6 year old cat with wet FIP. Need support from those who have been there

I really need to get on that living life one day at a time plan.  I feel like I am grieving my cat every day even though he is still alive when what I should be doing is trying to enjoy any last days that I have with him.  

We had the home hospice veterinarian come today and she agreed that he still has quality of life and we aren't at the PTS point yet.  She did say that she has never had a client's cat survive this diagnosis so what we are focusing on right now is monitoring how he is doing each day and making the decision we need to for him when things start to go progressively downhill.  He got super excited to eat some turkey breast that I made and has been enjoying getting attention all day.  It was a good day for him and I hope we can get as many of those in as possible before the dreaded day we have to say goodbye.  

I am on my way out the door and saw this, so I just wanted to say now, yes, you are grieving for him now.

This is a tough situation, knowing what is coming, you can't help but start the grieving process.

It's okay, we are only human, just do your best to love and comfort him, and perhaps you will feel comfort from him too now.

Brings back some very painful emotions for me, as I have been through this......

Thanks Catwoman.  Honestly, when I opened my heart up to these cats after losing my Kobi, I did not expect to be dealing with another loss so soon.  It's been around 5 1/2 years since I lost Kobi but I still wake up in the night every so often crying about losing him.    I knew I would deal with loss again eventually and I convinced myself that I could handle it but I was picturing them living into old age.    I convinced myself maybe I could deal with it better having gone through it once, but now I see it doesn't get any easier. It's just as painful but also drags up all the pain of the previous loss on top of the current one.  I am someone who would do anything and go anywhere to get him treatment that would work and this is the 2nd time that I find myself in a situation where my cat has a terminal illness with less than a month to live and absolutely no treatment options anywhere so all I can do is stand by and watch things inevitably go downhill as I try to make him have as many good days as I can in the meantime.  

I am now also so worried about my other cats.  I honestly don't think I could handle losing another one as well.   I know most say it is rare that one of them would get it as well but supposedly it is rare for a middle aged cat who I have had for his whole life to get it so I don't feel reassured.  

Jax is still hanging in there and I'm spending as much time with him as I can.  I'm boarding my dog again tomorrow for the night.  She is only 1 1/2 and I hope to have many years left with her so right now I need to focus on Jax and giving him the best days I can.  

 He loves turkey breast that I cook in the rotisserie.  I've never seen him get so excited about a food.  I just made another one so I have it for him.  

JAXMOM said:

 
Thanks Catwoman.  Honestly, when I opened my heart up to these cats after losing my Kobi, I did not expect to be dealing with another loss so soon.  It's been around 5 1/2 years since I lost Kobi but I still wake up in the night every so often crying about losing him.    I knew I would deal with loss again eventually and I convinced myself that I could handle it but I was picturing them living into old age.    I convinced myself maybe I could deal with it better having gone through it once, but now I see it doesn't get any easier. It's just as painful but also drags up all the pain of the previous loss on top of the current one.  I am someone who would do anything and go anywhere to get him treatment that would work and this is the 2nd time that I find myself in a situation where my cat has a terminal illness with less than a month to live and absolutely no treatment options anywhere so all I can do is stand by and watch things inevitably go downhill as I try to make him have as many good days as I can in the meantime.  

I am now also so worried about my other cats.  I honestly don't think I could handle losing another one as well.   I know most say it is rare that one of them would get it as well but supposedly it is rare for a middle aged cat who I have had for his whole life to get it so I don't feel reassured.  

Jax is still hanging in there and I'm spending as much time with him as I can.  I'm boarding my dog again tomorrow for the night.  She is only 1 1/2 and I hope to have many years left with her so right now I need to focus on Jax and giving him the best days I can.  

 He loves turkey breast that I cook in the rotisserie.  I've never seen him get so excited about a food.  I just made another one so I have it for him.  

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You're in a very sad and difficult place, there is no doubt about that......

I can attest to the fact that the loss never gets easier. 

We love them all as they are family members and a big part of our everyday lives, it hurts terribly, no getting around it either, I would give just about anything to not go through the loss and grief I have gone through in the past.

