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I never thought that this would happen to me!

post #1 of 19
Thread Starter 
Well I am not sure exactly where to begin but 01/02/04 my husband of 5 1/2 years comes to me out of the blue and says he wants a divorce.
he will not try counseling and won't even consider trying to work it out. The worst part is that he moved out and I was a housewife with no job and my car is about to die any day!! He asked if we could just get a dissolutionment instead of a divorce but I said no way. Anyway I have a lot of support from my family and my church family, but if I could get your thoughts and prayers, i really need all of the help i can get! I have never really been on my own because we married right out of high school and moved in together right away so this is the first time i have had to live by meself, and when i say by myself, i mean without any humans, I still have my 3 purr babies to keep me company. Just needed to write a little and vent about my situation, My computer at home is not working, but I am at my parents house quite a bit, so i am sure that i will be writing often. Also I need some find a job quickly vibes!!! thanks all.
post #2 of 19
Oh how horrible!!! He didnt say why he wants a divorce? I would demand an explanation.

Living alone is not that bad. I acutally loved it when I lived alone for 3 years, and I didnt even have any cats at the time to keep me company. It's something about the feeling of freedom.. being able to do whatever you want its very liberating.

I hope everything works out for you.
post #3 of 19
I'm so sorry!

Sending many thoughts & prayers your way!
post #4 of 19
Wow! You must be in a state of shock. I was in a similiar situation about 5 years ago. My boyfriend of 3 years up and moved back to Richmond, VA from NC where we were living happily together.
He just said I am moving and moved. I moved back to Richmond too where I got my first apartment alone without any other humans
I adopted 2 beautiful cats and started meeting new people, got a new job and eventually met my current fiance Steven. Those 2 years were some of the best years of my life as I look back on them. I actually learned alot about myself while living alone!
As hard as it seems at this time in your life, know that things happen for a reason, even if you don't know what that reason is now.
Someone once told me a quote once and I am not really sure the whole quote but I refer to it often when I am feeling really down. Maybe someone else on the board knows it. It goes something like..."When you feel really upset, depressed, sad, etc...Wait 3 days!" It always works for me! Things can change so quickly! Keep writing to us here on The Cat Site
post #5 of 19
Been there done that, and thought I would never make it on my own (after 10 years of marriage) nor did I ever think I would be happy again. Not that I was back then, but I tricked myself into thinking I was. It takes time, but life does get better and happiness is really just around the corner. Can suggest and excellent book to help you sort through this mess Love Must Be Tough- by Dr. James Dobson one of the best books to read when you find yourself in this predicament.

Good luck!
post #6 of 19
I am so sorry, I will send out positive thoughts for you,
post #7 of 19
Oh no! I am so sorry. I wish I could find the right words for you. But if you need anyone, I am here for you.

post #8 of 19
I am really sorry to hear about this. I know it must be rought for you, but I do believe things will get better for you very soon. This could be best thing for you...who knows...your dream man can be right in front of you...or if you aren't even thinking about getting married again...being single is also the best medicine right now! Good luck! Let us know if we can help you in any way!

post #9 of 19
Oh my gosh, how frightening for you. Please try and stay strong and confident and remember that you have the upper hand.

Don't try and over-analyse the situation. If he is adamant then let things be and just TRY and think postively and stay in control.

If he wants it that bad then you can call the shots.
post #10 of 19
Take one day at a time... if he can just step out without a reason, he's irresponsible and he's not worth it.. i'll keep you in my prayers, hoping that your life would get better each day.. anytime you need me, just drop me a PM or email me... I'm always open to listen..
post #11 of 19
I am so sorry you have to go through this. You must be feeling so bad right now. I agree with Kate, try to take it one day at the time. This is very frightening situation, but you will get throught this. When I lived on my own (with Pollýanna and later also Feykirófa though), I really enjoyed life, learned a lot about myself, could make myself the life that worked the best for me. For me it was good to stand on my own feet and realize my priorities in life, and find my happiness.
I´m there for you if you need to talk or anything.
post #12 of 19
OMG , what a shock it must have bin for you ((((((HUGS))))))

I sure pray for you and for a job
post #13 of 19
Go for alimony until you can get on your feet. He owes you that if you were a Stay at Home wife. Also, look aroud. When my aunt got divorced she had a full-ride scholarship along with room, board, and babysitting because she was a divorcee starting over. They have lots of programs for displaced women to train them and help financially.

Also, get some counselling for yourself. You'll need some to get through the divorce and stay strong. I've yet to meet a woman who hasn't had some issues that counselling has helped. (Or a man for that matter).
post #14 of 19
I got the same shock, 2 1/2 years ago. After the initial hurt and bewilderment, I got mad and I got even!

First of all, get some legal advice. I don't know what the divorce laws are, in your state but most states make provisions for women in your situation. Since you have not worked, during the course of your marriage, he can be court ordered to provide a certain amount of support, for a specified time period. This is to allow you to get job training and become self-sufficient. Do not roll over and let him just walk away, Scot-free. You were a full contributer to this marriage and you are entitled to some benefits.

Most states are community property states. Since he took your only car, he owes you half of the value of that vehicle. If you own your home, you'd best be resigned to selling it and splitting any money left over, after paying off the mortgage.

In the meantime, you are going to need some support. Check with your local Legal Aid. They may be able to help you to file for temporary spousal maintenance. This will keep a roof over your head a groceries on the table. When naming a dollar amount, the general rule of thumb is 1/3 of his income. Keep track of all of your expenses, right down to postage and copies. These come under the heading of legal fees and he will have to reimburse you.

Check into job training programs. A lot of places have resources for displaced homemakers. They can get you into training and help you find a job to keep body and soul together.

OK, so much for the practical stuff. Now, do something frivolous, just to make yourself feel good: change your hair, buy a pair of shoes, go to the mall and get one of those free makeovers, at a department store.

One more bit of practical advice: NEVER again allow yourself to be financially dependent upon anybody else. YOU have to take care of you.

Good luck and remember: we gals are the tough ones.
post #15 of 19
Oh my, I'm so sorry! In addition to the other very good advice you've gotten here, please remember that it isn't your fault. It takes two to make a relationship work, and from what you said it seems pretty obvious which one of you isn't willing to work on it. Don't let him blame you.
post #16 of 19
I'm so sorry, It must have been such a shock. I don't have any advice for you since you have received such good advice, Good luck gal and lots of hugs and good thoughts coming your way.
post #17 of 19
Thread Starter 
Thank you all for your support and thoughts, I am doing better today after 8 days, but he came to pick up some of his stuff today and it was hard to see him moving things out, but I definately am moving on, my friend is cutting and coloring my hair tomorrow, and feb 7 I leave for a 7 day cruise!! We were supposed to go together so it was already paid for, but now i found a friend to take his ticket and all they had to pay was $50 to change the name on the ticket. yesterday i went to the cat show and saw so many cats, I almost adopted one, but I did not because I live in an apartment and i already have 3. It is so nice to have a place online where I can vent and people understand and give great advice!!
post #18 of 19
I also can relate to this.

Valentines day, 2003. The man who i left my husband of 18 years for, suddenly decided that he missed his family, who live over 4 hours away!.

If theres one thing i won't do, it's beg a man to stay!, so i let him go.

I can imagine how your feeling. I loved this man, and still do.

As someone said, it's not your fault. I think like a lot of men, instead of talking about a problem, they would sooner bury their heads in the sand, or, take the cowards way out and walk away!!.

Take it from me, this will make you a stronger person in the end.

At least you have your babies to comfort you.

I honestly don't know what i would have done without Rosie!.

post #19 of 19
Good for you, Tarav.
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