seperating mom and babies...traumatic? easy?

My roommate and I took in a prego stray awhile ago. Her kittens are almost 6 weeks now. I have homes lined up for when they are ready to go in about three weeks or so. Everyone seems to be in good health and progressing nicely.

My problem is, how do I separate them? Do I do it all in one day? Should I expect the mother to have behavior changes? seems so bitter sweet to me, but will it effect the mom emotionally?

I also want to take her to get fixed when they are done breast feeding. Do I give out the kittens while she is at the vet?

I want to make it as non-tramatic as possible for the mom...and me...what should I do?!??

I've done it both ways and it does seem to be a little easier on the mom when she has at least one kitten left. I would give her at least a week after the last kitten to get use to the idea, it seems like double stress to spay her and take away her babies. I've spayed several while they still had kittens at home, and that went well. No matter what ,it IS heartbreaking to see them go around searching for their babies and crying. But this is going to happen sooner or later. They do this for about a week, the first few days are the worse, on both you and her. YOUR job will to keep her inside and not to get pregnant again, they can do this almost immediately after birth, so be very careful. I know this is awfully stressful for you both, but spaying is so much better in the long run, and so much better on her health, both physically and emotionally. Good luck!

I will add, its a good idea you let her see when the kitten is fetched.   So she will know the kittens was fetched by friendly people, not killed nor just disappeared.  She will mourn, but she will not seek as desperately.

That advice goes on all separations, alive or dead.

@Di and Bob  is completely correct - - it will be tough (probably tougher for you than her!) for a bit no matter how you do it. Often they search and cry for a bit...but it does lessen and stop in a week (or less usually). The worst for us was when we took in a feral mom and her 3 babies who'd lived under our neighbor's deck since birth. We trapped all of them (mom was a died-in-the-wool feral so socializing mom would have been beyond tough, but babies were 8 weeks) basically together (mom in a trap - babies in a drop-trap). We scooted her off to our spay/neuter clinic, and took the babies in to be socialized. I think it was even harder for her because it was such a huge traumatic event - one minute she and her babies are happy and together, next she's whisked away, returned a few days later to no babies. It drove both my husband and me to tears for over 48 hours as she cried, howled and prowled almost around the clock -- searching for babies she'd never find. We were on the verge of returning the babies to her it was so gut-wrenching. I'm glad we didn't - all 3 babies have wonderful homes. And mom continued to come and eat eventually - - although that was 2 years ago, and sadly, we haven't seen her since this winter. But I think that was SO traumatic because it was SUCH a tough, totally foreign thing for her. Remember - not far after weaning time the kittens (if outside) are often kind of pushed out/separated as they age anyway.

But based on my non-feral shelter work - where the separation happens all the time -   I believe it is good for her to see them be picked up and loved by people (I'd have other people in to handle them even before the adopters take them - her seeing them handled just seems to help them get the kittens are separating). And I think it's not a bad idea to stretch it out for a bit - - just over a day or two even helps. Not just have them all pulled in one day. And I wouldn't do it while she's gone - I do think it's more confusing and traumatic. I've had moms who don't really react much at all (a little crying the first 24 hours - but nothing like the feral mom we experience) when it's done relatively slowly. 

And also - is mom adoptable? Or can you keep her inside? She'll live a lot longer (although I get it if she's feral) and be a lot safer. And definitely get her spayed (sounds like you're going to anyway) soon after the babies are gone. Definitely before releasing her out of your care. 

Good luck and keep us posted! 

I have also heard it is best the Mom be almost done nursing and in the process of weaning the kittens. If not, she will be full of milk and could get mastitis. It is very painful and a dangerous condition if not taken care of. Any human Mom who has nursed knows of what I speak even if she has not gotten it herself.

When my neighbor and I trapped and adopted 3 feral kittens two summers ago, it was hard on both mama and papa cats (yes, some papa cats care for their offspring). We caught the first 2 within hours of each other, and the parent cats then kept the third kitten close by, and it took another month to catch him. Papa cat kept nudging his son away from, and even out of, the trap. When we  finally caught him, Mama cried and looked for the third kitten, and then disappeared and we never saw her again. Papa cat knew I had the third kitten because I would bring him out on the porch to show him, and they would look at each other through the windows dividing my porch from my sunroom. Two years later, they still look at each other and say "hello" through the sunroom windows. Once papa understood that I was caring for his offspring, he was accepting of the situation.  So as corny at it sounds, it would be good if you let mama cat see the kittens being handed over to friendly people, and if possible, it would be great if their new human mamas brought them back for a few visits.   