Yet I currently have my 2 girls, and the fact is, they are both aging and both have issues. Krissy is 13 1/2 and with IBD and Simone is at least that age but likely more (rescued) with hyperthyroidism and mild kidney disease.

I absolutely DREAD the day, either one of them..............Krissy I have raised since she was just hours old, and has literally changed my life and it's direction. My love for her is what started all of my cat drama, founded a rescue group, and have saved and helped literally thousands through the years, including lots of TNR's in my town which I continue to care for all of these years.

My angel who fell from the skies to bring me smiles and purpose in my dark time.

Her IBD is starting to act up again, so today I am typing with that sick feeling inside, reminding me, someday I will have to face losing her. 

To me, one of the hardest things in life. Saying goodbye and letting go. Family and pets. 

I'm sure most everyone on this site has their own heartbreak story about loss.

Some we bond with like no other, but losing always hurts terribly.

You just hang in there, I do know how helpless it feels when there is nothing you can do, no medicine to make it better, at least know that they accept death and dying much differently then we do.

He will not mourn loss, we mourn for ourselves actually. It's human nature to resist losing part of our heart and our lives. 

Catwoman,

Thanks so much for these words which comforted me last night:

 at least know that they accept death and dying much differently then we do.

He will not mourn loss, we mourn for ourselves actually. It's human nature to resist losing part of our heart and our lives. 

I can tell how much you love Krissy and Simone and those you have lost and that you understand completely how I'm feeling.

My husband had to take one of our other cats to the vet today for a well check.  He called me when I was driving and my phone was just about out of power and I thought I heard him say "the vet 

thinks there is something wrong with her".  So, after an hour of stressing until I got home to the house phone, I find out that what he really said was that the vet does NOT think there is anything wrong with her.

I'm completely paranoid about all my other cats now.  

Okay, here is an update as, unfortunately, I'm guessing someone will be in my shoes one day obsessively searching the internet trying to find any stories they can about cats with FIP, what was tried, how things progressed etc.  

Jax is still doing well considering.  He ate some salmon and hamburger today.  He always seems very interested in coming over to check out whatever food I'm giving him and will sometimes give an excited chirp.

His enthusiasm seems to be higher than his appetite though as he only eats small amounts at a time but will go back for a little more later.

He hasn't left my side since yesterday and is enjoying my attention (and our dog being out of the house again).

I'm not seeing any difficult breathing and he is still mobile and jumping on couches, beds etc. but it looks like the abdominal fluid has gotten more pronounced.  

The lady advising us on homeopathic treatments, the hospice vet. and our regular vet all concur that it couldn't hurt to drain some of the abdominal fluid as it's a simple procedure and might offer him some temporary relief.  We just don't know how long that relief will last.  I'm really struggling with this.  My goal is to give him the best quality of life that I can for as long as I can.  It seems like this could help…and can't really hurt based on what I'm being told?

So, he has an appointment at noon tomorrow.  I don't know if it's the right decision.  I hate subjecting him to another car trip to the vet and procedure, but if it can make him more comfortable for a week, two weeks, etc. then it may be worth it for him?

Of course, I won't know if it was the right decision until after the fact but, if I don't do it, then I might also wonder if I should have given it a try.  No easy answers with this disease.  

I have never had a cat with wet FIP, but I have however been in the situtation of knowing my precious pet will die in not too long, trying to squise out whatever happiness and joy we can still get out of life together.

I had an epileptic dog, her name was Tinka. Because of her illness she never left my side for the twelve years I had her. Was never home alone. She couldnt be. We traveled europe together, competed in agility, and never let the illness stop us. We were very tight. My life WAS taking care of her. It was my life for twelve years. It was intense.

After 11 years on medication, when she was 12, her liver failed. Irreversible. We knew that, the vets knew that. It was a wonder it kept up as long as it did. She got ill in june. Bloodtests confirmed it was her time. First I panicked. I wasnt ready. I cried, broke down. Eventhough I was lucky to have her for that many years I just wasnt ready. I was convinced I would die with her. It truly felt like that. I had no life, that wasnt built up around taking care of her.

