First time feral mom

We have had many house cats, but brought in a feral female this morning who adopted us 16 months ago. She is neutered. She is very affectionate and has been loving, rubbing, coming when I call her for over a year. Right now she is a mess, we set up the garage with bedding, boxes, litter pans, food and water. Since we have had a loving, trusting relationship with her, can we hope for that trust to return?

Absolutely! You just need to give her time and be kind and patient. She's understandably very upset right now because she's trapped in an unfamiliar place and can't get out. Once she realizes she's safe and this is a good place where she won't be hurt, she'll probably go right back to her old self. Try spending time with her in the garage a few times a day. Bring a laptop or a book in there and sit near her quietly so she can get used to your presence again and remember that you're not a threat. 

I have a permanent foster from a local shelter that I got when he was 8 years old. He was at the shelter from 4 months of age but he was not socialized. he was in his safe room  for 7 months (4 of those months were by his own choice). I bought some baby books at a thrift store and read those to him to get him used to my voice and presence. I always sat on the floor when I did that- I never stood or "loomed" over him. I never tried to initiate contact with him. I always let him come to me. When they feel as though they are in charge of the relationship, they are calmer and more likely to become curious about you and check you out. Henry was so funny when I read to him. I read the books and then showed him the pictures and explained what was going on like you would do with a 2 year old. He has a very expressive face and I swear he kept looking at me like I was nuts but I could tell he liked it. 

It's good that he has a safe place in his safe room. Henry had a large plastic storage tote that was on its side with a big soft blanket in it. He liked this. Before that, he had a big cardboard box with a fluffy cat bed in it. At first he hid behind the bed. I had to get rid of the box and use the tote when he spilled some food in the box and ants came. 

He's fully integrated with my other 2 cats now and is very affectionate. 


Hiding behind his bed when he first came to live with us


A few months later coming out of his tote for pets 

Thank ou for your encouragement, I think this is as scary for me as it is her. She was being attacked regularly by a very large feral male. We couldn't leave her out any more...

New feral Mom said:

Thank ou for your encouragement, I think this is as scary for me as it is her. She was being attacked regularly by a very large feral male. We couldn't leave her out any more...

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The important thing is not to stress over it. Cats pick up on it. There was a while where Henry just would not come out of his room despite the door being open all the time. The other cats would visit and interact with him all the time and they were fine with each other.

I started to second guess myself. The whole "It must be ME. I did something wrong, I'm doing everything wrong, he doesn't like me" all of that. I had to force myself to just stop doing that. To just let him be himself and take things at HIS pace. As soon as I relaxed and just let things flow naturally, he started to progress more. Finally, he started lurking by the door and peeking out. That led to brief excursions out to explore a bit and then finally, he felt confident enough to come out and join everyone once and for all. 

You can definitely do this. It just takes time, patience and lots of love. Slowly but surely she will realize how lucky she is and she will be back to herself again. She already showed you that side of herself. It is still there. 

Thank you a thousand times, we all needed to hear that! Older cat is calmer than we are...[emoji]128513[/emoji]

Thank you, we hope she will be in the house soon and happy forever after that!

The cat in my avatar was six months old when we got him and very feral. We did everything wrong, not knowing a thing about ferals. He is now eight years old and will allow a head scritch on occasion. He also gives "blinkies" if asked. Blinking slowly is a feral cat's way of saying "we're cool." Try that when you see visit her. Never stare at her - that's a feral challenge.

Just take your time and allow her to decide when she's comfortable. Thank you for helping her. What an improvement you have made in her life.

Your cat looks just like our older male cat! He is already friends with her. Our little girl will be better off inside as we live in an area with a lot of wild animals and feral colonies. She must have been a part of a colony previously as Friends of Felines did a TNR wit her, but she separated from the colony for some reason. She is very tiny and not a fighter! Thank you for your words of encouragement, they mean a lot right now! We did look up and follow the guidelines setup by The Stray Cat Advocacy. Now we wait and love her even more!

New feral Mom said:

Now we wait and love her even more!

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That's the best thing for her.

New feral Mom said:

Your cat looks just like our older male cat! He is already friends with her. Our little girl will be better off inside as we live in an area with a lot of wild animals and feral colonies. She must have been a part of a colony previously as Friends of Felines did a TNR wit her, but she separated from the colony for some reason. She is very tiny and not a fighter! Thank you for your words of encouragement, they mean a lot right now! We did look up and follow the guidelines setup by The Stray Cat Advocacy. Now we wait and love her even more!

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She's a lucky girl to have found someone to love her and care for her. I wish all ferals could be so lucky.  She already knows what's in your heart and it seems like she already loves you too so it's just a matter of getting her used to living in a home. I think she'll do great. This is just more proof of how misunderstood ferals are by so many people out there. They may need more time, lots more patience and extra love but at the end of the day a cat is a cat.

First night is over and this morning she is doing much better than I expected. She is perched on my husband's motorcycle and did happy paws while she talked to me. She is interested in food and took some from her dishes while I held them for her. I told her that she would have to get down and eat the rest. So far, so good...

New feral Mom said:

First night is over and this morning she is doing much better than I expected. She is perched on my husband's motorcycle and did happy paws while she talked to me. She is interested in food and took some from her dishes while I held them for her. I told her that she would have to get down and eat the rest. So far, so good...

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That's great! I think she already remembers who loves her 

Can anyone tell me how long she can go without pooping or peeing? It has been 36 hours(ish)..,

If she hadn't eaten in a few days, it might take that long for her system to process what you've been feeding her. I would ask the vet if she doesn't go in the next 24 hours. The pooping I'm not too concerned about but her not peeing might be a problem.

She pooped and peed the night I asked. She is amazing, adapting very quickly! Gave up the motorcycle seat and is not hiding at all. Comes over for love every time I enter her room (which is a lot) and can't seem to get enough! She is eating very well and seems perfectly content. Vet appointment next Friday, then hopefully she can come out with us and our other cat whom she already knows and likes! We are so thrilled and excited!

It sounds like she is adjusting well. She may have had a home at some point, as she is settling inside pretty well. Kudos to you for all you are doing for her.

Fingers crossed the vet visit goes well.