Worried about a personality change in resident cat

Certain aspects of this post worry me. Cats do NOT 'hold grudges' against others - they just don't think that way. I don't believe they get jealous in the way that humans do either, although they can feel pushed out or threatened by a new arrival.

Also, please remember that purring doesn't always mean a cat is happy. A cat who is scared or feels sick may well purr to comfort themselves. That is most likely why Boo's purring when burritoed for meds.

I'm glad the meds are working on the nausea, but please do take things slowly with Boo. I really think she's feeling overwhelmed right now - whether or not the vomiting was cased by stress or something else. Let her chill without any extra pressures for now. She needs some time to decompress and get well.

I have had cats since I was a child and I'm pretty certain I know Boo well enough at this point. She IS eating and drinking water fine. The vet told me there were NO ISSUES they are equating it to something stressful but they didn't buy it, more like she might have a serious problem. I understand that they may not hold grudges, but again, I'm the only who would know them well enough. The last pair of cats I had, the older one definitely held a grudge on the younger one and constantly peed and pooed in various parts of the house. He was stressed and definitely hated my sisters cat. He lived to be 18 and eventually died of old age. Totally sweet and normal cat. Boo was at tthe vet described it had "tummy trouble" for no reason. That's what they said and I'll believe because they were the ones who took her in when she got relinquished by the owners.

As for whatever comes later she'll have to deal with it. I have guest that needs to come over and she needs to take the meds. If it's too much oh well. I have done all I could and had the best patience and stopped the introduction process while she has had trouble eating. I know how to sea with cats, had them for years, she's just the most difficult case.

In addition, I did say I stopped the introduction process since she started getting sick. There has been ZERO interactions. Both cats have been kept on seperate rooms. I am taking things slow, in fact so slow that we just stopped it entirely to help her get better. But of course my fiancée and I have lives, so we have to actually use the rooms to go to the bathroom and sleep...

What beautiful eyes they have and maxie just looks like he's so content and noing he's gonna have a forever home and is loved.confidence. and Boo oh yes stress for them is just like stress on us and they pick up when we are stressed out.maybe she knows your stressed hopping they will work together?I'm so new with cats we always had dogs but I no Aki (our German shepherds.) Who has passed now would gets stressed if there was any tention in house so vets don't always no everything.I worked in nursing field for 34 years and docs don't always no everything.keep doing what you are love will work it all out ill watch for your posts love their story and the forever family who loves them so much is awsome

Thanks for your reply. This vet place is good I know it. I don't trust any other place. I'm actually not stressed at all, but it COULD be my fiancé. He is a teacher and well, the stress of being a teacher makes him a tad anxious. Also, it doesn't help he's only had well a dog who passed last year. So he is in the same boat as you. He got cat to make it easier on him, but what does he know lol it's his first time having a pet. Boo is boo and being difficult. I definitely love her, but she's just a tough case. If she gets that stressed then we'll, I mean nothing more I can do than just give her space and meds lol

Also my fiancée dog was a German Shepard and Bordie Collie mix!

Your good mommy and yes I have respect for teachers but could never be one ,raising two kids and all their friends kept me plenty stressed that's for sure.Its definitely diff.having cat from dogs they are completely own entity,even if have alot of same mannerism's.I'm sure you have under control and just have to wait even if its so hard to do.They become like our children and I no we spoiled our dogs that way.will try to add pict.of our Aki I'm new at this

Here's our adopted Bella before she had her kittens,she's so much fun

malisa said:

Your good mommy and yes I have respect for teachers but could never be one ,raising two kids and all their friends kept me plenty stressed that's for sure.Its definitely diff.having cat from dogs they are completely own entity,even if have alot of same mannerism's.I'm sure you have under control and just have to wait even if its so hard to do.They become like our children and I no we spoiled our dogs that way.will try to add pict.of our Aki I'm new at this

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• malisa
• Nov 20, 2015

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I love German Shepards! I want to get one. Yours is so beautiful. I'm sorry Aki died. I wasn't ever allowed to have a dog, but Espresso was the most annoyingly amazing dog I got to know. Very typical herding dog, fiercely loyal, and territorial. But so friendly. She was a little too loud for me, I didn't like how territorial she got, and would bark for attention when I wanted a nap... But that's just dogs I guess.