After the first couple of days, I decided to throw all other things aside. My other two dogs went to my mum for a "vacation" and Tinka's best friend came to live with us. Her best friend was a dog named Pia, she lives at my mums, and grew up with Tinka. Every day was about Tinka. If Tinka "said jump", Id ask how high. She could still play, with me, and with Pia. We did everything one last time. Played ball at the beach, agilitytraining, sunsets by the lake. We did everything. Knowing it was the last time we would do it. It was the most painfull time, but the most meaningfull time of my life.

Tinka had a lot of good days, but she slept a lot. Also I "force fed" her four times a day with a liver diet. That was the worst part. She didnt like it. But for a long while I felt that she had enough quality of life to justify those unpleasant feeding times. Maybe its the same with your cat? If draining fluid can give him more happy times, and is minimal invasive, maybe its worth it? Theres no right or wrong. What does your heart say?  Inbetween trying to make as much memories as I could, I started her memorial video. Morbid to some maybe, but it helped me a lot in coming to terms with what was going to happen. Yes, I cried, I mourned.

That summer the weather was better than i can ever remember it being here. Its like it was set up for us to have one last magical summer together.

The morning 7th of august, I just knew that time was come. I dont remember anymore how I knew, but I did. The vet came home to us, and Tinka got to die in my arms.

I thought I was going to break down completely. But I didnt. I functioned, at least to some degree. I found that those two months we had, from I knew she was going to pass, till she actually did. helped me a lot. I had been going through some of the stages of grief allready, by the time she passed. This while still appreciating every moment with her, making the most out of it. Im so glad we got that summer, eventhough I never would of thought Id be strong enough to go through that, doing those things, knowing it was the very last time.


My story might not help, and might be a whole lot of rambling to you. What Im trying to say I guess, is that you shouldnt feel bad for beeing sad, eventhough your cat is still with you. Its your heart preparing you for whats comming. Where as your cat will appreciate you spending time with him, beeing your happy self, cuddling him and playing with him, let your heart have a say. If your heart is starting to prepare, let it. There is no wrong or right in these situations.

My heart goes out to you.
 

My heart goes out to you. I never had a cat with FIP, but I have lost cats to other illnesses, mostly cancer. My last cat, Mickey, passed from cancer about a year ago. I still cry over his loss. It is never easy when our kitty becomes seriously ill. It is just devastating, as we are never sure how to help them. Just love them, comfort them, and spoil them. Do all we can for them. You know your kitty best, and only you know what is best for him. My Mickey passed naturally at home, but it didn't make it any easier on me. The outcome was the same. He is still gone. Just listen to your heart and it will let you know what to do.
Hugs and best of luck to you and your kitty!!

JAXMOM said:

 
Catwoman,

Thanks so much for these words which comforted me last night:

 at least know that they accept death and dying much differently then we do.

He will not mourn loss, we mourn for ourselves actually. It's human nature to resist losing part of our heart and our lives. 

I can tell how much you love Krissy and Simone and those you have lost and that you understand completely how I'm feeling.

My husband had to take one of our other cats to the vet today for a well check.  He called me when I was driving and my phone was just about out of power and I thought I heard him say "the vet 

thinks there is something wrong with her".  So, after an hour of stressing until I got home to the house phone, I find out that what he really said was that the vet does NOT think there is anything wrong with her.

I'm completely paranoid about all my other cats now.  

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I do find comfort in knowing that they don't view death the way we do, so I hoped it would strike you the same way. Remember this when you need it

I can almost feel your stress and where your thinking is at nowadays.

I imagined me thinking I heard that the vet thinks something is wrong...........

You're going to be paranoid and hypersensitive about your other cats now, only time will help this fade back into the normal range of pet parent worrying.

Glad you could 'hear' me, that I really do know where you're at now and can fully relate.

Regarding the fluid removal, as I read your post, how he is jumping around on things still and will chirp about food, despite his lack of enthusiasm when he eats, as you said his tummy is getting bigger I sort of whispered to myself, she can have some removed.

So YES! Absolutely a good thing. If your boy is not ready just yet, and still has some quality of life, there is no reason at all (other than the whole vet visit again part) not to have them draw some fluid out.

