Missing Isy on the anniversary of losing Zena...

A year ago today my first cat, Zena, passed away very suddenly. I was only 4 years old when Zena was given to us by a family friend. She was a perfect angel and lived such a happy life with us. Our beautiful girl was 13 when she got sick. It happened all so fast. On the first day she started eating less than usual, the next day we made an appointment with the vet, and by the afternoon of the fourth day, the day before her appointment, she was gone. We still don't know what happened. Forever I'll remember the sight of her lying on the floor when I got home, all skin and bones from having lost so much weight so suddenly, trying so hard to get up to walk to me even though her back legs wouldn't work. I begged my mother to rush her to the vet, if only just to put her down so she wouldn't have to suffer, but there wouldn't have been time. My only comfort is knowing that she passed surrounded by her family who loved her so much, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.

This whole year without Zena I've spent trying to heal from losing her and I thought that by today I would be able to celebrate her amazing life--but now I have a fresh hole in my heart where my Isy is missing. My baby, the little 3-week-old scrap of fur I found huddled under a bush all those years ago, has been somewhere out there on her own, perhaps already waiting for me at the Rainbow Bridge with her big sister, for 16 days now. I promised her that she'd never be alone, that whether it was the day I found her or years and years later when it was time for her to go to the Bridge she would have me at her side in her last moments here and all I can think is that I've failed her.

It just hurts so much to be missing both of my girls on the same day.


To my Zena Beans, I await the day we'll see each other again. If Isy is with you watch over her for me and I'll find you both soon.


And to my Isy, my baby girl, please come home soon if you can, and if not you will always have a special place in my heart, my little warrior, and don't worry about me down here. Just climb the tallest trees and catch the biggest mice and keep any and all of your brothers and sister who will join you before I can safe.

You have in no way failed your sweet Isy, if she was meant to go to the Rainbow Bridge I'm sure she left to spare you the pain of watching her go. You have a kind and loving heart, these two were lucky indeed to share their life with you, and they will always live on in your precious memories and be forever held in your heart.  Your tribute to them was beautiful, the tears flow as I feel the pain you are feeling and the anguish you are going through, my heart goes out to you. Please accept my condolences, I'll pray for you all, bless you for having such a loving spirit.  

Thank you, it means a  lot to hear somebody say something other than "it's just a cat" and to get over it. Last night I dreamed of the day I found Isy as a 3-week-old starving kitten hiding from the rain under a bush. It may have been only because I've been missing her and it stormed last night, but when I woke up I swear I heard her calling. I rushed out into the rain calling her but the meowing had stopped already and I found nothing. When I went back to bed I could almost feel her curled up in her spot right next to my head on the pillow. I won't give up looking for her, I don't think I'd be able to live with myself if I ever did, at least not for a while yet, but a part of me believes that she visited last night to say goodbye. My other two girls have started to go out and sit right by her favorite tree and look up into the branches and I wonder if they know or see something I don't or if they're just missing her too. Not knowing is the hardest part. I think at least if I knew she really was gone, even if I didn't have anything to bury I could at least have somewhere to visit and I could heal and remember her. I don't know if I'd be able to live the rest of my life wondering, if ten years from now I'd still wonder if she was gone that first day or if she just never made her way back to me, whether somebody took her in who never realized she was lost and she eventually passed in a warm, comfortable home or she died cold and alone in the street. I know cats sometimes come home after months or even years of being missing and it's only been a few weeks but it's getting harder and harder to believe that she'll come back.

Not knowing is the worst. We love those little balls of fur so much that it tears us apart when we think of them alone and afraid. I've had ferals come back after 3-4 weeks, so it is possible, but I've had several that I know were dying and they left, never to be seen again. I also had two old toms show up at my house to die, they let me hold and love them after never letting me before, and it still brings tears to my eyes to think they just wanted comfort at the end. They died with a full stomach and in a heated hut, so it comforts me to think I helped them in a small way. I have so many buried in the ground they loved so much. My heart goes out to you, I hope you can find comfort in your precious memories and knowing you were their whole world  and they loved you so very much. Your pain is my pain, bless you for your loving heart.

What beautiful pictures.  I am so sorry for the loss of your precious ones.