She unfortunately died at the age of between 14-15, and mostly due to just old age. She had bad arthritis and couldnt hold her bowels anymore even with treatment. Then she had to be put down.

However, during this time, I learned how to medicate animals really well. I got good at medicating my senior cat, Beau, who lived to be 18 (both with an IV, pain and thyroid medication). For Espresso, she took basic arthritis, but I had to baby sit her for many weeks while my fiancee' parents were gone. It really got me to understand dogs really well. And I had a wonderful relationship with her, and she pushed her way into my heart.

I will say they are different lol. I actually ironically found it easier to deal with Espresso during her old age than Beau. Beau was A PAIN, but I loved him every bit. It wasnt his fault, and he was just old. But I ended up keeping his ashes, and have used him a lot as my avatar on various art sites.

Your Bella has a beautiful coat pattern. Never seen anything like it. Also, I have now realized I have had a harder time with female cats than male cats. I grew up with a lot of male cats, the one female cat (my sister's cat Ming), whom we adopted from the same shelter as Beau, was a lot more docile and a lot more easy going. She had ZERO problems dealing with my cat Beau.

She tolerates people, she tolerates anything, skiddish in her own way, but never ever bothered. All she cared about was the sun, being with my sister, and thats it. Simple beyond belief. Although, she definitely was a completely different breed from Boo, (Ming is a British Bombay - completely Jet Black and yellow eyes) and Boo (as according to the original owners) said she was a pure-bred American Shorthair. Never had one, and was completely shocked at her bumbliness. I had cats that would bother you for a bit, then go and do their own thing.

Here she is, my sister's cat. The mini panther.

Nope, Boo bothers you. She will FORCE her way into getting attention from you and sleep with you. Very needy, and helps you pee at night. Yes, you cannot use the toilet without her headbutting your legs.

But the male cats I have had, have almost never been bothered easily. Easy going, more accepting and way more tolerating. Just some random expierence since you're new to cats.

we had good results with a sentry calming collar with one of our cats. have you tried one on boo? it worked when the feliway didn't..

No I haven't, but great advise. Funny enough, it worked on a stray I had before growing up. Totally forgot those things existed!

Bella is same way in bathroom she wants attention guess your closer to her then when on chair hahaha they are silly.she adopted is and has been so much fun

UPDATE #3

I would like to thank everyone for all the time spent reading my posts about Boo and Maxie.  Here are some of the updates.

The Good

Both Boo and Maxie acted completely appropriate during the few days the guest (my sister) had stayed over.  They were both excellent companions for my sister and even gave her excellent company.  We all played with all the cats.  They both didn't run or act aggressive towards her.  They both were wonderful.  We only needed to use composure once or twice during the visit!

The Very Long Bad

My sister did not know we were having cat introductions, and accidentally let Maxie out several times.  This was due to the fact that the room that my sister had originally stayed in was one with Maxie, and believed Maxie needed to be "let out" around 4:00 AM.  This is because Maxie kept incessantly yowling and kept waking her up.  The room that my sister stayed in is our guest room.  We explained to her several times that we needed to have Boo and Maxie separated, but she did not know any better.  In fact, she told me that Maxie attempted to play with Boo during 4:00 AM when she let him out (I am not sure exactly what happened) and she said some chasing happened, but no real fighting.  They didn't have monitored appropriate encounters.

As such, we were told all this the following morning, and had no idea what happened.  Eventually, things cooled down and...

