Question of the Day, Sunday, November 1, 2015

micknsnicks2mom · Nov 1, 2015

i read a really great article recently, funny but also so true! it's about aging and the 'shift' in some of our priorities. here's a link to the huff post article -- http://www.huffingtonpost.com/miche...for_b_8182622.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063.

for today's Question of the Day, let's talk about how/if our priorities have shifted as we've moved along through life. along the lines of the article.........

Name 4 things (or as few or many as you like) that you don't worry about, don't care what other people think of, or that you find you now have less patience/tolerance for.

i think the biggest 'shift' in my priorities started in my later 40's. that was the point where i realized that i was nearing the mid-point of my life span. there had been parts of my earlier years that were rough for me, and i started my 'shift' by deciding that my goal for the rest of my life was going to be making a better life overall for myself and my cats. now, a handful of years later, i've continued working on that general goal and added specific goals to work towards. and as of today, my cats and i are enjoying a better life in many ways.

but, back to today's Question and some things that i don't worry about, don't care what other people think of, or have less patience/tolerance for. i can identify with all 8 things listed in that article, and feel the same way about them as the writer of the article. in addition.........

i have much less patience with people who waste my time with unnecessary 'drama'
i've learned 'not to worry about things, until there's something to (actually) worry about' -- this is a big change for me, because i'm a natural worrier
i've always tried to get along with people; i was brought up that way. i've learned to simply 'let go of it' and move on when someone i've met just does not like me, and look at it that not all personalities 'do well' together
i've never really been a 'fashionista' type of person, and at this point in my life i choose clothing/shoes/etc for comfort and durability not style
i remain someone who is very loyal and supportive to friends, but my loyalty now can be forfeited by them -- i guess i'm no longer loyal to a fault, or i'm more realistic
i've become confident in my abilities, and accepting of the areas that 'aren't where my talents lie'; and i'm just fine with exactly who i am

so, how about you?

betsygee · Nov 1, 2015

I can pretty much just say ditto to your list, especially the first three.

i have much less patience with people who waste my time with unnecessary 'drama'

i've learned 'not to worry about things, until there's something to (actually) worry about' -- this is a big change for me, because i'm a natural worrier

i've always tried to get along with people; i was brought up that way. i've learned to simply 'let go of it' and move on when someone i've met just does not like me, and look at it that not all personalities 'do well' together

Good question!

Winchester · Nov 1, 2015

I gave up on Drama Queens a long time ago; they're not worth it
I don't worry about what people think when it comes to my cats. It boggles my mind that people do worry and stress over what other people think, esp when it comes to their cats. Let them go; it's easier in the long run and you don't have to deal with the "drama".
And on the same topic, I've gotten to the point where I don't really care what other people think.....period. I don't have time to deal with them. My life, it's that simple. Don't waste my time with your opinions on how I live or what I think.

swampwitch · Nov 1, 2015

I love that article and completely agree with the list!

I guess the biggest shift I've made as I've gotten older is living in the moment, and being content and thankful for today, every day. It has not been easy since I tend to worry, but now I push unwanted thoughts out of my head and think of something good instead. It gets easier the more I do it. (Since I've had a lot of practice I'm pretty good at it now.)

If you are depressed you are living in the past.

If you are anxious you are living in the future.

If you are at peace you are living in the present.

- Lao Tzu

Kat0121 · Nov 1, 2015

I try not to really worry about anything too much because I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. We just don't find out what the reason is until later in life (or after even)

There's only one person in the world whose opinion of me really means anything to me. My DD. Everyone else can judge me all they want. I'll be OK.

Now that I'm 45, I don't stress a lot of things that I used to. I don't feel the need to justify my every word, action or thought to everyone and anyone who questions it.

The older I get, the more people I meet, the more I prefer the company of animals. I'd rather have dinner with 25 feral cats than with 25 strange humans. Cats aren't phony. Cats don't judge.

The older I get, the less patience I have for young children except in very small doses. To a lot of people, that makes me a bad person. I think it just makes me honest

I know who I am, I know what I am, where I've been and what I've done and I'm OK with it all. I don't believe in regrets as they are a waste of time and energy. We can't go back and change anything so learn from your experiences and move on.

