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School bullying!

post #1 of 32
Thread Starter 
Just heard from a friend, that while i was away on holiday over the christmas, a girl who lives in my area hung herself on christmas day.She was only 12, and it was all down to her being bullied at school.

I'm not a maternal person, but i really feel it for her parents. The fact that they won't see her get married etc...

Some kids can be really cruel at times!.

post #2 of 32
That is awful! The poor girl!

I can relate to how it feels, I was bullied when I was at primary (elementary) school - a group of older girls used to chase me home from school every day, and finally I told my father and he waited by the school gates and they stopped after that.
post #3 of 32
That's terrible. Children can be the cruelest people on the planet. You just wish that someone could have seen that this girl was having such a problem before it came to that. If she was that miserable, I always wonder why no one saw it. God bless her.
post #4 of 32
May her soul find rest and peace.

I was bullied during most of my years through school. I felt awful about it and never told a soul. I didn't feel that I had anyone to turn to. The adults around me at the time said to ignore it and it will go away. You only have to hear that so many times before you feel that no one will help you.

I became quite good at hiding my feelings and still am today. People never know how I'm feeling. Mmmm...perhaps I should learn the finer points of poker.

But the good thing is now is that there are programs in the education system in Australia educating teachers and parents that bullying is a serious issue and not a minor one. They've also introduced self-esteem classes, even for students in primary school although I'm not sure when these get introduced.
post #5 of 32
OMG that's aweful!!
post #6 of 32
that is so sad!!!
post #7 of 32
Thread Starter 
They have a helpline here in the UK called 'Childline' for kids to ring if their being bullied or abused, but it's trying to get the kids to be brave enough to ring, but they are promoting it more on billboards etc...

How the guilty parties can live with themselves is beyond me, because they will know, as it was on our local t.v.news channel!

post #8 of 32
I can relate.Im 14 and evryday I get made fun of.Its mainnly because im 5' tall and 14.I skipped a couple grades and that i get made fun of for.Im home schooled now.I can relate to all this.Lets just say it sucks!Poor girl,but its odd,ive felt more like fighting back then suicide. Anyway my prays are for her family and my she rest in peace,nevver to be bullied again!
post #9 of 32
Since this is a pretty serious topic, I'm going to move it to IMO.
post #10 of 32
Thread Starter 
I'm glad that you don't think of suicide!. It's terrible that they have put you through this, because these people can, if you let them, give you a low self esteem!!.

Don't let your height bother you either!. I'm only 5'1", and proud of it!!.

As you get older, you will get more confident, especially when you start work, i did.

I work with a girl who has an eating disorder, who never went out much, but since she started working in our office, we took her out a few times and the difference it's made to her is unreal!.

Chin up, you know were all hear if you need to talk, because a problem shared is a problem halved as they say!!

Sending you a hug in the meantime and a headbutt from Rosie

Susan x

post #11 of 32
How very heartbreaking. It makes you wonder what kind of parents the kids who were bullying this poor girl had. I've taught my kids many things, but compassion for other peoples feelings has to be one of the things I stress the most, other than honesty.

My daughter was bullied last year in school- she didn't tell me what was going on for almost two months. She started having tummy aches before school in the mornings, her grades were slipping and I asked her over and over if there was a problem at school- she denied it out of fear. After subjecting her to tests to rule out stomach abnormalities, she finally confessed what was going on- that she was being physically and mentally bullied by another little girl in her class. I met with the principal and the childs mother and we sloved the problem.

Now, my daughter was only in grade 2 at the time of all that, and her bully was pretty cruel. Imagine what it must have been like for a 12 year old, whose bullies had a lot more of an arsenal of words and threats to taunt her with. My heart breaks for the little girl who thought she had no other choice, and for her parents who are left empty and no doubt feeling massive guilt
post #12 of 32
I just heard on the news that a 15 year old boy in Leicester did the same, for the same reasons (they suspect).