Boo started to hiss in areas that Maxie had been in.  We understand that Boo could have also been hissing at my sister, but we had appropriate play time and treats given with both Boo and Maxie from all parties present.  This created a good environment, except with areas that Maxie had to be transferred to when my sister needed to use the room.

***

Boo only aggression was not bad, but the process overall has given us a neutral experience, but we have come to a conclusion:

As a working class couple, living in a small apartment with little space, and a lot of guests coming over, we do not believe we have the appropriate time and allocated space and permission for these cat introductions.  We have had a lot of patience working with the two cats, doing only exercises comfortable with them, spending a lot of money over vet expenses and vertical spaces, but we believe it is in the best interest for Maxie to get an appropriate home where he does not need to be aggressively attacked by our first cat Bo.  We understand that cat introductions take time, and we believe that they can work out, but we also believe there is a chance that it won't, and we are simply being realistic and reasonable.

This whole cat introduction process has put my future husband behind on his grading, and prep work for school.  In addition, it has given him bouts of extreme stress.  It may seem silly for a teacher to be complaining, but remember we are dealing with hundreds upon hundreds of kids who their whole lives at stake during school, and it all rides upon one person.  I do not make enough income to cover him if he ever decides to quit.  He is the sole income of the household and actually loves both cats.

However, this does not come without making sacrifices, and we feel as a couple that Maxie is not receiving the most adequate care and support from us even though we have tried our best to get them to get a long.  Maxie really loves Boo and wants to play with her almost everyday, but even with the play time, even with the treats and food, they are simply not getting along.

We whole-hardheartedly believe that she had a terrible experience with other animals and the shelter actually warned us that she needed to be a solo cat.  The shelter believed this was one of the reasons Boo was also given up, because despite her friendly nature, she did not get along with other animals.

In addition, we are constantly always having guest over.  We have a lot of friends that need a quiet and peacefully place to stay because some of them have no homes, family abuse, and/or would like to stay with us.  We are very open and grateful for the love and support of our friends and family.  As such, we actually are expecting another guest for Christmas, but unfortunately he is not experienced with cats and will know next to nothing about cat introductions.

We truly believe that at this point, if Boo has not gotten along with Maxie within the next two weeks, that we unfortunately have to make the hard decision to let him go.  We are not sacrificing Boo, our first love and cat, just to take in a stranger cat. I love Maxie, but at the same time this whole process is extremely stressful, and my apartment does not allow for alterations and/or letting cats be outdoor.

Again, we have given our utmost love and patience for both animals, but sometimes, we have to draw a line, and we do not believe Boo and Maxie will work out within the next two weeks.  We had our doubts, and we saw a few improvements, but we are at a standstill as we cannot make appropriate accommodations.

It sounds like you were making progress before the rushed interaction when your sister was there.  I hope you can give them some time to reset and make progress over the next two weeks.  Take a step back and let them eat through the cracked door again, etc.  I think that if you see progress over the next two weeks, you should continue to give Maxie and Boo time.  I wouldn't expect perfect interaction, but hopefully they can make some headway.  You're doing everything right, but they both need time to feel confident and happy.

UPDATE #4

The Very Good News

We had a lot of doubts, but we finally started to see some major improvements.  

BOO

Boo 100% no longer gets angry at his smell or sound of Maxie.   There were times were certain "spots" bothered her, but she has come to just observe them through sniffing.  She has also taken to playing more often.  This was a step up from before, because it took us awhile to get her on a good cycle.  In addition, she's a little chubby and needs to loose some weight according to the vet, because of her three legs.  Now she plays with sparkly crinkle balls I bought from Amazon, and a black ribbon toy, in addition to her old stuff she had.  We believe, as our original thread was started, that her original personality came back 100%.

MAXIE

Maxie has shown a boost in self-esteem. He no longer hides.   Comparatively to what other owners said about him, we had the opposite affect and now he is the most extroverted cat I have ever owned.  He loves to jump, play with the crinkle balls as well, and his favorite toy is a rainbow string.  He uses his cat tree like no tomorrow, and doesn't even bother with hiding under the bed in his sanctuary.