MoochNNoodles · Nov 1, 2015

This is interesting to me. I feel like my patience for some things (people) changed after I had children and left the "regular' working world. I feel like I've never truly fit in with my age group. I noticed it in high school when people got on my nerves. College was easier because I had a variety of age groups in my classes. Looking back; I see the immaturity in my myself then too. But I was never a typical college kid either. That may be why people always thought I was older than I was. (It was cool at 14 when older boys thought I was their age; not so much now when people think my mother is my sister. But then Mom does dress pretty snappy!)

So my list:

I can't do drama. I get that people go through stuff and it's hard and I will be a listening ear. But you better be ready to get some advice. I'm the wrong ear to bend if you just want someone to whine to. I'm kind about what I say; but i'd rather help you through it than let you wallow. There are times people need just to vent too; but if you continually want to vent instead of move forward you are on your own. I tell my kids; if you whine, the answer is no. So if I don't put up with it from them; why should I from grown folks?

I care a lot less about things like makeup and cute shoes. I've never been a fashionista anyway. I don't usually leave the house looking like a hobo; but there was a time I didn't leave without make up and my hair curled. My nails were always painted and my toes too. I also wore a lot more jewelry. I do like to try to look nice when I go places with DH. But that's jeans and a casual but cute top. Shoes are flat; like my new sketchers or Clarks. Sometimes it's my new balance running shoes. Ah; sweet comfort!

I do eye makeup if we go out somewhere. But if we are home; I don't bother. It just makes my eyes burn anyway. My jewelry is down to a pair of small hoops, a ring in place of my wedding band (because it doesn't fit anymore) and a heart pendant and my wedding band on a chain; the heart necklace was from DH on our wedding day and I never take that off.

I do care about my house looking like a mess. I'm having trouble with that one. Part of me wants to not care. If it were the level of mess of my pre-kid days; I'd be fine. For some reason I feel unsettled in a spotless place. A little clutter says a place is lived in and right now we are very busy living here.

I'm working on losing the care about keeping up with the Joneses kids. Just because the Joneses have their kids enrolled in 3 extra curricular activities each doesn't mean I have to sign my kids up for multiple sports, music or art lessons. My kids will still turn out fine. I'm comfortable with the things we have decided are right for our family.

I'm over concerts. There was a time my friend and I would travel hours to get to concerts early to get to the best seats. We did a few music festivals too; even volunteering. We were in the autograph lines. Now I haven't been to a concert in ages. I see my classmates from school at the music festivals, the state fair concerts, and small performances in local places. I'm ok without all that. I still enjoy music; but the crowds and the noise just don't thrill me anymore. I don't even keep up with what is on the radio anymore.

fyllis · Nov 2, 2015

The most important thing(s) that I have changed about myself over the years (58 years) is that ....

I no longer worry about:

Whether someone likes me or not. (Either you do or you don't)
How other people live their lives. (I've got my own life to live).
Why things happen or don't happen. (I don't have control over God's plan).
Making a 'good' impression. (The impression I leave is how you percieve and interpret my words and actions. I can't dictate what you think).

I no longer care what other people think of:

Me. (I like who and what I am)
My opinion(s). (I won't apologize for what I feel, know and/or believe)
My choices. (They have made me, and will continue to make me, who and what I am).
The way I live my life. (Unless you hold the keys to the Pearly Gates of Heaven, you can shove it!).

I now have less patience/tolerance for:

Stupidity. (Ignorance can be corrected - stupidity is a choice).
Negative people. (Complainers, insulters, and haters).
Fake people. (Trying to be someone or something they're not).
Toxic people. (Those that try to degrade and change me because I'm not who or what they think I should be).

micknsnicks2mom · Nov 2, 2015

betsygee said:
I can pretty much just say ditto to your list, especially the first three.

Good question!

micknsnicks2mom · Nov 2, 2015

Winchester said:
I gave up on Drama Queens a long time ago; they're not worth it

I don't worry about what people think when it comes to my cats. It boggles my mind that people do worry and stress over what other people think, esp when it comes to their cats. Let them go; it's easier in the long run and you don't have to deal with the "drama".