My step-daughter has been bullied recently but she stood up and fought back, but my step-son (who's now 20), was also bullied at the same school (their stupid b**** mother decided to send the daughter to the same school), refused to go and in the end missed so much school that he had to be moved to another to finish his studies. Sadly his education suffered, but HOW bad did things have to be for this normally mild-mannered lad to point-blank refuse to go in?

We do have a moral obligation to make sure this kind of stuff doesn't go on. And the schools are the first to turn a blind eye in the UK. Maybe we need to learn from other countries here and teach more than just maths, english and science in schools.
post #13 of 32

That poor little angel. I don't know how anyone could have missed it. Especially her parents. Even people who are happy on the outside can be devastated inside and there are clear signs. The poor girl just needed to be loved and accepted. I'm guessing she didn't get much of that at home either.

How heart-breaking. No words.
post #14 of 32
I get so angry when kids do this to other children. I believe they need to be more strict in schools with this. If you bully a student, you should get suspended or of some nature. They don't do that here for sure. I was bullyed a little when I was in elementary school because I was TALLER than everyone else. It was a horrible experience. My husband was made fun of because of his ears. And, that has made a huge impact on how he is around people to this day. I think parents also need to teach their children NOT to treat someone like that. And, teachers need to pay close attention to students and if they have any symptoms of depression. Just my two cents.

That poor little angel-may she rest in peace
post #15 of 32
That's a horrible story, but unfortunately not unusual. Bullying or mobbing seems to take place in all grades, too. Some kids learn to fight back (verbally or physically), and others don't. IMO, the teachers and school authorities have to intervene, talk to the parents, the kids involved, and so on. I had a mobbing situation in a class of 18 and 19-year-olds a few years ago. The two victims were very pretty girls, and the two worst ringleaders were plain, but big-mouthed. What really got me was that most of the class just went along with it. As these kids weren't minors, we couldn't get the parents involved. Another teacher and I had a "class meeting", with my boss's approval, and talked about mobbing and the potential consequences, our disappointment in the class, and so on, for over an hour. Most of the kids were reduced to tears (I can be an awful bi--h), but it worked! I guess things looked a bit different on the receiving end.
If this type of thing is happening in school, the school should try to stop it. However, a lot of it goes on before or after school.
post #16 of 32
Originally posted by jcat
Another teacher and I had a "class meeting", with my boss's approval, and talked about mobbing and the potential consequences, our disappointment in the class, and so on, for over an hour. Most of the kids were reduced to tears (I can be an awful bi--h), but it worked! I guess things looked a bit different on the receiving end.
Bravo to you as a teacher for stepping up and doing something about this situation!!

Living less than 10 miles from Columbine - yes, the Columbine - I've heard more about bullying than I ever thought possible. Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold no doubt had some screws loose in the wrong part of their brains, but there is no doubt that the bullying they got from the jocks was the main reason they went on the rampage. One of my friends (now married with 2 kids) attended Columbine and hated it because of the bullying. So it has been going on, unabated, for at least 15 years. She told me that when she first heard what happened her first gut reaction was "Good, someone finally did something about those people." That's how much pain she has carried around for all of these years. The worst part of the Columbine is that many of the teachers knew that the athletes were doing this, yet wouldn't discipline them because that would mean they would miss a game or two. The cost of a winning season? 15 dead, 25 injured.
post #17 of 32
Oh holy crap Heidi, that is awful. I knew that those two boys had been bullied but I had no idea that it had been done for years to other students. That is awful. Bullying leads to a lot of problems. Dang. Why do jocks take it upon themselves to torture others? That is the part I don't understand.
post #18 of 32
Columbine caused most schools to increase security, but seems to have had little long-term impact on the underlying problem of bullying. I know that has always been a problem in schools, but I can't help but think that the problem has become worse because even young kids today are very materialistic and aware of brands. Any child who doesn't wear the "in" brands (and in the process turn himself or herself into a walking advertisement) is put down by others, unless they're very self-assured. That's one reason why I'm in favor of school uniforms. When they're in their teens, they are often judged not only by their clothing, but by the presence or lack of tattoos and piercings. The guys often put themselves in debt in order to have the very latest cell phone (one of my nephews is on his third in as many years). I was really proud of one of my students recently. I was outside during a break, setting a very bad example by catching a smoke, and talking to two of my sophomores. I've been having trouble with my cell phone, and one of them offered to take a look at it. While he was messing around with it, a freshman came up and said,"OMG, if I had such an ancient "shoe", I wouldn't use it in public!" Instead of saying, "It's Mrs. B's", the kid said, "You know, not too long ago I realized how stupid I was being. Instead of concentrating on my grades and future, I was working my butt off evenings and weekends so that I could show off with the latest cell phone. How idiotic can you get - working for a phone?" It was the perfect reply, and started a big discussion of "outward appearances".
post #19 of 32
Thats really sad to hear
The only time I got bullied was when I was in the 2nd grade. A couple of older kids though it was funny to stick me upside-down in a trash can after school. Luckily we moved from there to a much nicer city.
As for my school, there doesn't seem to be much bullying at all. People actually act quite mature, and thats pretty wierd for a HS. Of course there are the exceptions.