TOGETHER

My fiancee and I got into a routine to play with both cats 2-3 times a day.  I play with both cats roughly 10-15 minutes or until tired, then move onto the feeding routine.  If it's only play, we feed a small tasty treat after the play session.  We no longer give free feeding, and take the bowls away if nothing is finished.  Believe or not, Maxie and Boo can actually tolerate eating together with the door about 3/4 of the way open!  We have taken some pictures as proof.  However, Boo still hisses at him even though she eats.

Overall, after this whole exercise is done twice a day, both kitties end up falling asleep soon after.  They have been very very very quiet.   It's actually very weird for my fiancee and I, since both are loud talkers!

Questions

I have a couple of new questions, I'm trying to figure out why Boo, despite this huge success and (having her not try to be afraid of Maxie while eating), is still acting defensive.  Every time she sees Maxie move away from eating, she assumes this as a threat.  If he's eating, she gives up and goes right back to eating and few growls here and there.  Sometimes, Maxie gets over zealous and attempts to "rush" at her to play, and she sees this as a threat. 

Surprisingly, today, after Maxie finished eating, I presumed to pet Maxie with the door about few inches open and she stared for a bit, continued to eat, and eventually didn't care and walked away.  I thought this was great.  He also has learned slowly by slowly that Boo does not want playtime at all.

In addition, Maxie is having a strange habit now of ripping out my carpet from underneath the sanctuary door.  I finally saw what all that "pawing" was about.  We have taken him out several times into our bed room and to the living room to do the swapping, and he has taken a major liking to our bedroom.  At night of course, we have to sleep, so we always put him back in his room.

But he has this strange thing where, he paws at the door, and if Boo doesn't respond with playtime he bites the carpet.  In addition, Boo will find this as a threat and start to wack him from the other side of the door.  We do try our best to distract them with toys, but we can't monitor 24/7.  My fiancee and I believe this is because he is declawed and likes to use his teeth first, but of course, we are not sure and are looking for some help.

I echo Columbine's post.  It is wonderful that you have taken these two beautiful creatures in and given them a home and love.  Columbine hit the nail right on the head.  It takes time and there is no rule book or time line that can be followed.  They have to work it out between them.  Yes, keep an eye on them but let them sort it out.  Give them individual attention as well as combined attention.  When doing the combined attention, just be careful not to turn it into a competitive situation.  Talk to them both at the same time using their names.  I think with time, they will settle down and settle in.  I agree with your comment about the people who abandoned them but cats aren't stupid.  They know you care and they, in their own way, appreciate it by giving you the head butts, sandpaper bath and even gentle love bits.  Best of luck and keep us up to date. 

I think I just realized something as well.  Speaking about working things out, so when I realized that territories are being set by each cat, I noticed that Maxie was the one who liked to be up higher.  Boo also prefers to be down on the ground more than Maxie.  I did get him a bigger cat tree than Boo (he really is huge), and noticed that he prefers to "jump" places more.  If I can avoid them from fighting with each other by providing ample amount of territory.  Would providing a higher ledge for Maxie allow him to avoid conflict with Boo?  I think will also help Boo realize he has other places to go other than bothering him from below.

Yes! Territories that they both feel comfortable with would be great.

This isn't an update but my fiancée has informed me of the problem yet again. We want to know what to do to get Maxie stop ripping up the carpet from under the door with his teeth. We have noticed that he has been doing this to get attention, after we have to move him from our bedroom. We have to sleep at night and Maxie has apparently meowed for 20 mixture straight this morning. In addition, we have tried to ignore the meowing, but it's just a problem that keeps even the guest up at night, albeit when my sister was here.

We can't let this continue because we will not get our deposit back. The damage unnoticeable as of right now, but it's a serious issue.

Yes we do play with him. Please help.