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post #1 of 18
Thread Starter 
Well- heres the story in a nutshell.

We have a friend staying with us, you might remember my thread about it back when his girlfriend left him. I felt like I was put in the middle of the breakup- being friends with both parties. Anyways, when all was said and done we agreed to let him live here in our house temporarily until he gets a full time job (hes working part time a right now) and a place of his own. Well, in the last week or so, he has been making lots of plans for 'his' room in the house ( we moved my son into his sisters room for now, and our friend is using his room)-plans such as installing a phone line and a satellite. Now- those to me sound like pretty permanent plans for someone whos only supposed to be staying a few months, do they not?

So, that irritated me, but hubby and I decided to let it ride for the time being- to be discussed later. Well- last night, hubby and I took the kids overnight to our camp, leaving the friend here alone. He said he might have a few people over- ok, no big deal. So we come home today to find out he took our car to a guys place, where is it still parked at this moment- with a DEAD BATTERY. Now, this friend of ours DOES NOT HAVE HIS LISENCE, and did not ask permission to use our car.

I am SO steamed. Hes not here right now, he left for a bit, but I am afraid I am going to blow my top when he comes back.

Short of giving him the boot, what can I do to go about this tactfully?

post #2 of 18
Charge him rent and put him to work around the house. Let him know that if he has anything installed it would be on his nickel and he would leave it there when he leaves. Set ground rules about using your car and items in your house. It looks like you have to lay down the law with him!!

I had a similar situation about 12 years ago. He moved out after about 2 months when he realized he couldn't mooch for free and got tired of my house rules. The final straw was when we asked him to stick around on weekends to help build a deck outside our house.
post #3 of 18
Oh, give him the boot.

If he has that poor judgement, you can't possibly anticipate all of the stupid things he may do in the future. And it was only supposed to be temporary. The phone line and satellite mean that you are going to have trouble some day anyway, he obviously doesn't understand, so you may as well get it over with before he burns the house down or something.
post #4 of 18
Short of giving him the boot? The boot is is least you should do. The events so far are very telling as to what you can expect in upcoming months, should this be allowed to drag out. Seems he is making himself rght at home for the long haul, and this is only going to get worse. You are worried about damaging the friendship? I can't see where it will be anything but damaged if this keeps up. At the very, very least, if you should decide to keep him around, I would move my child back into his righful bedroom and give this freeloader the sofa. Maybe he will get the hint that this is not meant to be anything close to a permanent arrangement.
post #5 of 18
Thread Starter 
I'm going to sit down with hubby and we are going to set a time limit for the friends stay here-as well as defining the ground rules again. I was trying to be gracious, and a good friend by letting him stay with us, but its obvious hes taking over to an extent. I see lots of resentment being built up in the next few weeks, if something isn't said and done about this.
post #6 of 18
Give him the boot.

If you can't do that then lay down the law. SEt some rules and draw up a contract and make him sign it. Make him help pay for the car. Charge him rent and give him a set of chores he is responsible for.
post #7 of 18
I say give him a week to find another place. This sounds like the beginning of a disturbing trend. Maybe I just watch too many episodes of Judge Judy, but it sounds like no good can come from this. Friends do not treat you like this.
post #8 of 18
In a nutshell...BOOT! Get him out of there before it cause you and your family trouble.