post #20 of 32
I get bullied because of my weight,hair and lots of other things but I don't let it get me down(I'm 13... School kids can be so mean! )

I feel so sorry for this wee girls parents for the loss of their daughter.
post #21 of 32
Thread Starter 
Just to let you all know. Last night i got in touch with a friend of mine who is the local undertaker in my area. And he carried out her funeral which took place on wednesday.

He said what was so sad, was the fact that, after she died, they had printed a picture of her in the local newspaper with her parents, beside the christmas tree and all the presents, smiling as if nothing was wrong.

Mark(my friend), can arrange funerals for adults and elderly people, but when it comes to children and babies, he finds it hard to handle.

post #22 of 32
I agree. More should be done about bullying. I'm tired of parents (of the bullies of course) and teachers saying it's okay b/c they're "just kids" or particularly for boys, "boys will be boys."

I know a lot of bullies grow up to be great people, but the kids they pick on may have a harder time growing up. It's just not fair.
post #23 of 32
I was bullied from the 5th grade till high school due to my weight and my shyness. I have always been overweight and shy because of it. Even my aunts used to bully me about it. My mother meant well but didn't do anything about it (the weight) Going to someone about the bullying just increases it. I had things stolen, broken or ripped, even had my purse thrown out the window with the teacher sitting right there doing nothing. He went to the administration after the fact. The kid was suspended, and his female friends started where he stopped.

Unfortunately, at that age, when no one else seems willing to help, ending everything feels like the only way to end the pain. It takes a strong teacher/friend to help make things stop.

An adult mentor would have been a big help. Even a highschool student as a mentor would have helped. Thats one of the reasons I encouraged my nephew to join me working at my Renne Faire. A few of the knights have become his mentors. He is no longer bullied or doing the bullying.
post #24 of 32
Bullying is one of my research specialties. I recently wrote a chapter in a book "Bullying in American Schools: A Social-Ecological Perspective on Prevention and Intervention" Here is a link to the book if anyone is interested. Look for the author of the chapter on families....that's me!

I started researching bullying before any of the school shootings here in the USA. At that time, if I had the word bully in the title of an article I couldn't get it published. But, if I used "school violence" instead, the papers would always get published! There simply was no understanding of how serious bullying is.

However, since all of the school schootings (especially at Columbine) there has been a huge surge in research on bullying. In other countries, it has always taken a murder or suicide before it is taken seriously.

You guys in Australia are lucky. Australia has some of the most progressive intervention policies on bullying and some of the best research on the subject has been done there.