And on the same topic, I've gotten to the point where I don't really care what other people think.....period. I don't have time to deal with them. My life, it's that simple. Don't waste my time with your opinions on how I live or what I think.

i almost included that thought in my post; i guess i'm still working on shaking off some of my upbringing, specifically being extremely polite.

micknsnicks2mom · Nov 2, 2015

SwampWitch said:
I love that article and completely agree with the list!

I guess the biggest shift I've made as I've gotten older is living in the moment, and being content and thankful for today, every day. It has not been easy since I tend to worry, but now I push unwanted thoughts out of my head and think of something good instead. It gets easier the more I do it. (Since I've had a lot of practice I'm pretty good at it now.)

If you are depressed you are living in the past.

If you are anxious you are living in the future.

If you are at peace you are living in the present.

- Lao Tzu

i'm glad you enjoyed the article!

i really love that quote by Lao Tzu! it reminds me that all i need to focus on is this moment and this day.

micknsnicks2mom · Nov 2, 2015

Kat0121 said:
I try not to really worry about anything too much because I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. We just don't find out what the reason is until later in life (or after even)

There's only one person in the world whose opinion of me really means anything to me. My DD. Everyone else can judge me all they want. I'll be OK.

Now that I'm 45, I don't stress a lot of things that I used to. I don't feel the need to justify my every word, action or thought to everyone and anyone who questions it.

The older I get, the more people I meet, the more I prefer the company of animals. I'd rather have dinner with 25 feral cats than with 25 strange humans. Cats aren't phony. Cats don't judge.

The older I get, the less patience I have for young children except in very small doses. To a lot of people, that makes me a bad person. I think it just makes me honest

I know who I am, I know what I am, where I've been and what I've done and I'm OK with it all. I don't believe in regrets as they are a waste of time and energy. We can't go back and change anything so learn from your experiences and move on.

thank you! just in this last year, i've decided that i'd prefer to have as little contact with people socially and in person as possible.

micknsnicks2mom · Nov 2, 2015

MoochNNoodles said:
This is interesting to me. I feel like my patience for some things (people) changed after I had children and left the "regular' working world. I feel like I've never truly fit in with my age group. I noticed it in high school when people got on my nerves. College was easier because I had a variety of age groups in my classes. Looking back; I see the immaturity in my myself then too. But I was never a typical college kid either. That may be why people always thought I was older than I was. (It was cool at 14 when older boys thought I was their age; not so much now when people think my mother is my sister. But then Mom does dress pretty snappy!)

So my list:

I can't do drama. I get that people go through stuff and it's hard and I will be a listening ear. But you better be ready to get some advice. I'm the wrong ear to bend if you just want someone to whine to. I'm kind about what I say; but i'd rather help you through it than let you wallow. There are times people need just to vent too; but if you continually want to vent instead of move forward you are on your own. I tell my kids; if you whine, the answer is no. So if I don't put up with it from them; why should I from grown folks?

I care a lot less about things like makeup and cute shoes. I've never been a fashionista anyway. I don't usually leave the house looking like a hobo; but there was a time I didn't leave without make up and my hair curled. My nails were always painted and my toes too. I also wore a lot more jewelry. I do like to try to look nice when I go places with DH. But that's jeans and a casual but cute top. Shoes are flat; like my new sketchers or Clarks. Sometimes it's my new balance running shoes. Ah; sweet comfort!

I do eye makeup if we go out somewhere. But if we are home; I don't bother. It just makes my eyes burn anyway. My jewelry is down to a pair of small hoops, a ring in place of my wedding band (because it doesn't fit anymore) and a heart pendant and my wedding band on a chain; the heart necklace was from DH on our wedding day and I never take that off.

I do care about my house looking like a mess. I'm having trouble with that one. Part of me wants to not care. If it were the level of mess of my pre-kid days; I'd be fine. For some reason I feel unsettled in a spotless place. A little clutter says a place is lived in and right now we are very busy living here.

I'm working on losing the care about keeping up with the Joneses kids. Just because the Joneses have their kids enrolled in 3 extra curricular activities each doesn't mean I have to sign my kids up for multiple sports, music or art lessons. My kids will still turn out fine. I'm comfortable with the things we have decided are right for our family.

