Lost my kitties this year

Hi,

I've been a cat lover for the past 17 years, but I have to admit this year I came dangerously close to never wanting (or trusting myself) with another cat again.   In July of 2014 I lost my beloved 16 year old Buddy, a Maine Coon mix who I had since he was a kitten.   A couple of months later I decided it was time to move on and brought home an 8 year old shelter cat named Teddy as well as a purebred Maine Coon kitten named BearPaw to join 14 year old Bonkers and 7 year old Louie in my home.    We were one big happy family until November when tragedy struck and BearPaw was diagnosed with the dreaded and deadly FIP.   We said goodbye to our little kitten in December.    One has to move on, and I assumed the rest of my boys would be okay, since FIP typically does not strike cats 3 years or older.   Then in January, the unthinkable happened and our 8 year old Teddy was diagnosed with FIP and had to be euthanized in February.    Those were terribly unhappy days, but I took comfort in the constant attention my 15 year old devoted pal Bonkers gave me.   His comforting love would not last long, however.  One month ago Bonkers was diagnosed with lymphoma and rapidly deteriorated to the point we had to say yet another goodbye.

After this year, I struggle a lot with questions about my abilities as a cat owner and things I could have done to give my boys longer lives.   I'm finally coming to peace with Buddy's and Bonkers' passings, as they had both led happy and relatively long lives to 15+ years.    The FIP, however -- that one haunts me.   I have a particular interest in finding out more about causes and potential cures of that wretched disease that claims 99.99% of all lives it touches.  

I'm also interested in photo memorials for beloved pets, as they are a way our friends can be immortalized in cyberspace.   

Rena

You have suffered terribly in the past year, one death is too much for our hearts to handle, but to lose that many is truly heartbreaking. I wish I could take away your pain, but I know that is impossible to do, all I can do is offer what ever comfort I can and to let you try to let a little of the pain escape by telling us about your beautiful babies and knowing we understand what it is like to lose such loved members of your family. FIP is such a cruel and unfortunately common disease, and it robs us of our loved ones at way too young of a an age. Please don't question yourself or your actions, you gave 5 cats unconditional love and devotion, it is all they ever wanted for however long they were with you on this earth. You can measure your caring by how deeply you hurt  when they left. Remember that none of them would ever want you to hurt so bad when you remember them, they would all want you to once again find joy in life and to pass on their legacies of love by opening up your heart once again.  Yes it is almost too much to bear, but would you rather have never known them and their love at all? Of course not, they gave you so much, and loved you more then life itself. I know how much it hurts, we'll never understand why they had to leave us and why they had to suffer at all, it's just not right. My heart goes out to you for your loss, I'll say a special prayer for all of you, and pray they are all safely waiting at the Rainbow Bridge. In the meantime let your precious memories of the good times comfort you, and know we will all grieve with you, you are not alone in this. Bless you for loving those sweet babies so much, may they all RIP knowing they are forever held in a loving heart!

Buddy BearPaw Teddy Bonkers 

There is nothing about this that is your fault.  I am so sorry for your losses and hope that someday you will consider adopting again.  You are a blessing; I can't even put into words what I want to say.  I don't know much about photo memorials, but we have some talented members.  I hope there is someone that can advise or assist.  My prayers are with you.  

@SweetBoo     I'm posting the link again here that we talked about so that others can see it, too.    http://www.in-memory-of-pets.com/  

Here's a link that's at the top of this forum with other suggestions:     [thread="8197"]Links Of Love For Those In Mourning​[/thread]  

I hope you find a place where you can express your grief in a photo memorial.  

Thank you, everyone, for your kind thoughts.

 I’ve turned into a bit of a online genealogy buff.  Mostly, it's a way to document the pictures and stories I have of my ancestors so there will be a record of them when I’m long gone.   I guess I kind of think of my cats the same way.    Posting their memorials online is a way of saying, “they lived and their lives mattered” and is (perhaps oddly?) therapeutic to me.   It’s a way of helping their memories live on long after they’ve left me.   Thanks again for the suggestion of www.in-memory-of-pets.com and your thoughtful posts — it’s been comforting.

The good news is that a couple of weeks ago I did get a new cat named Stewie from the shelter as a friend for Louie.   I’ve always been a fan of multi-cat (3 or 4) households, because I’ve found my cats always have so much fun together.   It was especially hard seeing my one remaining cat Louie so depressed and lonely.   After all, he lost 4 friends too.   When I brought Stewie home, I told myself I was not going have my heart broken again and was not going to get attached.   That lasted all of 2 minutes!   Louie and Stewie get along wonderfully, but I always have this nagging worry that FIP is going to claim one or both of them as well.   I find myself watching Stewie’s every move.   Is he losing his appetite?  Is he less energetic?   Is he unable to jump as high as he did the day before?   Did one of his legs just give out from under him?   

Once FIP touches a person’s life, it seems as if it never lets go of you so long as you have feline friends.   There’s always this fear that it’ll strike again and you’ll be completely powerless to do anything against it.   Maybe in a couple of years I will stop thinking about it so much, but it’s very much in my thoughts now.

My heart goes out to you, I thought I would die when I lost my dad and my two older kitties in the same year, so I have a good idea how you feel.  I am so sorry for your losses,  I don't know much about FIP, but  don't blame yourself, the situation was out of your control.  So glad you have another kitty, it's the best medicine.  Big hugs