HELP! Terrified of my new 6 year old cat !!

Hi, My name is Matt and I am a new cat owner (2nd cat)

My last cat died from diabetes a few years ago.

I adopted a 6 year old cat

When I went to the owners house he let me pet him

Now that he is in his new home HE HATES ME

I've had him for about 3 days

his owners were thin and I am overweight

He tries to start fights with me

He stares straight in my eyes then growls 

The other day he hisssed and hit me then made a mean meow

The thing I don't understand is that he is nice to other people 

He even let one of my friends (female) Pet him

I am scared of him in my own apartment I have to tip toe when he comes from under the bed

I have bipolar disorder and thought a cat would help

Now I am a prisoner in my own place

Help me please with any advice.  I don't think he's ever going to accept me as his new dad

Thank you , 
Matt

Three days might seem like a long time, but I've read about other people's experiences with cats that took weeks or months to warm up to new owners and new surroundings.

So it's really early, plus you have a cat who doesn't know what's going on. He doesn't know why he isn't at home, with his previous owners, and he doesn't know his new surroundings. He's in a new, strange place with unfamiliar sights and smells. He's probably confused and sad, but give him time. Why did his owners put him up for adoption again?

Do you play with him or give him treats? Food is the best motivator for cats IMO, especially if there's a particular treat he likes, and interactive play is good for bonding. Don't give up on him yet! You guys might be best buds when he warms up to you. 

Hi Matt,

I'm so glad you wrote for advice.  Some people (no one on this site, that's for sure) would have just taken him for a long ride, if you know what I mean.  I think as a culture, we tend to be too impatient.  I know I am many times too.  It kinda sounds like your new kitty might have figured out you are the one who took him from his (previous) lovely home and now you are the meany he should attack.  Regardless, I think Plan has the right idea about just giving him more time and treats and play.  Cats are like fine wine. It takes time. They won't be rushed into anything.  

When I first met my Gracie, who passed away in July, she growled at me too.  I was scared of her.  She gave me a look that said if I hurt her she would make sure she hurt me too.  She was a feral cat though, and it took several months for her to warm up to me.  But she finally did and became my baby.

Is the scent of your previous cat still there?  Or did he always go where he was supposed to?  Perhaps new kitty smells the other one who passed somehow somewhere?  Are there outside cats visiting your doors or windows which upset him?  Look up some Jackson Galaxy shows about how he deals with cats that scare their owners.  He has a lot of good tips too. 

Thank you so much for your replies.  Charlie is getting used to his new home.  He is almost 6.  

He sleeps on my bed but I've been sleeping on the couch.  Should I try to get on the bed before he does so he realizes that the bed is not his territory only, that its mine too.  He did a friendly meow to me.  We still aren't very close but Its a work in progress.  Im starting to love this cat and I think he is starting to say....Hey this guy isn't such a bad person. 

I got about 6 feet close to him and played with one of his toys.  I have a good feeling about this.  I wonder what he does when I'm sleeping LoL.

Any tips would be greatfully appreciated. 

So glad to hear things are going better for you and your new kitty!  Thanks for posting an update because I had begun to fear the worst.  Since things are progressing, my only tip would be to stay the course and be plenty patient.  You know cats won't ever be rushed in to anything.  They will come around when they get damn good and ready.  LOL.  

What does he do while you're sleeping?  Why, he uses your toothbrush, that's what!  J/k! Keep us updated on how things are going please!

Ditto what Ginny said, I'm glad things are improving. Do you have toys for him? A wand toy is a good way to bond. A plush toy like one of those Kong Wubbas or Kickeroos might also be good so he can get his wrestling and rabbit-kicking sessions without using your arm or biting you.

Also, do you feed him directly as opposed to a feeder or just leaving dry food out? If he knows you're his meal ticket and he sees it's you feeding him that could help too.

Hi Matt! Welcome to TCS

Your cat doesn't hate you - I'm sure of it. He's just feeling unsure of himself in his new home. Remember that it's a big change for him, and cats find the whole process of rehoming really stressful.

I'm sure the only reason he responded better to your friends than to you is that they were calm and confident towards him, and you were maybe anxious or nervy. As you relax he will too.

You say he looked you in the eye and growled at you. The only way he could have done that is if you were looking him in the eye too. Cats find direct eye contact threatening - he was most likely as worried as you were. If he looks you in the eye again, slowly blink at him. That's 'cat' for 'I mean you no harm and I love you'.

Interactive play is a fantastic way to build a bond. Wand toys (such as Da Bird) are ideal as they keep your body a long way from the action.