This happened to me and Ken when my daughter and her children moved in for a "little while" until she could get back on her feet. It wound up with me literally whipping her @ss Things are not the same with my daughter and may never be again. Don't let this happen to you and your family!
post #9 of 18
Get him out of there, he has already disrespected you and your family. We have a rule in our house...we don't let anyone stay here unless they are CLOSE friends or family, and the friends stay no more than a week (if they have problems)...they start taking advantage of the situation after that. Good luck!
post #10 of 18
I watch too much Judge Judy too. Give him the boot. If you want to give him a bit of time, get his agreement in writing. From watching Judge Judy, if he has been there 30 days without an agreement, you may have to legally go to court to evict him (depending upon your jourisdiction)
post #11 of 18
My family went through a very similar situation about 8 years ago. I was in my mid-twenties and worked at a Pet supply store. One of my co-workers was a red-headed 16 year-old whose father had thrown him out of the house and paid the kid's rent at a dumpy little motel type room that charged $100 a week. The kid was so despondent, never ate, drank mountain dew by the gallon, and was always sick. He claimed to be a Christian and really seemed like a nice guy. I told my mother about this guy's situation and my mother came and talked to him. She agreed to let him "temporarily" move in as long as he worked towards saving money enough to rent an apartment eventually. Well, He was basically a good kid. He didn't steal and he was polite for the most part, but (there's always a "but") he couldn't follow ANY house rules at all. My mother wanted him to pick up after himself (he wouldn't) He would go out until real late, stay up all night when he was at home, caused our ceiling to leak because he didn't take care to put a towel down in the bathroom when he showered. The water would leak through a weep hole in the shower door and if a towel wasn't placed on the floor, the water would build up and leak through the plaster ceiling. Also the kid had a bed-wetting problem that his father and he failed to mention. One night he fell asleep on the carpeting instead of on his bed which had plastic/rubber sheet protectors, and he ruined a $500 rug. When he promised to help my dad fix the room (and failed to show up) My parents finally told his father that they couldn't let this kid live with us anymore. We never did find out what happened to him after he left our home. It broke my mother's heart and she wept, but she had no choice. She called both Christian and Catholic charities to see if a male mentor and living place could be found for him, but both religions turned my mother down flat, saying he was (at 16) too old!!! That they had no programs in place to help such an individual.

I sincerly hope you get resolution for this situation and all works out well.
post #12 of 18
If this guy was really a friend he wouldn't be taking advantage of you like this. My boyfriend used to be in the same situation with a friend of his, then I came along and buddy got the boot I'm a meany! A satellite sounds pretty permanent to me, I'd give him the boot, or at least start charging rent and make him participate in family chores so it's less attractive for him to stick around.
post #13 of 18
This is not how "friends" behave, and this is no longer "temporary".

Take the opportunity to make that observation while it is fresh -- it won't have the same currency if you drag your feet. Best to get him out now, before he sets down any more roots. If it finishes a friendship, there wasn't much there to lose.
post #14 of 18
My simple Texan response would be:

Or if you prefer a more clasically feminine response:

This person sounds like a disaster-in-the-making for your family. Anyone who would steal your car like that (and that's exactly what he did!) is not a friend and should not be allowed in your home. I don't know what the law is there, but in many places unless you reported the car stolen or could prove it was taken without your knowledge, you might be liable if he caused an accident or harmed anyone while using your car.

A true friend and guest would be grateful for your help, while making every effort to find a place of his own. He would at the very least help with any additional household expenses generated by his presence, and ideally offer compensation for his accomodations in the form of rent or household help. He would try to inconvenience your family as little as possible while he's getting on his feet, rather than steal your car & set up permanent services like telephone & satellite!
post #15 of 18
Time to say BYE! BYE!! Life is to short to be unhappy. You have you and your family to think about. Remember he does have a job.
post #16 of 18
Thread Starter 
I guess the reason I'm hesitant to kick him out is because I've known him for so many years and hes a pretty good guy normally. My kids adore him, and hes 'earning his keep' by doing a little babysitting (the kids are usually in bed at the time, but I trust him with them completely) and helping out with groceries and gas in the car. He told me today that when he gets his next pay in a few days hes going to give me as much of it as he can spare to help with bills.

Things are looking up a bit. He's doing a lot of helping out around the house- he did laundry and dishes today and helped my hubby make supper while I was at work. AND, hes applying for a full time data entry job at the company my hubby works for. That will mean he can contribute more financially and get his own place much sooner. I noticed that talk of installing phone lines and things halted once he found out this job was up for grabs, so heres hoping I don't have to be a meanie, and he'll get himself together without having to be prodded.

Thanks for listening to my vent, and all the great advice :rainbow: I'll keep you posted.
post #17 of 18
Wow--looks like things have worked out for the better so far. We'll keep our fingers crossed that he gets this job! And, you hang in there!
post #18 of 18
Sorry, but this is a grown man and he should have his own place by now!.He's made himself too comfortable for me!.

Tell him you and your partner need quality time together again.

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