Dealing with grief after loss of cat

ty3535 · Sep 21, 2015

Today my husband and I had to euthanize our 8 month old cat. We had only had him for one week after adopting him from a shelter. He had a very bad URI and wouldn't eat or drink for 5 days other than force feeding,which was not very successful. We had him at the vet 4 days in a row. They recommended overnight IV fluids over the weekend and a feeding tube today. Sadly neither of those options were financially viable. I am dealing with so much grief and what-if's. What if we had given him a few more days? What if I had taken him to the vet immediately when I noticed he hadn't eaten a few meals? I'm looking for any advice or tips on how to get through this.

LotsOfFur · Sep 21, 2015

I'm so sorry for your loss :hugs:

This precious soul knew love, had a home before crossing the bridge and has someone who mourns them. [emoji]128149[/emoji]

You got your kitty vet care and did what you could. We always plague ourselves with "what if.. & if I'd only..." Please don't torture yourself. It hurts and they always take a piece of our heart when they leave but they leave their little paw prints on the rest.

When the time is right you may want to honor your kitty by giving another a safe, loving home... There are always so many in need.

Again, I'm so sorry that you didn't have more time with your kitty but as your grief represents, there was so much love!

leeann77 · Sep 21, 2015

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my kitty of 13 years a few weeks ago and I am still crying over it. I was just online reading up on pet loss and found this website:
http://www.aplb.org/
They have lists of books and even a chat room with grief counselors. I am so sorry you lost yours so unbelievably young. My Hannah was 13 and it was still not enough time. Please don't beat yourself up, that is something I am struggling with right now. I didn't expect to have so much guilt over it.

I may order this book, the counselors actually use it for training:
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/loss-of-a-pet-wallace-sife/1102556943

It starts to get better with time, and this site will really let you know that other people know exactly what you're going through. There are some amazing people here that will help you through it!

Take care,
Lee Ann

ty3535 · Sep 21, 2015

Thank you both for the kind words. I wish he had had more time to be happy and loved. He only truly had two days with me before he got sick. But those two days were so happy and I feel blessed to have had him in my life even though it was for so short a period and even if it hurts immensely right now. I'll look into that website. Thank you again.

kathaka · Sep 22, 2015

I am so sorry to hear about your loss! Some Humane Societies have a pet loss/bereavement group. I run the group in Oceanside, San Diego. It is always good to be with supportive people during this time!

crazycatlady59 · Oct 7, 2015

Ty3535 said:
Today my husband and I had to euthanize our 8 month old cat. We had only had him for one week after adopting him from a shelter. He had a very bad URI and wouldn't eat or drink for 5 days other than force feeding,which was not very successful. We had him at the vet 4 days in a row. They recommended overnight IV fluids over the weekend and a feeding tube today. Sadly neither of those options were financially viable. I am dealing with so much grief and what-if's. What if we had given him a few more days? What if I had taken him to the vet immediately when I noticed he hadn't eaten a few meals? I'm looking for any advice or tips on how to get through this.

I lost my cat on Oct 1,2015. The pain is almost unbearable. I rescued her at 4 weeks old from a feral colony at a trailer park and she was only one of the 4 that survived. She eventually loss an eye due to infection. I barely had her 1 1/2 yrs and she fell ill again. I too fell short on funds and my regular vet wouldn't see her because he had been stung too many times. Her episodes weren't unusual and she was always treated aggressively for mystery fevers. It wasn't until this last time that I found out she had FIP! The antibiotics kept her immune system stronger and she was able to recover. Looking back after much research she had FIP when I got her. She became my emotional support animal and things were great and suddenly I found myself in a dilemma. Had she had treatment it could have extended her life. I miss her terribly. We had the same routine everyday and I'm finding it hard now because my life has completely changed in an instant. I'm told the grieving is normal for pet loss the same as it is for human loss. Sadly many people don't recognize it and think I should get over it. Well I can't and the grief process has to happen. She was my best friend and companion. She touched the lives of everyone who came into contact with her. She was just a social butterfly. I was granted permission to bury her in the backyard so she will always be here. The loss is hard but I have been told that to grieve is to know what love truly is. I miss my Phoenix and always will!!

LTS3 · Oct 8, 2015

Don't beat yourself over the "what ifs"

Just know that you did what was best in the situation.

