Getting too attached to 3 baby ferals..

annie marie

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I will attach some pics, because it's hard to even believe how adorable these sweet babies are. I am worried though, and fear we are all getting too attached to each other. I need help staying sane, and some advice from pros who have done this before.

My coworker's sister caught three kittens from a feral they'd had trouble catching/spaying, this was her second litter. I guess they didn't realize how young they were, or really had no plan for after they caught them. It was between me taking them, or them going o the shelter where God knows what would happen.

So, I took them. We have 2 cats at home, adult females both taken as kittens (though significantly older kittens) from the street. One we took off of a friend, the other walked up to me in the driveway two years ago and never looked back. We spend about $1,500 on them a year for the vet, food and an automatic litter box. So, we cannot afford to keep the three kittens unless we drastically reduced the quality of the food we feed our girls (and one has a urinary issue) and use regular litter boxes, which sounds bratty, but is a huge pain because I get no help and also have a chinchilla cage to clean weekly.

I have every intention of finding suitable homes where they will be indoor cats, and well loved. I have no issue with spending well over $500 to care for their respiratory infection and their future vaccinations. I'm working on getting vouchers to see if we can get a reduction of the price to get them spayed/neutered. Again, no issue with that.

I am quite an emotional person though. After being these babies' soul care-taker, I'm scared they've gotten too attached. I'm scared I'm getting too attached too. They're so loving, funny and sweet and I know they'll make a lovely addition to any family. I was considering keeping one, but now I love all three of them so much, I think I would feel guilty keeping one and giving the others away. I tried not to name them. I won't tell any potential families their names, so they can make their own, but in my head I've begun calling them Smokey, Willow and Rascal.

They all try to suckle my face. My ear lobes, my lips, some pronounced spots that stick out a bit. I try to gently encourage them to simply snuggle, but the boy Smokey cries when I try to make him stop. So I haven't made him stop; what's a few hickies on my ear lobe? I just worry they will think I'm a more like a real mom than a foster mom. I don't want to traumatize them by first splitting them up, as they're all best buddies, then taking them away from me.

Help!!! How do you guys separate foster kittens from furever kittens? How do you stay sane? And am I a terrible person for potentially splitting them all up to different homes? I cried when two of them fell asleep suckling my ear lobe and lip... Their momma probably misses them, and they felt safe enough to act like I'm their mum with me. That combo just breaks my heart. What are your tips for staying sane?
 

ondine

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Oh yes, the eternal struggle. But like all mothers, you learn to realize letting your babies go is key to a happy life for everyone. If you keep them, too many sacrifices will have to be made and all the cats will be affected.

About the suckling - he was separated from mom too soon, obviously but he's going to have to learn he can't do that. You may only develop a hickey but if he suckles long enough, your lobe may develop a hemnagioma (not sure if I spelled that right) but it can be serious, so gently remove him anytime he does this. He'll cry but he'll get over if. I do wish someone would develop binkies for puppies and kittens, though!

Thank you for caring for them. Finding them good homes will be tough but think of how much you have improved their lives!
 

theyremine

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Just went through a similar struggle.    I failed in my first foster and kept the kittens (2 ferals).   This spring I fostered 4 feral kittens.   They socialized pretty quickly and 2 were adopted after I had them for just 5 weeks.  (Happily, the rescue I work with requires kittens be adopted in pairs).   The wonderful woman who adopted them called me daily at first and now almost 4 months later still keeps in touch every week or two.   However, the other two did not find their forever home as easily.  After having them for 4 months I started to think of them as mine.  When a  "very good application" came through I almost balked.   But I thought about that would be best for them. ( My cats were not friendly to them)  So I let them be adopted.   Yes, I was sad.   Yes, I found myself looking for them in the window when I came home.   But in just over  24 hours in her new home,  one kitten was sitting on the sofa entranced by TV for the first time.   Every day I got emails from their great new mom describing the "kids''  new antics.  

 Today, my 4 fosters are living the dream in their forever homes  and are actually all quite spoiled.   And I feel good about that.

Hope my experience can help you with your decision.
 

kittychick

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It is hard - a struggle I go through every time I need to separate from new, beloved Foster babies. Sometimes it works better than others (we currently have 3 failed fosters and a failed TNR kitty). But I've also (with plenty of tears) let many, many fosters go to other, very loving homes. Over ten these past few years alone. It's hard! But tell yourself you're making room in your home and your heart for OTHERS that need your nurtuturing and protection and love. Kittens who would otherwise go without, and perhaps not make it. So work hard to find GOOD, responsible homes for these precious new guys (make them sign a spay/neuter clause and hold a deposit if at all possible. Get a sheet from your local vet (or find one on the Internet from a reliable source like alley cat allies or THe Humane So curry etc, that explains the necessity of getting the babies fixed right away (since babies can make babies as early as 4 months!). And make sure all are vet-checked....and that their new caretakers take them straight to the vet....as a safety precaution for their own piece of mind, and to get any tests/etc that haven't been done yet.

It's hard - but you're passing the love of loving animals along! And what a love to share!
 
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