It will feel more comfortable for him, and also avoid the fluid buildup restricting his lung capacity. Because the fluid retention will only go so big in his tummy before it affects the lungs.

We can't know how long it will last, but all in all it is a great idea to have this done.

It sounds like he's still enjoying his life!  If he's getting excited about food then it's a good sign.  I think you're doing the right thing- just loving on him while he's still healthy and happy enough to enjoy eating!

carinajosephine,

That was beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. It sounds like Tinka and you really made the best of the time she had left. I can't think of a better gift you could have given each other. I am trying so hard to do that with Jax and spending as much time with him as I can. I've been taking pictures and videos as often as I can and trying not to cry because I know when I look at them it will be because he is gone.

Carinajosefine said:

I have never had a cat with wet FIP, but I have however been in the situtation of knowing my precious pet will die in not too long, trying to squise out whatever happiness and joy we can still get out of life together.


I had an epileptic dog, her name was Tinka. Because of her illness she never left my side for the twelve years I had her. Was never home alone. She couldnt be. We traveled europe together, competed in agility, and never let the illness stop us. We were very tight. My life WAS taking care of her. It was my life for twelve years. It was intense.


After 11 years on medication, when she was 12, her liver failed. Irreversible. We knew that, the vets knew that. It was a wonder it kept up as long as it did. She got ill in june. Bloodtests confirmed it was her time. First I panicked. I wasnt ready. I cried, broke down. Eventhough I was lucky to have her for that many years I just wasnt ready. I was convinced I would die with her. It truly felt like that. I had no life, that wasnt built up around taking care of her.


After the first couple of days, I decided to throw all other things aside. My other two dogs went to my mum for a "vacation" and Tinka's best friend came to live with us. Her best friend was a dog named Pia, she lives at my mums, and grew up with Tinka. Every day was about Tinka. If Tinka "said jump", Id ask how high. She could still play, with me, and with Pia. We did everything one last time. Played ball at the beach, agilitytraining, sunsets by the lake. We did everything. Knowing it was the last time we would do it. It was the most painfull time, but the most meaningfull time of my life.


Tinka had a lot of good days, but she slept a lot. Also I "force fed" her four times a day with a liver diet. That was the worst part. She didnt like it. But for a long while I felt that she had enough quality of life to justify those unpleasant feeding times. Maybe its the same with your cat? If draining fluid can give him more happy times, and is minimal invasive, maybe its worth it? Theres no right or wrong. What does your heart say?  Inbetween trying to make as much memories as I could, I started her memorial video. Morbid to some maybe, but it helped me a lot in coming to terms with what was going to happen. Yes, I cried, I mourned.


That summer the weather was better than i can ever remember it being here. Its like it was set up for us to have one last magical summer together.


The morning 7th of august, I just knew that time was come. I dont remember anymore how I knew, but I did. The vet came home to us, and Tinka got to die in my arms.


I thought I was going to break down completely. But I didnt. I functioned, at least to some degree. I found that those two months we had, from I knew she was going to pass, till she actually did. helped me a lot. I had been going through some of the stages of grief allready, by the time she passed. This while still appreciating every moment with her, making the most out of it. Im so glad we got that summer, eventhough I never would of thought Id be strong enough to go through that, doing those things, knowing it was the very last time.



My story might not help, and might be a whole lot of rambling to you. What Im trying to say I guess, is that you shouldnt feel bad for beeing sad, eventhough your cat is still with you. Its your heart preparing you for whats comming. Where as your cat will appreciate you spending time with him, beeing your happy self, cuddling him and playing with him, let your heart have a say. If your heart is starting to prepare, let it. There is no wrong or right in these situations.


My heart goes out to you.

 

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Thanks everyone for your support and words of comfort. Jax did well with the procedure yesterday and, so far, the fluid hasn't visibly returned. I can now see how incredibly thin he is though. He did not eat much today. I had hoped removing the fluid might help his appetite some but it didn't seem to. Throughout the day, I tried giving him baby food, a bunch of different cat foods, chicken, tuna, turkey, even shrimp and he only ate a few bites of the tuna and 2 tiny pieces of chicken. We are now going on 19 days past diagnosis and I don't know how much longer he will have quality of life. So hard to watch a cat that used to be amazingly athletic get taken over by this terrible disease. He is such a super sweet little guy. It is killing me seeing him like this.

