Help! New adoption and my old cat passes :(

scourtney36
Please help, do not beat us up. We recently decided to add a new kitty to our family. We had one cat, Jinxie - 8 years old, and two small dogs already. We did not rush and even selected an older kitten since we already had an older cat at home. When we adopted Lucy, she had health issues that were supposedly taken care of, they had her on the kitchen sink. We continuously heard this is typical of shelter cats. After about two months, she still had soft stool but was otherwise okay. Yes, we had a vet look at her. Sadly, my sweet Jinxie just passed away from unknown causes. He also appeared healthy and had no changes in diet , behavior or stool. We're completely devastated as he was our pride and joy. We now are feeling guilt that we caused this by bring in another cat and feel like we and Lucy are to blame. I'm afraid that I'll always hold this animosity and worry about how if I don't ever give her the love she needs. Should we consider returning her? There are things she does that drives us insane, obsessing crying and eating, begging and very needy, which is now worse for me since losing my baby. This also makes me feel terrible. I'm at a complete loss, I've lost pets before but I've never been this devastated, he was the love of my life. He was funny acting to everyone but WE got him, he could do no wrong. I just want my Jinxie back. [emoji]128542[/emoji]

First, I m very sorry for your loss of Jinxie and for the loss of your baby.  You have been through a lot of loss and that is extremely hard to bear.  I don't believe you caused it by adopting Lucy, since Jinxie did not show any signs of illness.  She may have had a heart condition, which is not uncommon.  It's not like she got diarrhea and wasted away from it.  She could have caught diarrhea from Lucy but it doesn't appear that she did. I wouldn't be at all surprised if the Cat Goddess knew she was going to take Jinxie and brought you Lucy so you would have someone who needed you and wanted you.  Caring for her and loving her will help you get over the pain of losing Jinxie.  It heals your heart to llove again.  No cat will ever replace another one in your heart, but when you have loved many cats, your heart will grow bigger with each one.

Yes, shelter kittens often are needy and have some problems due to their past history.  Some were orphans and were bottle raised and those are the  most clingy and needy kittens but they do grow up to be nice cats if they get the love and support they need in this stage.  Cats reflect what you put into them.  If you can learn to love this needy little kitten with the dirty bottom and help her get well and feel secure and loved, you will get all that love back and more.  Lucy cannot replce Jinxie and she can't replace your angel baby either.  If you can focus on Lucy's needs and try to heal her little body and heart (she didn't kill Jinxie and neither did you!), then the love bewteen you will grow and you will both be healed by it.  However, if you are not ready, if your heart is still too raw from your recent losses, if you need some time and space to heal and cannot love Lucy now, then do return her and give yourself some time to grieve. 

We have a forum here called Crossing The Bridge where you can write a wonderful long tribute to Jinxie and talk to others who have recently lost their fur babies.  We also have lots of folks who have raised needy kittens an will coach you through what you need to do to get Lucy adjusted physically and emotionally, if you keep her.  Only you know your heart and whether you can love her without reserve.  We will not beat you up no matter what you choose to do.  By sharing your concerns about how you are feeling, you are showing you are a good and caring person struggling through a difficult situation.  We will support you asa best we can if you let us.  Thank you so much for writing!

I do agree with Red Top Rescue, that perhaps your Jinxie passed away from a sudden heart condition, and sadly it was just his time, though this does not make it any easier for you.

You and Lucy are definitely not to blame, because there cannot be any blame here, in adopting a shelter cat.  By taking Lucy to the vet, you basically did all you could, and will need time to grieve over Jinxie. Usually getting another cat is a good way to cope, and focus on this new life, but it's true....only you will know if you can put aside your tremendous heartache, and give Lucy the love and support she needs.

Lucy may just be a different type of personality to your Jinxie, being louder and needy, or chatty and needy, but she may also grow into a more confident and quieter cat as she gets older.  She may be missing Jinxie, too.

Don't feel bad in whatever decision you make, because your emotions are so intense right now.  Crossing the Bridge Forum is a good place to talk about your Jinxie and give yourself time to share and heal.