I'm over concerts. There was a time my friend and I would travel hours to get to concerts early to get to the best seats. We did a few music festivals too; even volunteering. We were in the autograph lines. Now I haven't been to a concert in ages. I see my classmates from school at the music festivals, the state fair concerts, and small performances in local places. I'm ok without all that. I still enjoy music; but the crowds and the noise just don't thrill me anymore. I don't even keep up with what is on the radio anymore.

i never felt like i fit in with classmates in school either; i felt as though i was meant to be born in a different era or decade. i'm okay with that now, because i feel that 'my time', the best part of my life, is what i'm in the process of living now.

i don't tolerate listening to whining from adults well at all. like you said, some venting is normal now and again, and that's okay as long as the person works on moving forward.

micknsnicks2mom · Nov 2, 2015

Fyllis said:
The most important thing(s) that I have changed about myself over the years (58 years) is that ....

I no longer worry about:

Whether someone likes me or not. (Either you do or you don't)
How other people live their lives. (I've got my own life to live).
Why things happen or don't happen. (I don't have control over God's plan).
Making a 'good' impression. (The impression I leave is how you percieve and interpret my words and actions. I can't dictate what you think).

I no longer care what other people think of:

Me. (I like who and what I am)
My opinion(s). (I won't apologize for what I feel, know and/or believe)
My choices. (They have made me, and will continue to make me, who and what I am).
The way I live my life. (Unless you hold the keys to the Pearly Gates of Heaven, you can shove it!).

I now have less patience/tolerance for:

Stupidity. (Ignorance can be corrected - stupidity is a choice).
Negative people. (Complainers, insulters, and haters).
Fake people. (Trying to be someone or something they're not).
Toxic people. (Those that try to degrade and change me because I'm not who or what they think I should be).

that's a truly great list!

and i especially agree with that last section. well said!

Mamanyt1953 · Nov 2, 2015

What wonderful answers from all of you, and it seems we are all coming to the same place. My list? Well....

I don't worry about my looks. I quit judging myself on that. Anyone who would judge me on it, I don't need to know.

I've rid myself of several toxic friends/acquaintances The friends, I still love, but for my own peace of mind, I've learned that I must love them from a distance.

I could care less how you feel about how I live my life. Go live your own, and you'll have no time to worry about mine.

I have learned that living alone is not the worst thing to do. Learning to like my own company has been a real blessing in my life, and has allowed me to "just say no" to several relationships that would have been disastrous.

This hasn't changed, but it has solidified and deepened, I just plain like most cats better than most people. There are rare exceptions in both categories.

I've quit feeling guilty about being an indifferent housekeeper. My kitchen and bathroom are clean. There is a plaque in my living room that says, "Dust testing in progress. Do not disturb samples," and one in my kitchen that says, "In this house, cat hair is a condiment." Nuff said.

I've learned to live in Zen Time...to be totally present in the moment. This is one of the greatest blessings to me.

I have learned not to be annoyed or upset with those who do not understand my religion. No, I'm not worshiping the Devil and just don't know it. Worship is an active, conscious act. I worship a Goddess, who, by the way, has no problem with you worshiping Someone Else.

I have learned, and this might be the most important thing of all, that forgiveness is a process, not an event. It is absurd to think that the act of saying "I forgive" automatically negates all the negative feelings we have. But we say it, sometimes over and over, and little by little it sinks in to us. It becomes easier.

Along with that, I've learned that forgiveness is not for the forgiven, but for the forgiver. To hold on to anger, resentment, hatred is akin to eating rat poison and expecting someone else to die. Forgive to rid yourself of a poison in your own life.

Question of the Day, Sunday, November 1, 2015

micknsnicks2mom

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Thread starter

betsygee

Just what part of meow don't you understand.

Winchester

In the kitchen with my cookies

swampwitch

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Kat0121

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MoochNNoodles

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fyllis

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micknsnicks2mom

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micknsnicks2mom

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micknsnicks2mom

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micknsnicks2mom

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micknsnicks2mom

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micknsnicks2mom

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Mamanyt1953

Rules my home with an iron paw

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