JAXMOM said:

Thanks everyone for your support and words of comfort. Jax did well with the procedure yesterday and, so far, the fluid hasn't visibly returned. I can now see how incredibly thin he is though. He did not eat much today. I had hoped removing the fluid might help his appetite some but it didn't seem to. Throughout the day, I tried giving him baby food, a bunch of different cat foods, chicken, tuna, turkey, even shrimp and he only ate a few bites of the tuna and 2 tiny pieces of chicken. We are now going on 19 days past diagnosis and I don't know how much longer he will have quality of life. So hard to watch a cat that used to be amazingly athletic get taken over by this terrible disease. He is such a super sweet little guy. It is killing me seeing him like this.

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Keeping him hydrated and getting as much food/calories in him will help him feel better while he is still able to at least.

Anytime a cat gets sub-q fluids they always perk up and feel better, this shows how important hydration is to help them feel better.

Wish there was more that you could do.

The fluid removed is for comfort basically.

It doesn't increase his appetite, unfortunately huh?

Hang in there, you're doing everything possible for him.  

JAXMOM said:

carinajosephine,

That was beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. It sounds like Tinka and you really made the best of the time she had left. I can't think of a better gift you could have given each other. I am trying so hard to do that with Jax and spending as much time with him as I can. I've been taking pictures and videos as often as I can and trying not to cry because I know when I look at them it will be because he is gone.

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The day after my Tinka died, I got a new camera. The one i used that last summer was put in my nightstand table. It took me a whole year before I was able to take the camera out and look at the pictures. But when I did, I was so glad I had them! They made me giggle, smilel and cry all at once.

We said goodbye to Jax today and my heart is broken.   There is no worse feeling than when that needle goes in and you know there is no turning back.  We had a vet come to our house and he laid on our couch in the sunlight and had my husband and I petting him right up to the end.  

He had been progressively going downhill all week.  He started spending most of his time laying in sort of a hunched position in the same spot on the guest room floor.  He was still sleeping on the bed with me at night but was just not eagerly seeking my affection like he had been last week.  He was not eating anything on his own….just licking juice off things.  We were syringe feeding him but that was making him stressed and then he started hiding under the bed from us at times.  So, I would have done the sub-q fluids but didn't think he would be very cooperative on top of the food and the various supplements and things we were having to give him.  He started having a vacant distant look in his eyes and seemed to be having difficult going from sitting into a laying down position.  I sent the dog to daycare today and he came downstairs once when I opened the guest room door but then returned to his spot on the floor up there and didn't come down again in marked contrast to previously where he was loving being out with us.  

I had to make a choice between continuing at a more forceful level with the syringe feeding in order to give the homeopathic remedies more time to work or saying goodbye now before he potentially got worse….and, from the majority of things I can find, it would only get worse most likely.

I didn't know if it was fair to keep him going with what seemed like hardly any quality of life left when his chances of ever coming out of this on the other side seemed slim.

I hope I did the right thing for him.  I feel like he depended on me and I kind of failed him.  

Ok, just when you think you don't have any tears left….

Staci

JAXMOM said:

 
We said goodbye to Jax today and my heart is broken.   There is no worse feeling than when that needle goes in and you know there is no turning back.  We had a vet come to our house and he laid on our couch in the sunlight and had my husband and I petting him right up to the end.  

He had been progressively going downhill all week.  He started spending most of his time laying in sort of a hunched position in the same spot on the guest room floor.  He was still sleeping on the bed with me at night but was just not eagerly seeking my affection like he had been last week.  He was not eating anything on his own….just licking juice off things.  We were syringe feeding him but that was making him stressed and then he started hiding under the bed from us at times.  So, I would have done the sub-q fluids but didn't think he would be very cooperative on top of the food and the various supplements and things we were having to give him.  He started having a vacant distant look in his eyes and seemed to be having difficult going from sitting into a laying down position.  I sent the dog to daycare today and he came downstairs once when I opened the guest room door but then returned to his spot on the floor up there and didn't come down again in marked contrast to previously where he was loving being out with us.  