Thank you all for the wise advice. I think you are right, it is going to be tuff to watch her cry out for them. I started tearing up just thinking about it while reading your responses. My roomate and I have decided to keep one kitten, which I think will help with everyone's sanity(mama cat included). Still going to break my heart I'm sure,and hers. she meows now just looking for them when they're under the couch. But I know they've had it a lot better then they would if they were born outside, and they will all be in loving homes.

I always have slowly separated kittens. Taking mom away for say an hour and then bring her back. I just increase the time each time so when the kittens go they just feel a lot calmer because they will think they are coming back. I always keep one kitten though as well. Also adopting out to friends and offering to watch the kittens at your house also help.

So today is the day. Two babies will be going to their new home. Its bitter sweet. One the one hand I'm ready for them to go, and on the other Im worried if they are ready. I guess, like in life, you have to trust that you raised the kids right, and have faith they will be fine. I'm a little worried about the runt, but he will have his big brother with him to help. I'm starting to tear up just looking at them with their mom. How can I make her more comfortable today?

Just leave all the doors in your house open so she can look for them, she will most likely cry and search for them even if you have some left. Just don't wash anything they have been sleeping on so mama can still smell them a little bit. Some mama's are okay with it though and won't act to sad or crazy after parting with just some of her kitties. It really just depends honestly. I would try feeding her a bit more today as well, just give her some extra attention, If you have been separating the babies from mama for short periods of time since your last post it should be easier on her. 

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Mom seems to be OK. Definitely enjoying a few more rubs and scratches there are still two babies here, so I think that helps. She was meowing more earlier today, but now just sits by the door. Its funny how much more mellow the apt is now. Clearly the others were the mischievous ones.

Such sweet babies! Hopefully mom's continued to make the transition ok (I know you said you're eventually keeping one anyway). Give her lots of extra love- that'll go a long way!!!

We must always wait 12 weeks before separating kittens from their Mom. They are not fully weaned until than and need all the proteins the Mother has to offer. I let my cat keep all three of her kittens and they are  the best behaved cats ever. The Mom gave them tough love and that is how kittens grow up right. If you must, give the rest away at 12 weeks and keep one. 

Ideally, I agree that kittens should be 12 weeks old before being adopted by their new human caregiver. However, in the case of feral kittens, it's better to catch and adopt them when they're 8-10 weeks before mama (and sometimes papa) cat instill in them a distrust for humans that will make the socialization process much more difficult. As long as they're eating solid food, they can be cared for by humans. Also, it isn't always easy to judge the age of kittens. The "runt" can be quite small, and the "alpha" much bigger, and different vets will guess different ages for litter mates taken to different vets. This has been my experience.

Right or wrong, shelters often adopt kittens out at the ages of 6-8 weeks during kitten season when they're inundated with kittens and lacking in space. I've adopted a few shelter kittens in this age range, and they all grew up healthy and happy (two of them are 15 years-old now). In this situation, it's helpful if you have an older cat who will "adopt" the kitten and help with the socialization process where the mama cat left off, or at least adopt two of the kittens instead of one so they have a playmate. There's no hard and fast rule. My advice is that if someone comes across a stray or feral kitten who looks less than 12 weeks old, but who is able to eat solid food, to not wait several more weeks to take them in, because they could easily die during that time from malnutrition or illness, getting hit by a car, or getting hurt by aggressive, older cats or other wildlife. Also, although not the norm, kittens can become pregnant as early as 4 months of age--another reason for catching a feral kitten sooner rather than later. One female feral kitten I trapped who as 4 and a half months old was already a few weeks pregnant, so it does happen.

Everyone is doing great! The two that went to a new home at 10 weeks are enjoying their new family. Everyone is happy and healthy. Mama has also been acting more and more like a house cat everyday. When im asleep on the couch she meows at me until I go lay in my bed with her at night, and of course the kittens follow[emoji]128518[/emoji] I'm taking mama to get fixed tomorrow, and I've decided to keep a kitten also[emoji]128522[/emoji][emoji]128062[/emoji] how can you not love this fuzzball??!

I think she looks like she knows she ended up in the purrrfect place

Jayna that's wonderful news! It's so great you're keeping a kitten, too.

Moms surgery went well. She sleeping in my room alone. She was def looking for her babies, but the vet told me to keep them and others away for 24 hours. I'm taking tomorrow off work to be with her. I'm sure I'll need advice tomorrow

So mama finally is acting like herself. She was cuddling and purring all morning. I brought one kitten into the room cuz i felt bad keeping them apart. She was fine in the beginning licking and smelling her kitten, but then started to hiss and swat at the kitten...I thought she was trying to play at first,but when the kitten went for the water bowl mama definitely got mad. I picked up the kitten and left the room, mama followed but then went right back in my room to lay on the floor.
I closed the door to give her some more time by herself.
Is this behavior normal after getting spayed?