Don't let him push you out of your bed! It was your bed first If you need to move him but don't feel confident enough to pick him up, try using a wand toy to lure him off the bed. That way, he thinks it's his idea to move :catguy: An alternative would be to get ready for bed and then give him a play session followed by a snack. You should have plenty of time to get into bed while he's busy eating. If he then chooses to join you - great. If not, at least YOU have your bed.

Actually, the fact he's choosing your bed to sleep on shows he really wants to make friends. It's one of the places in the house that smells most strongly of you. By sleeping there he's mixing his scent with yours to say that he belongs with you :heart4:[article="32804"][/article][article="29674"][/article][article="22480"][/article][article="0"][/article][article="0"][/article][article="22445"][/article]

You say he looked you in the eye and growled at you. The only way he could have done that is if you were looking him in the eye too. Cats find direct eye contact threatening - he was most likely as worried as you were. If he looks you in the eye again, slowly blink at him. That's 'cat' for 'I mean you no harm and I love you'.

Actually, the fact he's choosing your bed to sleep on shows he really wants to make friends. It's one of the places in the house that smells most strongly of you. By sleeping there he's mixing his scent with yours to say that he belongs with you

[article="32804"]How To Help A New Cat Adjust To Your Home  [/article][article="29674"]Cat Behavior For Beginners  [/article][article="22480"]Understanding Cat Behavior  [/article][article="0"]Cat Play The Rules Of The Game  [/article][article="0"]Playing With Your Cat Ten Things Every Cat Owner Needs To Know  [/article][article="22445"]The Secrets Of The Feline Human Bond  [/article]

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I forgot that I knew this!  It's been years ago I guess, but when I began feeding my feral group, the first thing I learned from them is to MAKE NO EYE CONTACT!  Instead, I would "scan" the audience briefly, but if my gaze lingered too long on any one of them, they got scared of me and turned to run.  Awww, bless 'em.  Columbine is right: No eye contact means no threat.  Another thing I learned to do is avoid words with the letter S in them while chatting with them.  S's sound like hisses to them which is another threat.  Talk softly, move slowly but surely.  No sudden movements or noises.  Damn their vulcan hearing!  Lol.  

The last of my group to get neutered was Harry.  Before his surgery, he looked at me strangely as if he found me to be hideous and disgusting.  I almost developed a complex over it.  But I began to notice that Harry still liked to sleep on my clothes, so that gave me hope things would get better. And things did!  He now runs to me for petting and even purrs!  Before he cut a wide swath around me.  Good luck!  Keep us posted.  

And one more thing I just thought of.  When speaking to them or looking in their direction, smile but don't show your teeth.  Smiling narrows your eyes naturally.  Teeth are a threat too.  I smiled at them instinctively because i love kitties!  But I noticed that when I smiled, mouth closed, they got calmer.  That and no direct eye contact.  

Thanks for all the replies and advice, believe me I use them.  When slowly blinking at him do I look into his eyes or do i look a little away.  And don't worry I would never abandon an animal.  Charlie is improving.  He will be 6 in November. Thanks again.  PS:  He loves Purina, paid $5.- at Target., 

The slow blink is the one time you do look him in the eye. Remember to break eye contact afterwards though

CharlieCat1000 said:

 
Thanks for all the replies and advice, believe me I use them.  When slowly blinking at him do I look into his eyes or do i look a little away.  And don't worry I would never abandon an animal.  Charlie is improving.  He will be 6 in November. Thanks again.  PS:  He loves Purina, paid $5.- at Target., 

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purina is $5 because it's mainly corn which is really bad for cats. canned food, even the cheaper brands is much better for them than any dry. these pet food companies like purina spray animal fat on their dry food to make it taste good but in the long run it can cause many health problmes--kidney disease/failure, obesity, diabetes, heart disease, cancer etc...and dry food is very dehydrating to cats because they don't drink alot of water..

ellag said:

 
purina is $5 because it's mainly corn which is really bad for cats. canned food, even the cheaper brands is much better for them than any dry. these pet food companies like purina spray animal fat on their dry food to make it taste good but in the long run it can cause many health problmes--kidney disease/failure, obesity, diabetes, heart disease, cancer etc...and dry food is very dehydrating to cats because they don't drink alot of water..

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Cheap pet food is the equivalent of junky fast food and highly processed snacks for people. There are much better brands out there to feed to your cat. There's a nutrition forum here on TCS if you want to explore other brands to feed: http://www.thecatsite.com/f/64/cat-nutrition The articles at the top of the forum have good basic info about cat nutrition.

Feline nutrition is a complex subject, and one that always gets strong opinions flowing!

There are many things to consider when choosing cat food, not least budget and what the cat will actually eat. It doesn't matter how great the food is if it doesn't leave the bowl!

