Does this make me a terrible person?

Hi all, new here and was hoping for opinions. 6 weeks ago, I rescued a kitten from the side of the road covered in flies. I immediately tried to find him a home because I have dogs and 3 other rescued kitties. A friend of mine said her co-worker wanted the kitten for his daughter. I spoke with the guy, he seemed nice enough but his first comment was that he was going on a trip for 9 days and just planned on keeping the kitten in a sunroom where his landlord would check up on him. He later said that was dumb but I'm sure it was because I said " yeah, that's not going to happen". He gets his kids (10 & 11) every other weekend. Which means this kitty sees his main pal 4 days out of the month. But the guy assured me that he liked cats and he had one before and it would be nice company for him also. So for weeks I tried to talk myself in to this being fine and kitty would be fine because I just couldn't take in 4 cats. I told him I would bring the kitty up to him when he got back from his trip making it 6 weeks that this little guy has lived here. He had me send him a few pictures to show his daughter. He made a comment about how he "liked that it was free hah hah" that I didn't like too. On the phone, I told him that in the event that I get attached, there are many many shelters overfilled with kittens.

Well, in these last 2 weeks I have become quite attached and "Roo" is very happy here, plays with the other cat all day long. I just can't go through with uprooting him to a home where he will be alone all day. I have a home office so he's used to someone around. So, I met with my friend that runs a shelter got her opinion, she said keep him. So I am. So I tell the guy and he pleads with me "not to do this to his daughter". I tell him that it is in the best interest of the kitten, that is what I care about. So he sends me a terrible email and makes me feel like a horrible person, like I killed his kid or something. Did I tell him he could have the cat? Yes I did. I made a mistake in thinking that I could keep the kitten for him that long and give him away. I changed my mind about this guy and the environment this kitten was going to. So I didn't sleep all night feeling like a terrible person. I then got mad and decided I was not going to let this guy do this to me when his daughter can have one of a billion kittens on this planet...she's 11 not 4 and I do not believe in kids getting everything they want even if it means that something else has to be unhappy. I rescue animals all the time, volunteer my services to a local shelter and I like that about myself, caring about where this kitty ends up does not make me a bad person. The hardest part is that my closest friend that introduced us sent me a message of "not cool Jaim". So she took his side, which makes it 100 times worse as I have never fought with a friend in all my 45 years.

Did I royally screw up here???

IMO your doing the right thing. If this guy truly wanted "Roo" he would have taken him right away.  Maybe asked his ex to watch him while out of town.  It's very hard now to get attached to kittens, most people do.  Kids really do.  Like you said kids shouldn't get every thing they want all of the time.  Sounds to me like he might be trying to win his daughters love by giving her a kitten.  Put that man in his place and keep the kitty.  

You are definitely NOT a terrible human! You made a decision based on the best interest of the kitten!
You were under no obligation to give this person a kitten that you rescued, nourished and cared for for six weeks!
He said things that raised red flags with you and that is enough to opt out of this adoption! You are 100% correct that he can go adopt a kitten elsewhere as there are many in shelters and foster homes. Sounds like his time could have been spent better looking on Craigslist then sending you hateful, hurtful messages.

YOU DID THE RIGHT THING KEEPING THE KITTEN! If it had been the right home you would have felt good about it and let that kitty go... Even though your heart would have missed them. Please don't think you did anything wrong!

-Tina

Just as a note for the future, it is best NOT to make any adopted kitten be FREE.  It is best to get them vaccinated and wormed, even better, neutered or spayed, and then charge the adopter for the vet work only, giving them the papers when they get the kitten.  People who would get their kitten vetted can appreciate having this done already, and those who want a "free" kitten will frequently NOT get it vetted.

As for your friend who said "not cool," you might just tell her the truth, the kitten was with you too long and became a Foster Fail!  Everyone in rescue has been through this.  Once those claws are in your heart, you are a goner.  You could even apologize for breaking his daughter's heart and tell him that it was an emotional decision on your part (without saying anything about why his home wasn't good enough for you!) and you simply had the kitten too long and fell in love with it.  You are in love with the kitten you have, she is only in love with a picture, and yes, there are other kittens needing homes and you are sure they can find one. 

no, you're totally in the right for not giving this kitten to the man because he sounds like an iffy owner at best. always go with your gut instinct with potential owners- if they give you vibes, it's totally okay not to give to them.

and getting attached to foster kitties is totally normal haha. it just shows you have a heart.

You did the right thing. There's no doubt about it. He will get over it or he won't. He's a grown man and if he wants a kitten for his kid, he can go a shelter and find one there. You acted in the best interest of the kitten and what your friend who took his side thinks is irrelevant. She has no say in the matter and to be honest, you do not owe her any explanations. The kitten is better off with you. I'm guessing that it wouldn't have worked out anyway and the kitten probably would have found it's way back to you after they ended up giving him back. The kitten wouldn't like being alone all the time and might start going outside of the litter box or scratch some furniture that would be a dealbreaker for them. This happens all too frequently. Please don't let someone guilt you into doing something that your heart tells you is wrong. You're a good person for caring about this little guy and he's lucky to have you.   

Thank you all for you your time!!!! I feel much better about defending myself now. Roo sits happily on my desk in front of me, he agrees! He is due for his booster at 5:00...we'll see how much he likes me then ; )

jaimeed said:

Thank you all for you your time!!!! I feel much better about defending myself now. Roo sits happily on my desk in front of me, he agrees! He is due for his booster at 5:00...we'll see how much he likes me then ; )

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He loves you. That won't change anything.    Cats know who their friends are. They are very good judges of character. 

LotsofFur said:

YOU DID THE RIGHT THING KEEPING THE KITTEN! If it had been the right home you would have felt good about it and let that kitty go... Even though your heart would have missed them. Please don't think you did anything wrong!

 

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I agree with this completely - you have that "feeling" once you've found the right home.   Of course you will miss the kitten and be sad to see them go, but you will also feel happy (  and somewhat relieved lol)

If anything ever doesn't feel right about a potential adopter - you should always go with your gut.    Anyone who helps and rescues animals is most certainly not in any way a bad person.

And you are absolutely right - there are billions of kittens out there.  It would actually be such a great thing for this guy to take his daughter to a kill shelter and make an experience out of literally saving an animal's life.   I think it would be awesome for a parent to do that with their kid!!

Congrats on your official new addition to your home   

Hey if my animals are happy, that's what matters to me!