There are pet grief hot lines and groups if you feel that you need someone to talk to. Here are some resources:

http://www.aplb.org/

https://www.aspca.org/pet-care/pet-loss

http://vet.tufts.edu/petloss/

ty3535 · Oct 8, 2015

crazycatlady59 said:
I lost my cat on Oct 1,2015. The pain is almost unbearable. I rescued her at 4 weeks old from a feral colony at a trailer park and she was only one of the 4 that survived. She eventually loss an eye due to infection. I barely had her 1 1/2 yrs and she fell ill again. I too fell short on funds and my regular vet wouldn't see her because he had been stung too many times. Her episodes weren't unusual and she was always treated aggressively for mystery fevers. It wasn't until this last time that I found out she had FIP! The antibiotics kept her immune system stronger and she was able to recover. Looking back after much research she had FIP when I got her. She became my emotional support animal and things were great and suddenly I found myself in a dilemma. Had she had treatment it could have extended her life. I miss her terribly. We had the same routine everyday and I'm finding it hard now because my life has completely changed in an instant. I'm told the grieving is normal for pet loss the same as it is for human loss. Sadly many people don't recognize it and think I should get over it. Well I can't and the grief process has to happen. She was my best friend and companion. She touched the lives of everyone who came into contact with her. She was just a social butterfly. I was granted permission to bury her in the backyard so she will always be here. The loss is hard but I have been told that to grieve is to know what love truly is. I miss my Phoenix and always will!!

I'm so sorry for your loss. I still cry when I see photos or think of George. I guess the best advice Someone gave me was that we can take comfort knowing that we gave them love and that they have someone who mourns and misses them. I'm sure the grief will never go away completely but I think with time it will get better.

di and bob · Oct 9, 2015

Grief always brings all those 'should haves' would haves', but to go down that path just brings heartache and pain. I think it was destined that you came in to this sweet kittens life so he would know that someone cared and loved him in this world. Whatever life you gave him, even if it was full of vet visits, was still better then dieing alone in a shelter. I know how much it hurts, and it definitely wasn't fair that he was taken at such a young age and when he was so wanted and had a loving home with you. I do know that he would want you to pass on his legacy of love to another little soul in need, to celebrate the love you shared and not let this close your heart to others. I know this because ALL of these little ones are innocent and love those unconditionally who care for them. It takes time to come with terms with a death such as this, it's so much harder to accept when they are so young. My heart goes out to you, your pain is my pain...... RIP sweet little one, you have left a mark in someone's life, and will be forever held in a loving heart!

ty3535 · Oct 9, 2015

Di and Bob said:
Grief always brings all those 'should haves' would haves', but to go down that path just brings heartache and pain. I think it was destined that you came in to this sweet kittens life so he would know that someone cared and loved him in this world. Whatever life you gave him, even if it was full of vet visits, was still better then dieing alone in a shelter. I know how much it hurts, and it definitely wasn't fair that he was taken at such a young age and when he was so wanted and had a loving home with you. I do know that he would want you to pass on his legacy of love to another little soul in need, to celebrate the love you shared and not let this close your heart to others. I know this because ALL of these little ones are innocent and love those unconditionally who care for them. It takes time to come with terms with a death such as this, it's so much harder to accept when they are so young. My heart goes out to you, your pain is my pain...... RIP sweet little one, you have left a mark in someone's life, and will be forever held in a loving heart!

The doubts about what I could or shouldn't have some are definitely bringing me more pain. He was such a sweet little guy, and even though he only was with us for a week he left a hole in my heart when he passed. I'm glad we were able to give him a home and show him love but it doesn't seem like enough to. Thank you for the kind words.

macha 143 · Oct 9, 2015

I am sorry for your loss, the hardest decision we have to make but sometimes we have no choice and yes it hurts so bad and we felt guilty and asking ourselves "what if"

My two girls passed away last year and for many months I cried and blaming myself but the reality they were suffering a lot and in so much pain so I have to let them go. I miss them so much but I know in my heart that they are now free from suffering and happy in heaven. Remembering the good times we had, helps me a lot.

Take care...

nurseangel · Oct 9, 2015

I am very sorry for your loss, as well as your husband's. Please don't blame yourself. Your were a blessing to your cat, to have adopted him from the shelter and given him love. You and your husband gave him a real home. Think of how important that is to a shelter cat, rather than spending his last days there without someone who cared. You made a decision you thought best for your pet and you were acting in his best interest. I've second guessed myself more times than I than I can remember. You were acting out of compassion, and that is the important thing. I hope your heart heals soon.

hoovsbin · Oct 9, 2015

I'm sorry for the loss of your kitty. Even though you only shared lives for a short time, I know your cat knew the love your heart held and was comforted by this even in the terrible illness they were suffering.