It's good to keep in mind that cats are obligate carnivores and choose foods where some kind of meat is listed as the first ingredient and, if you do feed dry food, make sure the cat drinks around a cup (250mls) of water/fluid a day. You may need to work a little at this as cats naturally have very low thirst drives. This article has great ideas: [article="30756"][/article]
I would always favour a mix of wet and dry over dry alone, as wet food is the easiest way to keep your cat hydrated.

In short - feed what you can afford and what the cat will happily eat

Thank you for all of this wonderful information.  It is really going a long way with me but I am still running into trouble.  I've read some of the links as best as I could (Can't find my glasses!!!!)  I have given him his safe room (bedroom) and I have been slowly starting to sleep in my room again without trouble. 

I think I may have lost his trust when it was his first day.  I sprayed this chemical towards him to try to relax him.  The previous owners gave me some sort of spray that was supposed to lessen anxiety in the cat.  I didn't spray it on him but sprayed towards his direction.  I was only trying to help the situation and I wonder if he questions me now?  I have not used the spray again, and certainly don't spray anything on him.  There is no form of punishment for Charlie, except the occasional Shoo Kitty when he hisses at me.  What do I do when he hisses?  Just ignore it?  I am doing the slow blinking with him, then break eye contact.  A friend of mine who comes to visit is very anxious but she just walks right by him even if he hisses.  I am trying to tell the friend that I need to be the one  who feeds him so he gets used to me first.  I won't give up tho.  He is a beautiful cat, I actually played with him today with one of those toys on a stick thing.  He liked it but got very annoyed with it and started to MEOW loudly at it!  I never dealt with a situation like this.  Always had my animals when they were babies.  I realize now that Charlie needs to take as much time as he needs to because comfortable with me and his new environment.  He is under the bed right now.  Think I am going to offer him a TINY bit of yogurt.  Good idea or bad?  

Thank you and have a great night, from MASS

Ok This is not good.  I should say that I am dealing with a diagnosed anxiety disorder.  Do you think that  Charlie is picking up on my anxiety?  He was about 9 ft away from me and he started giving me this mean Meooooooooooow like I was the worse person to be alive to him?  When we are close the feelings of anxiety rise so high that I'm wondering if he's picking up my vibes of being anxious.  That meow wasn't a friendly one.  I just don't know what to do.  

I just went to check on him.  He won't let me fold my laundry and put it away as he is sitting in one of the drawers LOL.  He tried to stare me down so I made no eye contact with him but it did feel weird looking away saying good kitty......... 

Do you know how long this cat was with the previous owners/how much he loved them? He may be dealing with anxiety of his own from being ripped away from the family he's known for so long, if he has been there for a long time. It's also rare that a cat isn't afraid when they first arrive in a home. Do you watch My Cat From Hell? I would recommend you find an episode where an owner is afraid of their cat. You will find a few things- 1, tips for behavior- 2, your case WILL GET BETTER! I know you feel very upset about this, but as another with anxiety, I can tell you it's not as bad as you think. If you're a picky eater, you'll know the hesitation you have before taking a bite into a new food. The same thing is most likely happening with your cat- he doesn't know whether to bite or not.

Basically, I recommend searching around both on the site and on My Cat From Hell episodes. And try to stay relaxed as much as possible, project "I'm not scared of you, I want to be friends with you" since he can pick up on your feelings. Don't let him smell any anxiety/stress!

You also may want to try a Feliway scent diffuser. I haven't tried one personally but they are said to work very well as cat de-stressers and the like.

Good luck, I'm sure your cat is a cutie and just warming up to his new forever home! 

He could be picking up on your anxiety.  They say cats are like sponges and probably masters of body language.  They notice everything.  I wouldn't do any "shoo kitty" to Charlie right now at all, regardless what he does. 

When he hisses at you, what are you doing?  Whatever it is, stop.  If cats don't like something, especially a scared cat, it's best to stop whatever is upsetting him.  

Remember, patience.  Rome wasn't built in a day and this kitty will take his own sweet time adjusting to this house he was kidnapped to (I suppose that's how they view it.) 

Try to ignore the kitty.  Which means no eye contact mostly.  When you do look at him, only glance and smile to make your eyes small, no teeth, then look away.  

I remember trying to make my mom's new kittens love me.  It never worked.  I loved them so much!  And I wanted them to love me too because they were so cute!  Every time I saw them I wanted to scoop them up and hug them.  They wanted NOTHING to do with me!  How that broke my heart.  But what can you do?  Either a cat likes you or he doesn't.  My behavior didn't help things at all.  If I had just tried ignoring them, I might have gotten more attention from them than I ever actually got from them.  Which was none

One day my mom's neighbor came over to visit while I was there.  She hates cats.  She totally ignored them.  They were all over her!  I was so jealous.  But I learned a lesson.  Try to ignore cats.  They don't like lots of attention.