Resident cat meets new kitten - stress reaches critical mass

Looking for advise; 

We have a 7-year-old domestic short hair that we got when she was 6 mon old. I don't think she was ever socialized cause she doesn't purr and tends to have a personal space bubble. She can be super affectionate but its always kind of on her terms. My wife has been begging for a new kitten for years and I finally caved. We now have a 3 month Siberian from a breeder. We saw him a bit in the environment he grew up in and he was obviously surrounded by other kittens play and loving life in general. So anyway, we've done our best to follow the regiment of introducing the cats slowly through scent through a door and such and have progressed to having them in the same room. I'm sure it comes as no surprise, but our 7-year-old hate the new kitten...growling/hissing, etc etc. If the kitten is in the same room she's only slightly irritated but when he tries to approach she lets him know where the boundaries are. I figured we could work with this over time....just takes patients.

The problem is, with the kitten now familiar with the environment and the other cat, he's super interested and almost entirely fixated on making friends with the 7-year-old. This is very, very stressful for her, she will typically hold her ground...he will stop, then inch closer to her. Eventually she will leave and find another place to be alone and he will follow. We live in a studio and the only rooms to seclude them in are the laundry room for her and the bathroom for him. I know its not workable and not a fair situation for the cats to get to know each other. He really really doesn't like to be alone and really just wants to be by her. Rescue remedy only helps calm her down a little bit. It's a tough situation...I wish there was something for cats like rescue remedy that's just a little more effective.

Any advice would be appreciated. I'm new to the area and called two different local vets....they have both said they will have a Dr call me back but that has not happened yet.

This is exactly the reason I always urge people to take TWO kittens if there is an older cat in the house.  Kittens by their nature and age are social, and will want to interact with the resident cat.  The resident cat, especially if it is a female, is not at all interested.  Furthermore, she is going t be annoyed at his attempts t be buddies nd playmates, and he is going to be rebuffed again and again which is sad.  I suggest adopting another young male around the same age as your, one who has been with litter mates and is used to playing.  Of course it would be great to get another one from the breeder your Siberian came from, maybe even a litter mate of the one you have.  However, that could be more expensive than you want, but there are still plenty of kittens available, aan I'm sure you can find a mixed breed that looks enough like your Siberian so they can be buddies.  A friend of mine did that, got a "Georgia coon" rescued kitten to go with her purebred Maine Coon kitten and they re best buddies, while the female resident adult sits up high and watches them play and is not bothered by them.  You will find that having two kittens is better than one, and your female will have her peace back because the boys will play with each other and not bother her.

I've got to admit this makes a lot of sense.

Unfortunately all his litter mates are already taken, money is an issues and we just don't have the space. It's a tight space for two cats as it is. If both kittens become interested in the adult cat then I didn't solve the problem and now i have 3 cats haha.

I always got two at a time. They always got along and in time they were accepted by the older cats in the group. Good luck.

ddpb2112 said:

 
I've got to admit this makes a lot of sense.

Unfortunately all his litter mates are already taken, money is an issues and we just don't have the space. It's a tight space for two cats as it is. If both kittens become interested in the adult cat then I didn't solve the problem and now i have 3 cats haha.

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i, too, think a second kitten for your little siberian boy would be ideal. i also understand that money matters and space are important.

you know, space for cats isn't like for us humans. they love 'up high' spaces, like on a cat tree(s) or cat shelves (on walls). so even in a small apartment or such, the space can be 'increased' for cat/kitten use.

if you were interested in adopting a kitten from a shelter, many or most have in their adoption contract that if things don't work out or something serious comes up that you can return the kitten/cat to the shelter. in fact, some contracts require that in those type instances the kitten/cat must be returned to that particular shelter/rescue organization.

as far as introductions (integration) between the two kittens -- many times with younger kittens they will very quickly become comfortable with each other. even if they're a bit stand offish (or even hissy or some growling) with each other at first, they may very well still quickly become comfortable with each other. and if you find that with your two kittens they need some integrating, you wouldn't be alone in it. many members here have experience in integrating cats, kittens, and kittens with cats. TCS is a wonderful community, and should you decide to adopt another kitten you can count on members here to answer questions you may have and to be helpful and supportive.

if you decide to stick with integrating your 7 year old girl and your new little guy, we're here for you too.

I'm not willing to add a 3rd cat to the dynamic yet.

An update:

I work from home and have resorted to isolating the resident adult in the laundry room until the wife gets home and works with them. I think the cats pick up on my nervous energy and I'm just struggling with all of this. When our adult watches the kitten play, she is fully dilated with head forward. Sometimes her ears go back. My wife will try to divert her attention, but again the kitten will approach her so I just don't know how much to let them work things out. I obviously don't want any harm to come to the kitten, but does he need to get smacked by the adult or something to learn that she wants her space?

No, he does not need to be smacked by her, it will just hurt his feelings.  He came from a home where the other cats were friendly.   I really wish you would consider getting a friend for him as I think that would change the dynamic to one more peaceful for everyone, but if you will not do that, then keep the two of them separate, just swap spaces, one in the laundry room and one out at any given time.  If you don't allow them to interact negatively, they may learn tolerance eventually.  He will grow older and not be such a pest to her, but if you let them fight now, it will always be bad blood between them.

So the adult will enter a room to watch the kitten (we keep the kitten distracted with play, if he spots her he'll want to go say hello). As she is watching she is fully dilated and will growl/hiss if the kitten makes eye contact or motions to come over. Her ears will occasionally go back as well. She we be casually removing her from the situation with any of those signs? I've gotten so much mixed advise on whether or not its okay for the cat to hiss at the kitten.

ddpb2112 said:

I'm not willing to add a 3rd cat to the dynamic yet.

An update:
I work from home and have resorted to isolating the resident adult in the laundry room until the wife gets home and works with them. I think the cats pick up on my nervous energy and I'm just struggling with all of this. When our adult watches the kitten play, she is fully dilated with head forward. Sometimes her ears go back. My wife will try to divert her attention, but again the kitten will approach her so I just don't know how much to let them work things out. I obviously don't want any harm to come to the kitten, but does he need to get smacked by the adult or something to learn that she wants her space?

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IMO I don't think a smack would hurt. It would.teach her that she doesn't want to play and will teach her a little respect. Only the older cat can teach her respect. Whisky soon taught blighty who was alpha.

It seems like a clash of personalities. Our adult is not going to get to a point where she wants to play with the kitten. So I'm left with letting her smack him or keeping her in a small laundry room most days. She only cries a little every now and then, but I can't figure out if its causing any kind of harm to her.

He came from a home where other cats were friendly. Not sounding good for the little one. I wonder if this kitten might not be better off somewhere else if you can't put the time in.