Thank-you for loving your little cat so much. A day will come when you can look back and feel the joy more of your kitty's presence and shared times more than the pain of their leaving.

ty3535 · Oct 9, 2015

nurseangel said:
I am very sorry for your loss, as well as your husband's. Please don't blame yourself. Your were a blessing to your cat, to have adopted him from the shelter and given him love. You and your husband gave him a real home. Think of how important that is to a shelter cat, rather than spending his last days there without someone who cared. You made a decision you thought best for your pet and you were acting in his best interest. I've second guessed myself more times than I than I can remember. You were acting out of compassion, and that is the important thing. I hope your heart heals soon.

Thank you so much for the kind words. It helps knowing I'm not alone in this. I'm just so sad that he only had one week with us. I had so much love to give him. Hopefully time will heal my broken heart.

gladys · Oct 27, 2015

Sorry for your loss. I too lost my Dear Mother along with two precious furbabys in a period of 6 months. I found this website to be very helpful to me , www.eternalanimals.com It confirmed every thing I already knew. It might help through the grieving process.

gladys · Oct 27, 2015

I too feel your pain. Lost My dear mother and two cats in a 6 month period. Thought that I am going to have a nervous breakdown. I found this site to be very helpful . Go to www.eternalanimals.com and check it out. God Bless and hope it helps U to heal.

ty3535 · Oct 27, 2015

gladys said:
I too feel your pain. Lost My dear mother and two cats in a 6 month period. Thought that I am going to have a nervous breakdown. I found this site to be very helpful . Go to www.eternalanimals.com and check it out. God Bless and hope it helps U to heal.

That's a great reference website, thank you. He will always be in my heart and I feel like his passing is getting easier with time. Thank you again for the kind words.

gladys · Oct 27, 2015

Oh sweetie I'm so sorry for your loss. U R not alone in this. I lost my Dear Mom along with 2 kittys in a period of 6 months. My big boy named Zakk war rescued from a busy street in traffic and given to me in 2007, covered with fleas, ear mites, etc. Unfortunately he inherited a disease called polycystic kidney disease and by the time he was diagnosed it was already too late even though his kidney values were high we insisted to give him the best canned food available and not put him on the kidney diet which he hated. He did well for a whole year and did not show any symptoms until the end. He was then hospitalized with IV fluids for 8 days to no avail. Came home one day afterwork to find him gasping and mouth breathing. No way in the world would I let him suffer !!!!!!!!!! I took him to the Emergency clinic and they said that he was very critical and recommeneded to put him to sleep. I was NUMB all the way home. Two weeks later, my 17 year old that has been on sub Q fluids decided she wanted to cross but she went peacefully at home one night. I am devastated !!!!!!!!!!!!! After a lot of praying however I found this site to very helpful but it also confirmed what i already knew. www.eternalanimals.com gave me alot of peace in my heart. Hope it helps U and God Bless U!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ty3535 · Oct 27, 2015

gladys said:
Oh sweetie I'm so sorry for your loss. U R not alone in this. I lost my Dear Mom along with 2 kittys in a period of 6 months. My big boy named Zakk war rescued from a busy street in traffic and given to me in 2007, covered with fleas, ear mites, etc. Unfortunately he inherited a disease called polycystic kidney disease and by the time he was diagnosed it was already too late even though his kidney values were high we insisted to give him the best canned food available and not put him on the kidney diet which he hated. He did well for a whole year and did not show any symptoms until the end. He was then hospitalized with IV fluids for 8 days to no avail. Came home one day afterwork to find him gasping and mouth breathing. No way in the world would I let him suffer !!!!!!!!!! I took him to the Emergency clinic and they said that he was very critical and recommeneded to put him to sleep. I was NUMB all the way home. Two weeks later, my 17 year old that has been on sub Q fluids decided she wanted to cross but she went peacefully at home one night. I am devastated !!!!!!!!!!!!! After a lot of praying however I found this site to very helpful but it also confirmed what i already knew. www.eternalanimals.com gave me alot of peace in my heart. Hope it helps U and God Bless U!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so sorry to hear about your losses! It's never easy even when we know we're doing the right thing for them. The website was very helpful, thank you. I hope your heart is healing!

Dealing with grief after loss of cat

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What greater gift than the love of a cat.

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