I had to make a choice between continuing at a more forceful level with the syringe feeding in order to give the homeopathic remedies more time to work or saying goodbye now before he potentially got worse….and, from the majority of things I can find, it would only get worse most likely.

I didn't know if it was fair to keep him going with what seemed like hardly any quality of life left when his chances of ever coming out of this on the other side seemed slim.

I hope I did the right thing for him.  I feel like he depended on me and I kind of failed him.  

Ok, just when you think you don't have any tears left….

Staci

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You did the right thing and delaying would have made it worse.  i'M SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS.

I am truly sorry for your loss. I know the pain your are feeling right now can seem unbearable. My heart aches for you as I know that pain all too well. It is devastating when our kitties get so ill that they must leave us. You spared your Jax anymore pain and took on the pain of losing him. You truly loved him and he knew that.
I wish I had some magic words to ease your pain. I know you feel as though your heart is breaking. I would miss this pain on anyone. Just know how much he loved you and always will.
I hope one day soon you can think of your Jax with smiles instead of tears. Jax was very much loved and will be missed.
My heart is breaking for both you and your husband!
I know that pain!
RIP PRECIOUS JAX!
YOU WERE SO LOVED!

Sorry, I meant I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone. (I hate when my words get changed).

staci

First, I am so sorry for your loss and the overwhelming sadness I know you are feeling. I only discoveed this thread last night I wish I had found it sooner
because One week ago I was in the exact same emotional place you are in now.
I wanted to tell you that from reading through your posts and everything you did for Jax, I think you 100% did the right thing today.
I have had to go through this decision making process with three different cats over the past 20 years and it never easy to know when it's the right moment.

Last Friday October 16th at 6 pm, I put my 4 year old cat Charlie to sleep because of the goddamn terrible illness FIP. Excuse my cursing but I am SO angry that this disease chose the most innocent, sweetest boy to take. It makes no sense. October 17th would have been our 4 year anniversary of my adoption and bringing him home. :-(

My experience with his illnes was very rapid. I am almost grateful for this. Since there is no cure, I now realize (oddly) that I am relieved that Charlie went downhill so rapidly. The sooner I made the decision the sooner his discomfort would end. He started to slightly lose his appetite at about the beginning of October. Otherwise acting totally normal. I took him into the vet on Wednesday October 7th for blood work and for a fluid test on the fluid that had accumulated in his abdominal which honestly I didn't even notice, that is how sly this evil disease is. On Friday the 9th the blood work came back and as we know the titer tests are inconclusive but the symptoms with his blood work pointed at FIP. Steroids briefly gave him an appetite but within a few days he just wasn't interested in food or water. Or at least not griping to the food himself. I could spoon feed him and he would eat a small bit, but not enough and he was losing strenghth but still his same old self, though a bit lethargic. The week seemed to drag on, I stayed at home everyday with him, and kept try's coax him to take some nourishment. when it came down to syringe feeding, I decided I needed to prepare myself to bring him in to PTS. On Wednesday I made an appointment for the following morning. But thate night before and the morning of that dreaded final appointment he had a slight 'turnaround' he ate some on his own, drank some water and found the strength to jump on my bed and do his night time routine of lying on my chest and stretching his paws up around my neck like he was hugging me. I felt so sad and happy both, because he hugged me, and because I knew it would likely be the last time.

The next day, Thursday the 15th I didn't bring him in to PTS but that night he was sliding back down again. He was always alert, but clearly uncomfortable because of his abdomen, he was hungry, and making a silent meow for food but when offered some he turned away. I made an appt with vet for Friday at 5 and figured I'd play it by ear. I prepared myself to make the decision, but also to see what the vet had to say about the fluids in his abdomen and appetite. Thursday night was brutal. He began to go under the couch. The telltale sign of a cat who is ready to die. Going off alone. He would come out sometimes, but then lie in a box I had over by the door. He never hung out by the door! This was the first time I had seen him comfortable by the front door. I slept on the floor with him Thursday night, and Friday morning I felt pretty sure that our afternoon appt would be the last. I believe that his withdrawal to under the couch and then his hanging out by the door were signs that he wanted to end the discomfort. And I deferred to what he was telling me to do. On Friday afternoon I put the cat carrier by the door about an hour before we had to leave, and I could not believe this, but Charlie walked right into it. I didn't even bring him near it, I had just brought it out of the closet and put it by the door. He walked right in as if he was saying "I'm ready".

