Question re: Socializing when there is only one kitten

We are guardians for a stray/feral calico cat (some of you may have heard the details), but she started hanging around probably when she first got pregnant, but when we decided she was for sure pregnant, and she wasn't running off all the time, my daughter brought her indoors about 2 weeks before she was due.  She miscarried some of the babies, and only one kitten was born to this litter.  Theodore.  Theo is now 4.5 weeks old and seems to be in good health.  He is in that clumsy stage still, but he is curious, and exploring, eating well from mom and graduating to Stage 2 KMR.

We have 2 resident cats.  The resident cats, and the momma cat do not get along, at all, not even a little bit.  When we bring Theo out, the resident cats hiss at him.  They have not been given an opportunity to pounce on him, but they have made it clear they are not interested in befriending the poor little guy... probably because he smells like his mother, and she is flat out mean.  If she catches a glimpse of the resident cats, she will do her best to escape whatever is enclosing her and try to kill them.  When he is on the floor scampering about and the resident cats are out, they watch him, if he gets to close, they hiss at him, and the look on their faces say they wouldn't mind eating him.  We are scared to just "see" what they will do.

We really want to socialize the kitten and get him used to our cats, but we don't want him to have a bad experience and hate other cats as much as him mom does.  My daughter has been handling the baby just about since he was born, and momma cat is okay with that, but if I come in the room and play with him, she will chase him under the bed.  The first time I go, if momma isn't around, I can call him and he will come running, but if momma is in the room, he will not even come out.

Any tips for socializing him - introducing him to our resident cats, and is it normal for him to hide from humans at this age?  The mom has come a long way towards being people friendly.  She seems to enjoy human companionship, likes to be petted, just doesn't like to be picked up.  She still growls the whole time she is eating, and is very skittish about noises or sudden movements.  When Theo is weaned, is she going to be nicer, or meaner?  She is not spayed yet... we are waiting till Theo is weaned and they can  have their first vet appts together.

Also, our vet does not want to spay Theo yet, he wants to wait until he is 4-6 months.  I know other vets will do it sooner than this... Is there anything to take into consideration regarding Mom-Son relationship and the spay-neuter stuff, and also will our cats be more accepting of Theo once he is neutered?  He is strictly indoor at this point.  We live in an apartment and take our resident cats for walks on harness and in stroller, but momma and baby can't come yet since they are not fixed or chipped.

I don't have experience with stray of feral cats so unfortunately can not advise on how your mother cat's behaviour might change once Theo is weaned.    Hopefully though his being weaned will increase the amount of time he can socialize around humans without learning more anxious behaviours from his mother.   It is important you keep socializing with him as much as possible now though so that he learns for himself that humans are OK, and to experience different people including children, and adult males and females so they are familiar as he gets more mature.   If you think he might have to cope with being in a home where there are dogs it is worth introducing him carefully to friendly dogs when his mother is not around as well, they learn and remember experiences from this early age and it helps them to know that situations are safe as they mature.

With being a single kitten the main socialization Theo will not get is learning about biting and bite pressure when he plays.  Siblings will learn how hard to bite and at what point it hurts from their play - it is very important to give consistent feedback to Theo when you handle and play with him if he bites or scratches.  My current cat was a single kitten and this was certainly true for him just as the cat development guides said it would be.   Soft mouthing and licking are one thing, biting and biting hard, or scratching with claws is not:   to show him this you have to go very still, push in towards him slightly so he feels a little pressure from you but not hard, make an ouch sound or mimic a kitten painful squeal and then remain quiet and still until he stops what he is doing.   It is important that he does not get any positive play response which will make him enjoy and want to continue, or anything which feels scary and frightening which trigger a defence response.  A quick blow of air in to his face can also help if it is easy to do from the position you are both in.  Everyone who plays with him needs to handle his play and biting / scratching in the same way too or it will confuse him.

It is such a shame that your other resident cats are not accepting of Theo at this point.   It could be that once he is weaned and separated from his mother they will be happier about his being around, but again I do not have experience of this.   Certainly introducing older kittens and cats, if they have been neutered it is a much easier process than if they are entire, but Theo is so little at this point I doubt that has come in to play yet - it could be more the scent of his mother which is affecting their reaction to him.   You could try masking and sharing their scents similar to doing introductions before you let him in to the space with your other cats if you haven't already been doing this.

Poor Theo, we don't have any  male friends, or friends with kids.. we are not really very social, hence how we ended up with 4 cats I guess!  Also don't have any dogs.

I guess we will just do the best we can.

You are giving it thought which is way better than may people who have kittens in their home.  Doing the best you can is all any of us can do. 

Another thing is so make sure he is used to things like vacuums and other household appliances you use and he is likely to have to cope with being around, and things like noise from radios and the TV.  TV is good because it introduces lots of different sounds, and different voices.   

Mouse was raised in one room with his fur mom, and in the room they had a TV which would be on quite a bit of the time, a vacuum which was kept under the bed when it wasn't being used,  a radio for music, and their cat carriers.   The breeder knew he wasn't going to be in a home with other cats or with dogs so no need to socialize him with them but he did meet different people including children because they had family round who could go in and play with him. One thing he didn't encounter was a mirror image of himself unfortunately and he gave himself a real scare when I brought him home to my place and he ventured in to my sittingroom for the first time.  I don't think all cats see mirror images but Mouse certainly does!   

How funny.  Yeah, when Theo is a week or two older I may start taking him on walks with my other two cats (of course he will get carried) but then he can hear see and smell lots.  I took him out on our balcony last night and everytime I would put him down he would run back inside and try to hide under the couch.    He is funny.  I have a corrugated scratching post I bought for him.  it is shaped like a duck so if it is sitting on its tummy right side up, it rocks and if he tries to climb it he falls off, but if I turn it upside down he can climb it and he just thinks he is pretty special being a whole 10 inches or so off the ground.

Theo sounds really cute.  He is just learning to coordinate his body and figure out how to judge things like distances so it's great fun to watch.  Of course he might not think so because no doubt he's having plenty of 'accidents' as he experiments and explores his home.  That duck sounds perfect for him.