We are very sadly behind on this here in the USA.
post #25 of 32
I think the student/teacher ratio really plays a big role. I went to a public school in PA from kindergarten through 9th grade, and it was really a zoo - the classes were too big, the teachers were overwhelmed, and discipline was practically nonexistent. My parents switched me to a private high school for my last three years, and although it was large (over 4,000 students), everything was monitored. It seemed like a prison to me, but looking back, I have to say that bullying was actively prevented. One system they had really worked - incoming freshmen were assigned a "big sister" or "big brother" (juniors or seniors) to help with orientation, academic or personal problems. Demerits were liberally dispensed (I remember getting them for wearing orange shoelaces or putting red ribbons in my hair for Valentine's Day - ok, I wore about 30 of them, so the demerits were well-deserved - violations of the dress code!), and detention was serious business (I cut one class, and had to work in the vice principal's office for two hours every day after school, typing up disciplinary reports, for three months; repeat offenders found themselves painting classrooms or the swimming pool during summer vacation). Discipline seems to be unknown in German schools, and there is quite a bit of mobbing. I'm lucky - I work in a small private school, and the student/teacher ratio is about 15/1, so we can recognize problems early and take pre-emptive measures. Unfortunately, many parents of "problem kids" regard us as a last resort, so many of the kids could be described as "downright lazy", "disturbed", or "psychotic".
post #26 of 32
How completely awful that is. I was pretty fortunate and wasn't bullied growing up. I know all too well about the effect suicide has on a family. My two older brothers committed suicide within a week of each other 5 years ago and all of the confused, angry, depressed, painful and numb feelings are still being felt by all of us. They weren't close at all and we still have no idea what it was all about. They both left notes but they were nothing but rambling words that didn't seem to make much sense. My father passed away in 1989 so my mother didn't have him for support and I can't imagine what it must be like to lose your child(and in such a manner) when you fully expect to die before them. I tried to get my mom in counseling but she would have none of it. She is a different person today than she was 6 years ago and that is also part of the pain. Sheesh! don't even know why I decided to spill my beans. I guess hearing about that poor little girl really brought it home for me again. That is just so horrible. I feel for her family and friends and hope she can find some peace as well as those that loved her.
post #27 of 32
My school district has a policy against recess because of potential bullying. Outside activities are supposed to be teacher-directed.
post #28 of 32
I thought I ought to say here Susan, in the midst of us recounting personal experiences, as this happened on your doorstep it has obviously affected you (understandably). I hope the girl's family find some peace in the hearts and minds . . . being new to this parent thing really makes these stories so much more poignant . . .
post #29 of 32
Boy, can I relate about the bullying , as many on here have stated. I was bullied from 1st grade to senior year of high-school. I was born with a cleft-palate (very minor and was repaired when I was still a baby but I have a high-arch palate so four of my upper front-teeth, go up out of sight behind my upper lip). I am also blind in one eye and have a slightly flattened face (nothing major though) and so I got called flat-face all the time. I also had kids mostly ignore me like I wasn't even there. The girls would form cliques and exclude me unless they were with me one at a time.

My dentist made a set of dentures to fit over the existing teeth and the fake teeth are in place where my real ones SHOULD be, when I was a senior in high-school. Except for a slight overbite they look real. In fact if I don't say anything, no one knows. That was a turning point in my life. I started to become WAY less shy and by the time I went to college I was dating and had lots of friends. My dating life was fairly normal and I have met some life-long friends since college. The best part is that my ex-fiance, my best friend who I might wind up marrying even though we broke it off 6 years ago, knows all about my mouth/teeth/eye issues. He and I started dating BEFORE I had the false teeth made! He grew to love my heart and then the physical appearance wasn't the main criteria in his thinking any longer.

I don't neccessarily buy into the fact that children kill other children because of bullying. LOTS and LOTS of kids are bullied and most don't go off and kill classmates. If it were strictly about bullying, Eric and Dylan would have killed just their tormentors. They killed a Christian girl right after asking her "If she believed in God" (or something like that) They also targeted an African-American student. They were evil, demon-possessed young men who were entrenched in violent video games and wanted to kill for kicks. The bullying thing was an "excuse" (IMHO)

I was severly bullied and it never ONCE crossed my mind to take out the school with guns and bombs.
post #30 of 32
OOPS!! I wanted to add that I do think children who are bullied can become suicidal over it but not USUALLY homicidal. It is really sad when young people feel they have no one to talk to and they feel that the only way to end their pain is to end their life
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