn't know anything. She's in the kitchen stuffing milk jug rings under the antique covered wagon trunk I use as a bench/storage. She's grown tons in a week. Her and Mook are forming a bond. One that Kitten never had with her. Which is why we started looking for a baby before Kitten was blinded. And here we both sit. Hearts broken but mending and slowly finding ways to move forward.

Yeah, I definitely am glad we made the decision to do it, rather than have it made for us. That's a horrible, horrible feeling.

Today was actually a good day. Like, I actually *felt* good. I didn't feel like there was this dark cloud hanging about me. That's the first day in a long time I've felt like that.

kittens mom · Dec 10, 2015

Donutte said:
Yeah, I definitely am glad we made the decision to do it, rather than have it made for us. That's a horrible, horrible feeling.

Today was actually a good day. Like, I actually *felt* good. I didn't feel like there was this dark cloud hanging about me. That's the first day in a long time I've felt like that.

Me Too. Well not great with a spring in my step and probably still some pretty dark clouds but I was able to go out and function. I feel bad for not crying but it felt good to find a bit of normal.

We both had a controlled landing with our babies. That precious bit of time at home to say a real goodbye. Lets hope we can have a good tomorrow also. My bestest friend lives in the next state. She always reminds me she's standing right here beside me. I want you to feel like that. But not in a creepy stalker kind of way.

donutte · Dec 16, 2015

Having a bit of a meltdown tonight after seeing Lucky eating his dinner, and realizing it was Oliver. I often see him or his brother and am reminded of Lucky. A lot. And find myself wishing the realization that it isn't him would wait just a little longer, because the thought he is there is so comforting. Is that weird? This time it was my own brain that told me it wasn't him, vs having them turn and then realizing. Even as my heart sank knowing it wasn't him, Oliver looked SO much like Lucky, eating in that position. I went to my bed and sobbed while holding Lucky's ashes, which stay on my bed.

zed xyzed · Dec 16, 2015

((Hugs)) Lucky was so fortunate to have someone love him as much as you loved him.

kittens mom · Dec 16, 2015

Donutte said:
Having a bit of a meltdown tonight after seeing Lucky eating his dinner, and realizing it was Oliver. I often see him or his brother and am reminded of Lucky. A lot. And find myself wishing the realization that it isn't him would wait just a little longer, because the thought he is there is so comforting. Is that weird? This time it was my own brain that told me it wasn't him, vs having them turn and then realizing. Even as my heart sank knowing it wasn't him, Oliver looked SO much like Lucky, eating in that position. I went to my bed and sobbed while holding Lucky's ashes, which stay on my bed.

Pulling up with a box of Kleenex.

Wanted to add that it's so easy to feel alone at times like this. Know that I think of you and your Lucky when I'm crying over Kitten. My BFF lives far away. We can text day or night for each other. Much like you can reach out anytime you need to here. PM anytime.

donutte · Dec 23, 2015

It's so weird. Every time I see we have a gale warning (like we have coming up tonight), I think of Lucky's last night. That was the first (of many) gale warnings we've had in a rather short amount of time, and kinda weird for this year in the absence of snowstorms. I remember the sounds outside both frightened and comforted me. I think the comfort came from the fact it took my mind off of what would be happening the next morning. And even in the morning, it was quite the windy day out. Blustery, grey, and quite miserable looking. Like I've said, the weather that night and morning just felt so apropos.

And now, seeing a gale warning almost comforts me. Like Lucky is letting me know he's here when that happens.

kittens mom · Dec 23, 2015

I think of you and Lucky often.

laura h · Dec 23, 2015

So sorry. Holidays after losing pets can be so hard, sending hugs and loves. He was a loved cat.

Laura

donutte · Dec 23, 2015

Omg, this morning, when I was waiting at the shelter for 8am (for someone to come by and pick up Penelopy for her spay), there were a couple of shelter kitties walking around. One of them, a white and black (more white though) kitty with a poor eye infection came up to me. I said, "Awww what happened to your eye, little guy?" And he just meowed a demanding meow at me and walked away. He sounded SO MUCH like Lucky. When he came back and did it again, I just broke down and bawled right then and there. I didn't expect to hear that voice again. I think if it was solely up to me, and I had the ability to do so, I would have adopted him and the friend of his that he's bonded with right then and there.

kittens mom · Dec 23, 2015

Donutte said:
Omg, this morning, when I was waiting at the shelter for 8am (for someone to come by and pick up Penelopy for her spay), there were a couple of shelter kitties walking around. One of them, a white and black (more white though) kitty with a poor eye infection came up to me. I said, "Awww what happened to your eye, little guy?" And he just meowed a demanding meow at me and walked away. He sounded SO MUCH like Lucky. When he came back and did it again, I just broke down and bawled right then and there. I didn't expect to hear that voice again. I think if it was solely up to me, and I had the ability to do so, I would have adopted him and the friend of his that he's bonded with right then and there.

Just pulling up some chairs , a cup of hot tea and some Kleenex. Mercy picked up a ping pong ball this morning and held it just the way Kitten did and the shot it across the room. I know the feeling.

abbas altake · Dec 23, 2015

I feel you dear Donutte..Im glad that I'm not only one who has experienced the lost of old buddy cat..I hope BishBish and Lucky became friend in afterlife.. I fill send him friend request..

Rest in peace, my little worm

Rules my home with an iron paw

Professional cat sitter extraordinaire!

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Kittens life was lost to a negligent veterinarian.

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Professional cat sitter extraordinaire!

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Professional cat sitter extraordinaire!

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Kittens life was lost to a negligent veterinarian.

Professional cat sitter extraordinaire!

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Kittens life was lost to a negligent veterinarian.

Professional cat sitter extraordinaire!

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TCS Member

Kittens life was lost to a negligent veterinarian.

Professional cat sitter extraordinaire!

Thread starter

Kittens life was lost to a negligent veterinarian.

TCS Member

Professional cat sitter extraordinaire!

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Kittens life was lost to a negligent veterinarian.

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