We went for the appointment and I had to let him go. But I knew that it was the right thing, and though I didn't want to say goodbye, I treated him with the love and respect he deserved by doing what I didn't want to do. I don't blame myself, I don't feel as if I failed him, this is a horrid disease and like I said I am so angry that he was chosen to be taken by it, and as you know, it is not typical for cats that age (between kitten hood and 10) to have the disease become active. But Charlie was unique, (he had a 'collapsed trachea' a condition very rare in cats, it's mostly those stuffy nosed dogs who have that. It just means that his trachea was narrower than other cats. It's rare. He was one in a million. And true to his character, he was one in a million being stuck by this illness. I miss him like crazy, but I take comfort in knowing that he was ready to go.

You should trust your instincts. You made the right decision at the right time. Sounds like his behavior was telling you, "I'm ready". And you were a loving mom to do one of the hardest things we are asked to do in life, to decide when to end the life of someone we love. Go easy on yrself, you did everything you could and gave him a great life and a dignified death.

And yes, the tears return again and again. Usually at night. But I dry mine with Charlie's towel. Yeah, he was unique. He liked sponge baths every day. :-). One in a million. I'm so glad I knew him for even a short time.

Ok, time for me to go and have a cry now. We will both be ok.

[emoji]10084[/emoji]️ Courtney

JAXMOM said:

 
We said goodbye to Jax today and my heart is broken.   There is no worse feeling than when that needle goes in and you know there is no turning back.  We had a vet come to our house and he laid on our couch in the sunlight and had my husband and I petting him right up to the end.  

He had been progressively going downhill all week.  He started spending most of his time laying in sort of a hunched position in the same spot on the guest room floor.  He was still sleeping on the bed with me at night but was just not eagerly seeking my affection like he had been last week.  He was not eating anything on his own….just licking juice off things.  We were syringe feeding him but that was making him stressed and then he started hiding under the bed from us at times.  So, I would have done the sub-q fluids but didn't think he would be very cooperative on top of the food and the various supplements and things we were having to give him.  He started having a vacant distant look in his eyes and seemed to be having difficult going from sitting into a laying down position.  I sent the dog to daycare today and he came downstairs once when I opened the guest room door but then returned to his spot on the floor up there and didn't come down again in marked contrast to previously where he was loving being out with us.  

I had to make a choice between continuing at a more forceful level with the syringe feeding in order to give the homeopathic remedies more time to work or saying goodbye now before he potentially got worse….and, from the majority of things I can find, it would only get worse most likely.

I didn't know if it was fair to keep him going with what seemed like hardly any quality of life left when his chances of ever coming out of this on the other side seemed slim.

I hope I did the right thing for him.  I feel like he depended on me and I kind of failed him.  

Ok, just when you think you don't have any tears left….

Staci

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Just as I started to read this the sun went away covered by a rain cloud, the dimming of the sunlight seems so appropriate for this posted update of Jax, and the sadness and loss you feel now.

I am so sorry for your suffering, yet Jax is no longer suffering now, your timing seems right on time too, when you see they're not enjoying life and become consumed with how badly they are feeling, that's the right time, so you did a good thing, despite how heartbreaking it is to do.

I do wonder how you feel like you have failed him though, hun you did the best you possibly could do for him, everything was for him. 

Hopefully it is simply part of the sadness and trauma that you just went through, because short of having a magic wand that can heal, you did all anyone could have.

RIP Jax, you were clearly loved and will be greatly missed.

If only your heartbroken mom could see where you have gone now, to see a happy kitty again, endless blue skies above and cool green grass, watching birds, chasing bugs, peaceful.